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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
November 28, 2014

Insert Your Favorite Black Friday Joke Here.

netflix is putting baby in the corner: the movies coming to netflix in december, and the ones that are leaving

dear sugartits: here are 28 hilarious love notes that illustrate of the modern relationship

denver cops beat man and seven-month pregnant wife then deleted the video, but it survived on the cloud

your black friday boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - TEN - eleven - twelve - thirteen



November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody! Now Don't Forget To Donate To LBEH!

As Americans world wide prepare for Thanksgiving many will reflect on the things that we cherish most and for the majority of the year take for granted. We are thankful for our families, we are thankful for our health, for the food we receive, for the homes we live in, and for Gods blessing on America. This will be the third time in my adult life that I have spent time in a foreign war torn land. Thank you God, that I can come home to the land that you have graced. The everyday life I have seen would bring tears to the eyes of most civilized people, put fear in their hearts, and pity in their souls. It is the simple thing that we should remember as well, drinking water from a hose if we want, eating at the dirtiest restaurant without fear of food poisoning, walking across a field without fear of a booby trap, pulling over to the side of the road with out driving over a land mine, living in a land that has more ice cream shops than prosthetic leg stores.

I for one am thankful for so many of the simple things America has to offer, toilet paper, toilet seats, more varieties of food than one could count, traffic laws, roads, street lights, police officers, fire departments, sewage systems, on and on and on. But what we all need to be thankful for is our country itself. We have got, without a doubt the most wonderful country in the world to live in. We have the choice to start a church or open a porno store, the choice to have any job we choose, the chance to start over again, the chance to fall in love and marry whom ever we wish, we have the right to say what we want to say, where we want to say it, in any medium whatsoever. We have the right to view and worship God in the way we feel in our heart. We have the right to defend ourselves and redress grievances against our government for injustice, choose our leaders, and more recently fire our leaders.

We have clean rivers, pristine mountains, lush vegetation, parks, and undreamed of recreational facilities. Can you imagine if you could instantly transport a person from Kosovo or Afghanistan to Las Vegas or Disneyworld, they would go into shock? Oh, there are those who would complain about the United States that prejudice is rampant, that crime prevails in epidemic proportions throughout our land. These people have never been outside of the United States, ok maybe a trip to Europe. Here, Balkans, the Mideast, there is no such thing as prejudice, it simply is called hate or blood debt, it can last a 100 generations. Here when they deny you a job there is no court you can address your complaint with. Here when they show prejudice, and in many places in the world, they just hang you, or bomb your favorite pizza shop, our burn down your house and rape your children.

The average American cannot tell the difference between a Tajik, Pashtu, or Hazzara. Chances are that less than 1 in 1000 has even heard of these ethnicities. However, in Afghanistan it can mean fear beyond a normal Americans understanding. What makes America so great is the genius of our founding fathers. All men are created equal and endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, among these the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What simple words, what a deep philosophy. We are a nation of laws, rules, regulations, and bureaucracy, and while some may think we are losing rights, these very things provide us with security. Sure, it is a pain to travel a 75 MPH when you're the only one on the road, sure its pain to have building inspector endlessly review your permits and work, what a pain to pay taxes, ...What a blessing to know the rules, have them enforced and then, then if we really disagree with the statute, we then have system where by we can change the rules because each year we have the opportunity to go out in vote. Someday this will be a world wide right, yet, we are so blessed that only a small fraction of those who can do vote.

I love the fact that we can fail, well I hate failing but, without the option of failing who would take the risk. I would say in American business we are the greatest risk takers in the world. And guess what, we are the largest economic power in the world, heck California by itself would be the fifth largest economic power in the world if it were a separate country ...like republic of Texas! Oh, finally a plug for the Army, a lot Americans do not feel good that their loved ones are overseas, fighting, living, and some dying so far from their families and loved ones. And I know for a fact there are a lot of soldiers that do not like it much either, I am raising my hand now.

