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That's A Joke, Right? Like Photoshopped or Something?

Uh oh, looks like everyone favorite ordinance dropping F-18 might have been grounded for good. Fight the power, Charlie. Yeah, you stock right up on those D-cell Engergizers and fight the power.



Why Must All Protesters Always Compare Their Opponent To Hitler?

Am I now following Charlie Sheen on Twitter? You bet your ass I am! So between that and Charlie's 45 minute interview with Howard Stern, I'm on top of the world, baby!



Getting Ready To Run Windows 95 For The First Time...

Very interesting for nerds: an experiment to see the effects of installing every major upgrade version of Microsoft Windows, in order, on the same machine. Awww, I miss QBasic, twatface. Bonus? it's narrarated by a guy who sounds like Scooge McDuck.



I Guess It's Time I Get Some Help.

I've been kind of depressed lately. Not like gonna-kill-myself kind of depressed, I just haven't been enjoying life as much as I used to. Smiling and laughing doesn't seem to come as easily now, as it did say five years ago when I moved down here. I find myself spending a lot of time indoors and away from people. I drink too much. And I've been grappling with this privately for the greater part of a year now and have finally come to the conclusion that the problem isn't going to get any better on its own. They say admitting you need help is a very difficult thing to do, and I can attest to that. So, I need help. I've looked into some therapists down here in my local area but haven't found anyone I can imaging myself opening up to. As I've always had good experiences with healthcare back up north, I decided to broaden my search to include there as well. Besides, maybe being "home" for a little bit will help lift my spirits some, yes? Anyway, I made some calls and did some reasearch and I think I've finally found a doctor who can help me, so it looks like I'll be venturing up to New York City for a month or so, to be under the care of my new therapist. Wish me luck, okay? It was either that or follow Charlie Sheen's guide to mental wellness. Which would you pick?



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Do Those Things Really Keep My Bananas From Getting Bruised?

If you find yourself with a few free minutes on your hand, take another look around Wikisnaps. I added an image preview to the article names on the left and right sidebars -- when you pass your mouse over the title, the image preview should pop up. Let me know if that no-workie.



I Think You're Supposed To Hold That Glass Up Against A Wall, Sweetheart.

Well, I guess this put the whole shotgun debate to bed once and for all, eh?



I Think I'll Do Some Work Outside The House Today.

Just an amusing little observation. Remember the Westboro Baptist Church vs Anonymous thing? Yeah, their sites are still down, hahahaha. And as far as the Supreme Court ruling... honestly, would you have expected anything different? Sure, they're raging douchebags. But in this country, even raging douchebags have the right to be raging douchebags. Besides, one of these days somebody is going to settle their hash.



The Most Famous Of Which Is, "Never Get Involved In A Land War In Asia!"

Ahhh, The Princess Bride. Somehow it never gets old. And if you can believe it, it was almost 38 years ago, on 26 March 1973, André Roussimoff made his WWF debut as a "face", defeating Buddy Wolfe in New York's Madison Square Garden. André branched out into acting in the 1970s and 1980s, making his acting debut playing a Sasquatch on the 1970s television series The Six Million Dollar Man. Towards the end of his career, André also starred in several movies. He had an uncredited appearance in the 1984 film — Conan the Destroyer, as Dagoth, the resurrected horned giant god who is killed by Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger). But he appeared most notably as Fezzik (his favorite role) in the 1987 film The Princess Bride. Both the film and Andre's performance have retained a devoted following both male and female alike. André the Giant had undergone major back surgery prior to filming, and despite his great size, could not support the weight of the much lighter Cary Elwes or Robin Wright for a scene at the end of the film. For the wrestling scene, when Elwes was pretending to hang on André's back, he was actually walking on a series of ramps below the camera during close-ups. For the wide shots, a stunt double took the place of André; on close examination, it is apparent that the double is much smaller than André. Robin Wright had to be attached to wires in the scene where Buttercup jumps from the castle window into Fezzik's arms because he couldn't support her himself.



Oh no! It's Godzirra!

Wow, poor ol Japan is really getting the shit kicked out of them by this tsunami, eh? And that hot on the heels of an 8.9 earthquake... what's next?



Insert Your Favorite Fresh Sushi Delivered Right To Your Door Joke Here.



Some How I Don't Think This Is What Charles Had In Mind.

