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After Eighteen Days of Hot Snakes, I Had My First Semi-Solid Poo This Morning. Hurray!

The Kansas City Chiefs are known for their unique "KC" arrowhead logo and red and white uniforms, both almost unchanged since the franchise's relocation in 1963. From 1960 to 1962, the team was known as the Dallas Texans and had very similar team logos and uniforms. When the Texans began playing in 1960, the team's logo consisted of the state of Texas in white with a yellow star marking the location of the city of Dallas. The state of Texas on the team's helmet was replaced by an arrowhead design originally sketched by Lamar Hunt on a napkin. Hunt's inspiration for the interlocking "KC" design was the "SF" inside of an oval on the San Francisco 49ers helmets. Kansas City's overlapping initials appear inside a white arrowhead instead of an oval and are surrounded by a thin black outline



Holy Shit Snacks, Am I ready For This Weekend.

Oregon's Universal Background Check, after a full year of failure, is now the embodiment of political corruption.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



A Terminator, An Alien, And A Predator Walk Into A Bar.

In case you haven't heard, Hollywood staple Bill Paxton died on Saturday from complications during surgery. The 61-year-old actor starred in dozens of films, memorably playing characters who met their untimely end with some of modern science fiction's biggest, baddest monsters. Paxton is one of only two actor to be killed by the big three sci-fi villians: an Alien, A Predator and a Terminator. Can you name the other person?



Well, My Ike Eulogy May Have Resulted In A Dog Adoption. Not By Me (yet...) But By A Friend.

If you've ever seen those signs in office buildings, shopping centers and high-rise apartments stating "In case of fire, DO NOT use the elevator, use the stairs" you may have wondered exactly why that sign is there. The primary reason you should take the stairs rather than the elevator is because the fire could very well short out the electrical system in the building, meaning that if you're in the elevator and you're between floors you will most likely be stuck there. Within this brings all sorts of problems, primarily the fact that smoke could flood the elevator shaft and you could suffocate because there won't be any air for you to breathe. The fire could also spread to other floors and essentially engulf the elevator, along with you in it.

Sorry Busy Day Today: Orthopedics In the AM and Infection Diseases In the PM.



Final Suture Out. I Can Finally Bathe From The PICC Line Down.

The formation of freckles is triggered by exposure to sunlight. The exposure to UV-B radiation activates melanocytes to increase melanin production, which can cause freckles to become darker and more visible. Freckles are predominantly found on the face, although they may appear on any skin exposed to the sun, such as arms or shoulders. Heavily distributed concentrations of melanin may cause freckles to multiply and cover an entire area of skin, such as the face. Freckles are rare on infants, and more commonly found on children before puberty. Upon exposure to the sun, freckles will reappear if they have been altered with creams or lasers and not protected from the sun, but do fade with age in some cases.



Today Is All You, Baby. All You. Some Had Multiples, Sorry I Couldn't Use Everybody.

Hey Ernie, The first challenge: your home away from home is the CROSSROADS MOTEL on Central Ave in Albuquerque, NM. For all the Breaking Bad fans out there this is the "Chrystal Palace" where you can pick up some meth and a windy from Wendy. It is conveniently located across the street from a giant hospital, which you will probably need at some point during your stay. Hope you're feeling better! - John

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Only 12 More Days Until I Get This Fucking Garden Hose Out Of My Arm.

The keffiyeh is a traditional Middle Eastern headdress fashioned from a square scarf, usually made of cotton. It is typically worn by Arabs, as well as by some Mizrahi Jews and Kurds. It is commonly found in arid regions as it provides protection from sunburn, dust and sand. Its distinctive standard woven checkered pattern may have originated in an ancient Mesopotamian representation of either fishing nets or ears of grain, but the true origin of the pattern remains unknown. In Yemen, the keffiyeh is used extensively in both red-white and black-white pattern and in some traditional Yemeni designs and colors.



1945-2002. My Mom Got 187'd Fifteen Years Ago Today.

My how time flies, eh?



Thanks To These IV Antibiotics, Spiked ALT Levels Mean No Painkillers, No Vitamins, No Beer, and No Fun.

The Evil Queen, also known as the Wicked Queen or just the Queen, and sometimes instead identified by her given name as Queen Grimhilde, is the primary antagonist in Disney's 1937 animated film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and a villain character in the extended Disney's Snow White franchise. She becomes madly envious over the beauty of her stepdaughter, Princess Snow White, as well as the attentions of the Prince from another land; such love triangle element is one of Disney's changes to the story. This leads her to plot the death of Snow White and ultimately on the path to her own demise, which in the film is indirectly caused by the Seven Dwarfs. In the film, similar to the Brothers Grimm story, the Evil Queen is cold, cruel, and extremely vain, and obsessively desires to remain the "fairest in the land". +



Sorry For The Late Start, PICC Line Bandage Change This Morning.

