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ERNIE CAM

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Responses from various police officers, of both local and state authority, on my words of infinite wisdon...(names hidden to protect the uniformed, of course)...







I really enjoyed your piece on getting out of speeding tickets. I have been a police officer for 12 years, and am currently a Detective Sergeant with a large sheriff's office...I am pleased to see someone putting out some worthwhile stuff on this subject. Your assessment of 90 % of us not being assholes is quite right...I would rather warn than ticket...but if someone LIES to me or acts like an ASSHOLE, they will likely get a ticket. It's surprising to see how many people who were just gonna get a warning, get a ticket cuz they don't know the meaning of RESPECT or how to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Thanks again dude. Det. Sgt. Jason



Hey Ernie, love your site. I'm a police officer in a VERY small town in central West by GOD Virginia.You made some very interesting and accurate points.Pull over to the RIGHT not the median not on the line but as far right as you can.The more cooperative you are the better mood we'll be in. And don't play the race card on us. When it's 1200 in the morning and we get you on our radar doing 65 in a 50 and proceed to pull you over it's not because we have a fucking night vision scope and look for opposite race to pull over, trust me..play the card get a ticket. The same goes for ''out of state license plates". Give me a break,most states don't have plates on the front and back of the vehicle. And when we're in the median we have NO idea what state you're from until we get behind you.So that doesn't work either.And a biggy,passengers...shut the hell up. We didn't pull you over so don't try to be a hero and get your buddy out of it because when you argue you just GUARANTEED them a little present. And my personal



Being a county jailer and a reserve deputy in this county (Val Verde, TX) doesn't help at all when it comes time to dealing with Del Rio city PD. Every once in a while, one department will do something to piss the other one off, and a war will ensue between the two. PD will write off duty deputies tickets, and deputies will be just as unforgiving with PD. My piont is, that connections that one may think can help, can also hinder. Plus, if you are a cop or even remotely related to the criminal justice field (you should already know this), a good idea would be to hand over your state peace officer license in the place of a weapon permit if you are carrying (if you are an officer, you should ALWAYS be carrying unless you are leaving the country) or even in the place of a military id (there is a certain cameraderie between officers of the law in all aspects of the field) as it most probably would get you some slack. BESIDES, IF YOU ARE AN OFFICER OF THE LAW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT WOULD GET YOU PULLED OVER, ANY



I am a city police officer in Florida, and have been for fifteen years. I read your article, and most of the responses from the other police officers. I think you are giving some really good advice. It's all so very true. Here's a little trick I use all the time. I give people a chance to be honest. Before making the traffic stop, I always look to see if the driver is wearing a seat belt. Most cars allow a good view of the belt either hanging straight down or going across the chest. I approach the driver, tell them why I stopped them, have a short conversation, and then say, "By they way, was you wearing your seat belt?" If they are truthful, they will get a warning every time. If not, they not only get the speeding ticket but a seat belt ticket also. From my personal experiences, more people will lie about it than tell the truth. I look at it like this. If a person is truthful, and ready to accept what ever consequences may come along, then I've achieved my goal. I woke this person up a little bit, and feel



One more thing I think you should add, tell your passengers to shut the hell up!!! It was Thanksgiving Day, I wasn't writing tickets. Just warnings. It was a holiday weekend. This guy was going to get a warning for 74 in a 55 but his Wife started bitching at me from the passenger seat about how I was being an Asshole for stopping people on Thanksgiving. TICKET !!! I'm one of the 90 percenters, however you have to remember that what a shame it was that I took 10 minutes out of their Holiday weekend of 4 days. Must be nice, we had to work 12 hour shifts to cover keeping the highways safe because of the extra traffic and the more drunks on the road because of the Holidays. In this line of work, their are no Holidays, just extra hours for us. Drivers for the most part are very nice to me, I just feel that some of the passengers need to be bitch-slapped into reality once in a while.Thanks Ernie, keep up the good work. Patrolman Bob, [Smalltown], Missouri Police



Ernie, I've been a cop for 14 years and have given out many tickets. I've had to do so to keep the boss off my back. I found it very difficult to write a ticket out to a mother or father that had a child seat in their car. I knew that I could be taking away diapers or food from the kid. I also am a firm believer that you are more apt to talking yourself into a ticket than talking yourself out of one. Never ask a cop, "don't you have anything better to do" or "can't you catch any real criminals". My pen has a lot of ink and I can write for along time without getting a cramp. Keep up the good work! Cop Nels



