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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
February 28, 2015

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Colonel Paul Green, member of Tuskegee Airmen, died earlier this week at the age of 91

so what would happen if an 800 kiloton nuclear warhead detonated above midtown manhattan?

hitler, batman's penis, s&m teddy bears - the most wildly inappropriate children's toys of all time

your weekend boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - ELEVEN - twelve - thirteen

February 27, 2015

He Doesn't Even have To Ask, He KNOWS He's A Good Boy.

Englander Sleep Products has spent decades mastering the art and science of sleep, and they design that experience into every mattress they make. It shows in their advanced foam technology, state-of-the-art design, and the value and quality they offer at every price point. But most of all, it shows in the support, durability, and deep, restful sleep that has been Englander's trademark for more than a century. You'll not only sleep better, you'll feel the difference all day long. But don't take their word for it. When a nationwide chain of sleep medicine facilities needed the best mattress value they could, they chose Englander. Still not convinced? Then give us the only test that matters. Lie down on one of their mattresses and you'll experience what it took their sleep engineers years to master... Better sleep, by design.

SPOILER ALERT: AMC's The Walking Dead has had scenes of: a child murderer, children being murdered, cannibalism, faces stomped and strained through a chain link fence, and countless forms of torture. But in Season 5's Episode 11, the story crossed the fuking line for some people. When the dainty little n00b Aaron -- the series' first gay male character -- reunites with his boyfriend, Eric, they share a kiss after discovering the other is still alive. This of course ignited a firestorm of offensive and angry reactions from both redneck and homeboy fans a like. Of course, the kiss should've come as no surprise to true fans since both Aaron and Eric are out gay characters in the comics, but let's be honest, how many of these people actually read anything beyond the 140 characters allowed by Twitter?

Rockfest is an outdoor, hard rock music festival held annually at the Liberty Memorial by Kansas City radio station KQRC-FM 98.9 the Rock since 1992. As of 2010, it was considered to be North America's largest one-day music festival. Major bands such as Godsmack, Staind, Seether, Stone Temple Pilots, Korn and Alice in Chains have all headlined Rockfest. The large size and rain or shine ethos of the concert has led to community disputes regarding its continuation.

For this next challenge, I'd be impressed if you can even find the fucking gallery these tw pictures belong to, let a lone the Albertsons and AM/PM stores she is standing outside of. I can't find shit on either photo, even after blowing them up to find clues -- which I can't find any useful ones, by the way. So shit, anything here makes you a winner.

Hi Ernie. Hey, we just had about an inch of rain here in Vegas, and the mountains are covered in snow. Pretty cool. And the hot babe looking out the window is at the TI. Speaking of TI, It used to be called Treasure Island and had a huge skull and crossbones on the marque. The Asians would not go there because it reminded them of death. You can see him staring up at you at the Neon boneyard by satellite. Take Care. Eric

Dear Ernie, Im not sure if thats a safe or not. It looks like a phone/security system access box, perhaps? I used to have an apartment with a similiar box in the closet. Never used it or gave it much mind, and I didnt have much luck with a google search of AMB, so Im out of ideas. Matt

Yeah, that's Easy, it's from the former "Bill's Gambling Hall" which is now the upscale Cromwell boutique hotel, whatever that is, right next to the Flamingo on that corner of Flamingo Rd & the Strip. Tom


In 2011, Olympus Corporation gained coverage in global media when it fired its newly appointed British chief executive Michael Woodford, a 30 year Olympus veteran, and Olympus' president and chief operating officer, who had sought to probe financial irregularities and unexplained payments of hundreds of millions of dollars following his appointment as CEO. Although the board initially dismissed Woodford's concerns via mass media as being "disruptive" actions and Woodford as failing to grasp local culture, the matter quickly snowballed into an Olympus Corporate corruption scandal over concealment f more than 117.7 billion Yen ($1.5 billion) of investment losses and other dubious fees and other payments dating back to the late 1980s and suspicion of covert payments to criminal organizations.

I am absolutely positive this photo was taken right here.

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February 26, 2015

Unexpected Visitor In From Out Of Town Alert.

The Annual Redwood Run is guaranteed to be the best Old School Biker Party on the West Coast. Once you're there you can park your bike and party to your hearts desire all weekend, never having to worry about going anywhere. A completely self-contained old school style motorcycle rally, there is something for everyone at the Redwood Run. That is unless you don't like motorcycles, great music, beautiful women, beer & cocktails, good food or just being in one of the most beautiful areas of California having a fun time with great people.

