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E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
LET'S BRING EM HOME 2018 HAS COMPLETED 99 TICKETS SO FAR!
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November 30, 2006 | |
It's Part Of A Healthy Breakfast!Yep, that Ron Jeremy sure is one funny motherfucker! Now this is the most awesomest thing ever. Poor Michael Richards, still catching shit for pickin on the black man while he's down! This is your cat. This is your cat on drugs. Any questions? What's that? How do they react to catnip leaves? I dunno. Just do as you're told and there won't be any problems, ok?
Man, just goes to show ya. You can never be too careful. I guess there is some truth in advertising after all? Game Challenges. Winner of the Switchboard challenge is... Jeff with 676 points. He just picked apart his competition. New Game Challenge tomorrow! tony vs paul, a very cool stop motion video. you are a jerk! |
November 29, 2006 | |
Goodbye Cruel World.At the conclusion of this post, I'm going to walk outside, wait for the next bus, and step in front of it. Those of you who are religious believe that God won't put any burden in our paths that we are not strong enough to handle. But I'm afraid to report I've experienced something just too much for me to bear. Why Jessica, why did you do this to me? Of all people to cheat on me with? Derek Jeter? How could you? Ladies and gentlemen, my spirit is broken. Softly, I weep. Prick. Anyway, for anyone who hasn't seen it, here's the legendary chase scene from Bullit. Personally, I think it's a crock of shit because the '68 charger probably would have outmuscled the smaller pony car and gotten away, but what do I know. I did cringe when the Charger crashed into the gas station and caught fire. As a fan of the old Mopars, it was very difficult for me to watch. Pretty fucked up about that boat though eh? I wonder if things could have turned out any worse for them.
How fucking cool is that! The guy sets up one monster bash to be kicked off if he's killed in Iraq. And sadly he was, so alas, it must have been one hell of a party. So long Toz, We Hardly Knew Ye. AWESOME ALERT. Using both GPS satellite techniques and triangulation based on phone towers, locate a mobile/cellular phone anywhere in the world! And a tip, no dashes when you put the number in, otherwise it complains. This is fucking cool! EVEN MORE AWESOMER ALERT. Check out the trailer for the new Van Wilder movie. Also, on the side of the trailer, there is a link to a contest people are running where college students upload crazy party pictures for a chance to star in a short film shooting in connection with MGM and win some cash. For people not entering the contest, they can also just stop by and check out some of the other crazy pictures that have been posted. Besides, it's Van Wilder, man! we look at the multitude of nagging little questions lost has left us with thus far i have had it with this muthafuckin duct tape on this muthafuckin plane! |
November 28, 2006 | |
Ah, What A Nice Nap I Had.But, truth be told, I wasn't really napping. Nor have I been working on my tan. Quite the contrary actually... it's been a busy weekend with LBEH. I've forgotten how much friggin work this is! And we're running into kind of a funding crunch, so I've been thinking. Perhaps it might help if I shared a little incentive?