But each solider, airman, sailor and Marine knows the importance of their job and what it means. Today, our American Army with her allies, and yes the Germans and the French are with us here, are keeping the horrors of war and terrorism away from America and Europe. By waging the good war here, so far from home, those who have designs on would wound us at home are forced to engage their energy and forces here. We have disrupted their terror cycle. Yes, they can still hurt us on the home front, we should never let down our guard, but we have and will continue to put a dent in there effort. We will wage the war in where we have to, we will win the hearts and minds, we will bring the blessings of prosperity and liberty to places that have only know war. We will build their Armies, build their roads, we will help the orphans, we will build schools, we will build land of promise not of fear, we will build bridges to peace.

God bless you, God bless America, and during this time of thanks we should all whisper a small word of gratitude to the grand Architect of the Universe who has blessed us and our land.

LTC David Francavilla
United States Army

So far Let's Bring Em Home has completed 72 tickets as of today with many more to go -- your donation is greatly appreciated!


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November 26, 2014

Revenge Is An Act Of Passion; Vengeance Of Justice. Injuries Are Revenged; Crimes Are Avenged. - Samuel Johnson

The rioters of Ferguson are pleased to announce they have looted and burned the following businesses which were directly responsible for the death of Michael Brown: St.Louis Fish & Chicken Grill, Family Dollar, Dollar Tree, O'Reilly's Auto Parts, Beauty Mart, A.J. & R. Pawn Shop, Walgreens, FedEx, Cakes and More, JC Wireless, AT&T, STL Bread Company, Conoco, Auto Buy Credit, Phillips 66, McDonald's, Red's Barbecue, Taco Bell, CVS, Beauty Town, Little Caesar's, Ferguson Liquor, Public Storage, Sam's Meat Market, Medicine Shop, Commerce Bank, Auto Zone, Toys R Us, Amoco, Quiznos, Dellwood Market, Chop Suey restaurant, TitleMax, and Antonio French's Heal Stl Community Center.

Earlier this week the New York Times published a story that included the home address of Darren Wilson and his new bride. So turnabout being fair play, it's only fair if someone publish the home address of both resporters who contributed to that story. So you should know that Julie Bosman lives at 5620 North Wayve Avenue (APT 2) in Chicago and Campbell Robertson lives at 1113 North Dupree street in New Orleans. Like they say, what's good for the goose, is good for the dirtbag New York Times reporters.

But speaking of Ferguson, the lovely Chelsea Ferguson is a 24 year old social media stripper and ex-student who claims she's learned more from stripping than she did at university. Can you tell me what airline is she about to fly out on?

That Maxim poster was never a cover of Maxim. It is however a poster of their 2001 hot 100, number #80. Her name is Carol Grow. Ryker

Nothing to see here, just photos of a great white shark stalking a surfer, move along people.

So I lied. So I can't tell time. So maybe some communist bastard's going to make an appointment pop you a new asshole in your forehead. You're Marines now. You improvise. You adapt. You overcome. Let's move. Four minutes! Clint's movie by the way, is not exactly based upon true events, but takes its name from the Battle of Heartbreak Widge, the story of which is told by Korean War veteran Paul Linerode.

These rock and roll posters: The Foo Fighters, Guns & Roses, and who else?

What an EXCEPTIONAL DOG!!! And, apparently, he never tires! Rick

Wow, easy there, Rick. Sounds like you could use some cock and zombies.

Even though I think bump fire stocks are kind of a novelty item, I do think the ATF may side against them one day and since Bump Fire Systems is wholesaling theirs due to a legal battle, I finally broke down and picked up a one of their Bump Fire Systems Stock for $100 shipped after the coupon code"blk_friday_week" -- of course I got fucked for an extra $6 since the company is located in Florida and I had to pay sales tax. Truth be told, these bump fire stocks only supplement skill with technology -- here's a bump fire stock vs a standard semi-automatic in the very capable hands of professional shooter Jerry Miculek. And when I say professional shooter, I mean PROFESSIONAL SHOOTER: Jerry set a workd record when he fired 12 shots from a revolver in under 3 seconds. Now I just imagine being able to pay for the ammo it'll burn through.

It started with sealing an open bag of chips, and evolved into America's most popular brand for holding items tightly: the Chip Clip. But if you're clever, you can also reseal those pesky metalized food bags with this super secret technique. No clips, no tape, no stale chips.


