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E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
LET'S BRING EM HOME 2018 HAS COMPLETED 99 TICKETS SO FAR!
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July 31, 2006 | |||||
Well, I Guess Congratulations Are In Order.So in this past weekend's update, I mentioned that I might make Arrow Tag the next game challenge, but unlucky soul that I am, couldn't make it past level 7 (damn top arrow...). Well, some of you not only made it past level 7, but completed the game and this makes me happy. I hate picking games that go on forever and ever -- I like a finite ending. Which is why Ball Revamped & Arcade Lines did so well. Anyway, the following people have actually completed Arrow Tag, and much to my delight, upon completion the game shows how long it took... [jason - mike d - trakker - shane] But as good as you guys were, right now this guy is in the driver's seat. So if you, or any of the other guys think you can beat 7:43, then go for it. Just don't spend too much time in front of the computer, because it can get frustrating.
So I finally found a way to keep my roommate's dog from drinking out of the toilet. I took a hint from my Puritan forefathers and put him in a stock. check out this f1 racing car, broken down piece by piece and suspended in midair |
July 30, 2006 | |||||
Whoa, What A Weekend.If that doesn't make you laugh, then I guess me robbing a bank isn't going to do much for you either. And if you don't laugh at either of those, then you suck huge monkey balls. So don't be stealing my mojo. Another entry in the Things That Require an Explanation Department. Those are always good clean fun.
check out these four awesome fucking videos from pat dollard |
July 28, 2006 | ||||||||
Well, It Seems I've Found My First Ex-Wife."Emergencies have always been necessary to progress. It was darkness which produced the lamp. It was fog that produced the compass. It was hunger that drove us to exploration. And it took a depression to teach us the real value of a job." - Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885) Ladies and gentlemen. May we, as humble citizens of our planet, cradling the the very soul of mankind in our hopes and dreams, never stop exploring.
You know, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. The Israelis and the Arabs are just never going to get along. There's been too much violence for too long to stop now.
First try? Over a thousand? Well fuck you, Todd! But you are in the lead... You were close, Frank, but not close enough! Anyone dare to challenge him?
Oh, and speaking of southern fun, what say we all go ATV'ing sometime? if you were curious what kinds of cars were on that almost capsized ship? it's mazdas thanks to shumpy for getting a metric assload of the links i used today boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! |
July 27, 2006 | |||||||
I'm Keeping A Very Close Eye On You.I know it's been a long time since school, but there are a few things I remember from my physics class. Specifically, the formula for centrifugal force. Which is... Fc = mv2/r - Where "Fc" = centrifugal force, "m" = mass, "v" = speed, and "r" = radius. For those of you finding that a little hard to grasp on a practical level, these folks will demonstrate it for you here. Please be grateful for their effort, I'm sure it came with a price.
Oh, and do me a favor. When you send in your screen captures, try to get a little more creative with the file names other than "myscore.jpg" or "blowup.gif" -- you and 90 million other people name your files the same thing and I don\'t know whether to shit or go blind. Try "joeindetroit.jpg" or something like that, will ya? video from the su-27 crash that happened four years ago today. watch your head! well i guess we can finally put this question to bed! |
July 26, 2006 | ||||||
A Great Day Is Almost Upon Us!Ladies, if you're not spoken for, you can give me a call at 555-FUCK. And that's only if you don't mine showing off your body. How to know when you like boys. How to know when you like girls.
anyone for nice 40oz labatts blue lamp? yes? no? anybody? |
July 25, 2006 | ||||||
Oh No, Not Again!C'mon guys, in the overall history of man one of the worst things you can do is stare at a woman's breasts while she's talking to you, so don't do it. Here's some bird eye vies of some of the famous houses in Hollywood. For you Simpsons fans, sorry, I looked for Disco Stu's but no luck.