I just found your sight through another link and actually enjoy what you have to say. When I got on this piece about speeding, I thought "ok , another asshole with all the answers". I am Police officer In xxxxxxx Township, PA. ( I know - you hate PA ). I am currently a school resource officer in our middle school but prior to this I enjoyed doing traffic enforcement. Speed does kill but you touched on some real good points about the idiot weaving vehicle and driving through a residential distict. There were times that I cited a young driver who had just gotten his license to teach them a lesson. The mother of the child actually called to thank me about two weeks later because his friend had gotten into an accident. You should also make it clear that if you sign a petition to have your local law enforcement conduct more speed enforcements in your neighborhood, YOU WILL NOT GET A BREAK IF YOU ARE STOPPED FOR SPEEDING. ( IT HAPPENED ) The no - sir, yes - sir advice was dead on. There comes a point when you say



OK Ernie....I must concur with all the others. Good write-up. If people can play ball and accept responsibility I bend over backwards to go with a verbal or written warning. Warnings or otherwise, my pay is the same so it all depends on you. Sometimes I even give criminals a break when they act right (a little behavioral training). By the way....the advice on neighborhood driving is right on. Running over a child or driving like a moron puts you in a bad position....you haven't lived until a process server knocks on your door to serve a subpoena for all that negligent driving you were doing. Look in a mirror for someone to blame. Be safe. Officer Booth



I am a Highway Patrol officer in New Zealand and have been for 32 years. I have just read your article on speeding and being stopped by a cop. All you say applies in this country also. Policeman Henry



Not a cop anymore, but every single time I had a girl flash me cleavage, or her baby-blues, or her dimple and play stupid, she got a ticket. Why? Because if she's looks like she's had practice at it, and ESPECIALLY if she looks pissed that it didn't work, it means she's done it before and gotten out of a ticket. Laws exist to make everyone equal. If she gets out of a ticket for showing me cleavage, then it's a double-standard, and it's not a level playing field. Oh, and another thing... I could care less if you are so-and-so's kid/nephew/neighbor/whatever. And for those of you cruising through Michigan (where I worked) at 90 miles per hour, we have a great way of dealing with you: We park a broken-down vehicle on the side of the road with it's hood up. Lawman inside has a radar gun, and a radio. You zip past him and he radios ahead, and you get popped going around the next bend or over the next hill. Because in Michigan, we don't waste our time with the "...but you gotta show me how fast I was going..." BS.



I'm a cop in Florida, and your tips on speeding are right on the money. I hardly ever stop a vehicle with the intention of writing a ticket, but its amazing how many people talk themselves into one. Show respect, admit your mistake, and 9 times out of 10 you are home free. Of course, there are traffic cops whose sole job is to write speeding tickets, so if you get stopped by one of them, you pretty much get a ticket regardless. You're article was pretty fuckin funny too.Officer Goldwich



I always hated females in hot clothes, here in liability land I always wrote the ticket as fast as my hands would fly. I write good people tickets because it is my job. I sometimes wish I could write 1/2 a ticket for something like passing when it's appropriate but alas. A ticket is a receipt that you did something wrong. I must write well over 90% of the people I stop; Where you got it right is that when I am walking up to the car I've got a job to do and am ready to write regardless of what is said. An immediate surrender by the driver is unusual and those account for most of my few unplanned warnings. I am as nice as the person will let me be. Regarding giving lots of warnings: I realized after awhile that some people are really good at stroking the officer and it is hard to separate that person from those who might actually deserve a break. I also kind of thought it was mean to pick on the sullenly socially inept by writing them tickets more often than the pathalogical smiler. If you're interested I coul



I have forwarded this story to every police officer in my address book! As a police officer I can tell you that of all the reasons (excluding emergencies) that I would not give a ticket is in your story! I am very impressed especially at how you dont advocate speeding yet tell people what I would tell the if I had the opportunity! Corporal Scholes [Sometown], Ga Police Department



