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This Is Life To Me When I Wake Up Thinking It's Friday.

Tales from Margaritaville is a collection of short stories by singer Jimmy Buffett, published in 1989, 230 pages long. The book is broken up into an introduction and three sections, each containing several short stories. An Introduction: Changes in Latitude contains "Walkabout" and "Where is Margaritaville?", the later designed to answer a question Buffett says that he is frequently asked. The Heat Wave Chronicles contains 6 short stories, all based in the mythical town of Heat Wave, Alabama, on the also mythical island of Snake Bite Key. "Take Another Road", "Off to See the Lizard", "Boomerang Love", "The Swamp Creature Let One In", "The Pascagoula Run", and "I Wish Lunch Could Last Forever" comprise the Heat Wave Chronicles.

“A Lie Can Run Round The World Before The Truth Has Got Its Boots On.” - Terry Pratchett

In the hours, days, and even weeks following Sandy Hook, the media fucked up a lot of stuff. First the shooter was in custody, then he was dead. Then he had an accomplice, then two, then none. Hiw mother was a live and his father was dead. His brother was the shooter. 20 killed, then 20 wounded, then 26 killed. In fact, I'd say the media reported more rumor than they did fiction. I'd ask that you keep this in mind over the next week or so as the details that surround the Oregon college shooting firm up and come to light.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

And of Course, They're Raider Fans.

The Germany national football team is the men's football team that has represented Germany in international competition since 1908. It is governed by the German Football Association, founded in 1900. Ever since the DFB was reinaugurated in 1949 the team has represented the Federal Republic of Germany. Under Allied occupation and division, two other separate national teams were also recognised by FIFA: the Saarland team representing the Saarland (1950–1956) and the East German team representing the German Democratic Republic (1952–1990). Both have been absorbed along with their records by the current national team. The official name and code "Germany FR (FRG)" was shortened to "Germany (GER)" following the reunification in 1990. Since then, the German national football team has been one of the most successful football teams, winning four World Cups and three European Championships.

Well, That Didn't Take Long, Now Did It?

Hysterical media aside, in 2013 there were 8,454 homicides committed with a firearm. Of those law enforcement estimates 80% of those are gang and/or drug related, and most of which occur in large urban environments like Chicago and Detroit. (See: War on Drugs) That means for every day people like you and me -- who aren't defending our drug corners in today's inner cities -- we have a (1,690 non-gang/drug related homicides / 318,900,000 US population = 0.000530% chance) of being killed with a firearm. That's a 1:188,700 chance; so over any given year you statistically have a greater chance of meeting your demise at the foot of a flight of stairs (1:180,000) or on the seat of a bicycle (1:140,000) than you do the business end of a firearm.

Well, Shit.

Meanwhile, The Last Of The Skilled Jobs Are Being Shipped Overseas Thanks To TPP.

An shitfaced college student walked into the UCONN's student union Sunday night and demanded bacon-jalapeno mac and cheese. Now, 19-year-old Luke Gatti has gained viral fame after a 9-minute video of his tirade, and subsequent arrest, was posted on YouTube Monday night. But was it all worth it? Turns out, it may have been.

After The Arcade Pic Yesterday, Playing The Classic Pac-Man Always Makes Me Nostalgic.

A cabana is a temporary, seasonal, or permanent free standing shade structure with adjustable curtains or shades; and/or decorative drapes or solid walls; all on one or more sides. These are often at beach clubs, or adjacent to swimming pools at resorts and hotels, and in private gardens. These are often small rooms with ground-level porches that have chairs and lounges for relaxation and dining as well as storage for chairs, umbrellas and surfboards or other beach or pool playthings.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

You Must have A Lot Of Faith In Your Bros, Bro.

Established in 1962, Bacofoil is the UK's leading brand covering a range of products in food preparation, storage and waste management—all high-quality products that aim to solve your everyday problems around the home. The great news is that having had a brief spell of ownership outside the UK, Bacofoil is now owned by British manufacturing company Wrap Film Systems Limited, based in Telford, UK. And that means the nation's favourite aluminium foil, Bacofoil, is firmly back in British hands, and being made in the UK.

Yeah, But If You Haven't Watched Parts 1 And 2, You'll be Totally Lost.

St. Ives Fresh Skin Apricot Scrub deep cleans to leave skin healthy and refreshed. This mild formula is 100 percent sulfate free, and contains natural ingredients that purify and exfoliate for a radiant complexion. By gently removing excess dirt and oil, this scrub lets skin's natural radiance shine through. This scrub gets its cleansing power from 100 percent natural apricot extract, corn kernel meal, walnut shell powder, and glycerin. These ingredients work together to reveal a healthy, radiant complexion. Apricots contain high levels of purifying carotenoids and anti-oxidants to gently nourish and moisturize skin.

Boy, If That's Not Enough To Split The Vote, I Don't Know What Is.

