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Emptied The Sugar Bowl This Morning And Refilled It With Salt. Good Times, Good Times.

Well, today is the day, so you know what that means. Time for some epic April Fools pranks to play on your friends and co-workers.

April Fools Is All Fun And Games Until Someone Loses An Eye.

I'm not too interested in staying in the same resort this individual is at, simply because if maintenance can't keep up with their landscaping, I'd hate to see what the rooms look like. I am however, very interested in staying at the RIU resort in the background. Can you show me there it is?

The Prime Directive Is Not Just A Set Of Rules; It Is A Philosophy... And A Very Correct One.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there existed an internet without social media. And in this time before time, those users who used to interact with each other through means of newsgroups and listservs and instant messaging all operated with one simple Prime Directive: Do Not Feed The Trolls. Unfortunately as time marched on and generation led to generation, the lessons of these original Guardians of the Internet began to slowly fall by the wayside. Eventually, a whole new demographic of internet users didn't know the only way to fight these attention seekers was to ignore them; and that buying into their bullshit would only make the troll stronger. Such is the case of the Indiana pizzeria, which was facing a not insignificant amount of backlash over their statement, "If a gay couple came in and wanted us to provide pizzas for their wedding, we would have to say no."

Insert Your Favorite Easter Weekend Joke Here.

I'm No Expert But I'm Pretty Sure That's Racist.

Avon's hair care products brings the salon experience home at affordable prices. Their products were created to accommodate a diverse consumer base and meet the needs of women of different ages, hair types and ethnicities. They recently introduced game-changing technology in the hair-care sector with the launch of Advance Techniques Frizz Control Lotus Shield, an alternative to pricey salon smoothing treatments. Inspired by the lotus leaf, which maintains its beauty in water and has a natural shield to prevent moisture from penetrating the surface, Lotus Shield forms a humidity-resistant barrier on the hair's surface to control frizz, leaving it smooth, sleek and more manageable.

So Long Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane, We Hardly Knew Ye.

James Best was an American actor, who in six decades of television is best known for his starring role as bumbling Sheriff Coltrane in the CBS television series The Dukes of Hazzard. He also worked as an acting coach, artist, college professor, and musician. He also served honorably in the United States Army Air Force as a gunner on a B-17 bomber during World War II. Best died on April 6, 2015, in Hickory, North Carolina from complications of pneumonia. He was 88 years old. So long, Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane, we hardly knew ye.

Opening Day Report: Toronto Blue Jays 6, New York Yankees 1. Boston Red Sox 8, Philadelphia Phillies 0.

By now most of you have seen The Rock's rendition of Shake It Off, so even though he's not really singing -- here's Jimmy Fallon's rebuttal -- perhaps you'll be surprised to find out The Rock is actually an accomplished singer. Also, Anne Hathaway (and her spectacular tits) make a pretty decent Miley Cyrus.

Yeah Bruh. Don't We All Bruh.

Shit, somewhat bad news here folks. The tumblr site I used to grab a lot of my Las Vegas hotel challenges from has, well, gone tits up. So while I track down another source for those types of photos, I want you to track down where this Cintamani store is located.

Well, Come Right Inside Then and Make Yourself Comfortable. Bourbon?

Keranove Laboratories has developed a formula with scientifically proven effectiveness. Keranove's Demo-Keratyl is a unique complex, a concentrate of trace elements, mineral salts and glycogen. Included in all Keranove hair color, shampoo and treatment formulas, it stimulates and revitalizes the cell activity of the scalp and hair. The natural active ingredient for dry and damaged hair is active mango concentrate; the pit of the mango is rich in protein and lipids, offering greater hydrating properties than Shea butter. Keranove's Demo-Keratyl restores the condition of damaged hair and makes it shiny soft to the touch.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Kudos To Whoever Came Up With That One.

Biting right into a peach is an obvious way to consume the sweet, juicy fruit, but they also may be enjoyed in desserts, atop salads, paired with savory dinner dishes or featured in condiments such as salsas and chutneys. However you prefer to eat the fruit, the key to enjoying it is to choose a quality peach. Look for sweet-smelling and firm but not rock-hard peaches absent of brownish bruises.

Just Once I'd Like To See Someone On Crutches Use These.

The Roku Streaming Player is a series of set-top boxes manufactured by Roku, Inc. Roku partners provide over-the-top content in the form of channels. A Roku streaming device gets data (the video stream) via a wired or Wi-Fi connection to an Internet router. The data is output via an audio cable, video cable or both signals over an HDMI cable. The device can be connected to any television set with appropriate input connections. In 2011 Roku updated its product lineup with three new boxes, each in the same price range as before. However, the Ethernet connection and remote with motion control for games are available only on the XS model. The Netflix application was revamped for the Roku 2 HD, Roku 2 XD and Roku 2 X, and now provide the option of subtitles, when the program provides them.

