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Upon Further Review, Zombie Survival Plan Part Deux.

So the one aspect of my existing Zombie Survival Plan is where I would head to once my supplies ran out. In an ideal world, I'd head up north to the relative safety of the (zombie) freezing temperatures. But being down here in SW Florida, that's a lot of ground to cover through lands crawling with the undead and roads choaked with abandoned cars. Being on a peninsula and surrounded on three sides by water, it's best to stay reasonably close me thinks. So after watching this week's episode of The Walking Dead -- MUCH fucking better than last week, and kudo's to Shane for TCB -- I think I've found a place to set up shop for the Zombie Apocalypse. Once I decide to fire up Big Red, I only have a short 15 mile drive to the new Casa Del Ernie: Maria Drive. Zoom in on that bad boy and you'll see that it's fucking perfect, with a nice 1,500 foot road as the only way in and out, with water on both sides. Jam pack that bitch with vehicles and I'll be almost completely isolated. Do a little fishing, plant a few veggies, and life is good.



I'm Dog Tired After Working Like A Dog on a Dog Day Afternoon.

Could this be the most attention grabbing bikini on the beach? No strings attached -- but who needs those pesky bikini strings anyway, now that Perfect Tan Bikini has come up with a way to cover up those important bits with no tan line. Yvelisse Lopez shows off her bikini -- could this be the new shape of swimwear? Christ, i fucking hope so.



Did I mention I Forgot All About The Zombiecon In Ft Myers This Year?

Here's a little bit of zombie trivia I didn't know: The Head Officer at Police Docks in Dawn of the Dead, and Captain Rhodes in Day of the Dead? Same guy, Joseph Pilato. Huh.



What's Old Is New Again.

So I'm just about to post today's update and all of a sudden my internet connection goes to lunch. I check the modem and sure enough, no lights. I look outside and there's a fucking Comcast guy in my yard. So I poke my head outside and say, "Uh-oh, what happened?" Turns out he's one of the guys who drives around with a big ass antenna on his truck, looking for signal leaks. So he fuck around for twenty minutes or so, replacing a few splices and sure enough when he left, I went from 7Mbps to 30Mbps. Thanks random Comcast dude, my internet is flowing much faster now. Just like the White Salmon River in Washington state is flowing again, as the nearly 100-year-old Condit Dam was disabled with explosives Wednesday. The reservoir draining took about 2 hours. Further demolition is scheduled in 2012. The event is a significant milestone for river restoration and dam removal nationwide.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Sesame Street Definitely Looks More Fun Than I Remember It.

Old and busted: Hornets massacre honey bees nest. The new hotness: The honey bees get all like, bitch please.

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is a member of the papillomavirus family of viruses that is capable of infecting humans. Like all papillomaviruses, HPVs establish productive infections only in keratinocytes of the skin or mucous membranes. While the majority of the nearly 200 known types of HPV cause no symptoms in most people, some types can cause warts (verrucae), while others can – in a minority of cases – lead to cancers of the cervix, vulva, vagina, and anus in women or cancers of the anus and penis in men. HPV types that tend to cause genital warts are not those that cause cervical cancer.