Good article. I work for a university police dept. I must say that your advice is right on the money. I would have thought that you were a cop from reading the shit you wrote. One thing I think you might want to add is this... let people know that it does not matter who the police officer works for, if the uniform says POLICE on the sleeve, then they are the fucking POLICE! Don't go speeding by campus cop patrol cars thinking its funny because we CAN and probably WILL do something about it. I have broken it off in so much ass for people thinking that I couldn't do anything because I was a campus cop. Well folks, the sad truth is that campus cops are "real" cops too, and when the perpetrator forgets to respect the officer then we are forced to make an example. Sad but true. Actually, in many states campus cops have a lot more jurisdiction than people realize because they normally work for the state they work in - Duh shit, huh? (The university is owned by the state, so who does the cop work for? Unless its a



I've been on the job for 8yrs , and the majority of my freinds are racers. They are always asking the question that you in one fell swoop , answered . Where I always felt I had it licked you broke open the stupidity barrier . There was only one problem I saw and that was on the tits rule. Back when I was a trainee , I pulled over a stripper . When I was walking up to the car she was "adjusting" her shirt. Well I got a view of some perefetto tits . My training officer on the other side of the car told me to stroke her for every cite we could find. When I asked why he told me that it was these types who will call and complain on you the next day saying " He only pulled me over because he wanted my number" He finished up by saying " Remember : The badge will get ya pussy , but pussy will get your badge". Over these eight years I have witnessed many an officer get tapped on the shoulder by IA over this kind of stop. In short tits will get you a ticket.! Also tell the femmes that the crying game don't work either

Ernie Says... what this guy said makes complete sense to me, and I plan on modifying my article to include this new perspective on tits... ladies, keep those shirts closed!



As a retired cop I agree with your article completely but it only works for the 90% that aren't assholes. Not all cops are forgiving. When I was on the job and I had someone pulled over I would think "fuck you asshole, your putting my kids in danger so you can get to the store quicker" and I'd give you a ticket almost 100% of the time. If you think about it, speeding is a stupid fucking thing to do and it pisses me off just to think about it. Who is the bigger asshole, the guy that speeds and kills little Jonny chasing his fucking red ball or the cop that tries to make the fucker slow down at take a few minutes longer to get a case of beer at the store? Retired (FAC) Officer



I like your idea on tickets... See below. What I do, during writing a ticket, or warning, I leave me radar on, for assholes who think I'm busy. I will either get out and waived the jerk over who comes speeding up behind me, of walk quickly to the person I have stopped, and say lucky day, slow down, and go get the jerk that just blew past me... When we are a 2 man unit, the person not writing or running the person's drivers license, will run the radar during the time, and waive people over to cite them as well... Once we had 3 cars stopped on the side of the road, all waived over during a stop... Officer Andrew



Excellent Article. You are a wise man & a gentleman. Cop in NJ



Ernie, You are absolutely right about the speeding tickets. i stop more people who think that if they sit there and argue with me it is going to get them out of there quicker and with out a ticket.(what they don't realize is i work a 12hr shift and i got all night if needed) I have been called every name in the book especially by people who i stopped for driving while their head was up their ass. I have given more warnings to people who act courteous and respectful than tickets. if I did give them a ticket I told them how to get off easy with the judge. I wish some of the newspapers could print this because there are several people out there that need to read it if they are not a total dipshit. Thanks Ernie. Officer H.



Not too bad. I wish you were published. More people need to learn from you rather than having us write it down for them! Registration segment is bullshit. That pisses me off! Don't be such an asswipe you don't know where your vehicle papers are. Instant ticket! Officer Berger



If you haven't guessed by the email address, I'm a traffic officer for a city in Ohio. I thought your article on speeding was hilarious and true. I've gotten every story concievable and none of them work. If I'm treated with respect they(speeders) have a better chance of getting a warning. And another thing which may get them off, wear the seatbelt and have your driver's license and insurance card, Prove that you have insurance now rather then in court. I pulled over one guy not for speeding but because his car was a beat up piece of crap. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt and I asked him why and he stated he ran into a brick wall wearing a seatbelt and the seatbelt injured him. I asked if he realized that he would be dead if he hadn't worn it and the guy said yes. He would rather be dead then injured by the seatbelt. He got two tickets. I will be sharing this article with my coworkers and friends. Traffic Cop



You are right, respect and courteousy goes a long way with us. I'm a 'cop' in a mid-sized city in the SouthEast. I let a lot of people go on warnings, usually 'we' have our minds made up before we approach the car if we're gonna give warnings or not. If the driver is arrogant or a jerk, then he/she will definitly get a ticket, and soe more that we can find. 'We' don't enjoy giving tickets...much perfer busting people for drugs, or guns, or such...At any rate, really liked your piece on the speeding tickets, too bad more people don't have that frame of mind. Be safe! Malefic



