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I'm Back Bitchez! Didja Miss Me?

Two weeks, and 4,192 miles; and that includes two legs of 1,438 miles each up and back, plus a metric assload of driving in between. The best panic from the trip? This morning when I was convinced I had left my Bersa .380 in the glovebox of the rental car, which I returned on Saturday morning. That was a pretty panicy second or two, until I got the ol gun safe open -- yep, the Bersa was put away right where it should be. But for a second there, I was shitting little green apples. This trip had all the essentials: Ike fighting the Power in Pennsylvania, a quick trip to the local Walmart to grab the toiletries we forgot to pack, a nice big takeout order from Maggianos, grabbed a few drinks with Big Poppa, and of course this was all made possible thanks to a Chevy Equinox with FUCKING HORRIBLE gas mileage. Now to play catch up!

Piers Morgan Is The Biggest Cunt Imaginable.

A few days ago, following the NFL's Jovan Belcher murder/suicide, Bob Costas ran his fucking b-rated mouth about gun control and how if Belcher didn't have a gun then both he and his girlfriend would still be alive. Added bonus: Costas' thoughts weren't even his own, he more or less regurgitated a column written by Fox Sport's jason Whitlock. Let's not draw any connection between giving 22 year old kids fresh out of college these multi-million dollar paychecks and expecting them to function as normal human beings after they bash their fucking brains in for the next ten years. No, let's blame the Second Amendment. And on that note, mad props to Carol Roth for exposing Piers Morgan as the fucking idiot that he is. And fuck you to Michael Moore, who wants us to believe that a a fucking flu shot is going to provide more protection than a nice Model 1911 in your nightstand.

You Do What You Have To Do, I'll Do What I Have To Do. Whatever Happens, Happens.

Being an amateur railfan, one of my favorite movies from growing up was 1985's Runaway Train with Jon Voight and Eric Roberts. The film's story concerns two escaped convicts and a female train worker who are stuck on a runaway train as it barrels through snowy desolate Alaska. Voight and Roberts were both nominated for Academy Awards for their respective roles. The runaway train's lineup in the movie consisted of four Alaska Railroad locomotives, all built by EMD: GP40-2 #3010, F7 #1500, and #1801 and #1810, both GP7s. The second engine is where most of the acting took place -- the carbody F7 -- and has since been donated to a rail museum and kind of has its own cult following. One of the things I like the most -- you can watch the last four and a half minutes here -- is, that's a real fucking stuntman on top of that fucking train during the middle of a snowstorm. No CGI crap there, baby.

Hey Mister, Can You Spare A Little Change For The Troops?

Unfortunately, the fundraising efforts for LBEH have gotten off to a rather curdled start this year, and I have to admit I'm to blame.

Remember Pearl Harbor.

USS Oklahoma (BB-37), the only ship of the United States Navy to ever be named for the 46th state, was a World War I-era battleship and the second of two ships in her class; her sister ship was USS Nevada. She, along with her sister, were the first two U.S. warships to use oil fuel instead of coal. Commissioned in 1916, Oklahoma served in World War I as a member of BatDiv 6, protecting Allied convoys on their way across the Atlantic. After years of spending time in the Pacific and the Scouting Fleets, Oklahoma was modernized from 1927 to 1929. She rescued American citizens and refugees from the Spanish Civil War in 1936; after returning to the West coast in August of that year, she spent the rest of her life in the Pacific. She was sunk by Japanese bombs and torpedoes on 7 December 1941, in the attack on Pearl Harbor, taking 429 of her crew with her as she capsized.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Two Things To Not Get Your Panties All In A Bunch Over.

First, the Australian DJ's prank that led to the UK nurse committing suicide. Lusten, this was a harmless prank that no one could have ever predicted would turn out the way it did. It had far less potential to go sideways than say, Opie and Anthony's Mayor Menino is dead prank they pulled back in 1998. if one of his family members heard that broadcast and were so distraught that they took their own life, eh, maybe I could see it. But some chick who didn't pick up on a bad accent gave out only the most boring details on a patient? Yippee. Bottom line: if you kill yourself because of that, leaving behind a husband and two children, you were already unbalanced to begin with. So to say she was humiliated to death? Uh, I don't think so. Just someone whose cheese had already slid mostly offer her cracker and only needed the slightest bump to send it the rest of the way. Related news: Mel Greig has nice tits and as as all know, the girl nice tits will always have a key to my heart.

My Doc Said Two Glasses Of Red Wine Per Day Is Good For Your Heart. True Story.

A venetian blind has horizontal slats, one above another, usually made of metal or plastic; wooden slats are sometimes used but in the US these are now usually referred to as wood blinds or bamboo blinds. They are suspended by strips of cloth called tapes, or by cords, by which all slats in unison can be rotated through nearly 180 degrees. The slats can be rotated such that they overlap with one side facing inward and then in the opposite direction such that they overlap with the other side facing inward. Between those extremes, various degrees of separation may be effected between the slats by varying the rotation. There are also lift cords passing through slots in each slat. When these cords are pulled, the bottom of the blind moves upward causing the lowest slats to press the underside of the next highest slat as the blind is raised.

You Broke My Heart, Kevin Youkilis. You Broke My Heart.