You know what sounds like fun? I'll tell you what sounds like fun. Breaking into a water park and inline skating down all the rides. That, my friend, sounds like fun. I was just disappointed nobody split their head open. a comprehensive look at the timelines of back to the future and marty mcfly somebody had a hell of a fucking honeymoon. and has a total hottie wife, to boot. |
July 24, 2006 | |||||
I'm Not Fat, I'm Big Boned.Some things just warrant an explanation because without it, they can get downright scary. Wow, did anyone else know Bruce Wayne was a fugitive from justice? pretty fucking cool juggling video no peace, no pussy - not shy, just a bitch |
July 22, 2006 | |||||
My Achey Brakey Heart.Well, it's cloudy and rainy here in southwest Florida, so not much to do today other than, well, you know. Which of course will lead to, well, you know. I got some additional photos of the F-111 wheels up landing that I posted esarlier in the week. a nice rally car crash - would make a great commercial for alpine stars, though! |
July 21, 2006 | ||||||
Oh, If I Have To.Now this is the definition of irony. Johnny Damon is being a little girl about some bibs that a woman is selling on ebay. Now I had never heard of this until I came across this article that was linked on the front page of CNN.com. So for an issue Johnny evidently wanted to keep quiet, it's now national news, and the best part is now the seller's auctions are going ballistic. Serves him right! Awwwwww! Somebody call him a Waa-ambulance! Waaaaaa! Let's all celebrate 25 years of Microsoft glory! because remember, there's always a nice rainbow after every stosm! Yeah!
Some of the coolest videos ever -- a whole website dedicated to nuclear detonations! My personal fav? Go to the bottom, 'Weapons Effects' and you'll see a video of a Chinese blast test with this poor atomic monkey. I bet he ain't curious no more. Hey real quick, how do my ass implants look? Ok? And remember, you goddamn cheaters, you're supposed to be playing Blow Up on HARD! hey uncle al is for sale. oh, i should point out that uncle al is a 16' long aligator |
July 20, 2006 | |||||||
Fuck That Little Kid, And The Horse He Rode In On.Okay, I gotta be honest. The guy in the White House is rapidly starting to lose his cool points with me. Among a handful of other reasons, this recent veto of the embryonic stem cell bill is nothing but religious lunacy. When 80% of the country supports this research, and you block it based upon your own personal religious beliefs.... I dunno, somebody has to be held accountable here. Me? I honestly and truly believe that stem cells hold the answer to the majority of man's ills. Not that the solution will be as simple as, "What's that, you have cancer? Well here, take two stem cells and call me in the morning." -- I understand the answers will be years, perhaps a decades off. But what the fuck? Why be so closed minded? Besides the obvious fact that we're falling behind the rest of the world in this potentially life saving research, we've got thousands more Americans of dying of diseases that a handful embryos could potentially cure. Needs of the many. Needs of the few. Fuck, give me the word and I'll give you as many stem cells as you want! Has the wisdom of Spock gone by the wayside? Somebody kill me. Shoot me. Stab me. Crash me in an airplane. But please don't give me Parkinsons, Alzheimers, Diabetes, Multiple Sclerosis, Systemic Lupus, any form of cancer, or break my neck. Thanks.
And evidently, barbers can use tannerite to cut your hair, as evidenced by these weird motherfuckers. Man, people sure do get into some weird shit don't they?
Okay, final update on the Ball Revamped IV scores. A handful of you crazy fucks actually finished the game -- all 101 levels. But here are thw top three scores. Coming it at number three... Scott, and then runner up going to Ryan, with the ultimate Ball Revamper being...
next door nikki shows her lovels melons on jerry springs. i say jerry for president |
July 19, 2006 | ||||||
Enter At Your Own Risk.Remember seeing all the pics of various celebrity babes without makeup, exposing them as the ugly whores that they are? Well Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't have that problem, she looks just as hot au natural as she does all gussied up. I dare any other celebs to try that. Oh, aqnd I dare you to do a beer bong. Oh yeah, well I Double Dog dare you to do a beer bong, in your ass! Oh yeah, well I TRIPLE Dog dare you to drink that beer after it comes out! Okay.
Well, there's very few hot Palestinian chicks. And we've already seen the picture archive of the hot Israeli army chicks, so here's another photo set... this time with American, Russian and Polish babes too! And in all fairness, I grabbed that link from Fark!