Now, if that's not enough to make you want to donate, consider this. I'm selling my jetski to help pay for tickets. Here's a picture of it. So don't be cheap... donate a few bucks! And in case you were curious... yes, I still shave my head. Yes Britney still shaves her pussy. And yes, she is still my kind of girl. |
November 26, 2006 |
Take The Weekend Off. Why Thanks You, I Will.getenoughtoeat - innocenceisbliss - tastetherainbowfull - turnthisgirlon |
November 24, 2006 |
Happy Leftover Day! Please Enjoy Your...[an error occurred while processing this directive] |
November 23, 2006 |
Happy Thanksgiving.And just what are YOU thankful for as this year's holiday season comes upon us? It's that time of the year again where I call upon you, my faithful readers, to help me out with honoring our country's military. To thank them for a job well done, and let them know their efforts don't go unnoticed. This year we received an early request, from the family of Sgt. Kevin Downs. Now, any of you who keep up with snopes or get the occasional prayer-chain email, know who Sgt Downs is. If not, you can read about what happened to him here, or do a Google search. You'll be surprised at what you find about this young hero. Well for the past two years Kevin has called his hospital room his home; going through months of surgery and rehabilitation at Brooke Army hosptital in San Antonio. This year he was also faced with another emotional setback: the prospect of spending another Thanksgiving away from his family. That's where you came in. The EHOWA army said they're not going to let that happen. So as you read this post, know that Sgt Kevin Downs is enjoying a Thanksgiving turkey with his family, thanks to a plane ticket paid for by LBEH. A plane ticket bought and paid for by donations from generous people -- such as yourself -- over the past year. And while his airfare has been taken paid for, there are dozens of soldiers lined up still waiting for a ticket; for a chance for something no more extravagant than to spend Christmas with their families. Something that I think we all take for granted, I'll bet. So as you look around your home today, bustling with laughter and family, try to imagine what it would feel like to be like to be the only person there. Well, here's your chance to give a little something back to those who have given so much for us. Because LET'S BRING EM HOME 2006 starts tomorrow. We've already got some 20+ tickets requests, so let's get ahead of the curve and get those donations in folks. We've started a little late this year because some drama going on on my end, but no matter what petty crap I had to deal with, it pales in comparison to the hardships our nation's military families faces each and every day. Don't make their situation worsen by letting them spend the holidays alone away from their family. As a reminder, your donations are tax deductible since LBEH is a 5013(c) charity. I'll be updating the donors page this weekend, so if you've sent in any bucks and don't see your name in lights yet, stay tuned. Okay kids, here come the most anticipated words of the entire year; Let's Bring Em Home! |
November 22, 2006 | |
Taste The Rainbox!A bit more on Tazer Boy from UCLA. Think of it from the cop's perspective. Do you really think they believed they'd be able to walk into one of the most liberal schools on the western coast, single out a minority (in this case an Iranian American), and get away with unjustifiable force in front a library packed with witnesses? I mean c'mon, if this happened after they drug his ass out to a dark alley behind the library and didn't realized they were being filmed, then sure, I'd agree with you. But given most of this happened in front of dozens of people, most with cellphone cameras visibly capturing the footage, you don't think the cops would be very conservative in their use of force, simple because they didn't want to be accused of abuse of authority? They tasered the guy and demanded he get up. He did not. He did not attempt to. He simply said, "i'm leaving what more do you want". That answer is very clear: you were asked by law enforcement to provide identification. From what I can see/hear. He made no attempt to get up, but just started shouting off this vile diatribe about, "Here is your fucking Patriot Act!". Again the order was repeated 3-4 times, "Sir get up or I will taser you again." His response? Screaming about police brutality and abuse of power. My first question would be, what the hell does this have to do with the Patriot Act, national policy, your ethnicity, or anything else than what it is: cops asked you for id and you refused to show it and tried to leave. Period. Let me ask you this. Let's say the cops asked him for his id, he refused and they allowed him to leave, only to walk around find a female student beaten and raped int he back of the library. She describes the man who did it and what do you know: it's a perfect match for the guy they just let walk out of the library without showing his id. What do you think would happen to the cops then? The cops only raised their guard about the crowd after they started to interfere with the arrest. People can be seen stepping into the fray and demanding stupid shit like, "what's your badge number. Like that couldn't wait until after the situation was resolved the suspect was in custody? Somehow the cops are going to teleport out a'la Star Trek the instant they get cuffs on the guy without anyone having a chance to talk to them? Let the cops do their job and contain the situation they worry about your 'whats your badge number' line. And Jesus, even that's antiquated. Getting badge numbers worked back in the 1960's when paper records were kept. Nowadays everything is electronic... how many police officers do you think were working for UCLA at that time of night? Four? Five? You don't think that a crowd of two dozen people could pick the arresting officers out of a lineup of 5 people if they had to?
