E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

GO HOME BALL  -   articles - search - features - pictures - videos - tasteless - tits  -   WEBCAMS

A Cautionary Tale To Overly Exuberant Patriots Fans.

I remember game 7 of the 2003 ALCS Championship game like it was yesterday. I was back in my condo in Chelmsford. It was the last game a of a very tough series; the Yanks had a 3-2 advantage and only needed one more game to clinch the pennant and advance to the World Series. The starting pitchers for both sides were pretty worn out and following a 9-6 hitfest in Game 6, the Sox evened the series at 3-3. It was the bottom of the 8th inning and an exhausted Pedro Martinez was protecting a 5-2 lead over the boys in pinstripes. And you could tell he was tired; his fastball speed was down, he had less control over his pitches, he was no longer capable of throwing his more exotic stuff... and the Yankee bats were really starting to catch on. First Martinez gave up a double to Yankees all-star Derek Jeter, followed quickly with a single to Bernie Williams.

To no one's surprise the Red Sox manager at the time, Grady Little, waddled his fat fucking ass out to the mound and had a chat with Pedro. The Sox were ready to bring in their relief pitchers and seal the win. All across New England, people were ready to start cheering their televisions when Martinez would make his triumphant walk from the mound, leaving the Sox' two closers, Scott Williamson and Mike Timlin, to secure the win for their first trip to the World Series in 89 years. I remember the feeling of exhilaration coursing through my veins. I don't know what was sweating more, me or the frosty cold Samuel Adams Boston Lager leaving a ring on my coffee table. The curse was finally going to be broken, and I was going to see it happen live!

And then I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Grady Little was returning to the dugout, and Pedro Martinez wasn't coming with him. I distinctly remember screaming at the television, "What're you fucking nuts?! Pedro is done man, he's tired, bring in the fucking closers!" But Grady Little paid me no mind. He just went back into the visiting team's dugout and sat down. Even the announcers were stunned. Hell, even the fucking Yankee fans were stunned. And over the next twenty minutes, the exhilaration in my veins steadily turned to ice. Then Yank's left-handed slugger Hideki Matsui came to the plate and drilled a double, followed by another double by Jorge Posada. Just like that, the Sox's guaranteed victory game was tied at 5-5. Less than an hour later, the Sox would lose 6-5 with the close of the 11th inning.

In the end, the number next to NEW YORK was larger than the number next to BOSTON, and so it was a victory for the New York yankees. But make no mistake about it; the Red Sox played better, they fielded better they hit better, they pitched better. The Yankees didn't win that game, the Sox lost it. And more specifically, Grady Little lost it with what many still consider to be one of the worst coaching mistakes in the history of professional sports. So before any of you New England Patriots fans out there get a little too carried away with, "We kicked their ass and we won the Super Bowl" shit, just consider that you've become the very thing that you hate the most. You've become the New York Yankees of football.

When kids work on a sandcastle, they begin by gathering water from the ocean to wet the sand. Not too much; just enough to make sand stick together without oozing. Next they pack the damp sand into a bucket, and flip it over to create an extra-strong base for a tower. Scientists mostly understand why sand on a beach behaves as it does. Damp sand sticks together because water forms little grain-to-grain bridges. Surface tension -- the same force that lets some insects walk on the surface of a pond -- acts like rubberbands between the grains.

Wanting to sling some lead down range, but also have to keep an eye on your wallet? Take a look at the and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Palm weaving is the folding and weaving of strips of palm leaves, also called fronds. You can make anything you like weaving palm; but, there is a tradition of making religious symbols representing Easter. According to scripture, Jesus entered Jerusalem on a Sunday. As he entered the city, people laid palm leaves along the street because palm leaves were a symbol of triumph and victory. Today, churches commemorate Jesus' entry into Jerusalem by passing out palm leaves on Palm Sunday. Later, the palm leaves are returned to the church, burnt, and the ashes used for Ash Wednesday services. Other cultures have used palm, banana, and coconut leaves to weave baskets, hats, food wrappers, and decorative elements.