That's Right, Its's Tax Day, Fuckers.

But at least we've got this going for us.

Wait, Why Would Anyone Buy LESS Than 10 Pounds?

Try as I might, I just can't get past level 18 on Signum Project. I mean sure I can cheat and look up a video, but there's no fun in that.

It's A Shame There's No Call Box For Titsistance.

When it comes to the commissary benefit, one word can make a huge difference. That's why the Defense Commissary Agency has updated its motto to read, "Your Commissary ... It's Worth the Trip!" The agency hopes putting a new twist on its old motto will help commissaries worldwide build an even stronger connection with millions of authorized customers. The subtle change from "The Commissary" to "Your Commissary" is designed to enhance the way commissary customers feel about the value of their benefit with a clear message that confirms their ownership in it.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

I'm Sure Some 4/20 Reference Is Warranted Here, But I Don't Partake, Sorry.

Four-Twenty is a code-term that refers to the consumption of cannabis and by extension, as a way to identify oneself with cannabis subculture or simply cannabis itself. Observances based on the number 420 include smoking cannabis around the time 4:20 p.m (16:20) on any given day, as well as smoking and celebrating cannabis today, April 20, which is 4/20 in U.S. form. In Colorado, the Colorado Department of Transportation replaced the frequently stolen Mile Marker 420 sign on I-70 east of Denver with one reading 419.99 in an attempt to stop the thievery.

Welcome To 4/21 Or As We Like To Call it, National Urinalysis Day.

Honey is a 2003 dance film featuring music produced by Rodney Jerkins, the film stars Jessica Alba, Mekhi Phifer, Lil' Romeo, Joy Bryant, David Moscow and features performances by Tweet, Jadakiss and Ginuwine. The film is inspired by the life of choreographer Laurieann Gibson, she also appears in the film as the main character's rival, Katrina, and worked as the film's choreographer. Singer/actress Aaliyah was originally cast as Honey, though the role was later recast to Jessica Alba due to Aaliyah's death in August 2001. Honey was released to mostly negative reviews. Rotten Tomatoes gives film a score of 20% of based on reviews from 112 critics, with an average rating of 4.1 out of 10; it was released on DVD on September 9, 2008, followed by Blu-Ray on February 21, 2012.

That's Right, Time To Start Dieting.

Many, many moons ago, right after I moved to Florida, I used to drive around in this sweet ass 1990 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham. That thing was like driving a combination of a main battle tank and my living room couch. The down side of course was, with a carbureted 5.0 liter engine pushing around a 4300lb curb weight (0-60 in 14+ seconds) -- it couldn't pass a gas station. As as gasoline crept past the $4/gallon mark, me and The Nimitz reluctantly parted ways. I see it every once in awhile -- or at least ones that looks remarkably similar -- when I'm over in Fort Myers. Then I was watching this video of GTA-5 kills and sure enough -- about the 0:13 second mark -- there's my fucking car! And preceding The Nimitz by one year, the Simpsons have been going since 1989. Here are 40 of the best quotes from Homer Simpson and company.

It Keps The Hot Side Hot, And The Cool Side Cool.

I remember getting my first job when I turned 16. Well, aside from paper routes, but those don't really count. It was at the McDonalds on the corner of Lyell Avenue and Mt Read Blvd in Rochester; the building has long since been demolished and the lot repurposed, in fact these four red brick pillars are what's left of what used to be the playground. And it was the old school playground, too. The one where every child was under the watchful eye of the shin busting Mayor McCheese.

No One Knows What it's Like To Be The Saad Maan. Well, Except Him.

IMPORTANT SHIT: There is a reason that one of the most important rules of firearm safety is to keep your gun pointed in a safe direction at all times. This is true whether the gun is unloaded, your finger is off the trigger, or if the safety is on. Sometimes, it's especially true if you think your safety is activated. A viral video uploaded to YouTube last Friday has quickly garnered more than 800,000 views, along with raising a fair bit of concern for shotgun owners. The gun owner demonstrates a rare and extremely hazardous malfunction for the Winchester SXP shotgun. Winchester immediately addressed the issue by stating that a small number of SXP shotguns may be prone to this type of all malfunction, and to be safe, has issued a recall on all SXP models that are affected. This includes the SXP Waterfowl Hunter, Black Shadow, Turkey Hunter, and Long Beard. All recalled models are in 12 gauge with a 3 1/2-inch chamber with barrel lengths ranging from 24 to 28 inches. SO IF YOU OWN ONE, GET THAT SHIT FIXED PRONTO.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.