E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
jealous? click here to get your website on ehowa.com for as little as $5 per day
|March 30, 2007|
LINKS FIX0RED! Long Winded Yesterday Equals Brief Today. LINKS FIX0RED!
I have to swing down the local Cape Coral Police Department and file a criminal complains against the assfuck who ran up $2,500 on my credit card over the past two days. It's all being disputed, so I'm confident I'll get the cash back, but that's not the point.
Oh, I will find you motherfucker. I will find you, and I will punish you.
google maps helps us go from chicago to london - check out step #20
if you need help with your math, or help with your kids' math, this site is fucking awesome
uh, let's take a closer look at article v of the code of conduct, shall we?
|March 29, 2007|
Let Me Tell You About The Stupidest, Stupidest, Stupidest, Stupidest Thing I have Ever, Ever, Ever Done!
For I will now regale you with a tale of danger and wonder. A tale with gunfire and explosions. A tale of deceit and shame.
I will tell you a tale of the stupidest thing I have ever done. In my entire life.
I only tell this story now because it’s been almost a year and a half since the events in question have transpired, and recapping the story no longer makes me hang my head in shame as much as it once did... Okay, yes it still does.
But please, if you will allow me some latitude, your honor... Thank you.
Set your wayback machines to September of 2005, I scant two months after I moved from Massachusetts to Florida. I was a newbie to the Gulf Coast, and Hurricane Katrina was fresh on everyone’s mind. Or, given the storm had already past, the aftermath was fresh on everyone’s mind. Looting, assault, rape, murder, you name it. Hurricane Wilma was bearing down on Southwest Florida. Would we be next, I wondered?
And so off I went to the local gun dealer. Ding dang doodle, man! I done went and bought me a Glock 30 – a sub-compact semiautomatic .45 caliber handgun. It shoots bullets as big around as a fucking frying pan. Says I to myself, "I’ll be goddamned if some sorry son of a bitch is gonna loot my new house." Try to rob me? That'll be tough to do with a .45 caliber enema, motherfucker!
But Wilma came and went with no rioting in the streets. No tubs of Heinekin being heisted. No new plasma televisions. No roving gangs looking for women. No hoards of zombies roaming the streets looking to eat brains. I was disappointed, yet relieved. But with the urgency of the storm having passed, I wanted to be a responsible gun owner and made it my mission to learn how to handle my new weapon safely. After all, if I ended up hurting myself or some poor bastard of an innocent bystander, the gun was of no use to me.
Now a quick tangent here. When you buy a Glock (and for all I know this is true for other handgun manufacturers as well, but that’s irrelevant to this story) they give you two magazines along with the gun itself. The idea being if you rotate the strain of a loaded magazine between the two, the springs that feed the bullets won’t wear out as fast.
So after taking my Concealed Carry Weapons class, I went off to the gun range about once a week. I slowly and methodically discharged my new handgun in the safest and most controlled manner as possible. A dozen or so trips and some 2,000 rounds later, dare I say the naturally skilled shooter in me came out again. (I scored as an NRA qualified sharpshooter back in the Boy Scouts, thank you very much.) Whenever my handgun came out, the following four rules of firearm safety were PARAMOUNT in my mind:
1. All guns are always loaded.
2. Never let the muzzle cover anything that you are not willing to destroy.
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target.
4. Be sure of your target.
And this is how it went for two months. Me bringing my new gun to the range, shooting through a few boxes of ammunition, taking it home, cleaning the living piss out of it, and putting it away until I went shooting again. In the meantime, I kept it in the nightstand next to my bed. There isn't a huge of crime where I live, but hey, fortune favors the prepared, right?
Oh, another side tangent. Remember spending hours and hours writing a big research paper for school, and no matter how many times you reread your own work, you didn’t notice your own subtle spelling errors? The turned into "teh". Of turned into "fo". Necessary tuned into "nessecary". You know what I'm talking about... tiny, subtle errors that no matter how many times you looked at it, you didn't see them. I've always found the best way to correct this was to have someone else read you work. Or, in the absence of a third party, to put your work down and take a fresh look at it in the morning.
And so, on a Monday morning, after shooting my gun the previous day, I said to myself, “Self, I wonder how clean my gun really is? I mean if I can spend hours writing a story and not see simple spelling mistakes, I wonder if I’ll see many dirty spots on the inside of my gun from when I cleaned it yesterday?”
A reasonable question, right?
And so, I decided right then and there, just as I’m packing up to head to the gun range again, I would pull a ‘surprise inspection’ on myself. Yep, I'll see just how well of a job I did in cleaning my gun. I set the carrying case down on the kitchen countertop and opened it. My beloved Glock stared up at me with opaque eyes as dark as night. Its stock still glistened from the tiny film of gun oil I had gently massaged into it the night before. I had been handling this handgun for some two months now, and was only just now becoming comfortable feeling its weight in my hand.
I began the same takedown procedures I had performed a dozen times in the past...
1. Eject the magazine from the gun. Set it aside. In fact, I always set both magazines on the other side of the table whenever I'm cleaning it. As if somehow a bullet could magically jump up and over six or seven feet into the firing chamber of the gun. I knew it couldn't, but somehow just seeing the bullets wayyyy over there made me feel safer. Anyway, knowing I only had two magazines and since I was looking at both of them sitting on my kitchen counter, the only thing to worry about is if there was a round already chambered in the gun. Now because the gun was still new to me, I didn't trust myself to keep a bullet chambered like that. I kept a loaded magazine in the handle, so all I would have to do in an emergency is rack the slide, and then point and click. But, none the less, safety is paramount. So let's assume there is a bullet in the gun and we have to remove it. That is done by...
2. Pulling back and release the slide. Any chambered round would then be ejected. Not surprisingly, this didn't happen because again, I don't keep the gun loaded to that degree. I was now 100% confident my handgun was unloaded.
3. Holding the gun in my right hand, use my left hand to depress the two ‘take down’ levels on each side of the gun.
4. Point the gun in a safe direction and pull the trigger, releasing an internal catch holding the slide in place.
5. Once released, pull the slide forward and off the of the handle of the gun, thus separating the gun into two pieces and completing what is known as a ‘field strip’.
I detailed all of those steps merely because I want you to understand what I expected to happen. But what actually happened is anothe rmatter. As I completed step 4...
And for those of you who have never personally fired a gun -- especially in an enclosed area without hearing protection -- you have no idea of the level of sound, ferocity and pure violence of which I speak.