Old and busted: 21 Signs You Grew Up In The 90s. The new hotness: 24 Signs You Grew Up In The 80s.

Linkin Park is an American rock band from Agoura Hills, California. Formed in 1996, the band rose to international fame with their debut album Hybrid Theory, which was certified Diamond by the RIAA in 2005 and multi-platinum in several other countries. Their following studio album Meteora continued the band's success, topping the Billboard 200 album chart in 2003, and was followed by extensive touring and charity work around the world. In 2003, MTV2 named Linkin Park the sixth-greatest band of the music video era and the third-best of the new millennium. Billboard ranked Linkin Park No. 19 on the Best Artists of the Decade chart. The band was recently voted as the greatest artist of '00s in a Bracket Madness poll on VH1. In 2014, Linkin Park was declared as the Biggest Rock Band in the World Right Now by Kerrang.

Federal Express refused to ship a CNC Milling Machine because it, "could be used to make a gun." Which seems a little over the top considering, both they and UPS are used to ship actual firearms around the country every day.

In preparation for the role in Big, Tom Hanks met David Moscow and studied videotapes of him to see how he behaved and spoke. Tom Hanks also felt that David Moscow should just be himself so that the Josh Baskin character persona would be that of a real 12-year-old. According to actor Robert Loggia, on the day they filmed the famous keyboard scene at F.A.O. Schwarz, he and Tom Hanks noticed that doubles dressed like them were on hand just in case the two could not do the dance moves correctly. It became their goal to do the entire keyboard number without the aid of the doubles. They succeeded.

Okay, this out to be an easy one, since Bally's and the Bellagio are so close.

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February 24, 2015

Be Prepared For Anything.

The Canon EOS 5D Mark II is a 21.1-megapixel full-frame CMOS digital single-lens reflex camera made by Canon, the first Canon EOS camera to have video recording capabilities. It succeeds the EOS 5D and was announced on 17 September 2008. The 5D Mark II is the first camera in the Canon EOS line to provide video recording functions; still photography during video recording is possible, but the camera suspends recording video until the final still frame is captured. The Li-Ion battery for the 5D Mark II has an 1800mAh capacity. Each battery contains a microchip with a unique identifier for reporting charge status and battery health for display on the camera. The 5D Mark II's battery info screen can track battery health and shooting history for up to six LP-E6 batteries.

The MetroHealth System is a nationally ranked non-profit, county operated, health care system located in Cleveland, Ohio. Founded in 1837 as City Hospital, The MetroHealth System is the safety net hospital for the residents of the city of Cleveland and Cuyahoga County. It is one of the three major health care systems in Cleveland, Ohio along with Cleveland Clinic and University Hospitals of Cleveland. In 1975, Dr. Richard Fratianne established MetroHealth's burn unit to help burn victims recover from their trauma. MetroHealth is a Level I trauma center for Northeast Ohio and many burn and trauma victims are transferred to Metro for this kind of treatment. In the 1990s MetroHealth expanded its Main Campus with new medical offices, parking areas, and renovated its tower complex.

Many cities in the western United States have dry climates. One of these cities stands out as much more arid than the rest. Las Vegas is the only large US city to average less than an inch of rain for every month of the year. At its driest, Las Vegas hasn't even accumulated an inch of rain throughout an entire year. The driest year on record for Las Vegas is 1953, when 0.56 inches fell at the airport. More recent dry years include 2002, 2006 and 2009, each of which received less than 1.7 inches of rainfall. In comparison, the second driest of America's large cities, Phoenix, has never had under 2.8 inches of rain in a year. So I wonder what hotel this woman took shelter in, during one of these rare rainy Las Vegas days?