I suppose I should also point out that in the list of related videos for that page, you'll see additional clips of said Geo Metro doing 100mph. w00t! In case any of you are wondering what to get me for CHristmas, get me a copy of Ricky-Oh: The Story of Ricky on DVD. Here are two clips from it: one - two. Now that my friends, is classic cinema. we've seen the cool human space invaders done using stop-film photography - now it's time for pong! |
July 18, 2006 | |||||||
Here's To Our Health!It's widely believed that yapping on your cell phone while you're driving can cause accidents, because it prevents you from concentrating on what you're supposed to be doing. So I ask you, doesn't it stand to reason that yapping away while trying to get out of a boat can lead to the same? And just to be fair girls with this whole good for you theme, why don't you lay off the ring dings a little bit and spend some time licking my bawls instead? They're low in calories!
Well, after losing three appliances in the past two months to electrical storms, I had LCEC out here today and they installed a household wide surge supressor right at the meter. So we'll see how that goes, because shit, I can find much better uses for my hard earned cash.
star trek nerds can rest easy - the borg has been captured come see me at the clab box - a cute smiling boob - very slow commute to work |
July 17, 2006 | |||||
Now That I Have Your Attention....I'd like to show you the coolest class project ever. The arcade game Space Invaders acted out with real people. Personally, I'd give it an Super A+. Sure, we've all seen Clerks. But have you seen Clerks as re-enacted by the Peanuts Gang? Yeah, I thought not. Aren't those off the wall remixes pretty cool? Guys, what do you do when your bitch girlfriend sticks your dog in a kennel and sends you the photo? That's right, you take her dog and go pug bowling. Don't worry, no animals were harmed in the making of this video. Alright folks, let's be safe out there. four words we've all been waiting for: misha. barton. nip. slip. boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! |
July 14, 2006 | |||||||
Well That's Pretty Frustrating.Don't you hate it when you get two or three hours worth of good solid work done on your computer, and then just as the fucking thing takes a shit, you suddenly realize you haven't saved your work? Yeah, that was me this morning. So fuck it, I'm going to go play paintball with the local rednecks. Wish me luck.
Well, even through I'm not an expert in the subject, I did do my best to help you folks out today. Just be sure not to touch anything on your way out - you break it, you bought it. |
July 13, 2006 | |||||||
Let's Get Back To Doing What We Do Best.Air strikes. Rocket attacks. Kidnappings. Good to see things in the Middle East are back to normal. Everybody was showing too much restraint there, for awhile. CAIR UPDATE: Here today, but gone tomorrow. I didn't get the chance to speak with Mr Hooper yesterday, but from what I'm hearing from people who did, he spits when he says my name. More to follow. So anyway, I've got this infection on my arms and I'm not sure why. I've even tried bandaging these sores and that doesn't appear to help. Hmmmm. Somehow I feel like I'm just banging my head against the wall here. Anyway, I still haven't forgotten to post the people who completed Ball Revamped. Just got sidetracked for a couple days. But rest assured I have been searching for another game to post, and as soon as I do, you folks will be the first to know.
So this is kinda cool. How to beat Pac Man in 255 games or less.
