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Welcome To 2015, Motherfuckers. Full Posts Resume Next Monday, The 5th

Billy Joel performs "Piano Man" with Kevin Spacey, Boyz II Men, Natalie Maines, Josh Groban, Gavin DeGraw, Tony Bennett, LeAnn Rimes and Michael Feinstein during the ceremony where he was honored with the Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song on November 19, 2014 at DAR Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C. The show premieres tonight, January 2, 2015 on PBS.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Okay Kids, We're Going Balls Out For 2015.

We're barely one week into the new year and I can't decide if World Star Hip Hop is the bane of mankind's existence ... or it's salvation.

The Unseen Terror of East Prussia. Kinda Cute, Too.

So yesterday while I was doing some research and trying to figure out what that Russian medal was -- TJ and Ryan have the answer below -- I stumbled across this colorized photo of Roza Shanina, a revered Soviet sniper from World War II, credited with fifty-four confirmed kills including 12 German snipers during the Vilnius Offensive. That of course led to a shit to of tangent links that I looked into, some of which I wanted to share.

Who Could Have Imagaine A Time Would Come When I Felt Solidarity With France? Fucking FRANCE!

I have to be honest. When the news reports started to trickle in about (what I presumed to be) the terror attack in Paris, my first thought was, "Wow, those fuckers sure bided their time, didn't they?" Charlie Hebdo magazine first published these cartoons in 2007 so here we are eight years later... those motherfuckers sure can hold a grudge, I'll say that. So now France, like the United States, Spain, and Great Britain have been pulled into the darkness of terror attacks. you need to be able to protect yourself, and in extreme circumstances like this, protect those around you as well. If that asshole had a rifle instead of a camera, that poor French policeman may still be alive. I'd like to see some ter'rists try to pull that shit off in Texas or Florida. Shoot those fuckers down like dogs.

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword. The Pen Is Not However, Mightier Than The AK-47.

Tributes were today being paid to heroic Muslim police officer Ahmed Merabet, who was executed by a terrorist gunman on the streets of Paris while he begged for his life. Shocking footage of the attack on the Charlie Hebdo office shows Mr Merabet on the ground and begging for mercy as he is killed casually by a gunshot to the head. Witnesses say he asked 'do you want to kill me?' before the gunman replied 'OK, chief'. It is understood that Mr Merabet was a married Parisian cycle cop assigned to the 11th arrondissement – the Paris neighborhood where Charlie Hebdo's office is located and known for its dining and fine wines. Mr Merabet was one of 12 people killed in the terrifying attack, including eight journalists at the offices of the French satirical newspaper, two guests, and one other policeman.

You Smash The Entire Area, You Kill Anything With More Than Two Legs. You Get Me? WE GET YOU, SIR!

Well, in the interest of getting into a shape and all the typical new year-new me bullshit, I was hoping to pick up a tandem bicycle for me and The Boss Lady. One of the highest rated ones is the Nevada 700C Tandem Bike produced by Barracude bikes, but they're a UK company and so their products are unavailable here in the States. Dammit.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Yeah, I Think I'll Just Have A Gin And Tonic.

Ralphs Grocery Company was founded in 1873 by George Albert Ralphs. The original store was located at Sixth and Spring Streets in Los Angeles, California. In the 20th century, Ralphs became a grocery pioneer, offering self-service markets with checkout stands in distributed locations. The company employed notable architects in designing its stores, and the former Ralphs Grocery Store building built in 1929 in Westwood Village has been photographed by Ansel Adams, declared a Historic Cultural Monument, and listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Ralphs Grocery Company has contracts with the United Food and Commercial Workers, the largest grocery union in the United States. In late 2003 and early 2004, Ralphs locked out its workers who were members of the UFCW in sympathy with competitor Vons (in Southern California, after the UFCW had declared a strike against Vons.

And Rick Scores A Double Whammy!

Good Christ, do you know how hard it is to find a good image from the old Press Your Luck gameshow?

It's Funny Because It's True.