AWESOME ALERT. Check out the trailer for the new Van Wilder movie. Also, on the side of the trailer, there is a link to a contest people are running where college students upload crazy party pictures for a chance to star in a short film shooting in connection with MGM and win some cash. For people not entering the contest, they can also just stop by and check out some of the other crazy pictures that have been posted. I'm not aware of any of the students being tazed, though. HAHAHA. Besides, it's Van Wilder, man! Oh, and Kevin enlisted the help of Satan to take the lead in Switchboard... okay serious warning time, even verified by snopes.com - be careful of gift cards this year |
November 21, 2006 | |
Can't A Brother Get A Little Respect?Now girls, please, no fighting. Well, okay, go ahead and fight if you really want to. On the Letterman show, Jerry Seinfeld conceded some of his time to Michael Richards who apologized for racist remarks he made during a stand up comedy routine earlier in the week. I'm not sure if I buy the, "I'm not a racist," line, but at least the guy is trying to make ammends. I know there's a lot of harsh feelings out there on this, but you have to remember... it's a dog eat dog world world out there. Game Challenges! Current challenge if you remember, is Switchboard. Current leader? Three way tie between Aryj, Brian, and Johnny G all with 636 points.
Every once in awhile the driver for my video card goes a little freaky and as I scroll up and down a webpage, the text doesn't refresh right. But talk about bad timing. Ha! Sorry Mike! this is an awesome norelco commercial about keeping your franks and beans well shaven be warned sweaty hands + faulty wiimote wrist strap = broken ass tv |
November 20, 2006 | |
People Really Aren't THIS Stupid, Are They?These guys think they're cool because they go out, wait in line and manage to buy a Playstation 3, then take it outside and smash it to pieces in front of the crowd of people waiting to buy one. Sure it's funny in a Three Stooges kind of way, but given PS3's are selling on ebay for $3,000 plus, who is the joke really on? I think it's funnier some assholes are willing to fork over what amounts to a brand new car, just to play games. Ever wonder how the military's POS M-4 carbine is made? Well, wonder no longer! Man I hope we adopt a newer weapon soon, as the M-16/4 style is just getting old. Hmmm, come to think of it, I bet she has a really stinky bush.
Certain things make me happy, and certain things make me angry. Want to make me happy? Smother me with boobs. It's that simple. because if you 'dis me, then I'll stab your ass! a video detailing the largest nuclear explosion ever - the russian 100 megaton bomb prince charles sure has a lot of medals. hmmm, i wonder where they came from... |
November 19, 2006 |
More Moving Crap. |
November 17, 2006 | |
Oh Cry Me A River, You Fucking Idiot.So now all the big hub-bub is about the stupid ass at UCLA who got himself tasered by the campus police because he refused to show his id when asked. All the cops were trying to do is the same thing they do every night after normal campus hours... check everyone in the library to make sure they are in fact affiliated with UCLA and aren't tresspassing. This is for the safety of both students and staff. Well, Mr Tazered Man decided he was going to fight the power and try to push past the police to walk out of the library when they asked him for his id. The cops prevented him from doing so and he got beligerent. And you know where that leads? That's right, Tazed and Confused. And to any fucking idiot out there who claim it's impossible to stand after being tased, that's a bunch of bullshit. Go to Youtube, do a search on "taser" and you'll see dozens of people being zapped and standing right up afterwards. The only difference is they learned to keep their fucking mouth shut after being tasered the first time, and this asshole from UCLA didn't. This kid was just being a cock, wanted to stir up controversy, and got his ass handed to him instead. We've all seen it a million times folks. if you don't want to get tasered, then do what the fucking cops tell you to do. Simply put, he got what he deserved. So get over it. Hell, my only complaint is they weren't real guns.