I'm not sure which of these two Rocky IV trailers is real, can you help me? This one or this one? Both seem equally as farfetched. news station gets invaded by hackers. hilarity ensues! canada officially earns a few more cool points! |
July 12, 2006 | |||||
Hmmm, A Partial Delivery...Well, I reached Mr Hooper from CAIR yesterday and he and I chatted for about 10 minutes. Mr Hooper corrected me and said that CAIR did in fact post a condemnation of the killings... he further steered me to doing a search on their website for the word "BLAME" -- and no I'm not making this up -- which brought me to an article titled, "Blame Game Won't Save Lives in Iraq". It is an Opinion-Editorial piece. Published not at the national level, but by one of their 30 subchapters. To a newspaper. In Texas. Mr Hooper had this reposted to the front page of CAIR's website in hopes that this would be what we're looking for. So to recap. Shooting a book warrants national press releases and calls to the FBI. Shooting people warrants an op-ed pece to the newspaper. Uh-huh. Now let's take a moment to reinforce something here. I'm not looking for CAIR to apologize for that happened to the two soldiers. Nor should anyone ask them to. They didn't kill anyone, some whack job in Iraq did. But as an organization built to cultivate understanding between two very different groups, I think they're obligated to come out with a stronger response than an op-ed piece to a newspaper -- something needs to be issued from the national level. Am I not right? And thus begins, Round Two. Getting back to fun shit for a minute, I've always been a fan of the Jackass movie, and eagerly await Part II later this year. In the meantime, I've been checking out The Dudesons, who are a bunch of Finnish guys doing pretty much the same thing, only with less regard for safety. Sure, having darts thrown at your stomach is cool, but when I watched one of them loosen a board in an outhouse so his friend fell into a great big pile of shit, well, they had me at Hello. |
July 11, 2006 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Would You Be My, Could You Be My, Won't You Be... My Posse.As I predicted, the fucking animals who slaughtered Army Privates Kristian Menchaca and Thomas Tucker have released a video of their tortured corpses. And for those of you curious what "tortured" means, it means that besides being beheaded they had: their hearts cut out, their testicles cut off, their penises cut off and stuffed in their mouths, arms contorted and eyes gouged out. Now, this brings me to out good ol' pals, the Council for Islamic-American Relations, which is a non-profit entity based out of Washington DC. Per their website, "CAIR's mission is to enhance understanding of Islam, encourage dialogue, protect civil liberties, empower American Muslims, and build coalitions that promote justice and mutual understanding." Okay, fair enough, a perfectly noble cause which I have absolutely no problems with. And before we get into this too far, let's understand one thing. "Americans" and "Muslims" don't have to be mutually exclusive groups. One can be both an American and a Muslim, just like one can be neither. But the vast majority of Americans are not Muslims, just like the vast majority of Muslims are not American. Attempting to bridge the differences between these two groups is, in my opinion, what CAIR is about. Or so they would lead us to believe. So back to our story. About three weeks ago, the mutilated bodies of these two soldiers were recovered and of course this sparked outrage here in America, as well as the rest of the civilized world. Surely something this horrific would be cause for CAIR to step up and issue a press release at least condemning such an atrocity since they're looking out for both the welfare of Muslims and Americans alike, right? Yeah, not so much. In fact, let's take a look at the highlights of CAIR's press releases that have been issued since the two soldiers bodies were recovered on June 20th...
Huh, what do you know? Taking our cue from CAIR's view of the world, for the past month there has only been American-on-Muslim intolerance, never the other way around. Not once! Curious, eh? Now don't get me wrong, I think some of the issues CAIR is trying to call attention to are certainly worthy ones. Any asshole who throws a pig head into a mosque should be prosecuted for their actions, no different than throwing a brick through the window of a Catholic church. Any one who wants to shoot a Koran with a gun is perfectly entitled to, but when he throws that Koran into a mosque? That's going too far and he damn well should be arrested. But all I see on their press release list are examples where Muslims are the victims of American intolerance -- NEVER the other way around. And we KNOW that's not true. In fact, I can think of at least two American families that can stand testament to that perception being a falsehood as they bury the desecrated bodies of their sons. So let's take a closer look at some of CAIR's Core Principles...
Again, very noble ideas, but they're not practicing what they preach. They're only calling attention to one side of the argument. Can you honestly tell me that two Saudi students not being fined for taking a bus is worth holding up as an example of the injustices of one group, and yet the murder of two others from the opposing group is not? The passing of a bill to not hold school exams on Muslim holidays is news worthy, but when two American boys barely out of high school themselves are tortured and murdered, it's not? Is that fair? Is that being, "committed to protecting the civil rights of all Americans," and, "promot[ing] justice and mutual understanding"? And yet when a Marine sings a parody song -- never meant to be seen by anyone -- it warrants such a strong response from CAIR they issue not one, not two, but three press releases from a national level, and to go so far as to call for a Pentagon investigation...