Upon squeezing that trigger -– very nonchalantly, I might add -– I was instantly greeted with a lick of flame that I thought only happened in the movies. An instant later, the sound was deafening. As is typical with most Florida homes, the ceilings are high and the floors are tile; sound fucking echoes, man. There were three dogs in the house at the time this even occurred. All three fucking screwed and hid under whatever bed ther were nearest to. I noticed the ringing in my left ear almost immediately; that was the ear on the same side as the muzzle of my gun.
The very instant it happened, I was aware of two things: One, my gun had just fired. I wasn’t quite sure how just yet, hell I was looking at the magazines on the counter so I was somewhat baffled and trying to understand how the impossible just happened. But regardless, it did happen I knew that was in certainty. And two, I was going to jail. I wasn’t sure for what, but I knew that discharging a firearm in the city limits was generally frowned upon. The cops would show up responding to a call of gunfire, I would explain what happened, they would sympathize but I would still leave in handcuffs. It was as simple as that. I accepted this fact almost as quickly as I grasped what just happened.
To illustrate how unprepared I was for this handgun to be discharging at that moment, you'll have to allow me another tangent. The way a semiautomatic gun works is like this. The operator manually pulls and releases a slide mechanism which accomplishes two things: it both loads Bullet-A and cocks back the firing pin. Upon pulling the trigger, firing pin slams forward and Bullet-A fires; the recoil energy from Bullet-A loads Bullet-B and re-readies the firing pin. Firing Bullet-B loads Bullet-C and readies the firing pin again.. etc, etc, etc. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only way to interrupt this process is to either run out of bullets, or have some other force absorb the energy of the recoil and thus interrupting the reload process. What could absorb this energy? Say for example... some limp wrested sissy who was lackadaisically holding the gun with one hand and wasn’t expecting a handgun to fire a bullet into his kitchen wall. You know, “for example”.
And that’s pretty much what happened. So about the same time I was watching this big lick of flame shoot out of the gun I was holding, about the same time I was losing the hearing in my left ear for a few weeks, there was a piece of 4”x4” white tile above my stove that exploded into a thousand little pieces.
I wouldn’t say that my life flashed before my eyes, because it didn’t. But your mind does accomplish a good hours worth of thinking in an instant, that much I know.
So okay, my gun goes off, I hastily set it down as if it were 1000 degrees Centigrade... and I ask myself. What the fuck just happened? And by that mean you know what happened – the fucking gun just fired. Right in my kitchen. Into my wall. Without my consent. What the fuck. But how did this happen with an unloaded gun that was evidently loaded despite my doing 'all the right things'?
The answer came instantaneously to me. It didn’t hide, I didn’t have to seek for it. It wasn't like when you're trying to remember that actor's name and it's right on the tip of your tongue and you almost have it. It was a very simple answer that came to me without a moment hesitation.
I bought a third magazine yesterday.
STOP. WAIT. Reflect back upon your thoughts as you read that last statement. For a split second; for a tiny fraction of a moment; you thought, "Ooooooooooooh! He bought a third magazine!" As if that explained everything. As if for a split second because you understood the mistake I made, that makes it all okay.
Well my friend, that split second, that tiny fraction of a moment, was all it takes to kill someone. Or yourself. And I don’t say this to point a finger – fuck after all I’m the guy with the extra stove vent. But my point is for a split second you kind of slapped your knee and shuffled around as if you suddenly understood the punch line to some joke. For a tiny second you allowed yourself that transgression. And that was about as long as it took for me to point a loaded gun at my wall and pull the trigger.
Get my point?
But forgetting this small and seemingly insignificant fact could have had cato-fucking-strophic consequences. First, I’ll detail what actually happened, versus what could have happened.
What happened is the day before, after I went through my two boxes of ammunition at the range, I figured I might was well buy a third magazine. If rotating the rounds between two magazines extends their life, then rotating among three would be even better right? So when I looked across the table and saw the two magazines looking back at me, I had completely forgotten that this new third magazine was sitting in the handle of my gun. When I racked the slide -- with every intention of ejecting any round in the firing chamber -- what I actually did was load my gun to fire. And the scariest part is, I was completely, absolutely 1,000,000% positive the gun was unloaded after I did that.
The bullet came out of the gun and barely nicked the top of the splash plate on the back of the stove. It ricocheted upwards and tore into the white tile, destroying a single square before tumbling through the walls of my house, finally coming to rest into the master bedroom closet. Thankfully, I was using Glaser prefragmented ammunition; so by time the bullet (fragments) reached the closet wall, they had so little energy they literally came to rest on a t-shirt without even so much tearing the cloth. No shit.
Let me illustrate how unprepared for this I was. Before I could even react to the fact that the gun had just fired, the gun had jammed because of that whole limp wrested energy absorption example I gave above. In an imperfect balance of timing and grace, the empty shell was actually caught and dented by the rebounding slide... I have the deformed shell casing sitting on my computer desk to remind me of how complacent I had allowed myself to become.
Long story short, the cops didn’t come. My eternal thanks to my neighbor John who had a table saw going in his garage and I'm assuming that's what drown out the sound of my kitchen wall being put to death. I disassembled my Glock and hid it in various parts of my house; not sure if I was ready to take the, “huh, what gun? No not me," defense should the cities' finest showed up asking questions. But the police sirens didn't come. And as one minute turned into two, which turned into five, then twenty, I became every increasingly confident I may escape jail time for my mental lapse. And so it came to be.
I tell you this story not for laughs -- although I do not fault you if you had a chuckle or ten at my expense, please do –- but rather to teach.
The whole while I was waiting for the cops to come haul me away, the longer I had to sit and think about just how fucking stupid I was. I’m not sure which was worse. The following fact I am not proud to admit, in fact I am embarrassed to even type it. But if I'm going to tell this story, I'm going to tell it. I can't count how many times right after I just purchased it, I sat there in my livingroom holding my gun -- of which I was completely, absolutely 1,000,000% positive was unloaded -- and watched TV. Pointing it indiscriminantly at: the television, the wall, the WINDOW, my DOG, out the SLIDING GLASS WINDOW, the ceiling, my FOOT, whatever. But it was unloaded, so it was safe, right? Accident don't happen to smart people like me, they happen to idiots who aren't careful and play with loaded guns, right? Uh, yeah.
Obviously this behavior was NOT smart. It was NOT responsible. It was NOT reflective upon the million or so legal (AND SMART!) gun owners here in America. What I was stupid. Asinine. Dangerous. Deadly. Dumb. And I could go on, but we’ll just say it was against everything I had been taught. Mr. Meiring, the Rifle Range master at Boy Scout Camp Massawepie would be ashamed of me. I could have killed myself. I could have killed my neighbor. I could have killed MY DOG. I could have put a bullet into the wall and straight into the propane line that feeds the stove. I could have put a bullet through the sliding glass door, through the pool cage screen, and into my neighbor’s kid. What I did was the epitome of stupid. Period, end of story.
