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Alright, now I'm sure we've all had our email inboxes inundated with those fucking penis enlargement ads at one point or another. Some use pumps, some use pills, and there's a dozen different companies offering the same thing. Which ones work and which ones don't? Well, we asked the same thing, so after a little bit of research so I wouldn't get sued by some guy with elephantitis of the dick or something, we found the only program that's actually endorsed by a doctor, decided to conduct a little experiment.

So behold, the three subscribers who volunteered to try out the penis enlargement program as prescribed at www.penis-systems.com.

Subject One "Robert" - Subject Two "Dusty" - Subject Three "Richard

Big Penis Subject #1	Robert
Age:	31
ManTool's Pet Name:	Russel
Marital Status:	Have girlfriend
Length of your erect ManTool at start of program:	4 inches
Circumference of your erect ManTool at start of program:	1 3/4 inches
Ever had a sexual partner comment on the inadequacy of your ManTool:	She told me it was a good thing I was very orally talented.
Why should we select you out of 100+ other guys for a new and improved ManTool:	This isnt for me. For the first time in my life I actualy love a woman and I wish to do everything in my power to please her.
Pictures submitted before starting program:	erectgirth - erectlength - softgirth - softlength - softfromtop
Previous Commentary:	Sorry, I was traveling on unexpected family matters and do not have net access readily available. I have pics from last week all ready to go, just didnt get a chance to send them before I had to leave town. Again I do apologize, this trip was not planned...The good news is the friction pain went away and to be honest I think its working!
Pictures submitted during the program:	duringgirth - duringerect
Length of your erect ManTool at end of program:	5 1/4 inches
Circumference of your erect ManTool at end of program:	3 1/4 inches
Final thoughts after finishing program:	Now, my man tool was never small, but who wouldn' t want the +3 to Charisma Psycho Rod of Discipline? So I buy into it. Big deal... 40 bucks or so. I jumped on the band wagon, hammered out the stuff they told me to do (literally hahaha) and watched a lil progress. It took time, and If you don't do it every day like they say, you might lose a bit of progress, but I stuck with it, and watched my progress until the end of December and....it fucking worked. I dont' mean it worked a little... I mean I visited my girlfriend out of town, whom I had not had ANY sexual contact with until this point (we were just friends before, etc) and got "Please go VERY slow with me" "Oh My God" and "Be Very Gentle". Now what guy wouldn't fucking KILL to hear that? So Anyway, I clicked on your banner, went through, did the program, and it worked... and I wasnt' even in a contest. I paid for it and everything! My point is that this program isn't just for guys with small dicks, it's for anyone who doesn't have a fucking huge dick :). Just thought you might want to know! From Sunny Western NY

Big Penis Subject #2	Dusty
Age:	31
ManTool's Pet Name:	Most commonly referred to as "the birth defect".
Marital Status:	Married
Length of your erect ManTool at start of program:	4 3/4 inches
Circumference of your erect ManTool at start of program:	2 1/4 inches
Ever had a sexual partner comment on the inadequacy of your ManTool:	My wife frequently asks me to hurry sex along so she can get back to her vibrator to finish the job I started.
Why should we select you out of 100+ other guys for a new and improved ManTool:	In closing, had Lorena Bobbitt gotten to me, there wouldn't be a noticeable difference.
Pictures submitted before starting program:	before
Pictures submitted after one month the program:	montherect - montherect2
Latest Commentary:	Sorry was travelling again and was forced to take these pics on the road. Used my laptop as a guide. Wonder what the lady said when she developed em?
Length of your erect ManTool at end of program:	6 inches
Circumference of your erect ManTool at end of program:	3 1/2 inches
Final thoughts after finishing program:	Yo Ernie Dude, I've never written in before but I've been a long time subscriber to your list, way back to the Bert and Ernie's Fuckin Funny List days. Anyways, the reason I'm writing in to to say fucking thank you man. Not only for the awesome jokes and how you flame people that piss you off, but for the penis enlargement thing. I'm as cynical as they come and I didn't believe that any online shit would work, but after you posted that one story about the kid that made his girlfriend squeal I had to try it out. Even my girlfriend thought it was bullshit and was giving me the "oh you're fine, you're big enough for me." speach, but I could tell that she was kind of interested in the thought of more to play with. Ern Dawg it fucking worked like a charm! I've been doing it for about seven weeks now and I've packed on almost two whole motherfucking inches! That was the best forty bucks I've ever spent in my life. Yeah, now my girlfriend finally admits that she wanted to to try it to begin with, but didn't want to hurt my ego. Fuck that! I'm the man! NO, no, YOU the man! If you ever need anything, someone killed, to be rescued from kidnappers, or a place to stay if you ever make it to St Louis, then you let me know.THANKS!

Big Penis Subject #3	Richard
Age:	19
ManTool's Pet Name:	Peppy
Marital Status:	Single
Length of your erect ManTool at start of program:	5 inches
Circumference of your erect ManTool at start of program:	3 1/4 inches
Ever had a sexual partner comment on the inadequacy of your ManTool:	I've had women lie and say it was perfect for "every" type of sex
Why should we select you out of 100+ other guys for a new and improved ManTool:	waiting for update
Pictures submitted before starting program:	beforesoft - beforesemi - beforehard
Length of your erect ManTool at end of program:	6 1/2 inches
Circumference of your erect ManTool at end of program:	4 1/2 inches
Final thoughts after finishing program:	I don't know if you wanted people to write in with their stories or not, but I noticed a few weeks ago you had posted two othe guy's results, so I just wanted to let you know how my roommate's fiance made out with the big penis program! His 27th birthday was last month and they got engaged right after that so I got him a subscription to their program, kind of as a dirty engagement present. Well the joke is kind of on me now because they had a great time doing the program kind of as a together thing (I don't know if you know about it or anything, but it's a series of massages and such) and now she's a happily-soon-to-be-married woman! She says it didn't make his thing so big that she had to squeal like the other girls in your other stories, but big enough where she really notices the difference from before. [boyfriend's name deleted] now jokes around that I have to do a threesome with them LOL! Anyway, again, I don't know if you wanted to hear about how this worked for him, please don't flame me if you don't! Oh, and please don't show our names if you post this because a bunch of us at work are big fans of your site. Love ya! [girls name deleted} in Sacramento, CA.

Even me -- the most skeptical fuck on the planet -- had to give the nod to these guys as it appears the program really does work. I mean we didn't turn anyone into John Holmes, but we did average about a 20-25% increase per participating (hee hee) member.

Oh before I forget, since I've been staring at guys goddamned cocks for the last two hours while I was coding this page, I feel somehow scarred, and encourage all the ladies to please send me pictures of their tits.

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