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What's That Old Saying? If It's Stupid And it Works, It Ain't Stupid?

What's on the shoppinglist for today? Some generic freezer bags, eggs and Frosted Flakes. Why do you ask?



Uh-Oh, Looks Like The Shit Has Hit The Fan.

Irn-Bru is a Scottish carbonated soft drink, often described as "Scotland's other national drink" after Scotch whisky. In addition to being sold throughout the United Kingdom, Irn-Bru is available throughout the world and can usually be purchased where there is a significant community of people from Scotland. Innovative and sometimes controversial marketing campaigns have kept it as the number one selling soft drink in Scotland, where it directly competes with global brands such as Coca-Cola and Pepsi.



The Best Part About Being The Boss? You Decide When The Weekend Starts!



Insert Your Favorite OCTOBER Weekend Joke Here.



All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy.

So me and The Boss Lady (and my laptop) snuck away for a little cruise to the Bahamas this past week. It's actually a pretty easy and inexpensive trip ($159 per person!) presuming you live here in Florida and the Port of Miami is less than two hours away. Both of us had one specific thing on our to-do list for the trip; mine was to sit my fat ass in the sun for the duration of the trip to Carnival's private island, and hers was to his the aquariums at the Atlantis resort. Now just to get into those fucking aquariums cost $40 each -- normally I'd have told them to pound sand, but let's be brutally honest; if I ever want to get laid again, I pay the $80. Since I didn't bring my camera to the beach, no photos of that, but here are a shit ton from The Dig at Atlantis. Also, who the fuck knew there was a Royal Bahamas Defence Force?



Boy, Kim Jong Un Really Has Let Himself Go.

Throughout the rainy season here in Florida, it's hard for the ladies to keep your hair sleek and smooth. As the ultimate body accessory, hair has to be protected from natural and superficial elements, amirite? It needs special attention, from its roots to tips, to maintain its moisture, health and sheen. Mistreating your hair can lead to dryness, dullness, and unmanageability. The Repair Therapy Shampoo and Conditioner from Syoss is a Japanese hair-solution brand that will bring salon-beautiful hair to you. Made by Henkel Beauty Care, Syoss' Repair Therapy Shampoo is co-developed and tested by top hairdressers and stylists worldwide.



Man Walks Down The Street In That Hat, People Know He's Not Afraid Of Anything.

Herbal Essences is a brand of shampoo, hair conditioner, hair stylers, and hair coloring by Clairol. The brand was reintroduced in 1995 when they launched their "Yes!" commercials. Famous late 1990s-early 2000s commercials featured Ruth Westheimer, in which she would let her try their body wash. In 2001, Fruit Fusions was introduced. In September 2003, they introduced a new formula line containing Hawafena. The brand was reintroduced in 2006, featuring scent names similar to Ben & Jerry's flavor names. The 1995 formulas were reintroduced in 2013, this time improved, bringing back a new version of the "Yes!" commercial set on an airplane.



Why Jennifer Lawrence Can Shut Her Piehole.

In a recent Vanity Fair article about Jennifer Lawrence's reaction to The Fappening: "She had been tempted to write a statement when news of the privacy violation broke, she says, but “every single thing that I tried to write made me cry or get angry. I started to write an apology, but I don't have anything to say I'm sorry for. I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he's going to look at you." I'm glad she made no attempt to apologize because she has nothing to apologize for. She took some nude photos of herself and sent them to her boyfriend. Zippidy-doo-dah. There's absolutely no shame in that for you or any of the million other 20-somethings who did the exact same thing. But where I think she stepped out of bounds is here, "It is not a scandal. It is a sex crime,” she tells Kashner. “It is a sexual violation. It's disgusting. The law needs to be changed, and we need to change." For starters, no it's not a sex crime. In fact, why don't you hop on a private fucking jet, fly to the nearest major city, visit a battered womens' shelter, and tell them all about the violation you had to endure. Then make sure you finish your story up by explaining how the fucking FBI will be investigating your horrible "sex crime," while these women have to leave their entire lives behind, wear hand-me-down clothes and eat donated food while they hide from their abusive husbands. Wow, people saw a few pictures of your pussy. Oh, the horror. Embarrassing? Sure. Gonna make Thanksgiving dinner a little awkward? You betcha. A gross violation of your privacy? Abso-fucking-lutely. Criminal as a whole? Yes, indeed. But a sex crime? Not by the farthest stretch of your imagination. But now suddenly because it happened to *you*, the law needs to change to suit your needs? Please. Get over yourself, you uppity cunt.



'MURICA, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT.