I am a state police officer in Oklahoma and I recently read your tips on getting out of a speeding ticket. It was by far the best piece that I have read on the subject. Your advice is very close to what I tell my freinds when they ask for advise on the subject. I consider myself to be in the group of cops who are not asshole, I don't enjoy writing tickets, but it is part of the job. I will generally issue a warning if the person is respectful as long as they were not driving at an extremly high speed (25 mph over the limit is too high for a warning no matter how nice you are!). You would be surprised how many people will begin a conversation at their car window with "What the fuck did you pull me over for?". I even had an African American woman start yelling that I was a racist as soon as I stepped out of my vehicle. She said I just pulled her over because of her race, even though I clocked her at 50mph in a 25mph school zone while she was passing another vehicle in a no passing zone. Do these people think t



Ernie, I have to admit that I was surprised to read your thoughts on this matter. I should say surprised, but pleased. I've been a cop for over 4 years now and traffic stops are by far the most dangerous but sometimes funny duties I perform. One extra tid bit I'd like to offer is...when pulled over, don't act like your shit don't smell and automatically ask, "Why am I pulled over?" If someone asks me that before they even dig for their license, registration, proof of financial responsibilities ........TICKET! And sometimes more than one. I would like to think that I fall into your 90% not asshole category......but I'll tell you what. With some of the knuckle heads out there.....it's hard not to be sometimes. Thanks again for the entertaining article and a great website. Drive safely. Officer Rob Serving in the State of PA since '96



Greetings Ernie, I just finished reading your dissertation on the FAC. I agree 100%.I am a police officer and have been for 8 years. I work in a city that has 3 major freeways going through it. So yes we do write a lot of tickets. No quota though. See that's the beauty of my job, No busy work! I do have some thoughts in regard to some of the guys I see getting hired nowadays. These guys are just like timmmmmy. They don't give a crap about anything accept writing a ticket. I think my main job duty is to ride the side streets and protect you, your family, your house and your car. How can I do that by sitting up on the freeway writing some guy a ticket for going 70 in a 55 at 400 in the morning?? I am trying on my end to get it into these guys heads that writing tickets is a small part of our job! But alas there are the timmmys of the world out there that are tooo stupid to learn the entire job of Police Officer. I know that you are aware that you have hit the target dead on in regard to the respect issue. So t



Thanks for reminding me not to piss you off. You said that you bounced the letter off of some other cops on the list. If I haven't admitted it before, I am a cop also. I work in the Commercial Vehicle Enforcement division of the Missouri State Highway Patrol. In my experience car drivers are responsible for almost 90% of the accidents involving commercial motor vehicles. What you said is true, most truckers are professional courteous people. There are the rare 1 percenters who are involved in criminal activity (drugs, guns, etc.). So just like the trucking industry we apparently have some bad apples in law enforcement like that reprobate Tim. I am glad that you singled him out as a loner. I definitely do not think his comments were in the least bit humorous. It is small minded people like him that can turn people against law enforcement. Fortunately, my division is staffed with true professionals who take their duties and responsibilities seriously. Someone with the attitude that Tim (FAC) has would have bee



Ernie I think its great to see SOMEONE who appreciates the Law enforcment community. I cant tell you how much grief I have put up with from the general public because of the Few "FAC'S" out there that I work with. It actually makes my job a little more difficult from time to time becasue they felt that they had to give somone a ticket because thier license plate lamp was broke.Thanks for the good words. Deputy Gabe



You are right and you make some good points. I am a deputy sheriff and former city police officer. If you are a smart ass or give me a hard time, you will get a ticket. If you are polite and respectfull, more than likely you go on your way with a warning. Officer Jennifer



Dude, As I am in Law Enforcement I found your lesson in speeding tickets right on...cracked my ass up...the honesty part is the MOST crucial and will work. However, you didn't stress not being an asshole enough...if a cop is pissed off he will go the extra mile (ie staying late, spending extra time on the narrative, following up, talking to the DA BEFORE your hearing) to hammer you. Officer Greg