Still working on getting all of Ernie's Arcade back up and running; a total of 235 of the 214 games went offline, and at an average 5 minutes each to find and recode a new source file, plus grab a better screen capture; that's about three full days worth of work. But for some reason I felt to jump the line and get Light Up The Christmas Tree done. I know it's about a month late, but it's a quick simple game that never fails to entertain. See if you can beat 90 89 seconds.

"Jayne, Your Mouth Is Talking. You Might Wanna Look To That."

Saffron: Are you gonna kill me?
Captain Mal: What? What kind of crappy planet is that? Kill you.
Saffron: In the maiden's home, I heard talk of men who weren't pleased with their brides...
Captain Mal: Well, I ain't them. And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing. Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back.

I Hate To Sound Cliche, But I Sure Do Miss The 80's.

Selva Marine is an European company which produces marine engines and small boats, headquartered in Tirano, Italy. Over 50 years of success with a constant attention for the quality and the technological development make Selva Marine a leader on the European nautical market. Their outboard engines are recognized as high qualified for your job, your free time and cruiser activities, and have won some of the most difficult and prestigious competitions obtaining 40 world, 65 European and 150 Italian trophies.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Uh-Oh, We Got A Bad Ass Up In Here.

Fires caused by overloaded circuits and overheated extension cords increase during the winter months. Here are a few tips to prevent fires caused by overloading outlets and cords: Avoid using extension cords and plug adapters. Extension cords are designed to provide a temporary power source, instead utilize power strips with internal circuit breakers instead of extension cords to prevent overheated electrical extension cords. Make sure extension cords are not tacked to walls, run under rugs, or through doorways. And finally, if an appliance has a three-prong plug, use it only in a three-slot outlet. Never force it to fit into a two-slot outlet or extension cord.

Someone Needs To Break Their Foot Off In Seth Rogan's Ass.

I'd like to begin this post by stating for the record, Michael Moore is a raging piece of shit. Seriously. And I would have probably called him exactly that on live television, too. One of the worst human beings alive on this fucking planet right now. But I think a little worse is after the entire fucking country rallied around Seth Rogan's raging piece of shit movie -- WHICH YOU CAN DOWNLOAD FOR FREE HERE AND HERE AND HERE -- it's disappointing to learn he isn't anywhere near as funny as he thinks he is. Of course for a real understanding of the True Tragedy Of American Sniper, you have to be a girl who used to date a guy who was in the military.

This One Is For You, Tim. And Hell. You Too, Scott.

Being recognized has never been easier for VIP patrons of the Baja Beach Club in Barcelona, Spain. Like a scene out of a science-fiction movie, all it takes is a syringe-injected microchip implant for the beautiful men and women of the nightclub scene to breeze past an RFID reader that recognizes their identity, credit balance and even automatically opens doors to exclusive areas of the club for them. They can buy drinks and food with a wave of their hand and don't need to worry about losing a credit card or wallet. "By simply passing by our reader, the Baja Beach Club will know who you are and what your credit balance is," director Conrad K. Chase explains.

My Bet is, She Looks Like This Every 28 Days or So.

Everyone knows what a Fleshlight is. But did you know if you use one, you're actually banging Eufrat Mai, a hottie from the Czech Republic? Of course, you did. But actually, you're wrong. Her real name is Jana Potysova, and she was born a Commie. Still though, nice box.

I'm An American Bad Ass, Watch Me Kick. You Can Roll With Rock, Or You Can Suck My Dick..

I have to tip my hat to Kid Rock, he's got this Michael Moore/Seth Rogan thing pretty much figured out. So props to Kid Rock, and his supporters in Key West. Bonus points to anyone who can show me where that photo was taken. HINT: I'd guess somewhere within walking distance of one of the three places in Key West that sell Pandora jewelry.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

I'm Going To Drive Around Like This And See How Long Until I Make It Onto The Internet.

If you believe in UFO's, here's an account of a sighting that happened in Scarborough, Canada back in 2009. If you're a fan of conspiracy theories, it happened at exactly the same time this photo was taken, too.