The Russian aircraft carrier Minsk was laid down in 1972, launched on 30 September 1975, completed on 27 September 1978, and decommissioned on 30 June 1993. Minsk operated in the Pacific Fleet and was a Kiev capital ship. She had to be retired as a result of a major accident which could only be repaired at Chernomorksi's facility, located in the newly-independent Ukraine. In 1995 she was sold to a South Korean businessman, and later resold to Shenzhen Minsk Aircraft Carrier Industry Co Ltd, China. Until 2006, when the company went bankrupt, Minsk was part of a military theme park in Shatoujiao, Shenzhen called "Minsk World". I can imagine retired Russian soldiers looking on in horror as their pride and joy was turned into a fucking theme park for the Chinese. Sigh, it almost seems a shame we're going to have to sink it and the Admiral Kuznetsov when China decides to make them both operational. You can even see the Minsk in its new berth via Google Earth here. |
November 16, 2006 | |
It's On, Baby! It's On! And Remember To Press F5.Game Challenges, man you guys are all over Switchboard, aren't you? Current leader? Alex with 586. Now, some of you are still having trouble with the whole Print Screen concept so I'll go over it again. Play the game. Get your highest score. With that score still displayed on the screen, press the key on the top right of your keyboard labeled "PRT SCRN/SYSRQ". A screen cap of your desktop is in your computer's clipboard. Open your favorite graphics package... Photo Editor, Photo Shop, Paint Shop, whatever. Paste as a new image. Don't worry about cropping or resizing the image, I'll take care of that. Save as a file, preferably a jpeg, and please remember to give it somwhat of a unique file name. Receiving 30 copies of a file called "myscore.jpg" doesn't help me much. Email the file to attachment@ehowa.com and wait to see if you've been beaten or not. It's that simple, so get to it.
Britney. Oh, my sweet Britney. You were so hot once. How could you do this to me? For any of you who missed yesterday's post, Here's some info on the pending Britney Spears/K-Fed (gag) sex tape. There's mumblings that portions have already been released and are circulating on a few internet sites, but that's unconfirmed at this point. All I know is she's never going to be the same since getting your ass fingered by Cletus. Never. Sigh. |
November 15, 2006 | |
I Have Such Sights To Show You!Well, that didn't take long. You know, only a fucking week. But hey, I'm back in business so who's gonna complain, right? It's going to take me a few days for me to sort through all the stuff that's come in over that period and decide what's getting posted and what's not. And yes, that does include some more entries in the Best Tits contest, plus we're going to be kicking off LBEH 2006 this week. So stay tuned. Remember the photo of the B-1 bomber that made a wheels up landing? Well, here's some pictures of it being lifted off the runway. Mental note: When doing a news interview about downloading mp3's, make sure your porn is in a seperate directory. Alright? Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on these motherfucking strippers! Game Challenge update. Winner on Chain Letters is Malcom with 31,680. He blew the doors off the next nearest score, which was Paul's 12k. So.... time to spend a little more time away from the keyboard, Malcom. So what's next? I'll tell you, Switchboard. Very simple premise. Click the green and white dots when they light up. Do not click the red ones. Now, you can simply coast through all 25 levels by clicking only on the green ones, since they're bigger and stay lit longer, but the real scores from the white ones which are smaller and only stay lit for a brief period. Oh, just play the game, you'll see what I mean.