But thank goodness none of that happened. Misfortune only gave me a glancing blow of her sword. I escaped with my life and the life of those around me. It could have been otherwise.
Needless to say my behavior has since been corrected. The gun stays in my nightstand until I go to the range, have to carry it somewhere, or have to defend my home. When I unload my gun, I remove the magazine, pull back the slide and look from the top all the way down through the handle not once, but three times. THREE TIMES. If I can’t see my little wiggling piggies on the other side, something ain't right. No more assuming. I am Joe Fucking Safety now.
Feel free to disperse this story as far and as wide as you so choose. Just please, don’t be as stupid as I was.
not that you'd know it from this story, but this site says i have a 140 iq. beware: you'll have to do a lot of ad skipping at the end to get your score.
|March 28, 2007|
Happy Hump Day!
It was a little rough getting out of bed this morning. I just couldn't wake up to save my life. But after a nice stack of pancakes, I feel better.
The Minefield 2204 challenge is going well. As the game does have an ending (level 18), you must complete the game and score at least half a million points in order to even get mentioned. Ye olde current leaderboard is... Ben and Daizan both with 509k. I know, pretty exciting to see yourself up on stage, eh boys?
Hey Ernie, After checking out those vegan hotties, I watch the video over at meat.org because that chick Lauren Meeks said it turned her into a vegan. All I have to say after that blood bath is that I'M HUNGRY. Seriously, I haven't had anything to eat all day and now I'm in the mood for some rare steak or honey glazed ham. That is all, Daniel
Mmmmmm, ham. Oh, I'm sorry. I would have responded sooner but I was busy eating my cheeseburger.
Mental note: Do not -- I say again, DO NOT -- tell Buzz Aldrin that he is a coward and a liar, because he will knock you the fuck out!
Well, I got some more phonecalls to make. Gotta schedule a propane delivery. Gotta find a landscaper to put in some areca palms. See ya!
more info detailing the recall that is behind yesterday's flame belching tailpipe video
top ten 80's child actresses that grew up to be total hotties. alyssa milano is a gimme, but there are some good ones
|March 27, 2007|
So Is This What They Mean By Balanced Breakfast?
The third man in history to walk on water: The first one was Christ. The second one was Peter (the apostle). And now there is this guy, Jose.
But turning our attention back to the world of you mortals for a minute, check out this real time death toll counter for a minute. And don't just click on it, go "oooh" and go somewhere else... stop and actually watch the counters go up. Each tick is a life being snuffed out. In the time I typed this paragraph and coded in the hyperlink, 71 people died -- 21 of them by cardiovascular disease. I'm tellin ya, stemcells baby, stemcells. But surprisingly, there weren't as many road deaths as I would have thought. Dr Schaefer sent in more of the smart car vs semi photo I posted yesterday. As one might expect ina head on collision of that caliber, they're a bit, uh, gooey.
Game Challenge. Rob still retains the crown in Drawf on a Wharf, although Jeff did manage to capture second place. What's next on the plate? Minefield 2204. it's a puzzle game, but unlike any we've played before. Your goal is to navigate your tank to the end goal using various toolbox actions to make it turn, shoot, or shield itself. It takes a couyple of tries to figure out how things work... your firtst few tries will no doubt send your tank tumbling off the screen. But once you get the swing of it, it's actually very challenging. Remember, you're playing for points, so entering cheat codes to later levels won't help you.
My stepbrothers son was killed in Iraq 3/14. I think it was in 2006 you had a very nice story posted about a soldier who staid by the side of another who had died there. Following him from Dover to his home town. Please send me the link to that. That was an amazing story. Sgt. Robert Carr died on his second tour with 3 weeks left and was coming home. - Scott.
I'm sorry for your loss, Scott. The story you're looking for is called Taking Chance and can be found here. So long, Sergeant Robert Carr, we hardly knew ye. This is why it's always important to respect our soldiers, AND THEIR FAMILIES...
When her husband comes home to Tucson on leave from Iraq, Keila Rios could face a dilemma she finds infuriating. She plans to take their children out of school for a week to spend time with their Army dad. But when she asked for makeup work they could do at home, she initially was told they'd receive zeroes if they didn't go to class... [READ MORE]
Man that's going to be a tough hole to dig yourself out of. Presumably that will piss you off as much as it did me, so you can do what comes naturally.
Hey have you ever have one of those mornings where you wake up and your head is pounding, and you're nausesous, and your breath smells like stale scotch whiskey, and as you sit there in bed wishing some asprin would magically appear on your nightstand, and you suddenly remember some of the embarassing things you did in aq drunken stupor the night before and then your heart starts beating faster and you realize how stupid you acted? Yeah this guy had one of those mornings.
Now I don't want to be accused of spreading any stereotypes, but damn.
i hate them, you hate them, sure we all hate vegans. but these ones are cute. debbie johnson gets my vote!
more rich people who need driving lessons: eddie grriffon + ferrari enzo - driving skillz = pwn3d!
|March 26, 2007|
Yep, It's One Of Them Thar Kinds Of Days.
Warning, only 21 more days until your taxes are due! And I heard the IRS is being especially rough on late payments this year!
You people are some dwarf tossin' motherfuckers. Taking (it) up the rear is Bill with 168k, followed by Jerry with 159k. But the real giant that little people should fear is Rob. Rob tossed 23 dwarves in a row for a final score of 290k. Rob simply crushed everyone else. There were a few scores between Rob and Jerry, but since they were cropped out and I couldn't see the url to make sure they weren't played on a hacked copy... no soup for you!
Pop quiz hot shot. You're sitting on a park bench next to some hot blonde chick . She's fidgeting. After a few minutes she gets up, asks you to watch her bag for her, runs over to a nearby tree and pisses. Standing up. What do you do? What do you do?
Blackstar is the name of a secret program reported by Aviation Week & Space Mag. It's been reported by aviation professionals that have witnessed a an aircraft a recently as 1998 to have seen a full scale XB70 in flight. I'm horrible at writting summaries of what i read but check out these links to the story that broke recently in that magazine. The XB-70 Lives! - Enjoy! Jason
More remote control plane fun, this time an F-22 Raptor inside a gym. But I guess knowing there's no danger in killing anyone kind of takes the fun out of it, eh?
HEy remember Corporal Jason Dunham, who threw himself on a live grenade to save his comrades in Iraq? Well, he's getting a Destroyer named after him. Watch and see how American soldiers have to drive through Iraqi streets to limit their risk of attacks. Even buses aren't immune, damn! More bumper please!
watch as opie and anthony interview the delicious heather graham. and she talks. about masturbation.
hey is anyone wants to spot me $2.2 million, I'll let you take the guest bedroom
|March 24, 2007|
Clearly I Can See You're Nuts.