In a sad example of life imitates art, fans of The Wire will remember Felicia 'Snoop' Pearson from season 4 - sShe was one of the cold hearted enforcers for Marlo Stanfield. Well guess what? Popped for being part of a Baltimore drug syndicate. Now the guy who created The Wire, David Simon, has spoken out in defense of Pearson -- who is a Baltimore native -- but whether or not that will do any good remains to be seen. And if you've never seen the show, you don't know what you're missing. Especially this clip Kristin Proctor.



Atta Girl! Way To Stand Out In A Crowd.

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women!



I Dare You. I Double Dare You Motherfucker .

One bad thing about living in a warm climate, are the fucking renters. The assholes who come down here for one or two weeks a year and because they're on vacation, presume everyone else is too. Which leads them to do such things as crank their fucking stereo at 11:30 at night, with all their windows and doors wide open so everyone on the entire fucking lake can enjoy their music selection. What's worse? it was Crosby, Stills and Nash. Look, I'm all for shaking the house on a Friday or Saturday night, but when it's a school night -- and two days after fucking Daylight Savings, which has got me fucked up enough as it is? DON'T YOU EVER ASK THEM WHY, IF THEY TOLD YOU, YOU WOULD CRY No way man. I can't take this shit. But being the patient fellow, I thought hey maybe they had a bad day. So I'll let them crank this one song and then they'll quiet down. Right? SO JUST LOOK AT THEM AND SIGH beeeeeeeoooop! AND KNOW THEY LOVE YOU. Song ends. DJ comes on. Volume still cranked. So I lay there in bed for a minute, growing angrier with each passing moment. Is a little fucking respect too much to ask for? I decide to pop my head outside and see if I can tell where the music is coming from.



Happy St Patrick's Day!

Here is the new music video for UK band LEATHER HANDS new release, 'Vertical Lines' (directed by Irishman, Miles Flanagan). Blah-blah-blah, music, schmusic. Trust me, these guys will be your new favorite band. I should also note that the UK is my new favorite country, and pink is my new favorite color. And I like pianos now, too. Watch it on mute if you must, but for the love of all that is good and holy, watch it.



At's Not A Knife. This Is A Knife.

I found out why they banned guns in Australia. Turns out, they don't need em - NSFL. Jesus Christ man, trees, hippos, alligators... whatever. This thing will rip you a new asshole, that's for sure. I guess now we know where Crocodile Dundee bought his shit, eh? Bonus: play the "See The Outback in Action" video. It's not quite as macho as the Cold Steel products, but close. Dibs on the Two Handed Kukri Machete, by the way.



Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.



Ode To The Man Who Taught Us How To Play Hooky.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. That's right, Ferris Bueller turns 49 years old today. Happy birthday, Matthew Broderick.



Up, Up, And Away.

Every once in awhile, someone sends in something that reminds me of a time when the jokelist was more active. I'm referring to the Tasteless Tuesdays, but more specifically the story of Super Tim. With that tale in mind, you should familiarize yourself with the what a Pattaya Bar Girl is, and why you should be really, really careful around them. No dude, I'm talking REALLY careful. Because should you miss a few of the tell-tale signs for spotting one of these "lady boys"? Getting blown by a he/she is the least of your worries -- odds are you're going to wind up getting your ass kicked by him/her and two of his/her friends. So seriously, bone up on your ladyboy skillz. And it's not isolated to Thailand either, but the all of southeastern Asia.



Win The Crowd, And You Shall Win Your Freedom.

Listen to me. Learn from me. I was not the best because I killed quickly. I was the best because the crowd loved me. Win the crowd and you will win your freedom. - Antonius Proximo



I Hate People. So Fucking Much. I Really Do.

Trust me when I tell you that I'm the last person you ever want to be in charge of our nation's nuclear arsenal. Because the first thing I would do is unload every fucking thing we have, right back at ourselves. Why? Because we're all fucking assholes, that's why. And I would kill all of you if I could. Because with humans out of the picture, shit like this couldn't happen. I mean seriously, who the fuck starved a dog nearly death, and then throws the fucking dog down a trash chute? We do, that's who. So like Bender says, Kill All Humans. Pull out and nuke us from orbit, it's the only way to be sure. But before you do, take a minute to visit the website of the vet that's treating him. Luckily there's no super expensive surgery to pay for this time, so it's more routine care at this point. I kicked in $50, maybe you can spare a few bucks, too. They've also got a Facebook page set up, and a site with a few more pics here.

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