So Long, Smokin' Joe, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Joseph William "Joe" Frazier, also known as Smokin' Joe, was a former Olympic and Undisputed World Heavyweight boxing champion, whose professional career lasted from 1965 to 1976, with a brief comeback in 1981. Frazier emerged as the top contender in the late 1960s, defeating the likes of Jerry Quarry, Oscar Bonavena, Buster Mathis, Eddie Machen, Doug Jones, George Chuvalo and Jimmy Ellis en route to becoming undisputed heavyweight champion in 1970, and followed up by defeating Muhammad Ali on points in the highly-anticipated "Fight of the Century" in 1971. Two years later Frazier lost his title when he was knocked out by George Foreman. He fought on, beating Joe Bugner, losing a rematch to Ali, and beating Quarry and Ellis again. The International Boxing Research Organization (IBRO) rates Frazier among the ten greatest heavyweights of all time. He is an inductee of both the International Boxing Hall of Fame and the World Boxing Hall of Fame. Frazier's style was often compared to that of Henry Armstrong and occasionally Rocky Marciano. He was dependent on bobbing, weaving, grunting, snorting as he grimaced with all out aggression wearing down his opponents with relentless pressure. His best known punch was a powerful left hook, which accounted for most of his knockouts. Compared to Ali's style, he was close enough to the ideal bruiser that some in the press and media characterized the bouts as the answer to the classic question: "What happens when a boxer meets with a brawler?" Frazier continued to train fighters in his gym in Philadelphia. His later years saw the continuation of his bitter rivalry with Ali, in which the two periodically exchanged insults, interspersed with brief reconciliations. Frazier was diagnosed with liver cancer in late September 2011 and admitted to hospice care. Frazier, died overnight at the age of 67, his family confirmed in a statement. Muhammad Ali paid tribute to his great rival Joe Frazier, saying: "The world has lost a great champion."



How In The Hell You Gonna Get Fired... Fo Doin Ya Job?

Photography was not part of Emily Tanen's job description at the Manhattan branch of Animal Care and Control of New York City. But soon after she started working there in August 2009, she began taking photos of animals who were scheduled to be euthanized. Her photos, she said, were an effort to attract the interest of adopters and rescue groups. She mostly photographed pit bulls: Freckles, black with pink skin around her eyes, wearing a striped scarf; Spot, a white puppy, getting his chest scratched; and Harlem, skinny and brindled, paws draped over a volunteer's elbow. But her photos violated the group's strict policy on taking images of animals, which dictates who can take photos, how the animals can be photographed and how the images can be used. One rule prohibits showing humans in the photos. As a result, she was fired in May.



Happy Birthday United States Marine Corps.

On 10 November, 1775, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Captain Samuel Nicholas designated two battalions of Continental Marines in as naval infantry. Since then, the mission of the Marine Corps has evolved with changing military doctrine and American foreign policy. The Marine Corps has served in every American armed conflict and attained prominence in the 20th century when its theories and practices of amphibious warfare proved prescient and ultimately formed the cornerstone of the Pacific campaign of World War II. By the mid-20th century, the Marine Corps had become the dominant theorist and practitioner of amphibious warfare. Its ability to rapidly respond on short notice to expeditionary crises gives it a strong role in the implementation and execution of American foreign policy. The United States Marine Corps includes just under 203,000 active duty Marines and just under 40,000 reserve Marines.



Happy Veteran's Day.

TEN years ago I asked some of you folks for help with an idea I had. My idea was to gather up a few dollars and buy some plane tickets to allow some deserving young soldiers the opportunity to spend Christmas with their families. To say that I underestimated the response I would get, would indeed be an understatement itself. Rising to the challenge in grand EHOWA Army fashion, you folks dug through your couch cushions and sent in over $14,000 dollars in just a few short days. Indeed, your generosity cemented the fact that our annual ticket drive would not be a one time shot, but an annual tradition. And hence the phrase, "Let's Bring Em Home" was coined. For the next ten years following that otherwise uneventful Friday afternoon in December of 2001, I have put forth the call for your help. Where upon I throw myself on my knees and humbly beg that you, fair reader, will help me help our country's young soldiers. To show them that we understand they're people and not just statistics we see on our evening news, or blurry images that dance across our television screens. That we understand how they'd rather be with their families than any other place in the world, especially during this time of the year.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here Here.



I Wish Everyone Had These License Plates. Everyone.

Well paint me green and call me a pickle. Bruce Campbell, despite his minimal involvement with the new Evil Dead movie, has been a go-to source for news on the movie. And he continues to fill us all in on what the deal is, including why he won't be reprising his role as Ash. His reason? The new Evil Dead is a flat-out reboot — without Ash. But let's hear him out. His — and Sam Raimi‘s — reasoning is actually pretty sound.



