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Wow, It's Fucking December, Already.

I have the sneaking suspicion that upon hearing this news, Orlamdo Bloom feels like he's been tackled by his dick. You presuming of course, she let him keep it. Anyway, here is Miranda Kerr bouncing up and down for her 'Self' video shoot. So unless you're an Alabama fan, you're welcome.



Is It Me, Or Is That A Really Creepy Slinky?

As we head into the holiday season, just remember that this was considered fat back in 1985.



I Want You To Find This Nancy-boy Jacoby Ellsbury, I Want Him Dead! I Want His Family Dead! I Want His House Burned To The Ground!

So Kate Moss is helping Playboy celebrate their 60th anniversary and it seems the editorial has hit the internet in advance of Playboy's historic 60th anniversary release in January 2014. I SAY AGAIN, KATE MOSS NUDE IN PLAYBOY. And she looks pretty good, actually.



Paul Walker. Catching Fire. Too Soon?

A W18 engine is an eighteen cylinder piston engine which usually has a single crankshaft with three banks of six cylinders arranged in an inverted broad arrow configuration. An early example is the Isotta Fraschini Asso 750 used to power the Italian Savoia-Marchetti S.55 seaplanes flown by Italo Balbo into Chicago in 1933. This engine used the same layout as a recent series of engines produced by Bugatti - basically a vertical six with two adjacent banks set at 60° each to make a W-18. Subsequently in 1972 Formula 1 rules were changed to outlaw the use of engines with more than 12 cylinders. Rocchi used this module as the basis for a 3½ litre W12 engine for Life Racing Engines in 1988, although this was infamously unsuccessful. Recent W18 engines powered the Bugatti EB 118, Bugatti EB 218, Bugatti 18/3 Chiron and Bugatti EB 18.4 Veyron concept cars in the late 1990s.



Solo 19 Dias Mas De Paisajismo Hasta Navidad!

Best Buy is an American multinational consumer electronics corporation headquartered in Richfield, Minnesota. It also operates in Puerto Rico, Mexico, Canada, and China. The company was founded by Richard M. Schulze and Gary Smoliak in 1966 as an audio specialty store; in 1983, it was renamed and rebranded with more emphasis placed on consumer electronics. Dynex, along with Insignia, are house brands manufactured exclusively for Best Buy. They include discount electronic and computer equipment such as flatscreen HDTVs, Blu-ray players, storage media, data and power cables, webcams, and office supplies.



Remember Rearl Harbor!

The original radio broadcast from unidentified USA radio station and it's EMERGENCY BROADCAST announcement from Washington DC.



It Still Amazes Me That Child Molesters Have To Register But Child Murderers Don't.

If you Google image search sex offender you of course see some sketchy motherfuckers that I sure as hell wouldn't want living next to me. But some of these ladies, on the other hand? Hey everyone deserves a second chance, amirite?



Florida: God's Waiting Room, Indeed.

One of the Friday night staples at a local hangout of mine is an old dude that the bartenders call Loverboy Jim. And I'd like to point out the fact that they gave him that nickname, not me. And they did do because it was simply not possible for a female to enter or leave the bar without giving ol Jim a hug and kiss; The Boss Lady included. Jim was always smiling, always telling jokes, and always spilling his drink all over the fucking bar when he gestured with his hands. And sometimes he even got a few of the older gals to sit down and knock back a few martinis with him. And so I was a little saddened this past week, when I stopped in to wet my whistle, and found out that ol Jim had passed away the day after Thanksgiving, at the ripe old age of 83. Husband, father, grandfather, Eagle, Moose, volunteer, machinist and Veteran. So long Loverboy Jim, we hardly knew ye.



And Then The True Meaning Of Christmas Came Through, And The Grinch Found The Strength Of Ten Grinches, Plus Two!

"A Waverly family will have a joyful reunion this Christmas thanks to an organization that provides active military service members with plane tickets to visit their families. Nicholas Norris, a member of the U.S. Air Force stationed at Ramstein Air Base in Germany, will be able to come home during the holiday season courtesy of “Let's Bring Em Home!”, which was founded in 2001 by Ernie Stewart, a former airman himself. Norris, who is 19, is a Waverly High School graduate. According to Scott and April Clemmons, Norris' parents, they had never even heard of the program until recently when family friend Dawnya Burton told them about it. According to Scott Clemmons, Norris applied for a ticket from the organization, and it was an astronomical chance that he would be picked. April Clemmons said this would have been her son's first Christmas away from home, and the family was very happy when they found out that he would be coming home after all."



What's Not Possible? The Man Is An Artist. It's His Best Performance Ever!

So last night I got into watching Arnold Schwarzenegger's Last Action Hero -- wow, 20 years already!? -- and was taken aback at how many faces I recognized. The role of Death was played by none other than Gandalf, Schwarzenegger super hot daughter Whitney was played by Billy Madison's 3rd grade teacher -- who did gear down in a scene for 1997's The Real Blonde -- and of course the bad guy Benedict was played by Tywin Lannister. Anyway, if you skip forward to the 1:48:00 mark, there's a little play on movie violence vs real life violence that kind of made me LOL, especially the part about emergency rooms. Oh and the little kid Danny from Last Action Hero? Yeah, he's a nobody now.