You hit the nail right on the head with your article on speeding tickets. I've been a police officer for 16 years and have written my share of speeding tickets along with other traffic tickets. Your answer on being polite and honest is so true. I can tell you right now that about 95% of the time I have not made up my decision if a ticket will be issued or if I am going to write a written warning or verbal warning. I will tell you one thing if the first sound out of the drivers mouth is " what did you pull me over for" that puke gets a ticket. I have every intention of telling the driver what I stopped him for but I like to get his paperwork first. And for those punk kids that say we were following them for hours just waiting for a reason to stop them well Bingo sign here son. I live in a fairly small town in North Central Illinois and too tell you the truth if I want to go from one side of town to the other I might follow another car for over a mile but that doesn't mean I am following them looking for a rea



Ernie, just wanted to say good job on busting that FAC. I am a former Police officer and now a Federal Agent. I drove a truck for two years after I left the military and have seen both sides. I totally agree with what you've said and the actions that you took. Thanks for trying to make a policeman's job a little easier and for letting it be known that this idiot FAC is definitely the exception and not the rule. No Name Mentioned



I'm a Deputy in S.W. Florida and would like to start by saying, "What a great fucking job you did". I wish newspapers all around would print this for their front page because I hate giving tickets. When I stop someone all I want is to hear is them admit they screwed up and apologize and unless it's a real fuck up then there out of there with a warning. I believe in honesty being rewarded and the lying, spineless assholes, hammer them! I do have to disagree with one part of your article, part 3 section a. Here when you go to court it's only the Judge, the defendant, bailiff and me. There is no prosecutor and what I testify to might as well be the word of God. Unless there is a good reason that I did not know that the defendant should not of got the ticket then he's guilty. There is no deals in court! It's common for someone to come in fighting a stop sign ticket, which is $86 and 3 points, if there guilty that ticket is $250 and the 3 points. This is because we used to have all the punk kids fighting everythi



ya know ernie...there are really two kinds of cops....real ones and traffic cops.. i've been assigned to both divisions in 23 years on the dept and traffic was the worst. the only time i felt like i was doing the public any good was when i was assigned to dwi (driving while intoxicated) and could put some 3rd offence puke in jail. usually after he had plowed into some poor soul minding his on business... i liked your article on tickets. say hi to your dad...like cops, truckers are 99% goodguys...but we tend to pay attention to the 1%rs...if your ever in shreveport ...stop by the station and say hi...i'll make a fresh pot of coffee...



Speaking as a current member of the 90% group you speak of.... I must say.... You are 100% correct on your speeding ticket tutoring. Warnings are much quicker and easier to hand out than citations. And the "smart ones" get the warnings, while those who wish to suck cock or should I say, be cock suckers get the citations!Tim - 12 yrs. law enforcement



Well as a retired officer with 31 years of wearing a badge and gun, and spending the last 18 of those investigating crashes with mangled and dead bodies I agree with most of your observations. A big one is the "respect" issue. I always sort of considered my self a mirror, I would reflect back to the person, what was reflected to me, ie nice guy, nice guy, ass hole, ass hole. I too was more lenient with service members, having spent 29 years in the US Army Reserves. Unfortunately the exposure of the leg or breast didn't usually work. I kind of felt like it was like holding a chunk of meat in front of a dog on a chain, just a little out of his reach. Over all, not bad, not bad at all. Officer Ashing (retired)



Well to sum it up in a few words .... " It's about fucking time !!! " Loved your article. Been writing ticket's for 3 years as a motor cop and also a Radar Instructor heard all the stories. I love going into a store and standing in front of the radar detectors like a lost lamb awaiting my shepard to show me the path. Then some little pimple faced turd tries to tell me how this radar is better than the rest and that the stupid cops will never catch you. A few of mine are kinda funny. Had a lady, badge groupie as we call them, intentionally speed past when she saw me running radar. The first time I stopped her she had her miniskirt pulled up and I could see her well trimmed bush and as she batted her eyes I said " If that is where you keep your license would you please wipe it off and hand it to me... needless to say I was in a bad mood. Any other info needed please feel free to just ask. I'm off looking at the rest of your page. -- Tennessee Cop



I like this one a lot. Very true and candid. I am a Law Enforcement Officer In Ohio and got quite a kick out of you on this one. (Especially the female Officer part. I'm one. ) Thanks, Officer Ohio