Well, I for one call BULLSHIT. This insanely one-sided shit has gone too far. So this morning, I placed a call to CAIR's Washington DC office to request an advance copy of their press release condemning both the murder of Privates Menchaca and Tucker, and the recent release of a video depicting their bodies. And I'm not looking for too much. I'm not asking them to cure cancer. I'm not asking them to solve world hunger or bring peace to the world. I'm simply asking them to do something they should have already done of their own accord -- treat both sides with equality. Take a look at these screen captures I've taken of CAIR's website, starting right around when the bodies were discovered, following for a couple days, and then in the last few days when news of the video was released. You'll see their page is being regularly updated, news releases where Muslims are the victims are being posted, and their donation totals are certainly being updated -- and yet no mention of the brutality that Menchaca and Tucker endured. No note of sympathy; no condemnation.
Personally, I find this sickening. While all of these stories of personal and religious intolerance are certainly worthy of being told, but tell the whole story, please. Don't just cherry pick the news that makes you look like the victim and ignore the rest. The ills that plague American-Muslim relations infect both sides, not just one as they would lead you to believe. So this morning I tried calling the Washington DC headquarters of the Council on American Islamic Relations. I tried twice before 8:30am but was automatically disconnected after being onhold for five minutes each time. As of 8:40 this morning when I spoke to a gentleman named Halid, "the media relations people aren't in yet", so I've got my name in for a callback. And so I'm going to wait a while before calling them back again. I HIGHLY encourage -- in fact I beg of you -- to do the same. But do me and yourself this favor: be respectful. Don't throw around expletives or racial epithets, as you're only making yourself look as stupid and ignorant as the asshole who threw the pig's head into a mosque. But be firm. Get names. Get telephone extensions. If they promise a callback, get a time and the person's name. If they put you on hold, give them a reasonable amount of time and then call back. The person we're ultimately looking to speak with is Ibrahim Hooper, who is in charge of media relations. I certainly won't be holding my breath. But I will try them again around 10am, 2pm'ish and once more before the end of the day. And if need be, I'll pursue it again tomorrow.
Council on American Islamic Relations Again, I ask for your help. One person calling can be ignored. Hundreds calling can't. Bring em the pain! |
July 10, 2006 | ||||||
No Feet, Either.Okay, so I guess you guys don't like being called bitches, since about 15 of you completed Ball Revamped. Well, fuck you. Gimme a little time to tally the scores and such and I'll post who beat who. So as temporary entertainment, see how many logos you can guess and then check out this "Artificial Life" program. Although the ant's behavior looks random, it is not at all. In the most general terms, each ant is a simple moving thing which travels according to some simple rules... And as serene and relaxing as watching those ants can be, somehow it just kind of gives me an uneasy feeling.
When retired pilots have nothing to do... These are of Pan Am's Boeing 307 N19902 'Clipper Rainbow' made from the fuselage into a boat, now called the 'Cosmic Muffin'. It is based in Ft Lauderdale. beware low clearance - no doubt they have great meat selection - for those of you watching your carbs |
July 7, 2006 | |||||||
Back Up Off Me, Bitch.Don't forget. One year ago today, evil men attacked innocent men, women and children in London. So I'm at this bar last night and I run into this ugly chick with really nice tits. So I give her more time to warm up to me (i.e. drink) and I do the same. She said she was gonna blow me in the bathroom, but she backed out at the last second for some reason. Ah, well. I'm a pirate baby, and I do what I want because pirates are free. Beyotch!
Okay, since Parking Zone, while cool, is totally fucked up... it's time for a new game challenge. Here's one of the ones I linked yesterday and have gotten some good response on it. It's called Ball Revamped 4 (yes there are 1-3 but they're not as cool). The object is simple, using your arrow keys, guide the ball into the little box. Working against you are barriers, gravity, electricity, gates, and a metric assload of other stuff. As of this writing, I have made it to level 11, although quite honestly I found level 6 the hardest. If I do better, I'll update here. guys, this is the best boat show. ever. ever ever ever ever ever aww, c'mon now. there's no need to bring race into this |
July 6, 2006 | ||||||||
Well, You Heard The Lady.Hey I'm looking for a girl who's ready to experiment and have a really good time. Any takers? Hey how cool is this, eh?
