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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 6, 2014

October 6, 2014

All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy.

So me and The Boss Lady (and my laptop) snuck away for a little cruise to the Bahamas this past week. It's actually a pretty easy and inexpensive trip ($159 per person!) presuming you live here in Florida and the Port of Miami is less than two hours away. Both of us had one specific thing on our to-do list for the trip; mine was to sit my fat ass in the sun for the duration of the trip to Carnival's private island, and hers was to his the aquariums at the Atlantis resort. Now just to get into those fucking aquariums cost $40 each -- normally I'd have told them to pound sand, but let's be brutally honest; if I ever want to get laid again, I pay the $80. Since I didn't bring my camera to the beach, no photos of that, but here are a shit ton from The Dig at Atlantis. Also, who the fuck knew there was a Royal Bahamas Defence Force?

Anyway, here they are: Royal Bahamas Defence Force - manta ray - lionfish - some transparent fish - the resort itself - we're gonna need a bigger boat - looking upwards - fight! fight! fight! - sea ~~sperm~~ shrimp - looking down a tunnel - manta rays from above - sawfish - spiny lobsters - looking across the preserve - and finally THE WHOLE ENCHILADA. Also, the WiFi service on cruise ships sucks cock, but I managed to update anyway. You're welcome.

The Miracle-Gro LiquaFeed Advance Feeder is the easiest way to feed and water your garden all at the same time features a 4-pattern sprayer (shower, jet, flat and stream) and locking trigger with soft-touch handle to minimize hand fatigue during extended spraying.

Old and busted: Paraguayan javelinist Leryn Franco looking sexy at the beach. The new hotness: Paraguayan javelinist Leryn Franco looking sexy at the gym, with video goodness!

Ernie, This girl saved her mother and four other children. One of the others was dialing 911 while the 11-year-old girl shot the man stabbing her mother. I wonder what happened before this for children to act together like that. "Hey, Timmy, I'll cap his ass while you call the police." The girl deserves a mother with more smarts in selecting boyfriends. David

Hi Ernie. That hotel with the purple neon is Polo Towers (Las Vegas), Behind it is NewYork-NewYork, to the left is the Marriott's Grand Chateau, so the photo was taken from the Elara a hilton grand vacations hotel. Rick

Okay hard drinkers, can any of you make out what brand of beer she's enjoying? And who the fuck sticks their cigaratte in their beer tab, anyway? We're not barbarians.

One of the most important parts of getting your ears pierced is taking care of them after. Claire's Ear Care Solution is specially formulated for the care of your Claire's ear piercing. Cleanse the front and back of your ears 3 times a day by applying Claire's Ear Care Solution with a saturated cotton ball or cotton swab.

Ever heard of Michael Tsarion's conspiracy theories regarding world famous brands' logos? Yes, most of it is a load of crap, but analysing logos and their hidden messages, in fact, isn't that stupid after all. For example, although McDonalds never intented it like this, its logo apparently reminds us of a pair of nourishing breasts and that's why in the 60's when they wanted to change it, after realizing the breasts allusion, they didn't.

From defined to loose curls, Garnier Fructis Style Curl Construct Mousse defines and boosts curls while controlling frizz and flyaways. Powerful holding technologies with fruit micro-waxes provide weightless, ultra long lasting hold and shine without stickiness or buildup.

Hi Ernie, About that volcanic eruption you posted earlier. Those people were most likely killed by the poisonous gasses coming out of the ground. At that point (if this should happen to you) your only chance of survival is to whip out your dong and piss on a scarf or cloth as fast as you can and put it over your face and mouth. Even then you have a really low chance of survival, so make sure you put your dong away so they don't find your body that way! Cheers, Charley

Dear Ern, former San Antonian here, Lackland AFB brat to be exact. I would say, based on the copper coffee pots and the food, they are in an IHOP, and the sign says San Antonio hearts pancakes. As for the location, Im stumped.Maybe one near downtown, where the Alamo is? Matt

Earlier this year we had multiple retailers stating they still can't get any steady shipments .22LR ammunition, now there are reports that Walmart has started to hoard it in preparation for Black Friday, but at least it's (very slowly) becoming available online again.

In 1985, The White House, a tiny women's boutique exclusively offering white and ivory apparel and accessories opened its doors in Baltimore, Maryland. Continuing its monochromatic theme, the same owners opened Black Market in 1995. The concepts were combined in 1997, creating White House|Black Market chain of stores which specifically target women ages 25 and older. Today it is known for its sleek lines, and its focus on white, black, and other variants of the two colors. As of 2011, there are 351 White House|Black Market boutique and 24 outlet stores throughout the United States, Puerto Rico and United States Virgin Islands.

"Don't fear the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks, fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." - Bruce Lee