Ernie, I don't know if I am one of the 11 cops that you have identified as members of your list. But even though some of your thoughts got a a little clipped in the mailing about speeding tickets, I have to let you know that you nailed it on each and every topic. I had to laugh because you managed to see it all from both sides of the fence.....and you were right. Yes there are asshole cops.....just like other professions..and just like there are asshole drivers. Although I am a chief of police, I still stop people and still issue tickets.....why? Because my job as a cop is to get you from point A to point B safely. That's really the bottom line. One more tip......I go after people who violate "The Rude Rule". What's that? People who drive like it's "Get the hell out of my way day" or "My need to get to where I am going supercedes your right to be in my fucking way" I love driving my unmarked Crown Victoria when everyone is asking in their own cars, "Hey.....I wish a cop was around to nail that asshole!" Reme One last thing....you were right and you made me smile about military personnel.....they serve their country with low pay and long hours, and sometimes push the limits to spend a precious weekend at home being "normal"......I admit that I will go the extra distance for each and every one of them because I was there once too, a long time ago. I loved the posting. Take care, -- Sincerely, Chief of Police, Smalltown New Jersey



Hey Ernie... Officer Hall here,, I agree with you whole heartedly, people need to realize that alot of Officers don't make a decision to write a ticket until they make contact with the driver.... 2 rules... honesty... and be nice... It might just save you some cash and insurance...Oh by the way... the FAC ... what a bunch of shit heads...See ya....keep up the good work....Officer H



Ernie...Thanks for the great article on getting speeding tickets, how to get out of them, etc. I am a police officer in a large city and in addition to responding to calls, etc. I do run quite of bit of traffic. I appreciate the fact that you recognize officers as being people who go through typical bullshit just like everyone out there and we are only doing what we are paid to do. We have bad days too and dealing with people who think that they are going to argue their way out of a ticket just doesn't make our day any better. There is an old saying amongst officers and that is this "You can't talk your way out of a ticket but you can always talk your way into one." With this in mind, your advice on being respectful, don't try to bullshit your way out of it by making excuses, etc. goes a long way. There are a lot of gung-ho cops out there who think that writing a ticket for just about anything will solve all the worlds problems. However, there are also a lot of cops out there that know that a stern lecture (



Ernie, I am a Police Officer in thegreat state of TEXAS. I am also a great fan of your site and your uncanny sense of "reality". I guess it must be that "type 'A' personality". Seriously.... Although your keen wit and twisted insight bring tears of laughter to myself and others, I must commend you on your accuracy. Yeah, it wouldn't be yours without a few "motherfucker's" here and there, but this particular post is very true. If everyone would follow these rules, my job would be great. their life and driving record would be great. Life would just be fucking swell. but........you really should emphasize again the "glove-box grab" I fuckin hate it. Some poor redneck asshole with 128 kids and a goat in the car, hasn't seen a registration office in 5 years and cant get the car inspected because rolled plastic/towels/cardboard/plywood does not constitute a window, cant afford to pay his fucking electric bill, why in the hell would they expect me to believe that somewhere in that mass of taco sauce and ketch



Ernie, Your wisdom is great. If all of our citizens would heed your word the highways would be much safer. Unfortunately the highways are full off Idiots!!! I'm not talking your run of the mill greasy go on vacation down at Wal-Mart. I'm talking about regular Smiths and Jones' with a mortgage at a job! YOU TURN INTO IDIOTS BEHIND THE WHEEL. The same type that will stop in the isle off the grocery store to bullshit with Mable or whomever when you are right behind. Respect the law, respect yourselves and for Godsake respect the officer. The moral of your wisdom is respect. Is a short time we have on this earth. Please pay attention. -- Penn State Trooper



Ernie, I LOVED the speeding tips. Myself and my old rookie partner Dave, who is also on your list, thought it was great that you sounded "pro-police" in your advice column. One thing I might like to add. Women who cry....I HATE THAT SHIT! I am one of those cops that hate women crying. I pulled over a woman three years ago that was speeding 72 in a 45. She acted like I had shot her dog and skull fucked her grandparents, and I hadn't even gotten back to my unit yet. Her attitude (not the speed) caused her to get the citation. When I approached the vehicle again, she bawled like 16 year old virgin on prom night. I slapped her with speeding (didn't drop the speed as we usually do) and told her to quit crying. She had no other tickets on her record and was crying about insurance rates and her husband will kill her...yack yack yack. If you can't do the crime...blase` blase`. A good rule of thumb is the attitude test. You pretty much hit on that with the respect issue. Many cops are either prior military, or were



