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E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
LET'S BRING EM HOME 2018 HAS COMPLETED 99 TICKETS SO FAR!
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December 17, 2010 | |||
Rules. Meant To Be Bent A Little, Yes?One thing that drives me absolutely batshit crazy are all the innocuous rules that seemed to have no fucking reason for being there, other than some bored person though making up some rule would somehow justify their existance. I understand there had to be some rules, of course. But it was the stupid and pointless ones that really used to break my balls. One of the things that used to make them easier for me to swallow, is if someone would explain to me the reasoning behind said rule. Take for example a speed limit. Why the fuck is the speed limit on the road outside of my house only 35mph? Did some bureaucratic asshole just pick some arbitrary number? Actually no. That speed is the result of calculations that take into account things such as the average driver reaction time, the distance of the houses to the side of the road, any curves or blind spots in the road, the average vehicle weight and stopping distance, and a handful of other factors that would dictate how far and how fast a vehicle could stop in that particularsection of road. Furthermore, that speed limit has been increased from 30mph to 35mph, to account for new safety technologies such as four-wheel anti-lock brakes, electronic skid protection, electronic stability control and pre-crash safety systems. Oh, well, now my speed limit makes sense, right? So When LBEH first started out, we literally couldn't spend money fast enough. With the support from the EHOWA Army so strong and the program so little known at the time, we had more donations than we had recipients to buy tickets for. "Want to fly across the country for only three days leave on a $2,000 ticket, no problem." I remember calling up Puddy -- I think he was a Captain at the time -- and Paypal'ing him $1,000 to pass out to some Airmen at his squadron's Christmas party. Well as time wore on, LBEH got more and more attention -- culminating in this year's FOX News report -- and ticket requests have caught to (if not surpassed) donation level. And that in and of itself is not a bad thing; truth be told a little prioritizing was long overdue. And while our hard set rules are few and far between (single, E1-E4) we do exercise the occasional judgement call in regards to ticket pricing and length of leave. We don't necessarily turn people away but whenever we're faced with a big ticket price for a short amount of leave, I always explain the situation to the Service Member and ask for a little input to see if there are any extenuating circumstances. Example:
And so Airman Jane Doe's name will live on written on a Post-It on the side of my monitor. Next year around the last week of October/first week of November, she'll write in and we'll get her ticket taken care of right off the bat. She'll probably have 20-25 days of leave to take and the ticket price that far in advance will probably be down to around $900-$1,000. That's a win-win for both parties. And more often than not, that's how that scenario plays out. I don't try to guide the person one way or the other. If the planets align against us and the situation dictates, sure I'd like to see them take what I consider to be the wise choice and forgo a quick trip and take a lengthier one the following year. But things don't always play out that way, that that's okay.
And with that, the soldier helped decide his own fate. Kat booked his ticket late last night life is good. Would I have liked to see him wait and take a longer trip home next year? Sure. But what if his First Sergeant is right? And so, off he goes. See, I am a merciful and understanding god, too. But I do hate film parodies. I really do. So if you're going to make one and want me to like it, it's got to be special. it's got to be unique. It's got to be fucking awesome. And who's the only person who can really achieve all three of those things? That's right, get ready to ride with everyone's favorite porn star: Tron Jeremy.
The Bud Light Port Paradise cruise is an interesting entity as prizes go, in that what you win is not a free trip but, rather, the opportunity to buy your way onto the trip for $380. Before you start getting up in arms, however, you should first look at the scenario that you get for your money. During the course of the cruise, several events will take place which offer all the Bud Light you can drink. Suffice it to say that by the time you're transported back home -- which, yes, is included in the package as well -- you won't have any trouble excitedly promoting the fact that the Bud Light Port Paradise cruise only cost $380! History lesson: In 1812, the fledgling and shiny new United States declared war on Britain again, because shit, it sure was fun the last time. This turned out to be kind of a bad decision. After a really determined, last-ditch attempt by the United States to conquer Canada, shit got real for the adolescent nation during the War of 1812, when a British invasion stormed up the Chesapeake for Washington, D.C. Naturally, President Madison did not like seeing the nation's capital being fondled by some sex-starved limeys, especially since the Americans had just kind of sacked and burned present-day Toronto. Madison had no choice but to grab the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence under both arms and get the hell out of Washington. The British promptly marched into the defenseless city, burned the White House and U.S. Capitol, and, just to be dicks about it, the Library of Congress as well. While the Brits probably felt the burning of Washington was a righteous act of retribution, they definitely pissed off the wrong deity when they desecrated the U.S. capital. With the city in flames, God punished the redcoats with the sort of smiting usually reserved for characters straight out of the Old Testament. A goddamn tornado touched down -- which almost never happens in the capital -- and plowed a path of instant terror right through downtown D.C., uprooting trees, lifting cannons and tossing the hapless redcoats around like maple leaves. The British were forced to flee the city after learning exactly whose side God was on -- after all, he did nothing when the Americans torched Canada. old and busted: grouchy's bodies. the new hotness: polly's bodies. 30 years of fossil fuels in 300 seconds. pam anderson makes her 13th appearance on the cover of playboy. |
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