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I'm Formerly Obese, Too. Also, Formerly An Alcoholic And Former Chronic Masturbator.

The Lincoln Blackwood was a luxuriously-trimmed version of the Ford F-150 Crew Cab pickup truck, and was greeted with enthusiasm after its debut at the North American International Auto Show in January 1999. Lincoln's success with the Lincoln Navigator emboldened the company to pursue the first-ever luxury pickup truck, and Cadillac was in hot pursuit with the Cadillac Escalade EXT. The Blackwood shared components from many Fords, and Lincolns, the body was from an F150, the front fenders and hood were from a Lincoln Navigator, but there were some unique parts on it, such as the bed with a power tonneau cover, with stainless steel box lining.

Of Course If This Were Alabama, It'd Just Be Hotter Than Your Sister.

As you've probably heard by now, the diligent public servants dumb shits at the BATFE announced their intent to ban some common flavors of AR-15 ball ammo, ostensibly because of its "armor piercing" capability. By the way, it's ammo that's been around since 1980. Sound fucking crazy? It is. The proposed ban would bar law-abiding citizens from purchasing popular M855 ammo for their AR-15s by re-categorizing the ammunition as "armor piercing," then outlawing it under the auspices of the Gun Control Act of 1968. “We are looking at additional ways to protect our brave men and women in law enforcement, and believe that this process is valuable for that reason alone.” That's the pronouncement from Josh Earnest, the White House Press Secretary Dumbfuck Mouthpiece, when he was asked about the BATFE's proposed ban of M855 5.56/.223 ammunition. Turns out this proposed ban has been in the works for years -- even before Sandy Hook. Never mind what the physicians think or the fact that of the billions of M855 rounds bought since it was adopted in 1980, there have been zero -- AS IN NOT ONE -- occurrence of law enforcement officer wounded or killed when an M855 round penetrated their vest.

Sure, We Joke Around But The Truth Is That Shit Would Totally Work.

Glenmorangie is a distillery in Tain, Ross-shire, Scotland that produces single malt Scotch whisky. Glenmorangie is categorised as a Highland distillery and boasts the tallest stills in Scotland. Glenmorangie has been the best selling single malt in Scotland almost continuously since 1983, and produces around 10 million bottles per annum, of which 6 to 6.5 million are sold in the UK. Globally, Glenmorangie has a 6% share of the single malt market. It is available in Original, 18 and 25 year old bottlings, special cask bottlings, cask finishes, extra matured bottlings, and a range of special edition bottlings.

I Fear Firearms In The Hands Of Stupid People.

"Stop calling children's gun deaths 'accidental.' They're the fault of criminally negligent parents and guardians, who must be prosecuted." I could not agree more. If you were to get shitfaced and drive with your kid in the car, hit a telephone pole and the kid dies, you'd be charged, yes? If you were to leave your kid witting next to a running chainsaw while you ran to the store and the kid falls onto it and dies, you'd be charged, yes? Why should negligence with a firearm be treated any differently? I'm about as pro 2A as you can get, but nothing pisses me off more than to read an article where a kid blows his brains out with an "unloaded" gun and later in the article there's a quite from the local sheriff, "Oh we think the father has suffered enough." Bullshit. Let him suffer from behind bars. It's not about hurting the parent's feelings, it's about personal responsibility and being held accountable for your actions.

'Til Men Of Old, For Blood And Gold, Had Rescued Skara Brae.

I don't really know what set me off this little wander down memory lane, but for some reason this morning I got a wild hair up my ass about Electronic Art's 1985 smash hit The Bard's Tale. For those of you without as many grey hairs as me, The Bard's Tale was one of the first RPG games for the computer and certainly the most sucessful dungeon crawler of its era. The Commodore 64 version of The Bard's Tale was given a 'Sizzler' award and rated at 94% by ZZAP! 64 Magazine, in the 1986 Christmas Special edition. The inn, the blacksmith, getting healed in the temples, wine cellar, the catacombs, gambling for gold pieces, Baron Harkyn's Castle... I remember traipsing around Skara Brae quite fondly. Well, mostly fondly.... as you leave the inn on Main Street and head south on Rakhir, you run into an animated statue of a Samurai who used to beat the ever loving shit out of my low level characters.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Employees Must Wash Hands After Vomiting.

On February 26th, Scottish singer Caitlin McNeil posed a simple question along with a photo of a dress on the social media and asked, "Guys, please help me - is this dress white and gold, or blue and black?" Little did she know that this simple query would ignite an Internet firestorm.

I Have To Be Honest, I Never Thought They're Top Look-At-The-Flowers.

SPOILER ALERT: In case you missed Sunday night's episode of The Walking Dead, this is the scene that has given birth to a delicious cookie recipe.

The Only Vice That Cannot Be Forgiven Is Hypocrisy. The Repentance Of A Hypocrite Is Itself Hypocrisy. - William Hazlitt

"Our Constitution is being shredded. We know about the secret wiretaps, the secret military tribunals, the secret White House email accounts. It's a stunning record of secrecy and corruption, of cronyism run amok. It is everything our founders were afraid of, everything our Constitution was designed to prevent." - Hillary Clinton, 2007

You Can Exact A Lot Of Justice And Retribution With An Old Dumpster.