Personally, I think this is the perfect time to give Iran a taste of what it's in for. Send in the baddest motherfuckers we have, go after the UK soldiers being held captive, kill everything between us them, and make it abundantly clear to everyone that there's more where that came from if they continue to their joyride down Nuclear Boulevard. Hopefully, nip that in the bud so it doesn't result in any full scale war. But for now, do whatever it takes to get the UK guys home.
But one thing I really don't understand about what happened is... the British boarding party was on two little rigid hull inflatable boats. Okay. But do those operate so far from the frigate they're based from, that the frigate couldn't offer some kind of protection? I can't see the Iranian navy just waltzing up, waving 'howdy' and and scooping up fifteen British sailors and marines without the frigate moving to stop them if it could. It's be like going into a cave, waving at momma bear while you collar her cubs, "Yeah, I'm just going to eat these." Then trying to make it back out of the cave without having your ass handed to you.
Better watch our Iran, or we're going to sanction you! Ooooooooo!
do you love THE SHIELD like i do? here's the first 15 minutes of this season's opener. no police burial for Lem. that's fucked up!
touching back upon the earlier plane photos, i always loved the xb-70 and wished it had gone into production. here's some GREAT photos of the test flight collision
|March 23, 2007|
Knowledge Is Powwa! POWWA!
Wow, Iran, that's some set of balls you've got there. Mind if I hold em?
I love you guys. You give me knowledge. I ask a question, I get an answer. Granted, sometimes it takes a few tries to get the right answer, such as the two guys who wrote in suggesting one of yesterday's mystery planes as a B-1 Lancer and F-16 Falcon. Uhhh, no. But with enough time the right answer always comes, it's just a matter of patience. Unfortunately, no chicks wrote in with the right answer, because if they did, they'd be the ideal woman. Anyway, the first email I had a high degree of confidence in came from an Air Force pilot who regularly flies in and around Edwards ...
Hey Big Ern, Long time fan here. Keep up the good work...we enjoy it! As a current Air Force pilot that routinely overflies the Edwards Test Range, I can tell you that the planes you posted from Google Earth are from left to right a B-52 Stratofortress, an F-106 Delta Dart (with trailing edge flaps removed), and an RF-101C Voodoo. Hope this helps. -Bill
Now as it turns out, as reasonable as Bill's answers were, he went one for two. He, along with several other people nailed the third plane as a F-101 Voodoo, and more specifically, the reconnaissance variant. So kudos on that. But Bill was mistaken on the middle plane because the middle plane is not in its original form; it's not an F-106 but a B-58 Hustler bomber that was modified to make the airframe 7 feet longer. This nice catch made by Robert...
Hi Ernie, Saw the update for today with the bombers around Edwards, and here is the answer. A friend of mine an I were looking around Edwards, via Google Earth about 6 months ago when we found them. Doing a bit of research, I found the answer. Seems they were all test aircraft of one sort or another. Since we live about 3 hours away, we are talking about making a trek down to see them. Love your site, keep up the great work! - Robert
So there you have it, mystery solved! So long Snoopy, we hardly knew ye. Anway, getting back to Dwarf on a Wharf from yesterday. It's pretty kick ass, isn't it? And the current leaders are Dan in second place with 80k, and determined not to be beaten again, we have Kyle with 86k. Those are two pretty good scores, so I dunno if anyone's going to beat them. But always rmember this formula for success -- porn star Nikki Hunter + lymphoblastic leukemia + two porn star pals = ebay auction!
"Nobody's in anything. Ike, you're drunk. Go on home and sleep it off." - Noah from MIT.
this one's for you puddy - an A-10 warthog in flight way the fuck up in colorado
if you've ever wanted to get into jessica biel's pants, now's your chance. right after me, that is
an hour long documentary on the late great swingin' saddam hussein
|March 22, 2007|
Why Ike, Whatever Do You Mean?
"There, see? Give somebody a rap on the beezer, get some God damn respect around here." - Ike Clanton.
This girl asks for directions and video tapes the reaction people have to her extremely large tits. Man I'd love to toss and turn on those bad boys!
Poor Carlos. Will your problems never end? Man, getting busted stealing jokes over and over must drive you up a tree sometimes. After the whole thing between him and Joe Rogan, you'd think he would have given up by now. Oh well, the joke is on you this time.
Mike offers up some more crashed planes on Google, this time thet're all permanent residents wedged into the rocks near the flat lakebeds of Edwards AFB. If I had to take a wild guess, I don't think wagering the B-52s were probably active duty planes forced ditch due to a brake failure or some other inflight emergency, would be too far off the mark. The other two planes I'm not so sure of what the fuck they are - notice the geometric objects placed next to them. Used for proper scaling during aerial photography? One of them looks to me like an XB-70? And the other looks like the bastard offspring of a F-117 and a B-1? Again.... anyone know what's what?
Aliens Land. We have a winner! We have a winner! At first I was going to give it to Brenden with 212k since he had the highest score. But. Since you lose points every time you're forced to restart, and the game does have an ending, I have to take the highest completed score, which is Skewbus with 206,020 followed closely by Kyle with 197,940. Sorry Brenden, that's life. But fret not, for someone sends in our next game challenge...
Ernie, Here is a fun game I was sent the other day by a buddy. Thought you could use it in the game challenge. Drawf on a Wharf - Brewer, Maine
You'd think that any trained monkey can do a slingshot game, but you'd be wrong. And I have to admit, it's pretty fucking fun. A couple days late for St Patrick's Day, but again, that's life. My score to beat is 13,136. If you beat that, it'llbe a miracle.
NFL fumbles DMCA takedown battle, could face sanctions - culled from fark!
toyota prius or gm hummer - choose your environemntally friendly vehicle!
|March 21, 2007|
Have You Ever Seen A Grown Man Naked?
I know what you woke up thinking this morning. How can you possibly make it through the week without watching Airplane! at least once. Well, the real answer is you can't. And don't call me Shirley.
So if I may have a little bit of fun at Britney Spears' expense here, so what do you think will be more embarassing when this kid gets older? Being forced to realize he danced and lip synched to Baby One More Time, or that he cried like a little girl when his mom scared him?
Check out these two videos - the first is a clip from South Park where Stan Marsh uses the word nigger, and the second is a five minute report that CNN ran about it the following day. Such controversy over a single word and a cartoon. C'mon guys, that' stupid. Don't you guys have anything better to do with your time?