It won't be long before Snow Goer announces the 2017 Snowmobile Of The Year, and that has the staff looking nostalgically at the past 24 winners of the prestigious award. That includes this: The 1998 Snowmobile of the Year, Arctic Cat's ZR 600 EFI. Looking back now, that first year sled actually had some teething problems that needed to be ironed out, but several items on it truly were trend setting and can be seen in more modern sleds.



What's 36... 44... 56... 71... and 96? My Escalating Alanine Transaminase Levels.

Not content with serving us dishes dressed with utterly unnecessary froths, foams and micro-herbs, top-end restaurants have developed a fondness for an even more irritating fad: the square plate. At long last, however, someone is standing up against this crockery calamity. William Sitwell, editor of Waitrose Kitchen magazine and sometime judge on Masterchef, has launched a one-man crusade against the scourge of squares invading both home and professional kitchens. “Square and rectangular plates,” he said, “are an abomination. Food should be served on round plates and not a right angle in sight. If you have square plates, now is the time to be bold and cast them out.”



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Boy, This Spring Forward Shit Has Got me All Fucked Up.

The Literature Major allows students to address fundamental questions about the nature, function, and value of literature in a broadly comparative context. Majors read and write about a wide variety of literary works across periods, genres, and national traditions. They investigate traditional and contemporary approaches to literary study, ancient and modern literary theory, and the relationship of literature to film and to other branches of the arts and sciences. The Literature Major offers students the freedom to construct a program of study that reflects their intellectual goals. All students planning to major in Literature should register with the Director of Undergraduate Studies, who will work with them to develop a coherent, well-focused sequence of courses suited to their individual interests.



A Tasteless Blast From The Past.

"Now, I'm a 32 year old guy, and I've taken my fair share of dumps in my life so it wasn't very difficult to tell something was wrong right away. Dropped trou, sat down, followed the urge to purge and was rewarded with a very unique shooting pain from down under. It wasn't so bad that I fell off the john, but it was bad enough that I took immediate notice. I gingerly finished my duties and reached for an extra large handful of tissue, not really knowing what to expect. Everyone, from time to time, experiences a nasty or messy bowel movement. The kind of dump where you feel like calling in the Hazmat team to handle the clean up. I was expecting something along these lines, maybe even some blood. I was prepared. I can handle gross, bloody messes. After all, with enough TP and some clean water everything ends up back to normal.



Off To The Doc To Find Out Whether Or Not My PICC Line Gets Removed Today.

Motorboating is defined as the act of placing one's head between a woman's breasts and making the sound of a motorboat with one's lips whilst moving the head from side to side. I used to think it was something recent, most notably this scene from Wedding Crashers, but it turns out its roots go back to a spoofed American Express commercial from 1980.



No Dice, PICC Line Stays In Until Tomorrow.

A water stop on a railroad is a place where trains stop to replenish water; the term originates from the times of steam engines when large amounts of water were essential. During the very early days of steam locomotives, water stops were necessary every 7–10 miles and consumed much travel time. With the introduction of tenders -- a special car containing water and fuel -- trains could run 100–150 miles without a refill. Many water stops along new railways evolved into new settlements. When a train stopped for water and was positioned by a water tower, the boilerman swung out the spigot arm over the water tender and "jerked" the chain to begin watering. This gave rise to a 19th-century slang term "Jerkwater town" for towns too insignificant to have a regular train station.



Two Irishmen Walk Out Of A Bar. Hey, It Could Happen.

A Irishman, Englishman and a black guy are all in the maternity ward. The doctor comes through with congratulations to them all, explaining that they are all the proud new fathers of baby sons. However he says, there has been a problem. "We were really busy, and somehow we have managed to get your three sons mixed up." In order to sort the situation out the doctor suggests they draw lots to see who gets first choice. The result is that the Irishman gets first choice. The Doctor takes the Irishman through to the three babies. "I'll take that one," he says pointing to the little black child. "Hold on," says the doctor, "that's obviously not your son, he's as brown as a chocolate bar and both you and your wife are white." "I know," replies the Irishman, "but one of the other two is English, and I'm just not prepared to take that risk."



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



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