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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
August 27, 2014

This Is Not Hollywood. Not Everyone Wins When They Visit Las Vegas.

As I had mentioned previously, when my niece was down a few weeks ago, I took her shooting for her first time. We started out with a mid-caliber revolver with a single round in the cylinder, this way if the recoil caught her by surprise, she wouldn't be a danger to herself or others around her. We did that a few times until I was confident she could handle the weapon safely, and then we loaded more than one round at a time. A while later we progressed to a semi-automatic pistol with a little more ooomph, we repeated the process, stepping back to one single round until I was again confident she could safely handle a fully loaded weapon. I say this not to toot my own horn, but to highlight the need for an abundance of safety during firearm instruction, especially to new shooters. Whether the student is 9, 19, or 59, the person teaching is 100% responsible for both the student's safety and their actions. Unfortunately, there was a recent instance where caution and safety were replaced stupidity and complacency; both of which kill far easier than firearms.

I would remind you that despite what CNN's Don Lemon says, automatic weapons have been heavily, heavily restricted since 1986. Owning one requires you to pass a six month long colonoscopy courtesy of you local friendly BATFE agent, and a metric shit ton of money since they are exceedingly scarce. One can not just wander onto Slickguns and buy a full automatic weapon, in fact if you go to Gunbroker there is currently ONE -- as in a single -- full transferrable automatic weapon for sale. And the opening bid is almost $30,000. Because of this, the only non-military owned automatic weapons are owned either by the police, or by rich folks with too much money. Usually what this means is they're owned by gun ranges who make money by renting them out to fan dumb Americans willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money for a 5 second adrenaline rush. Which is a great business model presuming its done safely, as was obviously not the case in Arizona. It would be like skipping the ride-on-top Tonka truck, skipping the Power Wheels jeep, skipping the training wheels, skipping the bicycle, skipping the go-cart, skipping the Geo Metro in a parking lot, and throwing her the keys to a brand new Corvette Z06 at Nurburgring and saying, "Okay kiddo, have fun." It would be just pure, unadulterated stupidity.

The real loser here is the girl who will most likely grow up thinking she killed the instructor, when in my opinion, he was killed by his own negligence. So hopefully one day when she gets older, she'll be able to understand the difference between physically pulling the trigger, and genuinely being responsible for pulling the trigger. She was essentially an unwilling party thrust into a situation, where through no real fault of her own, bad things were going to happen.

Anyway, on to more important stuff, and today we're going to focus on Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas. I'm pretty sure this photo was taken from The Venetian hotel, looking straight down one of Treasure Island's three legs, directly across the strip. But this second one I'm not so sure of. I suspect it's taken from Harrah's, especially given the heavy tint on the windows.

Evidently yesterday was National Dog day, and I didn't know it. And while this bird knew what was going on, it seems these dogs did not. Honestly, I think it's kind of a dumb idea for the simple reason, every day should be National Dog day. Don't wait until your beloved best friend is down to single digits left on his clock, go out and give him one of those days now, while he's still in the prime of his life and can really enjoy it.

Hi Ernie, To me, the orange thing looks like the handle to a manual air pump. Cheers. Randy (nope!)

Its a Prime Time Toys water gun. Ryker

You want to know how I know life is unfair? Easy. Jon Cryer is among TV's highest paid actors. You're welcome.

Sriracha has rightfully earned its cult following, but the story of this spicy sauce is a mystery to most fans. Dedicated to Sriracha lovers, this fast-paced 30 minute documentary travels around the globe to reveal its origin and the man behind the iconic “rooster sauce.” But if you don't have the time -- or the $3 -- to spare, here are 24 incredible facts and gifs lifted from the movie, explaining all about sriracha and their production process.

Matt Damon -- the very co-founder of Water.org -- was challenged by Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck to take the ALSA Ice Bucket Challenge; his response sheds a positive light on two great causes.