So which of the following three choices do you think is the most dangerous? (1) Eating a half dozen bacon-wrapped, cheese-filled, battered and fried hot dogs? Your cardiologist probably thinks so. (2) Trying to hang out of the passenger door of a car while your friend speeds along holding a camera? Your neurologist chooses this. Or (3), driving through sweet home Alabama with "NASCAR SUCKS" painted on your car? Well, which one? Choose wisely, Daniel son, choose wisely!
Oh and before I go, be it known that John is in the lead in the Aliens Land game challenge. Well, that's it for me, I'm outta here. Probably going to get a Cherry Blast or something. Catch ya on the flip side!.
huh, and i always thought zeus was the HMFIC. it turns out, chaos is the root of all evil
oh for the love of god - here's the pirates of the caribbean: at world's end trailer. now stop sending the fucking thing in please
|March 20, 2007|
Picture This, If You Will...
So yesterday, two guys I worked with on my last job just flew out to Tel Aviv for "training". And by training I mean sleeping off a hangover in class. Ah, I'm sure they'll have a great time. Just stay safe, guys.
Usually about every two or three weeks, someone sends in a photo that really makes me kind of cover my mouth and go, "What the fuck?" Now I'm not talking about the old staples like Tubgirl or Goatse... those are fucked up on a whole other plane of existance. Come down a few notches and you'll see stuff like this and this and this. But that's the only real downside to running ths site, aside from the obvious time investment. On the flip side, whenever something puzzles me and I post it looking for some answers, you guys come through. Here's the first of several replies to my 'what kind of plane is this' query from yesterday...
Hi Ernie, The aircraft having a bad day at the office looks like an AMX developed by Alenia and Aermacchi of Italy and Embraer of Brazil. Cheers, Chris
Now I can't imagine why anyone would want to get ride of some two hundred Playboys and various other porn stuff, and am even further puzzled by his need for guns. Maybe he's got an ex girlfriend that he wants to go nutzo on? Hey, it is North Carolina, so who knows. me personally, I try to stick to the evil I know - like chicks from the north. Take for example, Leah Remini. I know sometimes she's like two-face from Seinfeld, but when she's on, she's on!
But listen, I'm actually doing this update on stolen wireless from my neighbor, since my cable modem is out. Again. Comcast just bought Time Warner down here, so we're right in the middle of the transition and it's going anything but clean. it's getting to the point where I'm going to be forced to trade my porn in for guns, and go down and kill somebody if they don't get this shit sorted out soon. I feel like a sucker.
everything you ever wanted to know about contacting the head of RIAA, including addresses and phone numbers!
really good pictorial on the first time soviet fighters were ever invited into american airspace, for an airshow back in 1989
|March 19, 2007|
Practice, Practice, Practice...
I can't tell you how important practice is when trying to improve your performance in something. Take for example, pole dancing. Sure we've all seen strippers do it, but it's not a skill that you're born with... hence the need for practice. And if you're going to practice, you might as well video tape it, right?
Here's a pretty cool video montage of the evolution of video games. Starting with my beloved Atari 2600 and running all the way up to the Playstation 3. That's right, a fucking montage!
A female college student on Craigslist was actually Michael Crook, professional jerk (Remember the forsakeourtroops.com site?), who uploaded every picture and email he received in response to his sex ad to Craigslist-Perverts.org. But when a web site discovered his humiliating appearance on Fox News, his own picture ended up on the net. And when he tried to shut them down with a fake copyright notice, they counter-sued and won. The settlement terms they demanded? Crook had to record a video apology to the entire internet.
Aw c'mon, there's no need to hate black people. Just because someone or something is black, doesn't mean it's bad. Like Rodney says, can't we all just get along? The last thing we need is a fresh round of racism like in the 60's.
Ernie, I love e-Bay. My first attempt at selling was absolutely nothing. But the e-Bay Nazi's took it down because it contained nothing. But I did sell five of the new Washington dollars for $5 plus $4 shipping. But this guy is the GOD! Enjoy the warmth while I get cold here in NC. Mad Mike
Behold, as the city of Chicago dyes their river green in preparation of St Patrick's Day. Yep, dad always told me Irish girls are easy. You know, assuming you don't happen to hit on one while she's on the rag.
another fucking montage! only this time, it's a series of pictures a family has taken of themselves over the past 30 years
and today's coolest ebay feedback award goes to...
|March 17, 2007|
Happy St Patrick's Day Weekend
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says "Hey, what's that little green thing down there?"
The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey, what is that thing, anyway?"
The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun."
"Oh, all right." the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking beer.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered. "Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard!" he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT!
This time the Englishman is really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his dick off!" he shouts
"You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have dicks."
"How do they pee, then?" asks the bewilderedEnglishman.
"They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT."
|March 15, 2007|
Now That's Just Not Nice.
Hey, what the fuck are you looking at? Yeah, I'm talking to you. What the fuck are you looking at, I said.
Okay... in order to even be mentioned in the Silver Sphere challenge, you had to cross 30k. Well, except for Kyle and I'm posting him just because he has such an interesting desktop. But anyway, coming closer were Bud, Ryan and John. But winning down the back stretch is Danno with 46,516. Sorry for the late posting on those, there were a lot of entries. If you didn't make the post, don't curse me out, you just didn't try hard enough! I've posted this next game before, so I dunno what the reaction will be. It's called Double Wires. I won't re-explain it because there's no need. If there's not many entries, don't sweat it, we'll move on to something else.
An angry whale knocked a Japanese fisherman out of his small boat on Tuesday, and the whole thing was caught on tape. The man had been trying to rescue the whale, which had strayed out of open waters. The body of the fisherman was later discovered by divers. He was pronounced dead at a nearby hospital. The whale started to thrash and threw two other fishermen from another boat into the water, as well. Because it's all fun and games until man clashes with wildlife.
Aw fuck those dickheads. The last of my friends are flying back to Boston today, so wish them luck. I wonder if they're going through Newark? "Continental Airlines service to Newark Airport now arriving at Gate 114..."
this entire eight and a half minute film depicts what's going on inside one white blood cell
this entire three minute video is dedicated to the cult of the suicide bomber. talk about screws loose.
|March 13, 2007|
Man I Feel Like Shit.
Sorry this post is late, I wasn't feeling well this morning.
Current leader in the Silver Sphere challenge is Geoff with 15,140. Think you can beat him? Prove it.
Google Maps - here's a way you can zoom in and see more than you'd previously thought possible. I tried it at my house, but no dice. I was brokenhearted about it.