You have the basic idea right on what to do when a police officer is approaching your car but I would like to expound upon it. The best way to put and officer at ease when he is approaching your car is 1. When you pull over, turn the car (and your radio) off and your flashers on. This lets him/her know that you are not planning to drive off and start a high speed pursuit. Take your foot off the brake. 2. DO NOT GET OUT OF YOUR CAR. Stay inside unless the officer tells you otherwise. Also make no sudden motions. 3. Roll down your window. 4. If it is dark, turn on the interior lights so he/she can see you and see what you are doing. 5. Put your hands on the steering wheel so he/she can see them. 6. Don't argue with the officer or try to tell him/her that they can't or shouldn't give you a ticket because your brother/dad/cousin/friend/spouse is a cop. That is the fastest way to get a ticket and, if you really have someone close to you who is a cop, they will look very stupid. 7. Be honest. 8. Be honest. These a



I read your "Speed Safely" guidelines. The delivery was a bit rugged; but, good work officer. Sincerely, Sergeant SoAndSo Indianapolis Police Department



E, I never fessed up, I work for the City of XXXXXXXXXX Police in Wisconsin. (Just next to Miller headquarters in Milwaukee.) Anyway, I showed this to a few fellow officers, and they were rolling. In fact they were extremely pleased about your tips for when you get pulled over. Every officer's worst nightmare is walking up to a car and some fuck pulls a piece and shoots us in the head. From the second we start to pull you over till a few minutes into the conversation, we determining how much of a risk you are. High risk people never get a break. You make us nervous, we'll call another officer over. Anyway, one tip from our end. When you see a squad, ambo, fire truck, car with red "courtesy" lights on (volunteer fire fighters), get the hell out of the way. Pull over and stop. Whether these vehicles are coming from ahead of you or behind, please get out of the way. We just could be saving your wife or kids from an accident, or your house from being burned down, or even stopping a drugged up fuck who



ernesto- thank you for making my job a wee-bit easier. most of your advice is dead on, 9 out of ten times, if Ernie Q. Public did what you said- warning city. regarding court, im not an insurance company employee, i want safe driving conditions, so im not out to plop points down on anyone. only jerkoffs get no deal, so even if you get a ticket, your conduct at the stop still dictates what i do. "no your honor, he wasnt a jitbag, so i dont mind recommending a reduction in fine and waiving points." hence, a $165 ticket and 3 points (which here in PA equates to a surcharge in insurance) becomes no points and a $93 bill for my services. some of the 10% of cops you referred to may be pissed at your lil infomercial here, but im pleased pissless that you availed some regular citizens of the nuances of car stop etiquette. PS next time your near philly, i'll be looking for your truck. Signed, Philly Cop



Hi Ernie, Just for your info , I'm a Deputy Sheriff here in eastern NC, also an AirForce Brat. Your tips for speeders was right on, only thing I would add ( if you ever reprint )would be to turn on your interior light at night before you stop so the officer can see into the vehicle easier, other then that you gave excellent advice. Oh and as a rule if someone tells me they have ONLY had TWO beers I run em through a alcosenser test. (Lie = Ticket) Signed, Deputy Sheriff



Good tips. I don't know if you have this one or not, but I figured I would send it anyway. When I was going through the academy, I had one instuctor who said he always wrote tickets to the little teenage girls who cried when they got pulled over and said that their daddy's were going to kill them. His thinking on this was the fact that he didn't know how many times they had gotten off tickets using this routine. I myself would write a ticket to someone like this as well. Rookie Cop



Hey, interesting site. Most of what you said rang true. The only thing is that in Pennsylvania, the issuing officer is the prosecutor in summary trials (traffic tickets, mionor offenses, etc.), so talking to the prosecutor might not help.Oh yeah, I am a police officer in pa



After I spent 7 hours today on a major Texas highway writing tickets to people... it was nice to come home and read this hilarious, yet unbelievably true account of what I have to deal with every single day. Thank you for trying to enlighten the morons that think they are invincible in their $50,000 Range Rovers. Signed, Officer N.



I am a Traffic Officer in Las Vegas, NV. I have read a lot of sites dedicated to speed traps, speeding and getting out of tickets. I have to say that yours is the best article I have ever read. I found myself shaking my head in agreement throughout the whole thing. There is much too be said about being aware of your surroundings and paying attention. If everyone would follow your suggestions there would be a lot fewer accidents. If I see a vehicle driving at me at 20 over the limit and he/she sees me from 200 feet away and slows down to the speed limit I won't even pull out. I've done my job and the driver was paying attention. Slamming on the brakes as they look at me out the passenger side window and wave does not work though....they get the ticket. Oh yeah, If they can't find the paperwork and I have to call for all of that stuff over the radio, they get the extra ticket for the trouble. Great article! Thanks. Las Vegas Officer.