Well duh! What did you expect with Chinese made fireworks? Next time, look for something made here in the good ol US of A and I'm sure you'll be pleased with what you get!
Wow, pretty brave taking a camera up there with you! Well, brave or crazy, I'm not sure which.
Okay, so it wasn't just me that it was fucking up on. Oh well. I guess it just goes to prove, I can't be right all the time. But I do appreciate your having faith in me so I'll start looking for a new game to issue the next challenge with. Sorry folks! i'll kick you in the nuts! - i'll kick you in the nuts! - i'll kick you in the nuts! - i'll kick you in the nuts! well, what can YOU do with a latex glove? any of this cool stuff? |
July 5, 2006 | ||||||
Sometimes We're Just Crippled On The Inside, Ya Know.Well, I'm sure not off to a good start today, let me tell you. I woke up and as I was putting on my Jedi bathrobe, I'll be damned if didn't misplace my new dayplanner! So then I forget about a doctor's appointment, and have to haul ass to get there. Sheez, some days it's better to just stay in bed. Good news for some investors today. Airbus announced that their A380 should be delivered on time after thay made a few modifications to bring the timetable back on schedule.
You know you're having a good day when you can't find Chuck Norris. You know you're having a great day when a female coed loses a bet and has to give a strip show to you and your roommates. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a beer plane!! Ahem, sorry. Oh and Jeremy Piven & Entourage fans rejoice - ten minutes of the Best of Ari Gold. you better back up off me 'cuz i'm a nigga for life - check his reader comments |
July 4, 2006 | |||||||||||||||||
Happy Birthday, America!Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! So just for a moment -- before the beer, bratwurst, burgers and bangs begin -- take a moment to remember what we are celebrating. Our country's birthday. Some of us were lucky enough to have won the genetic lottery to live in this country; others fled their homelands to be here. Both of us enjoy more freedom here, than anywhere else in the world. Also remember that our freedom is not cheap and persons better than ourselves have paid for it with their very lives. Honor them. They gave you and me a free and independent America.
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July 3, 2006 | |||||
Hey, We're All Human.In case any of you want to swing down to my house for a 4th of July party, I made some directions. We'll all do arts and crafts together. See you all tomorrow. This is pretty sweet. You can download and watch every single episode of Southpark here. Ten seasons of goodness.
I dunno how accurate the story is, but the guy's foot sure was fucked up, eh? He's going to be walking pretty gingerly on that for awhile. Well, I didn't sleep very well last night, and I've got some gas, so I'm going to cut if off early today. See ya! go ahead - jump into david hasslehoff's car. i dare you. the online journal of mrs. ronald mcdonald |
July 2, 2006 | |||||
This Guy Deserves His Own Post.In order to fully appreciate the pictures that accompany this email, you need to know that a while back I got a mustache tattooed on my finger (seriously). It is said mustache that makes such a notable appearance in many of these pictures. Moving on... So I went to Erotica LA (it's like an adult expo for porn, sex toys, etc) this weekend. Julie (a woman I work with) has a brother who is trying to get into the sex toy business (and actually did really well over the weekend) so he had a booth there, and I got an exhibitor's pass that got me in for free all weekend (tickets are usually $30!). So I there I was, up to my ears in fake boobs and spray tans (shockingly enough, most of those women look really beat up in real life; thank God for soft lighting), I've got my bag of free porn, and I'm starting to get a little bored after seeing everything already. Then Julie tells me that she brought some vodka. We finish that, and then I run to the liquor store and buy more vodka, which we also finish. We go around again, and this time it's a whole new ballgame! I break out the camera for our little stroll, and needless to say, the mustache is out in full force. These pics are some of the highlights. Incidentally, Jenna Haze was the only one who refused to rock the mustache, saying (I shit you not) "I have an image I have to maintain." I resisted the urge to point out that she gets fucked in the butt on camera for money, so I think her image can withstand one picture of her with the mustache. Besides, she was actually a complete sweetheart, and she grabbed my cock for the picture, so all is forgiven. I also found it very ironic that she says she has an image to maintain, and then grabs my dick. It's a like fucking Bizzaro world. Good times. -Hugh |
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