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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
October 3, 2015

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

one hour apart: a tale of two statements

why cnn sucks cock: the hypocrisy of how the media covers mass shootings

deal with it:

here are heather mccartney and the nine most infamous strippers in sports

your weekend boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - NINE - ten - eleven - twelve - thirteen

October 2, 2015

“A Lie Can Run Round The World Before The Truth Has Got Its Boots On.” - Terry Pratchett

In the hours, days, and even weeks following Sandy Hook, the media fucked up a lot of stuff. First the shooter was in custody, then he was dead. Then he had an accomplice, then two, then none. Hiw mother was a live and his father was dead. His brother was the shooter. 20 killed, then 20 wounded, then 26 killed. In fact, I'd say the media reported more rumor than they did fiction. I'd ask that you keep this in mind over the next week or so as the details that surround the Oregon college shooting firm up and come to light.

Thirty year old Army veteran Chris Mintz is recovering from wounds sustained when he charged [the shooter]. This seems to be true. Up for grabs is how grievously he was wounded -- I've heard he was shot 7 times, then 5, now 4 times. Regardless, the guy has brass fucking balls, and he is going to survive.

[The shooter] singled out and killed Christians -- eh, usually when something sounds too fantastic to be true, it usually is. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I'm going to wait a few days to see if this rumor survives. if its true, I'm sure more than one victim will step forward and corroborate the initial report.

[The shooter] was a Muslim -- another one I'll wait and see what happens. This all stems from an old Myspace page that supposedly belonged to [the shooter]. True or false, I dunno. Much like the media misidentified Ryan Lanza as the Sandy Hook shooter, I'll wait and see if this rumor survives the test of time. I suspect its fate will go hand in hand with the aforementioned killing Christians rumor.

Umpqua Community College was/was not a gun free zone -- From everything I have found, the college WAS a gun free zone: "As of March 2015, Concealed carry was not permitted, except by written permission by college." [source] Additionally, here is a screen capture of the UCC student code of conduct pertaining to firearms.

[The shooter] told people online about his plans ahead of time -- Unfortunately, this is true. The group 4chan is kind of like the seedy underbelly of the internet. They have however, set a new bar with this. I suspect there will be HUGE changes to how /b/ works after this.

Also, since our esteemed President managed to call a press conference immediately after the tragic death of these 10 people, someone please let me know when the press conference is for the 11 people killed in the Air Force C-130 crash that occurred just a few hours later. Oh, there isn't one. Yeah, I know. The pandering asshole. Shit like this is exactly why I hope the upcoming Florida campus carry bill passes the legislature. Can you imagine how differently this would have turned out if Chris Mintz had the means to effectively defend himself? Meanwhile, just as things were returning to normal, get ready for the price of ammo to go through the fucking roof again, because of reactionary assholes who absolutely froth at the mouth at the opportunity to turn tragedy into political gain.

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October 1, 2015

This Is Life To Me When I Wake Up Thinking It's Friday.

Tales from Margaritaville is a collection of short stories by singer Jimmy Buffett, published in 1989, 230 pages long. The book is broken up into an introduction and three sections, each containing several short stories. An Introduction: Changes in Latitude contains "Walkabout" and "Where is Margaritaville?", the later designed to answer a question Buffett says that he is frequently asked. The Heat Wave Chronicles contains 6 short stories, all based in the mythical town of Heat Wave, Alabama, on the also mythical island of Snake Bite Key. "Take Another Road", "Off to See the Lizard", "Boomerang Love", "The Swamp Creature Let One In", "The Pascagoula Run", and "I Wish Lunch Could Last Forever" comprise the Heat Wave Chronicles.

Old and busted: Danica Patrick shows off her sandy ass on the beaches off the Bahamas. The new hotness: Danica Patrick shows off her insane flexibility in this Instagram video.