At the second race of the MX5 Cup in Great Britain, driver James Rodgers was trying to pass driver Ben Short on the Hangar Straight at the Silverstone Circuit when Short pulled up next to him and pushes in his left sideview mirror. Some might call it an act of bad sportsmanship, but I think it's just one driver having a bit of fun with another. Either way it's a pretty slick, extremely awesome move.



August 26, 2014

Since When Do Crack Whores Wear Sandals?

If you think of a list of the greatest Las Vegas entertainers, the names of Elvis or Sinatra might come to mind, but Las Vegas has also come to be known as a keeper of the flame for the Beatles, the most popular music act in history. Fifty years ago this week, the Beatles played two sold out shows at the Las Vegas Convention Center and helped put Las Vegas on the map for a new generation of music fans. The anniversary is being marked in many ways, and remembered by those who attended the shows.

Do you remember fifteen years ago when Tiger Woods wowed the world with this ball juggling Nike commercial? Many people thought it was CGI, but nope it was all Tiger and he's been doing it off and on to please crowds, ever since. But what you didn't know is so can his hot 24 year old niece, Cheyenne.

ThinkPad is a line of laptop computers and tablets by Lenovo. The series was originally designed, developed, and sold by IBM until Lenovo acquired the brand in 2005 after purchasing IBM's personal computer business. ThinkPads are popular with large businesses and schools. Older ThinkPad models are revered by technology enthusiasts, collectors and power users due to their durable design, relatively high resale value, and abundance of aftermarket replacement parts. ThinkPad laptops have been used in space, and was by 2003 the only laptop certified for use on the International Space Station. The ThinkPad X300 used a small form factor Intel GS965 chipset, along with Intel Core 2 Duo L7100 low-voltage CPU. Its successor, the ThinkPad X301 uses the Intel Centrino Mobile, an ultra-low-voltage CPU.

Most of us know the number one billion is big, we just don't know how to think of them in the context of our own lives. If we wanted to pay down a billion dollars of the US debt, paying one dollar a second, it would take 31 years, 259 days, 1 hour, 46 minutes, and 40 seconds. About a billion minutes ago, the Roman Empire was in full swing, since one billion minutes is about 1,900 years. About a billion hours ago, we were living in the Stone Age, as one billion hours is about 114,000 years. About a billion months ago -- or 82 million years -- dinosaurs walked the earth. A billion inches is 15,783 miles, more than halfway around the earth. Now consider all 10 of these people have earned one billion dollars, many of them before their 25th birthday.

Hello Ernie! Haven't sent in any stuff in a while, I'm the guy who gave you "Lunch in Thailand", The lizard dinner in Iraq, & also the San Antonio Zombie walk you published on Halloween 2008! Well, just came from the Comic-Con in San Antonio and took lots of photos, I thought you would enjoy! I got to meet Sara Underwood!!!! Made a gay joke about a Justin Beiber light up shirt to the guy standing next to me, turns out it was openly gay Dr. Who/Torchwood star John Barrowman! Whoops! Flew the Vulcan "Live Long & Prosper" sign to Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca!) Got a head shake/face palm for my efforts! Bought some art, enjoyed some girls, all in all a really good time. Mark

Dirk Werner Nowitzki is a German professional basketball player who currently plays for the Dallas Mavericks of the National Basketball Association. An alumnus of Röntgen Gymnasium and the DJK Wurzburg basketball club, Nowitzki was chosen as the ninth pick in the 1998 NBA Draft by the Milwaukee Bucks and immediately traded to the Mavericks, where he has played since. A 7' in power forward, he has the athleticism and shooting ability to play either center or small forward. Nowitzki's jersey #41 has been the face of the Mavericks franchise since 2004 and he is considered one of the greatest power forwards in NBA history.

There are so many theme parks on this planet that it's practically impossible to count them all. But which ones are the biggest? “Big” is a pretty general word, but in this particular case we're going by attendance numbers rather than landmass or amount of money spent on construction or anything like that. As a result, this isn't a great place to be if you're looking for information on obscure, off-the-beaten-track theme parks. but if you want to see some of the most famous theme parks in the world, then read on.