That's some funny shit. Beat down by a cheerleader. No doubt that guy's going to get bis balls broken for a long, long fucking time. hey did anyone else know you can get free 411 by calling an 800 #? |
November 14, 2006 |
Day Nine. Is He Here Yet? Is He Here Yet? Is He Here Yet? Is He Here Yet? lindsay lohan in bikini set - doesmybeertastewarm - flameoutinengine1again - mikehuntchokes |
November 13, 2006 |
Day Eight. Tomorrow Is The Day. We're Almost Home! justabadidea - naturalsaltlick - twolambos - warningnodrugs |
November 12, 2006 |
Day Seven. Okay, Seriously. Somebody Kill Me. assblowinggirls - girlsjustcantholdit - jesuslovesme - misformilkshake |
November 11, 2006 |
Day Six. Sorry No Time To Talk, I'm Too BUSY WAITING. dover afb c-5 galaxy crash - hellokittycutie - outoffuelhud - turdstation |
November 10, 2006 |
Day Five. And Wait. This Is Awesome. Waiting Kicks Ass! andersoncoopertatoo - brunettenewblonde - hostagerescueteam - wheredawhitewomenat |
November 9, 2006 |
Day Four. Now We Wait... And Believe You Me, At 16kps, I'm Waiting A Lot. analcroissant - notquiteright - helpdeskwarning - propertyofjolene |
November 8, 2006 |
Day Three. The New Service Request.CONTESTANTS 13-16 ADDED - eggandcheesedeal - ezrideassfarm - piquaprotocol |
November 7, 2006 |
Day Two. The Actual Disconnect. At Least I Think.imkindofabigdeal - bestpregnantcostume - thatpoordog - wednesdayisladiesday |
November 6, 2006 |
Day One. The Disconnect Request. |
November 4, 2006 | ||
I'm Sorry Did You Say Something, Dear?Okay, this week's updates will be all thumbnails, and no text. Reason being, I'll be in the middle of a cable disconnect/connect switch over so my internet connection will be choked off for awhile. For some reason, Time Warner can't have a pending connect under my name, while there is a pending disconnect under my roommate's. No, theirs has to be completely disconnected first, before mine can even be scheduled for a connect. It's asinine, but that's the way it is. So I'm going to stock up some good shit, and dish them out with thumbnail links via my neighbor's hijacked wireless, much like I did back when I was on vacation back in May. Also got some more entries for the Best Tits contest that I'm anxious to get posted as well. So while I won't be writing much, I will be working my ass off behind the scenes.
I think as soon as I heard, "Comin' at ya from west Alabama," I knew he was speaking the truth...
The story Taking Chance is here. Alright folks, catch ya again in a bit. Be on the look out for me... livin like a fat cat! |
November 3, 2006 | |
I'm Sorry Did You Say Something, Dear?See, I was so distracted by that beautiful cleavage that I made a mess. Who's gonna clean this up? Because now I got some asshole complaining about my driving, and my dog is hooking himself. Girls can be difficult to figure out sometimes. Do they just love us for our dicks? Or because we paddle their asses like no other? Or maybe because we buy them food. Lots of food.
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November 2, 2006 | |||
Sorry Folks.My roommates moved out yesterday, so I was busy as a son of a bitch and din't have the opportunity to update. But never fear, things are slowly returning to normal in the EHOWA household. My new furniture gets delivered Tuesday (charged it, thank you very much), and sometime between now and then, the carpets will be replaced... I have to take care of that today. Man, with all this coming and going, almost makes me feel like I'm back in the Air Force. So, wish me luck. Also, thanks to a few Firefox weenies who sent in solutions to my mouseover issue. I'll do another post on that when I get the chance for a breather, in the meantime, see if you can find the red dot for me.
Anyone catch Jay Leno's Halloween episode, where he featured the animated Vomit Barrel? Well, here it is! I bet that thing would be a blast. Plus Jessica Alba isn’t jumping on the dieting bandwagon that so many too-skinny actresses have decided to follow. She has said that she is ditching dieting because she is proud of her curvy figure. w00t!
Now normally, one might ask if those guys are the dumbest bastards on the internet, and sadly the answer is no. But if you think you're smart, then take this movie quiz where all the clues are given using office supplies.
Okay, some gory stuff for you. One, when body scarification goes bad. Two, Reservoir Dogs boiled down to all the important parts. And three, pictures of a kid that's been eaten by a crocodile. So enjoy the rest of your lunch! quick, somebody loan me $7,900 with no questions asked. hurry up, time's a wastin' graphic video - counter ambush operation with charlie company and map4 - apr 28, 2006 |
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