Hey Ernie, Big longtime fan for the sight. I recently started playing the Virus2 game that you linked a few days ago and haven't been able to stop playing since. Keep up the good work!! I'm also sending a picture from work a month or so back ... I do heavy hauling up in New Jersey and we ended up rigging a big platform that they use for maintenance under the Verrazano Bridge ... short story ... guess what was parked next to the berth where we were working? Apparently when she got stuck in the mud over at the South Street Seaport, she missed her appointment for dry dock and now has to sit until another dry dock opening comes up. Enjoy the pics. - Robert
Useful tool - how to avoid all the bullshit phone menus and speak to a live person. Assuming you know, the people aren't out on smoke breaks.
Useful advice - while it's never a good idea to cybersex with teenagers, I'd be particularly wary of anyone claiming to be a 14 year old named Cindy. Or at least if you do, make sure the camera catches your good side.
Hey Ernie, I seem to have noticed that you have been posting links to Google Maps with satellite pictures of planes in them. Here is one in Richmond, BC for you to link to. Thanks, Ken
Humble request - if you're going to draw hardcore comics of Kiera Knightly having sex, at least send a fucking copy to me. What the fuck?
Just a refresher - if you're going to go on the Price is Right, you might want to work out a few math problems beforehand so you don't look like a stupid asshole on live tv.
Me? Hell I still feel like shit, so I'll probably just hang out at the house all day. But if I do go anywhere, I'll be sure to wear my seatbelt.
dear guinness book of world records: where’s the alcohol entries?
where are they now? porn stars of the 70's and 80's... culled from gorillamask
|March 12, 2007|
Anyone Else Dragging Their Ass This Morning?
An elderly woman bought a parrot. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the parrot and the next week she put him on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!" Everyone turned to stare at her, she ran out of the church in total embarrassment! The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarrassing situation to the owner. The owner offered the following solution, "If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around five times and return him to your shoulder. So, the! next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just as the sermon started the parrot squawked, "its goddamned cold in here!" Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around five times and placed him back on her shoulder. The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said "Pretty fuckin' windy, too."
What do you get when an upper class girl brings her wigger wanna-be rapper boyfriend to meet her two friends pretend to be engaged? You get a pretty decent practical joke. Because Starbucks be hard, yo.
The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said: "Ladies, remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!" She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember. You're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. Yes?" answered the teacher. "I was just wondering," the man said. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Hey Ernie! I just sent you two pictures, one of a Taco Bell receipt that shows that their manager is Jesus, and a car with a "cute passenger" in it. You've inspired me to keep the camera with me at all times. I love the website, and this is the first time I have been able to contribute to it. Hopefully I can contribute more in the future. Keep up the good work!! Benjie
A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Kipling, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Kipling went to visit this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Kipling, "What you need is jar number 47." So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Kipling to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This tastes like shit!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Kipling," said the doctor. So Mr. Kipling went home.... very mad. One month later, Mr. Kipling decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. "Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!" Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47..."
And please, if you're going to protest GWB, at least do it like the Brazilians do it.
like movie drinking games? here's 919 of them
everything you need to know to avoid getting fucked in a russian mail order bride scam
|March 10, 2007|
Last Flight February 17, 2007 - by Dick Masters.
0350 curbside at 24th and M, Washington DC. 16 Degrees with a light breeze. Going home after my second week of freezing temps to my home in SoCal. Fly my aircraft, ride a horse, climb a mountain and get back to living. I'm tired of the cold.
0425 paying the taxi fare at Dulles in front of the United Airlines counter, still cold.
0450 engaging the self-serve ticker machine and it delivers my ticket, baggage tag and boarding pass. Hmmm, that Marine is all dressed up early...? Oh, maybe,,,Hmm, "Good Morning Captain, you're looking sharp." Pass Security and to my gate for a quick decaf coffee and 5 hours sleep. A quick check of the flight status monitor and UA Flt 211 is on time, I'm up front, how bad can it be? Hmmm, that same Marine, he must be heading to Pendleton to see his lady at LAX for the long weekend all dressed up like that....? Or maybe not? "Attention in the boarding area, we will begin boarding in 10 minutes, we have some additional duties to attend to this morning but we will have you out of here on time." That Captain now has five others with him, BINGO, I get it, he is not visiting his lady, he's an official escort. How I remember doing that once, CACO duty. I still remember the names of the victim and family, The Bruno Family in Mojave..., all of them, wow, that was 24 years ago. I wonder if we will ever know who and why?
On board, 0600: "Good morning folks this is the Captain. This morning we have been attending to some additional duties and I apologize for being 10 minutes late for pushback but believe me we will be early to LAX. This morning it is my sad pleasure to announce that 1st LT Jared Landaker USMC will be flying with us to his Big Bear home in Southern California. Jared lost his life over the sky's of Iraq earlier this month and today we have the honor of returning him home along with his Mother, Father, Brother and uncles. Please join me in making the journey comfortable for the Landaker family and their uniformed escort. Now sit back and enjoy our ride, we are not expecting any turbulence until we reach the Rocky Mountains and at that time we will do what we can to ensure a smooth ride. For those interested you can listen in to our progress on button 9." Up button 9: "Good morning UA 211 you are cleared to taxi, takeoff and cleared to LAX as filed." From the time we started rolling we never stopped. 1st LT Landaker began receiving his due. 4 hours and 35 minutes later over Big Bear MT, the AB320 makes a left roll and steep bank and then one to the right...Nice touch CAPTAIN. Five minutes out from landing, the Captain, "Ladies and Gents after landing I'm leaving the fasten seatbelt sign on and I ask everyone in advance to yield to the Landaker family. Please remain seated until all members have departed the aircraft. Thank you for your patience, we are 20 minutes early." On roll out, I notice red lights, emergency vehicles everywhere. We are being escorted directly to our gate, no waiting anywhere, not even a pause. Out the left window, a dozen Marines in full dress blues. Highway Patrol, Police, Fire crews all in full dress with lights on. A true class act by everyone, down to a person from coast to coast. Way to go United Airlines for doing the little things RIGHT, because they are the big things; Air Traffic Control for getting the message, to all law enforcement for your display of brotherhood.