Yeah, You Better Bring Brian Back. Peanut-Butter Dick Time Just Isn't The Same.

The California rollis a maki-zushi, a kind of sushi roll, usually made inside-out, containing cucumber, crab meat or imitation crab, and avocado. In some countries it is made with mango or banana instead of avocado. Sometimes crab salad is substituted for the crab stick, and often the outer layer of rice (in an inside-out roll) is sprinkled with toasted sesame seeds, tobiko or masago. As one of the most popular styles of sushi in the US market, the California roll has been influential in sushi's global popularity and in inspiring sushi chefs around the world in creating their non-traditional fusion cuisine. Spicy sauce may be added to make it a spicy California roll.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Is Anyone Curious Why Death Didn't Make An Apperance In That Brian Episode?

Well, thanks to a metric shit-ton of fan outrage, it looks like Brian is back. And since I crossed Seth MacFarlane's name off my list of People To Kill, it better stay that way, too. Also, today I learned that Robert Downey Jr is the voice of Patrick Pewterschmidt. Huh.



I'm A Whore For Little Caesar's Deep-Deep Dish Pizza. There, I Said It.

To be honest, I suppose it would be more precise to say I'm a whore for fast food. I know it's shitty, and unhealthy, and going to kill me one day, and I should have outgrown it ages ago, but I haven't. I fucking love fast food. And that's not to say I can't appreciate the finer things in their arena... Fletchers here in the Cape makes one of the best burgers I've ever had in my entire life... and don't even get me started on Five Guys. But having said that, there's nothing quite like a nice Quarter Pounder with Cheese hot off the grill right out of the microwave. And I love a nice fresh grilled chicken sandwich? Good stuff! But Burger King's original Chicken Sandwich, straight out of the deep fryer and still dripping with grease? It's like crack. Throw it in a blender and just mainline it right into my fucking arm. And while there are several quality pizza places in town, I do have a soft spot for Little Caesar's which if you think about it, is the fast food joint of pizza.



Looks Like Your Computer Has Got the AIDS This Year?

Body painting with clay and other natural pigments existed in most, if not all, tribalist cultures. Often worn during ceremonies, it still survives in this ancient form among the indigenous people of Australia, New Zealand, the Pacific islands and parts of Africa. There has been a revival of body painting in Western society since the 1960s, in part prompted by the liberalization of social mores regarding nudity and often comes in sensationalist or exhibitionist forms. Modern water-based face and body paints are made according to stringent guidelines, meaning these are non-toxic, usually non-allergenic, and can easily be washed away. Temporary staining may develop after use, but it will fade after normal washing.



Wait, Phil Said What About Who Now?

Well, in a sign the economy is recovering, it looks like the Yours and Mayan has sprung for some new sinage, expanded into the unit next to it and opened those arched windows right up.



So How Long Until There's A Porn Spoof Titled Dick Commander or Dick Dynasty?

Please understand that the Phil Robertson issue is not -- I say again, NOT -- a First Amendment issue. Nor will it be unless federal troops kicked down his front door and haul him off to some secret federal prison, or is on the receiving end of some punitive investigation by the IRS. Furthermore please understand that A&E is not in the controversy business, or the religion business, or the soap-box business. They're in the money making business. They employ people who they believe will make them money, they do not employ people they think will cost them money. It's as simple as that. There is no higher purpose to their decision than the almighty dollar. Some asshole exec at A&E overreacted and thought he could control ol Phil by holding money over his head, forgetting this is the same guy who hunts and fishes to put food on his table well after becoming a multimillionaire. Duck Dynasty dead; just as dead as that A&E executive's career. So everyone, please calm the fuck down.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Before Christmas Joke Here.



Insert Your Favorite Christmas Eve-Eve Joke Here.

Hi Ernie, Well I've successfully managed to get a score of ZERO on this year's "Don't Shoot Your Eye Out". I'm hoping for some type of "boobie prize". No "Rickrolling" please. Wishing you and yours a Merry Fucking Christmas. Best, Tim



Insert Your Favorite Christmas Eve Joke Here.

Once again, I've setup the Controllable Christmas Lights for Celiac Disease. Three live webcams and X10 technology allows web surfers to not only view the live action, but also *control* 20,000+ lights ... plus inflate/deflate the giant 15' Santa Balloon, Santa on Skis, in a Helicopter, and flying a Plane ... along with Elmo, Frosty Family, SpongeBob SquarePants, and the Homer Simpson Santa - D'OH! The website is totally free (and totally fun) but also raises awareness and funds for charity via optional/voluntary donations - over $80,000 for the Center for Celiac Research. I've supported this world-class research organization for almost a decade and even though I just recently found out this summer that the original Celiac Diagnosis of my kids was a false positive (Email me for more details - nutshell summary is medical science is "hard" so not always 100% correct), I'm still helping them raise awareness and supporting research for an eventual cure. Along those lines, I've entered a $5,000 Christmas Lights contest and anything I win will be donated to charity. Last year, Internet surfers from 149 countries stopped by - Hulk says "kids really enjoy turning everything on & off" as the media reported "Clark Griswold move over" ... so surf on by, tell your friends, blog/facebook/tweet about it, and spread the word. Merry Christmas and HO-HO-HO! alek



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