E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

Sorry Busy Day Today: Orthopedics In the AM and Infection Diseases In the PM.

Final Suture Out. I Can Finally Bathe From The PICC Line Down.

The formation of freckles is triggered by exposure to sunlight. The exposure to UV-B radiation activates melanocytes to increase melanin production, which can cause freckles to become darker and more visible. Freckles are predominantly found on the face, although they may appear on any skin exposed to the sun, such as arms or shoulders. Heavily distributed concentrations of melanin may cause freckles to multiply and cover an entire area of skin, such as the face. Freckles are rare on infants, and more commonly found on children before puberty. Upon exposure to the sun, freckles will reappear if they have been altered with creams or lasers and not protected from the sun, but do fade with age in some cases.

Today Is All You, Baby. All You. Some Had Multiples, Sorry I Couldn't Use Everybody.

Hey Ernie, The first challenge: your home away from home is the CROSSROADS MOTEL on Central Ave in Albuquerque, NM. For all the Breaking Bad fans out there this is the "Chrystal Palace" where you can pick up some meth and a windy from Wendy. It is conveniently located across the street from a giant hospital, which you will probably need at some point during your stay. Hope you're feeling better! - John

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Only 12 More Days Until I Get This Fucking Garden Hose Out Of My Arm.

The keffiyeh is a traditional Middle Eastern headdress fashioned from a square scarf, usually made of cotton. It is typically worn by Arabs, as well as by some Mizrahi Jews and Kurds. It is commonly found in arid regions as it provides protection from sunburn, dust and sand. Its distinctive standard woven checkered pattern may have originated in an ancient Mesopotamian representation of either fishing nets or ears of grain, but the true origin of the pattern remains unknown. In Yemen, the keffiyeh is used extensively in both red-white and black-white pattern and in some traditional Yemeni designs and colors.

1945-2002. My Mom Got 187'd Fifteen Years Ago Today.

My how time flies, eh?

Thanks To These IV Antibiotics, Spiked ALT Levels Mean No Painkillers, No Vitamins, No Beer, and No Fun.

The Evil Queen, also known as the Wicked Queen or just the Queen, and sometimes instead identified by her given name as Queen Grimhilde, is the primary antagonist in Disney's 1937 animated film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and a villain character in the extended Disney's Snow White franchise. She becomes madly envious over the beauty of her stepdaughter, Princess Snow White, as well as the attentions of the Prince from another land; such love triangle element is one of Disney's changes to the story. This leads her to plot the death of Snow White and ultimately on the path to her own demise, which in the film is indirectly caused by the Seven Dwarfs. In the film, similar to the Brothers Grimm story, the Evil Queen is cold, cruel, and extremely vain, and obsessively desires to remain the "fairest in the land". +

Sorry For The Late Start, PICC Line Bandage Change This Morning.

It won't be long before Snow Goer announces the 2017 Snowmobile Of The Year, and that has the staff looking nostalgically at the past 24 winners of the prestigious award. That includes this: The 1998 Snowmobile of the Year, Arctic Cat's ZR 600 EFI. Looking back now, that first year sled actually had some teething problems that needed to be ironed out, but several items on it truly were trend setting and can be seen in more modern sleds.

What's 36... 44... 56... 71... and 96? My Escalating Alanine Transaminase Levels.

Not content with serving us dishes dressed with utterly unnecessary froths, foams and micro-herbs, top-end restaurants have developed a fondness for an even more irritating fad: the square plate. At long last, however, someone is standing up against this crockery calamity. William Sitwell, editor of Waitrose Kitchen magazine and sometime judge on Masterchef, has launched a one-man crusade against the scourge of squares invading both home and professional kitchens. “Square and rectangular plates,” he said, “are an abomination. Food should be served on round plates and not a right angle in sight. If you have square plates, now is the time to be bold and cast them out.”

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Boy, This Spring Forward Shit Has Got me All Fucked Up.

The Literature Major allows students to address fundamental questions about the nature, function, and value of literature in a broadly comparative context. Majors read and write about a wide variety of literary works across periods, genres, and national traditions. They investigate traditional and contemporary approaches to literary study, ancient and modern literary theory, and the relationship of literature to film and to other branches of the arts and sciences. The Literature Major offers students the freedom to construct a program of study that reflects their intellectual goals. All students planning to major in Literature should register with the Director of Undergraduate Studies, who will work with them to develop a coherent, well-focused sequence of courses suited to their individual interests.

A Tasteless Blast From The Past.

"Now, I'm a 32 year old guy, and I've taken my fair share of dumps in my life so it wasn't very difficult to tell something was wrong right away. Dropped trou, sat down, followed the urge to purge and was rewarded with a very unique shooting pain from down under. It wasn't so bad that I fell off the john, but it was bad enough that I took immediate notice. I gingerly finished my duties and reached for an extra large handful of tissue, not really knowing what to expect. Everyone, from time to time, experiences a nasty or messy bowel movement. The kind of dump where you feel like calling in the Hazmat team to handle the clean up. I was expecting something along these lines, maybe even some blood. I was prepared. I can handle gross, bloody messes. After all, with enough TP and some clean water everything ends up back to normal.