When the family departed the aircraft everyone sat silent, then I heard a lady say, "God Bless You and your Family, Thank You." Then another, then another, then a somber round of applause. The Captain read a prepared note from Mrs. Landaker to the effect, "Thank you all for your patience and heartfelt concern for us and our son. We sincerely appreciate the sentiment. It is nice to have Jared home." After departing the a/c I found myself along with 30 others from our flight looking for a window. Not a dry eye in the craft. All of us were bawling like babies. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life. We all stood silent and watched as Jared was taken by his honor guard to an awaiting hearse. Then the motorcade slowly made it's way off the ramp. I have finally seen the silent majority. It is deep within us all. Black, Brown, White, Yellow, Red, Purple, we are all children, parents, brothers, sisters, etc...we are an American family. What you don't know is that on the flight I was tapped on the shoulder by Mrs. Landaker who introduced herself to me after I awoke. Early in our taxi out from the gate at Dulles, the gent next to me (a Fairfax City Council Member and acquaintance of the Thuot family) were talking to the flight attendant and mentioned that we had sons serving on active duty, "What do you say? How tragic, they must be devastated." He said many of the passengers had told him the same thing so somewhere in the flight he shared his tidbits with Mrs. Landaker. Our flight attendant had been struggling with what to say, to find the right words, so he told the Landaker family of passengers who were parents of service members who connected with their grief as parents. After I gathered myself, I stepped back to their row, two behind me and introduced myself to Mr. Landaker (a Veteran of South East Asia as a Tanker) and Jared's uncle and brother. What a somber moment. Their Marine Captain escort was a first rate class act. He had been Jared's tactics instructor and volunteered for this assignment, as he said, "Sir, it is the least I could do, he was my friend and a great stick. He absolutely loved to fly, It's an honor to be here on his last flight."
1115: On my connecting flight, my mind raced. How lucky I was to have had an opportunity to fly my father to Spain and ride the carrier USS John F. Kennedy home in 1981. The same year Jared was born. How lucky I was to have my father on the crows landing when I made my final cat shot in an F-14. Jared's father never had that chance. Jared was at war, 10,000 miles away. When Mr. Landaker and I were talking he shared with me, "When Jared was born he had no soft spot on his head and Dr's feared he would be developmentally challenged. He became a Physics Major with Honors, high school and college athlete, and graduated with distinction from naval aviation flight school! He was short in stature, but a Marine all the way."
February 7, 2007, Anbar Province, Iraq. - 1st LT Jared Landaker United States Marine Corps, Hero, from Big Bear California, gave his live in service to his country. Fatally wounded when his CH-46 helicopter was shot down by enemy fire, Jared and his crew all perished. His life was the ultimate sacrifice of a grateful military family and nation. His death occurred at the same time as Anna Nicole Smith, a drug using person with a 7th grade education of no pedigree who dominated our news for two weeks while Jared became a number on CNN. And most unfortunately, Jared's death underscores a fact that we are a military at war, not a nation at war. Until we become a nation committed to winning the fight, and elect leaders with the spine to ask Americans to sacrifice in order to win, we shall remain committed to being a nation with a military at war, and nothing more.
1st LT Landaker, a man I came to know in the sky's over America on 17 February 2007, from me to you, aviator to aviator, I am unbelievably humbled. It was my high honor to share your last flight. God bless you. Semper Fi - Dick Masters
so long 1st LT Jared Landaker, USMC, we hardly knew ye
oh by the way, it's chuck fucking norris' birthday!
|March 8, 2007|
Why There's Never Going To Be Peace In The Middle East, Part Deux.
Regarding a few comments I made about my grandfather a couple of days ago, made me remember something. Growing up I hated Japanese people. Being from a medium sized city in New York, which isn't exactly flourishing in culture, I didn't know any. I hadn't seen any. Hell I didn't even know anyone who had seen someone who was half Japanese. But I hated them none the less. I'll tell you why.
I've been told the story of how my grandfather was killed only one time. I was around, eh, ten years old I think. Give or take a year or so. Trying to think back I can't recall the exact details, but it went something like this. He was a fireman in the Navy. He was doing something in the proximity of a fire truck (go figure). For some reason I want to say that he was underneath it working on it, but I'm not sure if that's something my imagination has concocted after all these years or not. Suffice to say he was close enough that when the Japanese bomb scored a direct hit on the fire truck itself, his body was riddled with shrapnel. Not the tear-you-limb-from-limb kind of shrapnel, but more of the Chinese-death-by-a-thousand-pinpricks kind of shrapnel. Survived the initial blast. Evacuated back to the United States, presumably California since that's where my father is from. Made it to the operating table. Died while under medical care.
My father has a picture of him in his Navy uniform, hanging on his bedroom wall. Old, too. The kind of crusted paper that's coatsed in shellac and has yellowed with age.
Anyway, my point being -- upon hearing this story I felt it was my 'duty' to hate Japanese people. Never mind that the event in question happened two generations ago. Never mind the fact that I didn't know any Japapese people. I just somehow reasoned that it was my job as a good grandson to bear malice towards my ancestor's enemies. That if I didn't feel this way, I'd somehow be betraying the memory of my grandfather. I wasn't told to feel this way, nor was I learning by example; my father would not come home from work, throw down his lunch bucket and say, "fuckin Japs." As time has gone on, I've obviously come to get a better grip on things. But I've still got a few quirks; even today I won't buy something made in Japan if I can help it. (Good thing he wasn't killed by the Chinese, or I'd be fucked eh?) And somehow I always end up remembering August 6th and 9th whenever those dates lazily roll around. Weird, trivial shit like that.
I know kids do some really dumb things sometimes, but as unguided as my feelings were I'm sure they aren't uncommon for someone in my position. Translate that over to this generation's major events. US vs Iraq. Russia vs Chechnya. England vs Argentina. Serbia vs Croatia. Israel vs Egypt & Syria & Lebanon & Palestine. US vs Afghanistan. And the list goes on but I've only got so much space to write in. Look at the young child of a soldier killed in Iraq. Ten years fromnow when this is all said and done, do you think they'll ever, ever, ever look at an Iraqi and not have a bitter taste in their mouth? Or the son of a Taliban fighter - regardless of how 'evil' his father was and how 'good' the American soldier was that killed him, do you think he's ever going to see the American flag and not be a little pissed off?
That's why we need to kill them and eat their babies.
Hey Ernie, So I was running the LA Marathon on Sunday and I notice this sign on a few people running the marathon and thought of you and the site. Someone is loving Ernie, even in LA. - Albert (p.s. in case your wondering, I did finish the marathon)
General vehicular amusement. More or less a sum up of what we get up to in our spare time up north, enjoy. - Josh
I know you love military stuff and we all love women !!! So here's the best of both! Wish I had some girls in my unit that looked like this.... great site, I have all my friends reading it now. chad
Okay, tiume for me to run. Going to see if we can't get tickets to the Sox's preseason game today against the Blue Jays.
let's make a bmw - from start to finish!
worried about what to do in case of a zombie attack? well worry no further!
|March 7, 2007|
Yes, I Know It's A Joke.
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather relieved look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Yep, it probably wasn't the same elephant.
