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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 17, 2017
March 17, 2017

Two Irishmen Walk Out Of A Bar. Hey, It Could Happen.

A Irishman, Englishman and a black guy are all in the maternity ward. The doctor comes through with congratulations to them all, explaining that they are all the proud new fathers of baby sons. However he says, there has been a problem. "We were really busy, and somehow we have managed to get your three sons mixed up." In order to sort the situation out the doctor suggests they draw lots to see who gets first choice. The result is that the Irishman gets first choice. The Doctor takes the Irishman through to the three babies. "I'll take that one," he says pointing to the little black child. "Hold on," says the doctor, "that's obviously not your son, he's as brown as a chocolate bar and both you and your wife are white." "I know," replies the Irishman, "but one of the other two is English, and I'm just not prepared to take that risk."

An Irishman was flustered not being able to find a parking space in a large mall's parking lot. "Lord," he prayed, "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday." Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation the Irishman said, "Never mind,I found one."

Q. How can you tell that an Irishman is married?
A. He eats his potatoes cooked.

Q. Why did the Irishman cross the road?
A. To pass out in the other ditch.

Q. What's an Irish homosexual?
A. An Irishman who likes girls more than whiskey.

Q. What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
A. On St. Patrick's Day, everybody wishes they were Irish.

Q. What's the difference between a Kennedy and an Irishman?
A. After three shots the Irish guy is still standing.

Woman: "Help, help, an Irishman tried to rape me!"
Cop: "How do you know he was Irish?"
Woman: "I had to help him."

Q. Why don't Irish men ever exercise?
A. They figure if God had wanted them to bend over, He would have put the booze on the floor.

"Dad," asked the kid, "can I have five dollars to buy a guinea pig?"
"Aw son, here's twenty dollars, son. Go find yourself a nice Irish girl."

Q. Did you hear about the guy who was half Irish, half Jewish?
A. He wanted a drink but he couldn't bring himself to buy one.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.

Q. What do you get when you cross a black with a Irishman?
A. Leprecoon.

Q. What's an Irish 7-course meal?
A. A 6-pack and a potato.

Normally I try to keep the FRIDAY FLICKS contained to YouTube because they're clean, easy and pop-up free, but there's been a disturbing trend of shitty copies of movies making their way online lately. For example, if I wanted to feature Leprechaun in the Hood (with Ice T!) all of the copies I can find have this shitty grid pattern. (one and two -- this happens for almost all movies uploaded between October and November of last year, and belonging to 'named' accounts. So as an alternative -- and make sure your popup blockers are turned on -- you can check out 2000's Leprechaun in the Hood [download] or 1997's Leprechaun in Space [download].

Young Schmitty was taking confession, when he told the Irish priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes Schmitty, indeed it is a sin...Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."

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