Hey Ernie... Long time no write. I participate in events through a company called Goruck. We do team building endurance events based on and run by current and retired Special Operations Forces members with the intention or building better Americans and bringing civilians and armed forces members closer. Many of the events are based on a standard and there are 4 different levels/difficulties. They also run a number of events based on and named for different military operations or groups and run a lot of specialty events. I am participating in an event in 2 weeks that will run about 24 hours and is based on the Jedburgh teams from WWII. So that was the long introduction to what I am emailing about. Our Cadre for the event has requested that everyone bring 1 brick with the name of someone killed in the War on Terror and I decided to put Paul on my brick. I think back to how you were invited to go see the Medal of Honor service more than 10 years ago (I've been reading your site for waaaaay too long) and how that set of posts you did on that have always sat with me. I'm not sure if you if you are still in touch with the family but I wanted to let you know that he isn't forgotten by people who didn't even know him in part because of the honor that you did for him in your writing. Scott

That view would be from a Sky suite at the Aria hotel. It's not a balcony, too low of a railing and you can see reflections in the upper glass window, and that's the Monte Carlo in the background. Rick

So I'm trying to tie the letters AMB to a hotel, or more specifically, to a hotel safe. AMB obviously points me towards the Ambassador Hotel chain, but I can't find jack shit on AMB and "hotel safe", or anything of that nature. So is she shacked up at an Ambassador, or am I missing something?

SS-109 is Fabrique Nationale's (FN's) name for their 61.5 grain bullet with the steel penetrator in the nose and what they call rounds loaded with this bullet. The US military's M855 round is loaded with the SS-109 bullet, though the US military has additional specifications that ammo must meet before it can be called M855. So, while all M855 is loaded with SS-109 bullets, not all "SS-109 ammo" will meet the M855 specs. For example, the British purposely underloaded some lots of their ammo in an effort to get their L85A1 rifles to cycle properly. The ammo is still loaded with SS-109 bullets and labeled as SS-109, but it is nowhere near the M855 velocity specifications. In short [SS109 = bullet] and [XM855 = cartridge] -- so with everyone getting their panties in a wad over XM855 stocks, we should also take care to pay attention to other SS109 based cartridges as well, since they're on the ATF's chopping block because of the type of bullet used. Again just so we're clear, fuck the BATFE.

Who wouldn't want to hold a rabbit? They may be one of the softest creatures to ever have graced human hands. But contrary to popular belief rabbits are often not very keen on being handled and may wriggle, kick out and even bite when you try to pick them up. When lifting your rabbit you should use two hands, one supporting the chest and one supporting the rump. If your rabbit is small enough you can position the hand supporting the chest with you thumb over their shoulder for a firmer grip. Hold the rabbit with its head slightly higher than its bottom and with the bottom slightly tucked in. Contrary to common misconceptions, rabbits should never be picked up by the ears, legs or scruff.

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February 23, 2015

I Haven't Been Fucked Like That Since Grade School.

Pretend it's 1999 and you're still under the impression that Fight Club is a simple film about two dudes convincing many other dudes to beat the hell out of each other while also running a lucrative underground soap business. Then you have your mind blown by the revelation that Brad Pitt‘s character -- you know, the one on the poster hanging in your dorm room that says “Mischief, Mayhem, Soap” -- was just a figment of Edward Norton's imagination the entire time. Let me introduce JackDurden.com or better yet Andrew who lives in upstate New York. He's just a regular dude who loves film and one day while watching The Shining he realized that he didn't fully understand it. In other words, he thought there was more to meet the eye. So Andrew satisfied his curiosity by reading everything he could about the film and it's hidden messages and meanings.

At Ronald McDonald House, love comes in all shapes and sizes. Love is made out of hugs, chocolate, flowers, pop tabs, diamond rings. You might be saying, "Back up - pop tabs?" Yes that's right, pop tabs: those flimsy aluminum rings on food and beverage cans. Pop tabs remind us of an important lesson: even little things make a big difference. Pop tabs helps us pay the bills so moms and dads need not worry about where they will stay while their children are in the hospital. Advantage Metals, Ronald McDonald House's local recycler, buys the tabs at market rate and makes an additional charitable contribution. They generously donate their pick-up and handling services, so the income from recycled pop tabs is pure profit.

Okay, some scores to post for Sinuous. At first I thought Sean's 15,738 was going to stand, and it did for 3 whole days until both John and Mark sent in scores in the 17,000 range. And I was about to post those two guys as the winner but sure enough, this morning John sent in a second score of 22,513. So it looks like he's the top dog! Curious note about Sinuous... there's no flash in that game. The entire thing is done in HTML5. Neat, eh?

