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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 11, 2013
October 11, 2013

Dude, That is NOT A Fleshlight. Why Would You Even Try?

Tying the knot in any culture comes with a laundry list of traditions and rituals, including the old rhyme, "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue." Here is a wedding traditions from around the world that go beyond the white dress and veil. The first couple joins hands and forms an arch. The second couple dances under the arch and then adds their hands making the arch a little bigger. The third couple dances under the arch and then joins their hands together, and so the arch grows with each new couple becoming a part of the arch after they've danced under its length. When the last couple has joined the arch, the first couple gets to dance under everybody's joined hands. This process continues until each couple gets to dance through this human tunnel, which when long enough, can wind its way back and forth several times over the dance floor. Yeah it took me a minute, too, but then I was like HOLY SHIT her tit popped out!

Also, this week street artist Banksy has begun a month-long residency in New York City, and while it's exciting to see his art on display in the Big Apple, some of his newer work seems somewhat... uninspired. Don't believe me? Someone snapped a few exclusive pics of his latest pieces from around the city to help you decide for yourself.

FC Schalke 04 is a German association-football club originally from the Schalke district of Gelsenkirchen. Schalke has long been one of the most popular football teams in Germany, even though major successes have been rare since the club's heyday in the 1930s and early 1940s. They took the name FC Schalke 04 and adopted the now familiar blue and white kit from which their second nickname would derive – Die Konigsblauen (English: The Royal Blues). Schalke holds a long-standing rivalry with Ruhr neighbors Borussia Dortmund, arguably the most widespread and well-known rivalry in German football, and matches between the two teams are referred to as the Revierderby.

Ern, Caught this look on SR 224 in Canfield, Ohio today. Are safety orange marshmallows this common? Regards, Frank

Hey Ernie, Here is another railroad incident that I received from a friend. This is on the UP Choctaw sub just south of FTW. The car straight in the air use to be a box car, the rest is in the river below. The plan is to make a three point lift on car and ease it out of truss. Once car is removed they feel they can make repairs to truss and deck in 72 hours using heat straighters and two bridge crew team. Enjoy. Tyson

As for the marshmallows, I dunno. I guess I'd have to consult some egg-gineers on this one.

If there's one thing that's become quite clear over the years, it's that athletes generally do not have a difficult time extremely hot women willing to get busy with. You therefore would think that these men don't have to resort to paying for sex. And yet they do. All the fucking time. Why? Who knows. Maybe the athletes who hire hookers are just lazy, and they don't feel like going to all the trouble of going to a club or party to meet women. Maybe they're sex addicts who need it four or five times a day. Maybe they need to find women willing to do things "respectable women" won't do. All I know is there is no shortage of notable athletes who have been busted for patronizing the world's oldest profession.

The national flag of the Netherlands is a tricolor flag with horizontal fesses that are bands of equal size in the colors, from top to bottom. On February 19, 1937, Variants of the flag have been in use since 1572 and in 1937 the flag was officially formalized as the national flag of the Kingdom of the Netherlands, when a Royal Decree issued by Queen Wilhelmina finally laid down the red, white and blue colors as the national flag; heraldic colors of bright vermilion, white and cobalt blue. The flag is customarily flown at government buildings and military bases in the Netherlands and abroad all year round. It is the oldest tricolor flag in the world.

And just so we're on the same page here, when American veterans protest at a Vietnam War Memorial and refuse to leave, they get arrested. But when a bunch of people spend upwards of eight weeks protesting at it's protected by the First Amendment. How does this happen?

Daniel LaRusso: What where you doing on those stumps over there?
Mr. Kesuke Miyagi: Called crane technique.
Daniel LaRusso: Does it work?
Mr. Kesuke Miyagi: If do right, no can defense.
Daniel LaRusso: Could you teach me?
Mr. Kesuke Miyagi: First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Daniel-san, not mine.

The Ripy brothers built a distillery in Tyrone, Kentucky near Lawrenceburg in 1869, had consolidated the current facility by 1905 and resumed distilling after Prohibition. The Ripys were bought out in 1952 by the Gould Brothers. In turn the distillery was bought by Pernod Ricard in 1980. On April 8, 2009, the Campari Group announced the acquisition of the brand and of the distillery from Pernod Ricard. Distillery executive Thomas McCarthy took some warehouse samples on a wild turkey hunting trip in 1940. The next year his friends asked him for "some of that wild turkey whiskey", and a brand was born. The 80 proof version was introduced in 1974.

And here's something I never thought I'd be saying. Here's the new Kate Upton and Snoop Dogg video for Hot Pockets. Yuuuuuuuup.

The Let's F*ck Game is a classic board game for couples. Don't worry, you won't be building hotels and passing go. Use the spinner to move around the board until one of your markers lands on the bed. One snap of the spinner and you'll be massaging things, licking things, and getting all kinds of nasty. A few minutes later, you'll be getting busy.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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