Sea urchins are small, spiny, globular animals which, with their close kin, such as sand dollars, constitute the class Echinoidea of the echinoderm phylum. About 950 species of echinoids inhabit all oceans from the intertidal to 5000 m deep. The shell, or "test", of sea urchins is round and spiny, and common colors include black and dull shades of green, olive, brown, purple, blue, and red. Sea urchins move slowly, and feed on mostly algae. Sea otters, starfish, wolf eels, triggerfish, and other predators hunt and feed off sea urchins. The name "urchin" is an old name for the round spiny hedgehogs which sea urchins resemble.

What is your vots for the most obnoxious thing Justin Bieber has ever done? The official voting period ends Tuesday September 2, 2014 at 10:00AM so get your votes in now.

stay up to date on the latest price breaks on .22lr, 9mm, .45acp, 7.62x39, .223 and other hard to find ammo!


There are 10 million members at Adult Friend Finder, all of which looking for fun filled action to keep warm this chilly season. Even if you don't want to hook up, sign up for free and check out tons of nude photos and profiles. With 10 million members, you may find the chick next door looking to get laid. And you ladies, don't be shy. Tons of guys are waiting for you, too. Just take the one minute to find some people in the area! So sign up for free then go to your e-mail to confirm your account and get busy!

August 25, 2014

Why Does Your Wife Keep Needing New Signs Hung?

Based upon the dimensions given in this aquarium chart, I suspect this is a 60 gallon hexagon aquarium. I know, why the fuck would anyone do that, right? Like what kind of fucked up logic would use to climb inside of a glass box and risk cutting yourself to ribbons.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has taken off like wildfire in the last few week or so, raising lots of awareness and $50+ million in donations for the ALS research. More importantly, though, it gives us a lot of videos of hot women dousing themselves in water. So, take a look at these nine videos, which rank as nine of the sexiest on record, starting with Pitch Perfect hottie Brittany Snow, and ending with Anna Kendrick dressed all in white.

Old and busted: If it has tits or wheels, it will give you problems. The wnew hotness: If it has tires or testicles, it will give you problems.

You can learn a lot about life by observing another species. That's what Humphrey was told when he was first brought to Room 26. And boy is it true! There are always adventures in the classroom and each weekend he gets to sleep over with a different student, like Lower-Your-Voice-A.J. and Speak-Up Sayeh. Humphrey learns to read, write, shoot rubber bands, and much more. With a lock-that-doesn't-lock and an adventurous spirit, Humphrey's life would be perfect if only the teacher, Mrs. Brisbane, wasn't out to get him? With a fresh voice and an engaging, hamster's-eye view of school, families, and treats to hide in a cheek pouch, Betty G. Birney's book The World According To Humphrey will elicit laughter and a new appreciation for classroom hamsters everywhere.

Think you take your gaming seriously? The group behind the PLaystaion network DDoS attach forced American Airlines Flight 362 to divert because of a bomb scare. Take that, n00b.

Pictures of the corvettes they pulled out of the massive sinkhole that occured in the middle of the Corvette Museum in Kentucky this past year. Friends go there often and took these photos, the museum decided to display the once pristene corvettes as they looked when coming out of the hole . Greg

Like the mythical Greek hero Hercules, the Rottweiler is strong and true with a loving heart. Affectionately called Rotties or Rotts, the breed originated in Germany, where it was used to drive cattle and pull carts for farmers and butchers. That heritage is reflected in the Rottie's broad chest and heavily muscled body. When he moves, he displays strength and stamina, but when you look into his eyes you see warm, dark-brown pools reflecting a mellow, intelligent, alert, and fearless expression. A Rottweiler will play fetch for as long as they're willing to throw a ball, and the pooch'll make you laugh by cramming multiple tennis balls into its mouth.

Somehow I'm oddly comforted to know that my mother wasn't the only person to cut pizza with a pair of scissors.