November 25, 2014

What, Too Soon?

Express, Inc. is an American fashion retailer that caters mainly to young women and men. The company is headquartered in Columbus, Ohio and New York City. Express clothes are designed at the Express Design Studio on 111 Fifth Avenue New York City, New York in Manhattan's Flatiron District. In 2009, Express denim line was expanded with its extra low-rise Zelda jeans as well as introducing two new styles. One is a women's denim, barely boot-cut in either the low-rise Zelda or the regular-rise Stella. Express operates over 600 stores in the United States and generates $1.8 billion in annual sales.

"Get Money" is the third and final single released from the Junior M.A.F.I.A.'s debut album, Conspiracy. "Get Money" became the group's biggest hit, peaking at 17 on the Billboard 100 and was certified platinum by the RIAA on July 9, 1996 for sales of over two million copies, and was ranked number 3 in Billboard's Top Hot 100 Hits of 1996. The song is popular with pop culture refences for the lyric, "fuck bitches get money." The lyris has been adopted by many caucasian teenagers as, "Disregard females, acquire currency."

Gadzooks was a mall-based clothing retailer founded in 1983 as a t-shirt business owned by Texas businessmen, Jerry Szczepanski and Larry Titus. After achieving success, Gadzooks expanded its product line to sell a broader assortment of clothing aimed at young adults. The company logo included the Volkswagen Beetle and all stores had a life-size version of part of a Beetle inside. In 2003, it dropped its shrinking male clothing line to focus exclusively on female clothing. The store promoted this with ill-received ads with statements like "Proud to be Sexist" and "Stop Equality". Gadzooks filed for bankruptcy twice and in March 2005, Forever 21 purchased the chain and closed underperforming stores, reducing the number of locations from 243 to about 150.

Last year when the USA got their asses handed to them in the World Cup, the one bright spot was goaltender Tim Howard, who made 16 saves, the most ever in a World Cup match since they started keeping track of such things back in 1966. The previous record, set by Peru's Ramon Quiroga, was 13 saves 35 years ago back in 1978. The momentousness of the occasion did not go unnoticed by the internet, and by the following afternoon the Tim Howard saving things meme had taken shape. With that in mind, Giant's wide receiver Odell Beckham made what can only be described as the best fucking catch I've ever seen. So of course people have been hard at work overnight photoshopping the Beckham catch into a variety of different, unexpected situations. A few repeats from Howard, but all in all, the results are pretty funny.

Hey Ernie, Love the site, visit every day. The car in the picture being vacuumed out by the girl in the camo and crocs is an early Seat Ibiza, they're part of the VAG group and made in Spain but sold throughout Europe. Dave (UK)

Those ribbons were national defense, iraq campaign, global war on terror, and sea service. National defense and gwot are gimmies, iraq and sea service from a deployment. Chick is meh. Nick

I am still looking for what issue Maxim magazine this poster is from.

The Creative Inspire P580 speaker system brings home theatre audio quality to the desktop. When used with a Creative Sound Blaster 5.1 sound card it gives an audio performance of stunning quality and realism - perfect for a breathtaking home theatre experience in games and movies. Used with a 4-channel sound card, it can up-mix the input to 6-channel surround sound. The 17 Watts RMS wood subwoofer gives room-shaking results, while the five satellites, each offering 6 Watts RMS, ensure optimum acoustic dispersion for a truly immersive 'sound stage'. The Creative Inspire P580 wired remote features a headphone socket as well as volume/bass controls.

A FUCKING UNDERWATER CITY: Usually when people talk about colonization in the future, the discussion turns to outer space - people living on the moon, on Mars, or on a giant space station. But there's plenty of room for humanity to spread out right here on Earth, provided we find a way to live under the water. And engineering company Shimizu has revealed their plans for a way to do just that – it's called Ocean Spiral, an entire city under the ocean.