While not quite as horrible as Johnny Damon's transgression -- who went dirstly from the Red Sox to The Yankees without any intermediary teams in between -- Youkilis' recent deal with the Evil Empire has broken my heart. Why, oh why do these guys do this shit to me? But unlike Damon who is on my I'll-Hate-You-Forever List, I may forgive you one day, Youk. Especially since you got to hang out with Eliza Dushku. I just cant forgive you anytime soon. So for now, I hope you get AIDS. From Johnny Damon.

Shit Sure Got Away From Me Yesterday, I Can Tell You.

You'd think that with a lifetime of IT experience behind me, I wouldn't be able to get knocked out of the game for a day and a half, but noooooooo. And if you think your English Lit major will doom you to a four-digit income? Not so fast. According to the Department of Labor's most recent mean wage statistics, a liberal arts degree can earn you a decent wage. This list covers currently available jobs that offer high earning potential to people without a technical or scientific degree. Some jobs require licenses or a little additional education, but most can be accomplished with a worthless liberal arts education, perhaps even one of those lowly online degrees. Althoug, good luck with that Post Office job.

Boy I Hope He Really Said This.

"You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here's why. It's because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single victim of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.

I Don't Wanna Break Up The Meeting Or Nothin', But She's Somethin' Of A Cunt, Ain't She Doc?

If there is one positive note coming out of Friday's senseless slaughter -- and why this has never happened before I don't know but I suspect it's because this particular tragedy was so abhorrent given the age of the victims -- it's that people on both sides of the gun debate are talking about the real problem: we have a mental health problem in this country. If you look at all of the mass murders that have made headlines over the past few years; with the exception of Virginia Tech (Seung-Hui Cho was Korean), they've all been white males in their early 20's. Which is right about the perfect age for the onset of schizophrenia. Now some of the perpetrators used semiautomatic handguns, some used revolvers, some used assault weapons (I hate that phrase), some used shotguns, some used rifles, some used knives. Some even used two or three different weapons. Hell a father even blew himself and his two kids up in a gas filled house while a screaming social worked looked on. But after the the caskets have been laid to rest, after the police reports have been filed, what did ALL of these bastards -- without exception -- have in common? Some sort of mental instability. I mean think about it, people are struggling to find a motive as to why Lanza would kill 20 schoolchildren. As if such a thing could be rationalized? As if any sane person could possibly understand why in hell a person could justify shooting a kindergartener eleven times? Lanza could be alive right now, to map out his motive using crayons and color charts, and we still wouldn't understand. Why? because he was fucking crazy. Sane people will never understand why insane people do the things they do.

I Wonder What The Little Man Wants For Christmas?

Well with just one week to go until Christmas, you know what time it is! That's right, Don't Shoot Your Eye Out, where the goal is to get as close to 10,000,000 WITHOUT going over; remember the score resets after that.

Piers Morgan is The New Morton Downey Jr, And We All Know What Happened To Him.

See folks, this is why we don't jump to conclusions.

It's Awful Slim Goddamn Pickings Out There Folks, Let Me Tall Ya.

So yesterday I decided to do some prowling around the local gun shops and see if the buying frenzy is as bad as people are saying. In short, yes. This is Cape Guns near my house, and this is Shoot Straight over in Fort Myers. I went to Fowler Firearms too and they were down to about 15 AR's on the wall, from a normal stock of about 75 or so. By this time, I imagine they're out just like everyone else, so if you're lucky enough to find one online, buy the fucking thing. Either that or find someone locally who is dumb enough to sell. Because we're getting to a point where saying you're pro gun just isn't enough anymore.

Is That? No. Wait? Is It? Nooo... Yes? Boy, Some People Will Decorate Anything.

Okay, a quick update on Don't Shoot Your Eye Out, which doesn't seem to be working -- you get the LOADING flash animation, but then the page goes to lunch. Trying any of the Office Max games in the bottom right corner spits everything out to Elf Yourself, which to me, is kinda stupid. So I reached out to Office Max and via this post spoke with a guy named Zack who works in their IT department. I thought they were going to blow me off because I mean hey it's just a fucking game, but he seemed pretty entusiastic to run this up the flag pole. So , we'll see. In the mean time, see if you can Light Up The Christmas Tree faster than me, I believe this score is for 112 seconds or so; remember to include EHOWA in the name field!

Insert Your Favorite Feeding Frenzy Joke Here.

You know when I post some of these online gun deals, people think I'm doing it for my own health. So now just how bad is the post-Newtown feeding frenzy? Thirty-round PMAGs which I urged you to buy last week at $100 for a 10-pack shipped to your door are now selling for selling for $50-$60 each since everyone is sold out. And if you own a SCAR 17S, good luck. Magazines that I udged you to buy when they cost $36-$37 shipped are now -- get this shit -- selling for $200-250 each. So yeah, I just like to hear myself talk.

Good Will Towards Men. You Know, At Least For A Couple of Days.

The first truce started on Christmas Eve, 24 December 1914, when German troops began decorating the area around their trenches in the region of Ypres, Belgium. The Germans began by placing candles on their trenches and on Christmas trees, then continued the celebration by singing Christmas carols. The British responded by singing carols of their own. The two sides continued by shouting Christmas greetings to each other. Soon thereafter, there were excursions across the 'No Man's Land', where small gifts were exchanged, such as food, tobacco and alcohol, and souvenirs such as buttons and hats. The artillery in the region fell silent that night. The truce also allowed a breathing spell where recently-fallen soldiers could be brought back behind their lines by burial parties. Joint services were held. The fraternisation was not, however, without its risks; some soldiers were shot by opposing forces.