Chester Bomar Himes was an American writer born in Jefferson City, Missouri, on July 29, 1909. He grew up in a middle-class home in Missouri. Himes attended East High School in Cleveland, Ohio. While he was a freshman at Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio, he was expelled for playing a prank. In late 1928 he was arrested and sentenced to jail and hard labor for 20 to 25 years for armed robbery and sent to Ohio Penitentiary. In prison, he wrote short stories and had them published in national magazines. Himes stated that writing in prison and being published was a way to earn respect from guards and fellow inmates, as well as to avoid violence. In 1960 he wrote Run Man Run, which when translated to German, doesn't come out so well.

Check out this amazing scene as sea lions and pelicans beg and steal fish scraps at the fish market in downtown Puerto Ayora, Santa Cruz Island, Galapagos. The fishmonger you see appearing to choke the pelican was actually saving its life, by making sure it didn't choke to death on the fish head it stole.

Wow, Coors Light, Corona Light with a lime, and now shots of tequila? Boy she's going to have a hangover.


August 23, 2014

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

nics data suggest gun sales still strong in 2014

36 amazingly crazy ideas that the world needs right now

spacex falcon 9 test vehicle explodes during a particularly complex texas test flight

fuck the ice bucket challenge, 50 cent challenged floyd mayweather to a basic literacy test!

your weekend boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve - thirteen


August 22, 2014

I'm Torn: Do I Make A Gun Safety Comment, or Black Box Joke?

The dusky dolphin is small to medium in length compared with other species in the family, and there is significant variation in size among the different population areas. The back of the dolphin is dark grey or black, and the dorsal fin is distinctively two-toned; the leading edge matches the back in color, but the trailing edge is a much lighter greyish white. The dusky dolphins has a long, light-grey patch on its side leading to a short, dark-grey beak. The throat and belly are white, and the beak and lower jaw are dark grey. Two blazes of white color run back on the body from the dorsal fin to the tail.

Deep thoughts with Jack Handy: "Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning," is the human version of, "Did you turn it off and back on again?"

Some canned beers are pressurized by adding liquid nitrogen, which vaporises and expands in volume after the can is sealed, forcing gas and beer into the widget's hollow interior through a tiny hole—the less beer the better for subsequent head quality. In addition, some nitrogen dissolves in the beer which also contains dissolved carbon dioxide. It is important that oxygen be eliminated from any process developed as this can cause flavour deterioration when present. A widget is a device placed in a container of beer to manage the characteristics of the beer's head. The original widget was patented in Ireland by Guinness. The floating widget is found in cans of beer as a hollow plastic sphere, 3 cm in diameter with a small hole in one side. The rocket widget is found in bottles, 7 cm in length with the small hole at the bottom.

GODAMMIT. Though it looks and feels that (despite Eva Green's erect nipple) the Sin City sequel, "A Dame to Kill For" isn't as memorable as the 2005 original. I'll be finding out for myself around 2:20pm today, because I suspect it won't be worth the 3D version.

Old and busted: focusing a GoPro camera on your cleavage and going for a jog. The new hotness: focusing a GoPro camera on your cleavage and hitting the gym for a workout.

Hi Ernie, That is still the Minskoff theater, just the side of it on Broadway. The main entrance is around the corner on West 45th street. Mark

White writing on a blue background? Hmmm, what craft store is this? I initially thought it could be the craft section at a Walmart, but usually Walmart makes better use of their floor space.

And of course would good would that be without a tactical wall to hide your shit in?

Marlboro cigarettes initially built its image as a feminine, apparently “safer” due to the filter, light cigarette. In late 1950s, Philip Morris tried to change this image and target more financially attractive group – young males. Marlboro gained fresh, innovative hard cardboard flip-top opened box designed by Frank Gianninoto, who created also famous Campbell's soup can. The new packaging had many advantages. Its toughness was appealing to men who wanted to protect their cigarettes from being crushed in rough conditions. The flip-top design forced smokers to look at the pack while taking a cigarette out. A clean, aggressive white with red arrow graphics design was easily recognizable on monochrome TV screen regardless of distortions.


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