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New Year New Me. Or What The Fuck Ever.

Everyone seems to be talking about green smoothies, superfood shakes and vegetable juices nowadays. And no wonder; people are discovering all over the world that they help curb unhealthy cravings, boost their immunity and are even a fantastic meal replacement for busy folks on the go. And what is one of the most common ingredients in these “green” superfood concoctions? Kale! Even spinach cannot come close in comparison to the number of nutrients that kale provides. Including kale in your diet provides nutrients that support healthy skin, hair and bones, as well as healthy digestion and a reduced risk of heart disease.



Insert Your Favorite Title Here.

Nemiroff is a Ukrainian producer of alcoholic beverages, specializing in horilkas, vodkas and other spirits, based in the town of Nemyriv in Vinnytska oblast. Nemiroff was one of the top three leaders among international alcohol brands according to vodka sales volumes in 2011.

Yesterday Was My First Entire Day Walking Without A Cane.

Recovering from this ankle break is turning out to be more of a challenge than I ever thought it would be. This is turning out to be a life changing accident. And yes, I've heard about the kid in Chicago. I just want to wait and see what politicians make assholes of themselves.



Synonym: Word Used In Place Of The One You Can't Spell.

Obamacare is projected to cost $1,340,000,000,000 over the next decade -- that's $1.34 TRILLION dollars. Planned Parenthood current gets about $500,000,000 per year in federal money. Kill Obamare, then quadruple the federal funding for Planned Parenthood. Now everyone feels equally butthurt, but for only 1.5% of the current price tag. Ta-da.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Sorry, Air Conditioning Maintenance Was Today.

This is only the second season for the new Dolphins logo, which is about two seasons too many. The new logo is dreadful. If it's not more disliked on South Beach than LeBron James, it should be. Who thought it was a good idea to take the classic Dolphins logo and replace it with a faceless, streamlined dolphin representation that looks like the logo for a failed bank. This new dolphin doesn't even wear a helmet like the throwback logo, which is appalling with this increased focus on player safety. Why not just put a plastic six-pack ring on there too?



The List Of Things I Care Less About Than The Trump-Streep Spat Are Virtually Endless.

Well not endless, I suppose. I mean I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as their spat. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Democratic National Convention, Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Obama daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everythingj every-everything that exists past present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions! Oh, and Hugh Jackman.



Sold The Grey Scooter Today. My Blue One Is Going To Need Some TLC.

Old and busted: using CPR to save a drowned ground squirrel. The new hotness: using CPR to save a drowned Kookaburra.



Today Was My Last Day of Physical Therapy, Huzzah!

In many parts of California, the official religion is In-N-Out Burger. While the chain has expanded to Las Vegas, Arizona, Texas, and for some reason Utah, it's still very much a California thing. Still, there's some people who somehow have never been and don't know how this works. At most In-N-Outs, you can get tees or free paper hats, but at both the original in Baldwin Park and their company store online, you can also get notepads, folding chairs, windbreakers, and even a woman's bikini.



Mattis Literally Knife Handed Congress Yesterday.

Snyder's of Hanover is an American bakery and snack food distribution company based in Hanover, Pennsylvania, specializing in German traditional pretzels. Snyder's of Hanover traces its roots to a bakery formed in Hanover, PA by Harry Warehime in 1909. In 1950, the company was split into two independent companies: Snyder's of Hanover and Snyder of Berlin. The Hanover Canning Company -- later called Hanover Brands, and now Hanover Foods -- purchased Snyder's of Hanover. Snyder's of Hanover was again spun off as an independent company in 1981. Its products are sold throughout the United States, Canada, many European nations, Asia, and in the Middle East. The bakery offers 25 varieties of traditional pretzels and in addition, pretzel pieces, pretzel sandwiches, chocolate-coated pretzels, organic and gluten-free pretzels, potato chips, and other snack foods.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



This Is Shaping Up To Be A Very Exciting Week.

"Someone's been eating my porridge," growled the Papa bear. "Someone's been eating my porridge," said the Mama bear. "Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!" cried the Baby bear. "Someone's been sitting in my chair," growled the Papa bear. "Someone's been sitting in my chair," said the Mama bear. "Someone's been sitting in my chair and they've broken it all to pieces," cried the Baby bear. They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Papa bear growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed," "Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said the Mama bear "Someone's been sleeping in my bed and she's still there!" exclaimed Baby bear. Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three bears. She screamed, "Help!" And she jumped up and ran out of the room. Goldilocks ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the forest, and she never returned to the home of the three bears.



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