Do You Wanna Know What's Wrong With This Country?

Quite simply put, we don't make things like this anymore.



Suddenly, I Have The Urge To Watch There's Something About Mary.

Tervis Tumbler is a Venice, Florida based company that specializes in insulated tumblers. The main marketing aspects of Tervis Tumblers are: All Tervis products are "made in the USA" (manufactured at its Florida facility), and all Tervis Tumblers come with an unconditional lifetime guarantee. Any Tervis Tumbler, even if currently owned by someone other than the original owner, can be replaced free of charge. In addition to its in-house designs, Tervis carries marquis licensing agreements with all four of the major American sports leagues: MLB, NBA, NFL (including the Denver Broncos), NHL, nearly all of the major NCAA colleges and universities, several Minor League Baseball franchises, all branches of the United States Armed Forces, and many notable companies such as John Deere, Coca-Cola and Disney.



So Whatever Happened To That Supergirl Movie, Anyway?

The Carlsberg Group is a Danish brewing company founded in 1847 by J. C. Jacobsen after the name of his son Carl. The headquarters are in Copenhagen, Denmark. The company's main brand is Carlsberg Beer, but it also brews Tuborg as well as local beers. After merging with the brewery assets of Norwegian conglomerate Orkla ASA in January 2001, Carlsberg became the 5th largest brewery group in the world. In 2009 Carlsberg is the 4th largest brewery group in the world employing around 45,000 people.



Demi Moore's Next Husband Is Swimming Around In Justin Bieber's Balls Right Now.

GOD NOW COMMANDS ALL MEN EVERYWHERE TO REPENT: BECAUSE HE HAS APPOINTED A DAY, IN WHICH HE WILL JUDGE THE WORLD IN RIGHTEOUSNESS.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Stop The Excessive Masturbation? What're You Fucking Crazy?

One day after the famous pepper-spraying, UC Davis students silently, peacefully confront Chancellor Katehi. Which leads me to ask... a Buick Enclave? Really? Don't they pay her better than that?



Why Hello, My Little Babushka.

GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS: Saiga 12's -- such as mine which I've nicknamed The Kremlin, in honor of Russia's only active aircraft carrier included in my old Commodore 64 game, Red Storm Rising (page 75) -- Benelli M4's -- which I want but can't afford -- and virtually any other tactical/military shotgun can no longer be banned from import by the ATF. A little noticed provision tucked into a large appropriations bill obviously flew under the radar of the "Brady Bunch" and the "Illegal Mayors." The new law effectively kills ATF's plan to stop tactical/military shotgun imports by way of abusing the "sporting purpose" requirement and their agency rulemaking powers.



Insert Your Favorite Obligatory Breast Joke Here.

WKRP in Cincinnati is an American situation comedy that featured the misadventures of the staff of a struggling fictional radio station in Cincinnati, Ohio. The show was created by Hugh Wilson and was based upon his experiences working in advertising sales at Top 40 radio station WQXI (AM) in Atlanta. As was typical of most MTM productions, the humor came more from running gags based on the known predilections and quirks of each character, rather than from outlandish plots or racy situations, since the show has a realistic setting. One of WKRP in Cincinnati's best-known and most-loved episodes is a comic account of a disastrous promotion initiated by Carlson. As a publicity stunt, the station drops live turkeys out of a helicopter over a shopping center as a Thanksgiving Day giveaway. The domestic turkeys, which cannot fly, plunge to their deaths as shoppers run for their lives. The entire event, however, occurs entirely off-screen, as the viewer only sees and hears Les Nessman describe the scene in words reminiscent of Herbert Morrison's reporting of the Hindenburg disaster. A shaken Arthur Carlson later remarks, "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." It was named by TV Guide as one of the greatest episodes in television history.



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