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If Only Hillary Had Responded To Behghazi As Quickly As She Responded To San Bernadino.

THIS WAS THE WHITE HOUSE YESTERDAY AFTERNOON: Who are the shooters? WE DON'T KNOW! How many shooters were there? WE DON'T KNOW! What were their motives? WE DON'T KNOW! What kinds of weapons did they use? WE DON'T KNOW! Where did they get their weapons? WE DON'T KNOW! Were they purchased illegally? WE DON'T KNOW! Did those weapons comply with California's overly restrictive gun laws? WE DON'T KNOW! How many people were killed or injured? WE DON'T KNOW! Where are the shooters right now? WE DON'T KNOW! Are all of the shooters in custody? WE DON'T KNOW! What do we need to prevent this? MORE MUTHAFUCKIN' GUN CONTROL!

And yes, I know the shooters names sound Arabic and they're probably of the Muslim faith, but before we start assigning motives based on demographics, how's about we all just sit on our pretty little hands for a couple of days and let Law Enforcement sift through the evidence and see what they come up with. There is absolutely nothing to gain by going off, well, half cocked. Usually what's reported in the media during the first 24 hours turns out to be more horseshit than fact, so let's just chill for a couple of days, and see what shakes loose.

In Soviet Russia, train rides you! Show me where this nice older couple is catching the train?

Yeah I know. I really hemmed and hawed about posting that, but ultimately decided the comic value outweighed her -- and I hate to link Breitbart but here goes nothing -- shitty political views. See the thing is, I generally don't find many female comediennes very funny. And it's not them, per se, it's me since I prefer my humor very raunchy and not too many ladies on stage can pull that off convincingly. Amy Schumer, along with Lisa Lampanelli, are really the only two I consider genuinely funny. Her stand up comedy, that is. Not her movies, those still suck.

I will however, note that I am accompanying a friend -- and newly minted US Citizen as of last year -- to the local gun store this afternoon , so he can purchase his first firearm: a Gen3 Glock 17. Or maybe a Glock 19, we're not sure we'll have to see which one fits his hands better. Anyway, everyone is charging an extra $70-$80 for the Gen4 and I don't think the changes are significant enough to warrant the added cost. Speaking of which, when the fuck did Glocks get so expensive? I remember sales of these things going for $429... now I can't find a new one for any less than $475 + shipping and call in. So it looks like we're going to go with the local gun store, which has one for $499 + $30 FL sales tax + $5 call in = $534 out the door. I am encouraging him to order extra mags online though, Botach is blowing out OEM Glock mags for $19.95 each, with free shipping on 5+ of them.

This FSU sorority girl is so good at flag football, she has her own mixtape. You're welcome.

While traveling on vacation or for business, you suddenly realize your medications are missing. What do you do? The seriousness of the missing medication depends on your health condition and for some travelers, missing medication is a mild issue but for others it can be life threatening. Fortunately for me, there is a pharmacy nearby. Show me where to get my prescription filled.

Ever wanted to sit fireside with Nick Offerman, sharing a bottle of Lagavulin and the comfortable silence of masculinity? Well, now you can, sort of.