Hey Ern - This is clearly not a S & W Model 19 - as you pointed out - offered in Stainless steel the Model would be a 66. However, with a full barrel underlug shown in the pic would make this weapon a 6" Model 686 chambered in 357 Magnum. While a Model 629 closely resembles this - the smaller diameter of the barrel makes it a no brainer for the 686. Bob

Love the game Mainland, the secret is to store up your items. You can't take money from round to round but you can take the blocks, plagues etc.... Steve

West Coast Choppers is a brand that began selling screen-printed t-shirts and stickers with the company's Iron cross/Maltese cross logo while founder and "master marketer" Jesse James was finishing high school, packaging the accoutrements of the chopper lifestyle long before any actual West Coast Choppers customs had been ordered or sold. Even after the company did begin building custom choppers, 60% of revenue still came from sales of WCC-branded marketing tie-ins such as clothing, beverages and tools. Yearly sales of approximately 12–15 motorcycles at prices of around US$ 150,000 each actually lost money for the company, but attracted positive attention. The Long Beach, California headquarters of West Coast Choppers shut down in 2010, however was later reopened in 2013 with a new headquarters in Austin, Texas.

Things a little tight this Christmas season? Want to get the kiddo's something nice anyway? Here's your chance to WIN A PLAYSTATION 4 FOR FREE.

440 rounds of 54R for $93 with free shipping is about as good as you're going to get these days


November 24, 2014

I Had Lots Of Balls Friday Night, Trust Me.

The Boss Lady is a huge fan of the Hunger Games saga, so of course I was obligated to see Hunger Games Mockingjay part I this weekend. It was, well, meh. The first hour of the movie was a complete snoozefest, leaving my mind to wander out of boredom and look at everything in the fucking theater except the screen. I spent the majority of the two hours thinking one of two things to myself. Either, "Boy, I saw that coming a mile away," or, "I saw yer boobs." Personally I think the series ran its course with one movie and the first sequel looked forced. With that in mind, Philip Seymour Hoffman was his usual awesome self, and I predict his absense will make Part II suck even more. Woody Harrelson was painfully underutilized. Natalie Dormer's acting was cardboard thin and looked like she was readig her lines from a hobo's cardboard sign. Although at least now I know why she shaved half her head. Julianne Moore seemed to be phoning it in as well, and I suspect she was blackmailed into taking the role. All in all, 4 out of 10. it wasn't I-WANT-MY-MONEY-BACK bad, but if you want to see it my advice is wait for it to hit Netflix.

The Smith & Wesson Model 19 is a revolver produced by Smith & Wesson on its K-frame platform, chambered for .357 Magnum. Retired Assistant Chief Patrol Inspector of the U.S. Border Patrol, famous gunfighter, and noted firearms and shooting skills writer Bill Jordan consulted with Smith & Wesson on the design and characteristics of the Model 19. The Model 19 was produced 1957 to November 1999, and featured blued carbon steel with wood or rubber combat grips, an adjustable rear sight, semi-target hammer, serrated combat-type trigger. The S&W model 66 was the same K-frame, only offered in stainless steel with a smooth target-type trigger, and was produced from 1970 until 2005.

If a handgun isn't your thing, or those of you still looking to get your hands on an AK, here's a Yugoslavian made Zastava M70 N-PAP AK-47 for $449 -- which comes with twelve 10-round magazines. Useful in some states, but for those of us not living in the Occupied Territories, you'll want to get your hands on some nice 30 rounders instead: Tapco mags are the most inexpensive but if you're willing to shell out a couple extra dollars per magazine, steel is never a bad choice.

Okay Marines, I recognize the National Defense Medal, but what are the other three?

Ernie. Those three gals are in front of Espit Chupito, Carre Aribau 77 Barcelona Spain. Jambo

The best part is if you back up a little bit in Street View, the grafitti on the adjascent security gate is still there. For this next challenge, I was going to ask you what happened with this re-election campaign, but after doing a double take on this one, I've decided to go in a different direction. So tell me, what issue of Maxim Magazine is that poster?

Sometimes translating stuff is a very tough job. Especially if you're Asian and you have never had anything to do with any indo-European language. So then if you're gonna have a street sign that you have to translate for tourists to understand as well, you might not want to use your trusty Google translate, or the results will be very similar with what you can see here.


ERNIE CAM

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