I haven’t seen this on your site yet. You always seem to be ahead of everyone else as far as leading new content. I visit your site often and when I saw this I thought “oh, this is definitely something Ernie would have on his site. Enjoy the site. Keep up the good work. - Brian
Winner in the Pandemic 2 challenge is Rich with 707! Sigh, why do so many people have trouble with the PrtScrn button? Hey real quick, do you think this guy makes Jewish people nervous?
bad news: you're in a car accident. good news: you're unhurt. bad news: you were transporting two five gallon buckets of paint
law and order meets star wars: han solo on trial for greedo's murder
yummy, yummy, yummy, i got food in my tummy. four wolves decide to borrow a bear's snackey cakes
|March 6, 2007|
Where Were You The Night Of The 5th?
Okay, so the short version on why I was so damned busy yesterday.
But first, a quick lesson on how homeowners insurance works here in the great state of Florida. Here, like anywhere, insurance companies assess their risk of bearing the financial burden to replace or repair your home in the event of damage. What's the biggest source of damage here in the sunshine state? Hurricanes, duh. And you might be as surprised to find out as I was that here, there are two different deductibles on a homeowner's policy. The first is like any other state.... fire, tree falling on it, water damage from a hot water heater failure, shit falls off, etc... same crap as everywhere else, and runs the same amount - $500. Meaning the first $500 in damage is the responsibility of the homeowner, the rest gets paid for by your insurance company. This keeps them from getting nickel-and-dimed to death, and cuts down on an assload of paperwork, I'm sure.
Now we get to the second deductible -- the hurricane deductible. This little gem I didn't know about until afterI moved down here. It's a clause that states, that if a named storm -- tropical storm or hurricane -- comes through your county, then the deductible for any damage caused by that storm jumps to 5% of your home's appraised value. Now some policies written 4-5 years ago have lower thresholds like 2-3%, whatever. But mine? yep 5%. Newer policies - if they can even be written - are being done at 6%. But anyway, think about that for a second. Take your average $100,000 home. A 5% deductible is $5,000! And a $200,000 homes carries a $10,000 deductible! That's some pretty scary shit.
Which brings us to one of the ways you can protect your home from damage. By having hurricane shutters installed. Hurricane shutters are metal barriers that cover your doors and openings, and are pretty much just a more permanent solution to the redneck mounting sheets of plywood over his windows. What makes this so important is if one of youu windows busts out, wind now gets inside and exerts a huge upwards pressure on the inside of your roof. Then before you know it, you have a skylight the size of, well, your house. Thus protect the windows, protect the roof. Protect the roof, protect the house. The catch is, hurricane shutters ain't cheap. And when I say ain't cheep, think just south of $10,000. So really what you're buying for roughly the price of one hurricane deductible, is protection of never having to pay your hurricane for real and all the associated horror that goes along with it: having to jump through all the insurance company hoops, living in a hotel, seeing your stuff destroyed. Besides, who wants to have their place all fucked up? So really if they work once, they've paid for themselves.
So yesterday morning I was meeting the fine folks at Eurex shutters, getting the nickel tour of their factory, and one home equity line of credit later... signing a contract to have hurricane shutters installed. Hopefully if we have a few hurricane-free seasons like we did last year, insurance policies and their deducibles will lower. But for now, it's only prudent to prepare for the worst. Murphy's Law and all that. "But Ernie, it's not hurricane season yet." Precisely why I'm getting this work done now. See, I'm a forward thinker.
Oh and I do have some friends from Boston coming to visit over the next few days, so if I miss an update don't get all bent out of shape. Besides, I'm sure we'll be enjoying the nice weather. W00t!
the bugatti veyron: 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. 60-0 in .001 seconds with the assistance of a slow moving truck
american idol's antonella barba's sexy photos taken at the wwii memorial fountain. to be honest, i really don't have a problem with it. and japs killed my grandad!
|March 4, 2007|
Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.
|March 2, 2007|
Oh My God!
Oh my God, am I the only person who didn't know Jeremy Piven wears a rug? I mean I had no fucking clue! Surprised the hell out of me.
Oh my God, do I have a great fucking game challenge for you. Since the original Pandemic went over so well, I was just tickled pink when I discovered they came out with a sequel. But be forewarned, it's a fuckload easier to lose at this one, and by that I mean the cures come a lot faster. So you've got to be quick on your feet if you want to bring about the Extinction of Man. Some of the game options have been moved and it has a not-annoying soundtrack this time, too.
Dear Ernie, Remember me? Of course you do. I was the one with the huge Matt Lauer head. The day I was on the Today Show, they announced a contest to be a guest anchor for today, March 2nd. You had to submit a 2-minute video telling why you should be on there, blah, blah. Well, here's my video. Why didn't they pick me?? (It's my hair, isn't it. Am I too fat?) Now what am I gonna do with myself? Thanks for listening, Bummed in Boston
Oh my God, am I the only person who thinks she'd have been a shoe in if she would just loosen the top three buttons on her blouse? Susan, don't you know everything is better with boobs! It does look like you have a tight little ass on you, so you've got that going for you. But seriously Susan, good luck with that advertising career -- I like your work so far!
Oh my God, I made some extra hot dogs if anyone wants one. "Because everyone's looking at me like I'm a nutjob but I want you guys to seriously think about, uh, God and Jesus Christ dying on the cross for you." What a dumbass. Too bad he didn't break his neck. That guy Jamie, not Jesus, he's already got enough problems.
a rare look inside the largest crane and container ships
|March 1, 2007|
Welcome to March, Today Is Movie Day.
Nigga, please! That can't be for real, can it?
"If you take in a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
How cool is that? it's always nice good to see some people being nice to animals. Even cats.
Two of my buddies & I aquired an old, full size windshield pane from the armored truck company we worked for. It was approximately 6' wide, 2 1/2' to 3' tall and a good 2" thick. Since I had a hell of a time trying to rescue it from the dumpster on my own (thanx for the help guys) I believe it weighed in aroud 150 - 200 lbs. We fired at it from about 20' away at an angle of approximately 10-15 degrees back and approximately 5-10 degrees to the side. In real life we would probabaly not have an attacker fire point-blank from dead ahead as that would mean they were on the hood of the truck. We didn't want to worry about ricochet (or back-blast) either. We had it leaned back against a solid rebar post so I figure with the solid backstop and the sheer weight of the pane itself, it would closely simulate properties as if it were actually installed in the truck. [see the photos...]
Wow, he's lucky he didn't get busted by the cops. Or even worse.
can you match the troublemaking celeb to the mischief that got ‘em kicked out of school? hint: chevy chase likes goats
academy award winners -- spiderman 3 game trailer -- the white rapper show