Off To The Doc To Find Out Whether Or Not My PICC Line Gets Removed Today.

Motorboating is defined as the act of placing one's head between a woman's breasts and making the sound of a motorboat with one's lips whilst moving the head from side to side. I used to think it was something recent, most notably this scene from Wedding Crashers, but it turns out its roots go back to a spoofed American Express commercial from 1980.

No Dice, PICC Line Stays In Until Tomorrow.

A water stop on a railroad is a place where trains stop to replenish water; the term originates from the times of steam engines when large amounts of water were essential. During the very early days of steam locomotives, water stops were necessary every 7–10 miles and consumed much travel time. With the introduction of tenders -- a special car containing water and fuel -- trains could run 100–150 miles without a refill. Many water stops along new railways evolved into new settlements. When a train stopped for water and was positioned by a water tower, the boilerman swung out the spigot arm over the water tender and "jerked" the chain to begin watering. This gave rise to a 19th-century slang term "Jerkwater town" for towns too insignificant to have a regular train station.

Two Irishmen Walk Out Of A Bar. Hey, It Could Happen.

A Irishman, Englishman and a black guy are all in the maternity ward. The doctor comes through with congratulations to them all, explaining that they are all the proud new fathers of baby sons. However he says, there has been a problem. "We were really busy, and somehow we have managed to get your three sons mixed up." In order to sort the situation out the doctor suggests they draw lots to see who gets first choice. The result is that the Irishman gets first choice. The Doctor takes the Irishman through to the three babies. "I'll take that one," he says pointing to the little black child. "Hold on," says the doctor, "that's obviously not your son, he's as brown as a chocolate bar and both you and your wife are white." "I know," replies the Irishman, "but one of the other two is English, and I'm just not prepared to take that risk."

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Holy Shit, We're More Than Halfway Through March Already.

Fairy is a brand of washing-up liquid produced by Procter & Gamble at their West Thurrock factory, in England, launched in 1950. Fairy liquid is traditionally green, prompting the well-known advertising jingle "Now hands that do dishes can feel as soft as your face with mild green Fairy Liquid". As of 2015, Fairy is sold in most parts of Europe, although regional names vary. Fairy liquid is available in a variety of colour and scent combinations. Fairy was released onto the Australian market in 2011 and is quickly growing to become one of the most popular choices available within the country. Fairy is also sold in Germany; in 2000 it was briefly renamed Dawn -- the brand used in the United States market -- but after sharply declining sales due to an unfamiliar brand, the Fairy name was revived in 2002. In Sweden, Fairy is branded as Yes, and in the Netherlands it is marketed as Dreft.

Bollocks, I Almost Forgot A Title.

ACCORDING TO 4CHAN, where a lot of the nudes have leaked originally, someone posted a list of the celebs supposedly involved in The Fappening 2.0.

Believe It Or Not, Things Are Almost Starting To Get Back To Normal.

The Ford Escape is a compact crossover vehicle sold by Ford since 2000 over three generations. Ford released the original model in 2000 for the 2001 model year -- a model jointly developed and released with Mazda of Japan -- who took a lead in the engineering of the two models and sold their version as the Mazda Tribute. Mainstream production of the first generation Escape/Tribute ended in late 2006. Second generations of the Ford Escape, Mercury Mariner, and Mazda Tribute were released in 2007 for the 2008 model year, but mostly restricted to North America. Ford released a third generation in 2012 for the 2013 model year, again, limited to North America. In 2015, Ford Motor Company sold a record high of 306,492 Ford Escapes.

Insert Your Favorite Title Here.

Diamonds are renowned for their ability to transmit light and sparkle so intensely. We often think of a diamond's cut as shape (round, heart, oval, marquise, pear), but a diamond's cut grade is really about how well a diamond's facets interact with light. Precise artistry and workmanship are required to fashion a stone so its proportions, symmetry and polish deliver the magnificent return of light only possible in a diamond. A diamond's cut is crucial to the stone's final beauty and value. And of all the diamond 4Cs, it is the most complex and technically difficult to analyze. The cushion cut diamond combines a square cut with rounded corners, much like a pillow. This classic cut has been around for almost 200 years, and for the first century of its existence was the most popular diamond shape.

Today Is National Cheesesteak Day. AND National Cocktail Day. Coincidence? I Think Not.

Happy National Cheesesteak Day 2017! Here are the best ways to celebrate. As for me, I'm just too fucking hungry to be picky, so I'm probably going to order the very first sandwich on the menu. Where am I going and how much am I paying?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.