Dear Uncle Ernie, I love you maaaannn! Speaking as a tenured copper I have to say your article is a righteous piece of literature. I'm definitely one of those 90%'ers who is not an asshole. I also hated writing tickets because that seemed to be where I encountered the most bullshit from folks. I'm a detective now so that part is thankfully out the window.I appreciate the support! Det. A -- Missouri Police Dept.



I must agree with my American counterparts and with your article itself. I come from a Military background (Canadian Infantry) and am a member of a noble and prestigious National Police force north of the border. Can we have a bad day? You bet. Does it transcend into a poorly thought out 'unprepared conflict resolution' (aka 'traffic stop')? You bet. Does that make us a FAC? At times. I guess it can be best compared to 90% of all people we stop are not FADrivers. I suppose the only hint I could supply that would deviate from the fine tutelage you have posted to the US masses would be, that in Canada we use kilometers. Don't blame me. Do not try and insult us igloo dwellers and say that you were using miles per hour vs kilometers per hour. You will find that 100mph vs 100km/h is effectively a factor of warp and you will begin to pass other vehicles. Constantly. You will cause us to notice and enter into an OVC. Are you going to come back to middle of nowhere Canada to fight a traffic ticket? Probably not. Is



Ernie, You are on the money with every bit of this article. I almost cannot believe that this was written by a civilian. I could be pulling someone over, with every intention in giving them a ticket, but decide not to, based solely on their cooperation and attitude. The reverse also applies. Keep up the good work bud. Deputy Sheriff, Southern Florida



I'm a police officer in Louisiana. I truly enjoyed reading the story. Especially since it showed both sides of the situation. I just wanted to point out the safety portion. I thought it was wonderful how you let everyday drivers know our side of the situation. I work in a large city and we dont make many traffic stops, at least not for traffic. We make criminal stops on drug dealers and stolen cars. Safety is our first concern, thanks for the help Officer from Louisiana



EXCELLENT ARTICLE! I'm a state trooper at a freeway post in Michigan. The majority of my work is traffic enforcement, so I can relate to this article very closely. There are some things I'd like to add though. First of all, sometimes you are not going to get out of a ticket no matter what you do. Here in Michigan, a lot of departments get traffic overtime grants. Officers are getting paid time and a half to go out and write tickets. They look for violators and then write them. Although there is not a quota, if tickets/contacts aren't being made, the traffic grant is not going to be there next year. Since police officers are generally not paid enough for the work that they do, they rely on the extra overtime available to them to get by in life ... Now as for tips on how to get out of tickets, I also have a few. I loved the "TITS" tip. That is a great one, but only if you are worth looking at. If you are fat and nasty, forget it. I haven't ever heard of pretending to not know where your registration is. To me,



Hey Ernie, I am a cop in Ohio and came upon your speeding ticket information. It looks as if you hit everything right on target. We (the majority of us) are only doing a job. The oficers I know do not go out and screw with people just to be assholes. I have enough shit on my plate, another court date to testify in a fucking speeding ticket case is not going to help. My agency focuses more on non-traffic related incidents, but we still do have radars. A secret I look for is: I'm near the end of a long line of traffic. I switch on my radar and see who hits the brakes. I pay more attention to that car than any of the others. I also then pace then from behind to get their speed. I also utilize my in-car camera that captures everything including what they say to me while I'm at their window. AGAIN, I AM NOT AN SSHOLE, but if I am going to write a ticket an go to court, my shit will be in a row. People usually forget exactly what they say and what I say while I have them stopped. The camera also is a great tool f



I just read your article on speeding, and almost fell out of my damn chair! You hit the nail on the head with issues such as respect, don't reach for the glove box, etc.. Anyway, I work for a sheriff's department in the sunshine state of Florida where we hear it all. I am stationed near a famous beach town and I hear excuses from all over the world and all types of people. I only wish I had a copy of your article to give to each person I stop that has the same excuse I heard only hours earlier. Florida Sheriff



Hear my wisdom my children. Hear my words as truth. -- Ernie



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