Old and busted: Pizza Rat. Not quite as old but perhaps as busted: Double Pizza Rat. The new hotness: Highlander Rat. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

Well, it Looks Like The War On Trugs(tm) Has Finally Turned The Corner.

The Mercury Air Deck general-purpose boats offer the lightweight ease of transport with the body-pleasing feel of an air-filled floor-soft enough to give up to five people a stable deck surface. These maneuverable boats boast a roomy interior, ready for ship-to-shore use or for regular family outings. Transport has never been easier-with no floor boards, Air Deck boats can be stowed most anywhere. Take the fun of boating wherever you go; Mercury Air Deck boats are the perfect complement to your outdoor lifestyle.

Well, it Looks Like The War On Trugs(tm) Has Finally Turned The Corner.

The Mercury Air Deck general-purpose boats offer the lightweight ease of transport with the body-pleasing feel of an air-filled floor-soft enough to give up to five people a stable deck surface. These maneuverable boats boast a roomy interior, ready for ship-to-shore use or for regular family outings. Transport has never been easier-with no floor boards, Air Deck boats can be stowed most anywhere. Take the fun of boating wherever you go; Mercury Air Deck boats are the perfect complement to your outdoor lifestyle.

The Hipsters Won't Know Wheter To Shit or Go Blind.

Glad to see I'm not the only one confused when finding the Classic Gotic restaurant. According to Google maps, this is the area I should be looking in, and the light on the wall and the three bollards match up, but there thould be a closed alleyway behind and to my left, when instead it's an open walkway full of retards on Segways.

The Hipsters Won't Know Wheter To Shit or Go Blind.

Glad to see I'm not the only one confused when finding the Classic Gotic restaurant. According to Google maps, this is the area I should be looking in, and the light on the wall and the three bollards match up, but there thould be a closed alleyway behind and to my left, when instead it's an open walkway full of retards on Segways.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Yeah, This Is Totally Me This Monday Morning.

The Real Housewives is an American media franchise consisting of several reality television series broadcast on Bravo; they document the lives of several affluent housewives residing in varying regions throughout the United States. The first version The Real Housewives of Orange County premiered in 2006; its success resulted in spin-off series located in New York City and Atlanta in 2008; New Jersey in 2009; Washington, D.C. and Beverly Hills in 2010; and Miami in 2011. The subsequent installments have proven similarly successful, and have resulted in several spin-off series of their own. I wonder which of the series this husband is from?

I Did That In Publix The Other Day. Seafood Manager Was Not Impressed.

Huckleberry Pie is one of Strawberry Shortcake's friends, who lives, not surprisingly, in a large Huckleberry Pie-shaped cabin, just down the road from Strawberry Shortcake's house. The obvious inspiration for his character was Mark Twain's literary creation Huckleberry Finn, as he bore more than a passing resemblance, from his straw hat and overalls to his tendencies towards fishing and general laziness. With his green and white striped shirt, Huckleberry Pie was for the most part, the sole boy character in a female-dominated franchise, a condition that prevails even in the 2003 reintroduction of the show.

Gentle Reminder That As Of Today, We're All Supposed To Start Dressing Like This.

While I was never quite as much of a fan as the sequel as I was the original, today is indeed Back To The Future II day! Watch as teenagers react to the realization that today is the day Marty came to visit from 1985 and yet we still have no No Jaws 19 or $39k flying cars, we sure as shit don't have any dehydrated instant pizzas, and while the Chinese don't own everything yet, they're certainly working on it.

I Don't Think I Can Express How Incredibley Sad This Makes Me.

You know, now that BTTF 2 Day is officialy behind us, it kind of feels like a little bit of my childhood died along with it.

I've Got $20 That Says Her Tattoo Artist Is A Blood Relative.

In much the same way I was kind of dumbstruck to find the graffiti in Ottawa was written in French, I suppose it only stands to reason that Coors Light sold in Spanish speaking countries would be labeled cerveza instead of beer.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK THE SITE IS ABOUT DO FOR A MINOR FACELIFT.

I Call It Willful Ignorance, But Whatever Works.

So. Not content with destroying ruining (and my childhood along with it) Hollywood now plans on ruining one of the best action movies of all time. Fuck you, Hollywood.

WELL IT FUCKING SHOULD BE.

Ted Baker plc is a British luxury clothing retail company whose founder and CEO, Ray Kelvin, started his first store in March 1988 in Glasgow, and opened further stores in Manchester, Plymouth, and Nottingham. In 1990 Ted Baker opened a store in Covent Garden -- with additional stores in London's Soho, Nottingham and Leeds -- and Kelvin bought the company outright from part-owners Goldberg and Sons. Ted Baker has stores and outlets in the rest of Europe, the United States, Canada, Australia, Asia, China and the Middle East. It opened a store on Fifth Avenue in New York City in August 2012.