This morning The Boss Lady and I are heading up to the Federal Building in Tampa, to witness a friend of ours get sworn in as an American citizen. So I apologize in advance for the rather curt post this morning, but duty calls.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Hey Wikipedia, The US Populatrion Is Now 316,000,074.

This past Friday morning, a friend and 73 other pre-Muricans earned their citizenship the right way. They all endured a long and rather arduous immigration process; extensive background checks both here and abroad, language tests, citizenship knowledge tests, secured employment and paid taxes, passed several interviews, and most importantly, complied with all of our laws. Konstantine is very intelligent, honest, a hard worker, and I think a shit ton better citizen than some people who happened to be born here. And now as a naturalized citizen, he can petition to bring over his extended family if he chooses to. And if they choose to apply, those family members will be scrutinized as well, to make sure not only America will make them better, but they will make America better. This my friends, is immigration done right. I don't mind saying I got choked up a few times during the ceremony. If you've never had the chance to witness such a thing, try to. It's pretty fucking cool.



Just For The Record, I Named That Image "EBOLAASSHOLE.JPG"

Does anyone know why Thomas Eric Duncan, the first patient diagnosed with Ebola inside the country, died of the disease? Was it because he lied on his customs form when he entered the country? No. Was it when he casually mentioned that he might have visited Liberia in his virst hospital visit and accepting only antibiotics, before coming clean on a follow up visit and admitting he had direct contact with an Ebola patient? No. How about when even his stupid fucking family had to be sequestered under armed guard, because they wouldn't accept voluntary quarantine? No. It was because he was poor, black and had no insurance, of course! The only thing else this asshole could have done wrong was to ignore medical advice and treat himself with a vegan diet, acupuncture, and bowel cleanses.



Sure, The Cheerleaders Bring You In, But It's Always The offensive Lineman Washing Your Car.

One of my favorite storylines from the third season of The Sopranos: Salvatore "Mustang Sally" Intile learns the relationship between cause and effect. Of course, Paulie Walnuts was awesome in the hospital scene that preceded the hit, but Paulie Burt Young stole the show.



I Needed My Morning Coffee Today More Than Usual.

So my morning started off with Ike poking his nose into the pantry, climbing up on some stuff and helping himself to a package of Oreos. I managed to stop him after only a couple and chased him out of the kitchen, tail between his legs. it wasn't until a few minutes later I noticed he vomited on the living room carpet. Twice. And as I was cleaning that up, he turns to face the door -- ass to me -- hunches up and shits himself. And then apparently exhausted, laid down in it. He's feelin' all right now, though. Even begged at breakfast. How's your morning going so far?



Well, Let's be Honest, People have Been Remembered For Worse Things.

Since it's Friday, see if you can beat a score of 1140 after you get some chain reactions rolling in Grid Game.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Let's Just Say You Grew Up With Different Pets Than I Did.

Is this guy wearing a t-shirt of himself? Because if he is, that's pretty fucking awesome.



And Having Enough Beer is Even More Importantlier Than That.

So I caught the second episode of The Walking Dead and as the group was rescuing Gabriel from the rock, decided to give Daryl and his crossbow a little thought. A modern crossbow shoots a bolt somewhere around 425 ft/sec (289 mph). This compared to the fastest compound bow, which can reach speeds of 360 ft/sec (245 mph). Keep in mind this compares to average run-of-the-mill 9mm ammo which is 1100 ft/sec (750 mph). So that got me to thinking about when Daryl was shooting at humans -- the Governor's clan, the cannibals from Terminus, etc -- would it even be possible to dodge one of his arrows? So I did some searching and found this guy who set up a POV camera on an archery target, and let me assure you brother, you ain't dodging shit. And of course, if you are looking for 9mm ammunition, look no further!



I Belong To The Mind-Your-Own-Fucking-Business-And-I'll-Mind-Mine Party.

When it comes to enjoying a good drink, the brand of the liquor doesn't matter. If anything, with certain boozes, you're actually better off going with the smaller, lesser-known brands than the big ones everybody knows. Of course, when it comes to making money off people enjoying a good drink, the opposite is true. It's the brand the server chooses, not the subtle notes of oak and vanilla. On that note, today we're going to take a look at the most valuable liquor brands according to Brand Finance. Are they the finest spirits money can buy? Well, some of them are excellent, but in general, no.



"A Man Walks Down The Street Wearing A Hat Like That, He Ain't Afraid Of Nothing..." Still.

So what the fuck is going on in Canada lately, I thought you people were supposed to be all polite and shit?

Well Hello There, HBO. And Welcome To The 21st Fucking Century.

Anyway, I am completely and hopelessly hooked on Colorize, but I don't know if I can turn it into a challenge, since I'm not sure how it records your progress?



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



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