And shit, I missed Chuck Norris' birthday. Happy belated, Chuck!

Never Underestimate The Importance Of Goodly Grammar.

First there was the guy smacked around after denigrating his mother, now there's this whelp getting put in his place after hitting his girlfriend. Is it me, or is the hood getting more chivalrous these days?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Dear Hummingbird, Break Out The Fine China, Chill The Lemonade, Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Old Oak Tree...

Norman Keith Collins was a prominent American tattoo artist, famous for his tattooing of sailors; he was also known as "Sailor Jerry". At age 19, Collins enlisted in the United States Navy. During his subsequent travels at sea, he was exposed to the art and imagery of Southeast Asia. Collins expanded the array of colors available by developing his own safe pigments. He created needle formations that embedded pigment with much less trauma to the skin, and he was one of the first to utilize single-use needles and to use an autoclave for sterilization. Even during his career as a tattoo artist, he worked as a licensed skipper of a large three-masted schooner, on which he conducted tours of the Hawaiian islands. Sailor Jerry Ltd. produces a 92 proof spiced Navy rum featuring a quintessential Sailor Jerry hula girl on the label. As the bottle is emptied, additional Pin-up girls designed by Sailor Jerry are visible on the inner side of the label.

Yeah, It's St Patrick's Day, Everyone is Irish, Blah-Blah-Blah.

The National Gallery is an art museum in Trafalgar Square in Central London. Founded in 1824, it houses a collection of over 2,300 paintings dating from the mid-13th century to 1900. The Gallery is an exempt charity, and a non-departmental public body of the Department for Culture, Media and Sport. Its collection belongs to the public of the United Kingdom and entry to the main collection is free of charge. The National Gallery is the fourth most visited art museum in the world, after the Musée du Louvre, the British Museum, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Happy Second Worst Hangover Day Of The Year.

Redpath Sugar was established as the Canada Sugar Refining Company in 1854 in Montreal, Quebec by Scots-Quebecer entrepreneur, John Redpath. Located on the bank of the Lachine Canal, the giant complex was the first of its kind in Canada, using sugar cane imported from the British West Indies. Its construction was part of the economic boom that, during the 19th century, turned Montreal from a small town to (then) the largest city in Canada and the country's economic engine. This sugar package, celebrating the company's 150th anniversary in 2004, shows that the logo is essentially John Redpath's signature and face. It remains the oldest continuously used logo for food products in Canada today.

Fuck You, And Your Laws. They Don't Apply To Me, Little Man.

If you hadn't seen it already, some douchebag gun control group called States United to Prevent Gun Violence came up with this video where they set up a mock gun store in New York City -- you know, the gun Utopia of the eastern seaboard -- and essentially shamed first time gun buyers who came in looking to make their first purchase. Now set aside the hypocrisy of said video; the salesman is none other than paid actor Ned Luke who is the basis for Michael De Santa in Grand Theft Auft V. And to be clear, I'm not pointing the finger of hyprcrocy at the actor -- a paying job is a paying job -- I'm pointing it squarely at the cockfaces at SUPGA. And evidently, so is almost everyone else on social media.

The New York City Subways System Has Really Gotten Into This 50 Shades Of Grey Bullshit, Hasn't It?

BREAKING NEWS: SO LONG, FUCKFACE.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Also, I Think MILFs Should Ride For Free.

In flash photography the light of the flash occurs too fast for the pupil to close so much of the very bright light from the flash passes into the eye through the pupil, reflects off the fundus at the back of the eyeball and out through the pupil. The camera records this reflected light. The main cause of the red color is the ample amount of blood in the choroid which nourishes the back of the eye and is located behind the retina. The amount of red light emerging from the pupil depends on the amount of melanin in the layers behind the retina. This amount varies strongly between individuals. Light skinned people with blue eyes have relatively low melanin in the fundus and thus show a much stronger red-eye effect than dark skinned people with brown eyes. The same holds for animals.

Bitch You Can't Stop Me, I'm Fabulous.

Light beer commercials usually focus on men, who are its biggest consumers, with machismo, humor and outright goofiness. Corona Light is going after a different group with a campaign for socially active men and women in their 20s. To investigate why Corona was popular among women, researchers hung out in bars, entered into casual conversations and paid close attention to people's gestures as well as their words. They noticed that women often rubbed their thumb and forefingers together when speaking of what they liked about Corona. This suggested fineness, delicacy. Our research suggested that their preference was down to shape and color. While Corona Light is not technically a light beer, but it comes in a tall, clear bottle and is the color of sunshine.

You Can Get Yourself Clean, You Can Have A Good Meal, You Can Do Whatever You Feel.

Room Noises is the first full-length album of the band Eisley, and was released on February 8, 2005 on Reprise Records. The album had three singles – "Memories", "Telescope Eyes", and "I Wasn't Prepared". Music videos were made for each single, as well as "Marvelous Things". Room Noises placed at #9 among Paste magazine's top albums of 2005.