San Pellegrino mineral water has been produced for over 600 years. In 1395, the town borders of San Pellegrino were drawn, marking the start of its water industry. Leonardo da Vinci is said to have visited the town in 1509 to sample and examine the town's "miraculous" water, later writing a treatise on the subject. However this "fact" has been disputed. Analysis shows that the water is strikingly similar to the samples taken in 1782, the first year such analysis took place. In 2007, the German consumer television program, Markt, reported that San Pellegrino contains uranium. Nestlé was informed about this and responded that uranium was common in both bottled and tap water, and that the level in their product was below the threshold of harmful levels noted by various governments and food health organizations.

Your first challenge is a complete fucking softball: Tell me what year this whiteboard was updated.

Ernie, that Kragen store is now a suit outlet in the Northridge area of the San Fernando Valley on Reseda Blvd. just south of Devonshire. Also, it seems the SavOn was also acquired by CVS, just like Longs. Keep 'em comin'! Andrew

It looks like kragen auto parts is now Northridge Suit outlet located at 10141 Reseda Blvd, Northridge, CA. Rick

Predator what? Find your target in complete darkness, bad weather, smoke and more! If it radiates heat, you can see it! No matter if it's the dead of a moonless night, in the middle of a storm, on a smoke-filled battlefield or in dense cover, the advanced, heat-detecting capability of this Torry Pines Logic T10-N Thermal Imaging Sight sees what night vision scopes can't. Do it! Do it now!

Your second challenge is a metric shit ton harder: Find this gas station. I would encourage you to refine your search to the west coast and being the sporting fellow that I am, I zoomed and enhanced some relevant clues. Good luck!

Hi Ernie, I saw this and thought it might interest you. It's a short documentary about a Chicago-based cult who moved to Arizona and had a shootout with police. They moved to Arizona in 1978, and by 1982 clashes with the local residents and law enforcement would eventually boil over, as the town would see carjacking, armed patrols, Commandoes For Christ, a van blown up accidentally on the way to a jailbreak, and ultimately a huge melee between 150 cultists (armed with pipes, boards, rebar, garden tools, and honest-to-goodness nunchucks) and 37 local cops before the cult moved back to Chicago... t's 20:00, a bit long for us ADD-addled quadragenarians, but it flows quickly. Cheers, Charley

The girl is standing in the trees next to the Vargas Road Entrance ramp onto I-680 South in Fremont, California. Mission Blvd and Washington were the giveaways for me. Keep ‘em coming. Jamie

From the why the fuck would anyone want to face that information department: new app breaks down exactly what you do on your phone all fucking day.

Malocclusion, also known as buck teeth, is a misalignment or incorrect relation between the teeth of the two dental arches when they approach each other as the jaws close. It is a common finding, although it is not usually serious enough to require treatment. Those who have more severe malocclusions may require orthodontic and sometimes surgical treatment to correct the problem. In an experiment on two groups of rock badgers fed hardened or softened versions of the same foods, the animals fed softer food had significantly narrower and shorter faces and thinner and shorter mandibles than animals fed hard food. Experiments have shown similar results in other animals, including rabbits, supporting the theory that masticatory stress during childhood affects jaw development.

September 30, 2015

Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike! What Day iS It?

I suspect that corporate mergers will make two of today's photo challenges difficult, if not downright impossible since it may or may not be able to look up the addressed of sites that have new owners.

CSK Auto, Inc. was a specialty retailer of automotive parts and accessories in the western United States, operating its stores under four brand names: Checker Auto Parts, founded in 1969, with 442 stores in the Southwestern, Rocky Mountain, and Northern Plains states and Hawaii; Schucks Auto Supply, founded in 1917, with 226 stores in the Pacific Northwest and Alaska; Murray's Discount Auto Stores, founded in 1972, with 112 stores in the Upper Midwest; and Kragen Auto Parts, founded in 1947, with 493 stores primarily in California. Can you find that location?