A new video from Al Shabaab purportedly shows the terror group calling for an attack on Mall of America, in Bloomington, Minnesota. The video purportedly shows 6 minutes of graphic images and the terrorists celebrating the 2013 Westgate Mall attack in Nairobi, Kenya, that killed more than 60 people. The secretary of Homeland Security warned shoppers at Minnesota's iconic Mall of America and similar venues to be vigilant in the wake of new terrorist threats. "I'm not telling people to not go to the mall," Secretary Jeh Johnson said Sunday on NBC's Meet The Press. "I think that there needs to be an awareness." He said, "I'm saying that the public needs to be particularly vigilant." According to Fox 9, the mall is one of three similar targets the terror group specifically names, including West Edmonton Mall in Canada and the Oxford Street shopping area in London. But don't worry though, that Mall of America is perfectly safe because it's a GUN FREE ZONE.

Fuck Isis - laugh at a pit bull wearing a dress. Paul

great site, Not trying to tell you your business, but I love the photo challenges. Is it possible to have a video location challenge ? Take care Eric R

I am not entirely sure I'm picking up what you're laying down, Eric. But if you want to send me a sample video so I can see what you have in mind, I'll see if I can't make it work. And if you're all done doing the five knuckle shuffle, the air control tower at McLaren International Airport and the corner of the distinctive MGM Grand Hotel should be pretty good landmarks to determine what hotel balcony this picture of taken from.

Typically, a coiled car antenna is a quarter-wave vertical, designed to be a quarter-wavelength at some specific frequency. Since a quarter-wavelength at AM frequencies is ridiculously large and impractical, an inductor (coiled wire) is added to make the antenna electrically equivalent to a quarter-wavelength at the design frequency. The inductor can be at the top, middle, or bottom of the antenna. It can also be stretched out, like a slinky, so that the whole antenna is an inductor. As usual, you don't get something for nothing, so the physically short antenna isn't as sensitive or as broadband as a true quarter-wavelength antenna. You can also lose signal strength due to resistive losses in the antenna if the antenna is too thin or the inductor uses thin wire.

Ajax is a brand of cleaning products, introduced by Colgate-Palmolive in 1947 for a powdered household and industrial cleaner. The ingredients of its scouring cleanser product include sodium dodecylbenzenesulfonate, sodium carbonate, and quartz. Other Ajax products included Ajax Bucket of Powder, an ammoniated power floor cleaner, introduced in 1943; Ajax Laundry Detergent in 1964; Ajax Window Cleaner with Hex ammonia in 1965 and a short-lived spray cleaner in 1960. The last successful Ajax line extension in North America, Ajax for Dishes, debuted in 1971; now known as Ajax Dishwashing Liquid, it and the flagship powdered cleanser are the only two Ajax products sold to consumers by Colgate in the US. Three Ajax Spray n' Wipe products (an all-purpose cleaner, a bathroom cleaner, and a window cleaner) are well known in Australia & New Zealand, where they are among the market leaders.

Ernie, I mashed up two of my favorite costumes. Enjoy. Kevin

Amazon's 3-D printing store has gotten even weirder in the 6 months since they opened it. It now includes Dr. Who Cookie Cutters, customized bobbleheads, and Christmas ornaments shaped like people twerking! mario

And if you're the owner of a high powered handgun, don't be this fucking stupid. Don't be so fucking stupid as to put that firearm in the hands of a fucking n00b who has no knowledge or skill to handle the damned thing safely. You are not being clever, you are not being funny. You are being an asshole and your allowing this to happen is criminal negligence.

And if you're the proud owner of a Beretta PX4 handgun, might I suggest it's companion, the CX4 carbine which shares calibers and magazines with yoru handgun. Great score: Beretta CX4 with five 17 round mags for $575 shipped is an awesome fucking deal.

The Jolly Roger is the traditional English name for the flags flown to identify a pirate ship about to attack during the early 18th century, the later part of the "Golden Age of Piracy". The flag most commonly identified as the Jolly Roger today, the skull and crossbones symbol on a black flag, was used during the 1710s by a number of pirate captains including "Black Sam" Bellamy, Edward England, and John Taylor and it went on to become the most commonly used pirate flag during the 1720s. The origin of the name is unclear. Jolly Roger had been a generic term for a jovial, carefree man since at least the 17th century and the existing term seems to have been applied to the skeleton or grinning skull in these flag by the early 18th century.


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