E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

Mission 1: Meet The Bar -- Write "EHOWA" on the top of a public bar (i.e. your home wetbar doesn't count) using only food provided at the bar...peanuts, pretzels, pickled eggs, etc: 20 points. [+10 points if the bartender is in the pic. +5 points for each bewildered bar patron (up to 2 people for +10 total), +10 points if there's a Sam Adams neon sign in the background, +DNR in effect]

Mission 2: Man of the Cloth -- Get a priest/rabbi/whatever and an EHOWA sign in the same picture: 20 points. [+20 points if you can get your subject to actually hold the sign themselves instead of you just standing near them, +DNR in effect]

Mission 3: Befriending the Homeless -- Holding an EHOWA sign and standing arm-in-arm with a homeless person off ths street: 25 points. [+10 points if they are visibly missing teeth, +5 for their shopping cart in picture, +10 points if more homeless in background, +DNR in effect]

Mission 4: Stars and Stripes -- Holding an EHOWA sign and standing underneath a HUGE oversized American Flag. What's oversized? Well if your photographer doesn't have to stand across the street to get the flag in the picture, it's too small: 20 points. [+10 points if flagpole is on the car lot for one of an American car company (i.e. the Big 3: Dodge, Ford, Chevrolet), +10 points if there is an artillery piece at the bottom of the flagpole, +DNR in effect]

Mission 5: Yellow Means Fast -- Standing with EHOWa sign near a "ricer" with a yellow stripe. What's a ricer? One of those teenie cars with racing bumpers and racing stickers and huge mufflers, and an engine that sounds like a box of angry bees. Remember, the car MUST have a yellow stripe, because "yellow means fast"; 25 points. [+5 points for a huge ass sticker in the back window, +10 points for Asian girl in the passenger window, +5 points if they have neon lights on the underside of the car to light up the pavement, +DNR in effect]

Mission 6: Shoot the Moon -- Simple. At least TWO people mooning with "EH" written on their left asscheeks, and "WA" written on the right. I'll let you guess where the "O" comes from: 20 points. [+5 points per extra person beyond the original two (up to 10 people for +50 total), but EVERYONE must me mooning and have the "EH"/"WA", +DNR rule NOT in effect]

Mission 7: The Police Are Your Friend -- Standing near a police vehicle holding an EHOWA sign: 15 points. [+10 points for State Police, +10 points if the cop is still in the car, +5 points for K-9 unit, +10 points for paddywagon/bombsquad, +DNR in effect but remember you pay your own bail]

Mission 8: Kitty's Being A Dildo -- The female of your group must stand with an EHOWA sign in one hand, and either a (black dildo) or (a huge 2'+ white dildo) in the other: 20 points. [+10 points if it's a huge 2'+ black dildo, +10 points if she chooses to post her face without having it blurred, +10 if she's holding the dildo up to her mouth, +DNR rule in effect]

Mission 9: Man's Best Friend -- With a dog(s) doing *something* obscene, at least urinating: 15 points. [+10 points for defacating, +15 points if humping someone's leg, +25 points for humping another dog, +DNR in effect]

Mission 10: Know the Speed Limit -- Standing with as many different speed limit signs as you can, ranging from 5mph to 65mph, in 5mph increments: 5 points each sign. [+10 points if you get all thirteen, +DNR in effect]

A total of 36 teams entered the scavenger hunt, but only pictures from the top 10 teams were featured here for bandwidth reasons.