Longs Drugs was an American chain with approximately 40 drug stores throughout the state of Hawaii. Before being acquired by CVS Health in 2008, it was a chain of over 500 stores, located primarily on the West Coast of the United States. Besides Hawaii, it had stores located in California, Nevada, Arizona, Alaska, Colorado, Oregon, and Washington, and was headquartered in Walnut Creek, California. Can you find that location?

And if you are a hardcore Wisconsin fan, what's the best way to celebrate the Badgers' 28-0 win over the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors? Well if you answered a beer funnel and front porch blowjob, then this girl wants to party with you. Or more accurately, you should want to party with her, I guess.

From Wolfenstein 3D through Doom, Heretic and Virtual Cop, ask a gamer why they like headshots and some will talk about the sound and the splat, the feeling of total domination of their video game enemy. This little documentary mockumentary does a pretty great job of covering The History of Headshots. Yeah, I guess you could say it Pwns.

That "giant black pole" you're looking for is located on Powell St in San Francisco. Barry

That is 240 Powell St San Francisco. When the movie Bullit was being filmed in the City the movie folks put a prop telephone booth in that spot and Steve McQueen made a call from there. C Ray

Fractals are ornate designs resulting from the exercise of Fractal Geometry; if you've seen the recent PBS TV broadcasts of "Colors of Infinity", you'll understand what I mean. There are also simpler Fractals which produce simpler designs than the one demonstrated in the PBS program. For example, in Windows Media Player's Now Playing mode, you can watch different visualizations -- splashes of color and geometric shapes -- whose patterns move with the music that you are playing. Visualizations are grouped into fractal collections that are based on specific themes, such as Ambience or Bars.

Oh fuck? Look slike the iconic hero of the Halo franchise may have fired his last laser, at least if a new TV commercial for the upcoming Halo 5: Guardians is to be believed. The spot is called Halo 5: A Hero Falls, and it shows the entire world reacting to Master Chief's unexpected death. That's right, THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS KILLED MASTER CHIEF.

German photographer Kim Anderson set the world on fire with is timeless photographs of young children in oversized adult clothing. Born Bertram Bahner in 1959, he initially inspired to record his three year old daughter Nicola playing with her friends, only to discover he had captured moments of universal appeal. The resulting photographs evoke soul filled feeling of happiness, wonder, innocence and tenderness and of childhood days gone by. He then decided to specialize in photographing children. His pictures are described as “black and white film touched with subtle bursts of color that heighten the sense of childhoods gone by," having universal appeal and have won fans worldwide.

Oh great and powerful Ernie! Whereas the M44 is a pain in the ass to find, the Chinese knock off Type 53 is a decent replacement (and slightly cheaper) but I won't lie to you man, they'll require some elbow grease to get right. I had to strip mine duracoat the steel and steam/boil the hell out of the stock to get the gunk out, it was worse than any of my Mosins. But it is a good little truck gun! Keep on doing your thing man, looking forward to LBEH next month. Josh

An update on my quest for a Mosin M44, but first a little Walking Dead Trivia: an M44 was introduced in season four, originally by the Claimers, but is later used by Glenn in season five. Anyway, a few people have pointed out to me that Wideners has them for $189 which is great if you're looking for a knock around shooter, but I'm hoping to get my hands on a nice piece with all match serial numbers that I can hold onto and ooh-and-ahh at later with future generations of Stewarts. I considered but ulitmately ix-nayed the Type 53s for the same reason. Freddy suggested Southern Ohio Guns, but the only corker is they don't seem to offer a hand-pick option, meaning you usually spend $5-$10 more and someone there will physiclly inspect a handful of specimens and select the best one. Looking more locally, I really like the dark wood of this one, but it's way the fuck up in Jacksonville, which is six fucking hour away. So I dunno, I may give this one a look-see this weekend.

And if the other two challenges prove to difficult for you, perhaps you can take some solace in finding this street sign on Streetview.


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