E R N I E ' S   H O U S E   O F   W H O O P A S S

Where do you want to go today?

Straight to hell apparently.

The other day I saw another Microsoft commercial on TV: sublime choral music drifts through the background as the unseen user surfs through the Internet and various Microsoft content using Internet Explorer. The commercial closes with the Microsoft slogan "Where do you want to go today?" and a final furious blast of music. It's a very cool effect. But if you dig a little deeper... As it turns out the background music is the Dies Irae of Mozart's Requiem Mass. And the words of the final blast of music which accompanies "Where do you want to go today?" are actually "confutatis maledictis flammis acribus addictis..." In English: "When the damned are confounded and consigned to sharp flames..."; which describes exactly where I want to go today. Thus while Internet Explorer will take you to hell for free the upgrade to purgatory is pretty steep.

the new igoatse is the definitive skin for your ipod. there are no words to describe it. and you know why

That's Right Take It All Bitch!

So I read yesterday that Tom Jones was Knighted by the Queen of England. Isn't that kind of fucked up? Even though I'm not British am I the only one who thinks that maybe Knighthood should be an honor reserved for people who actually serve England and not for those who make catchy tunes or blockbuster movies? Doesn't this make a mockery of those who actually earned their Knighthood by brave selfless acts for their country?

I'm not exactly sure what this girl is selling but I do know I definitely need some. Anyone have any idea what these little logos are for?

That's almost as bad as this SU-27 crash which happened in Lvov Ukraine back in 2002. Seventy eight bystanders were barbequed alive but don't worry... both pilots ejected safely. Great job guys! Haven't you ever heard of the Great Santini?

1.21 gigawatts? now you can own the time circuits that were in the original back tothe future movie

I'd Hit It!

Puzzletime kiddies and this is a tough one. You are a new employee at a candy store. The owner has priced some of her confections like so: ice cream 32 cents; lollipop 34 cents; licorice 32 cents; jawbreaker 42 cents; gum 13 cents; and chocolate. She forgot to price the chocolate so you must add the price yourself. How much does it cost? Answer tomorrow.

Does this disturb anyone else or just me? Hey whatever works I suppose but damn.

boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies!

Here's What I Believe.

I believe pennies are absolutely useless. I believe that gun manufacturers are no more responsible for gun violence then carmakers are for drunk driving. I believe the female body is a thing of beauty and should not be hidden away. I believe Jessica Simpson has a pretty sweet ass. I believe nothing is too expensive. I believe if you're gay you sure as hell don't need to tell me about it with a little rainbow sticker on your car. I believe Triumph the Comic Insult Dog is one of the funniest things out there. I believe I love sweet beavers. I believe if you're too fat the solution isn't to blame McDonald's but to get your fat ass out and exercise. I believe mint Girl Scout cookies kick ass. I believe the only thing cooler than ninjas is Chuck Norris. I believe I wouldn't want to sit in this truck. I believe I'm at least as smart as Albert Einstein. I believe too many people stick their noses in other people's business. I believe that yes you can put too much bling on your car. I believe I'll shut the fucked up now.

Screw The Whores Of Babylon.

You know one of these days I'm going to set something up like this to make EHOWA a little more interactive! Pretty cool though. I made his screensaver say "I have a 10 inch penis".

Brooks newest B&B - wouldn't you be pissed to come home to this? The guy that lives here is in Fort Mac working he has a good sense of humor. I hope. His 'buddies' made this sign in his front yard. The posts are cemented in the ground and it cost over $500.00 to make. It is illuminated and the one hand goes back and forth and smacks that ass! - Hugo

I got these pics of a Marine's day trip to Babylon sent in this past week. Don't know who the guy is though. What a shitty place.

is it me or does anyone else get kind of creeped out by these computer generated people?

Dear Internal Revenue Service.

Enclosed you will find my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3407.00 in taxes.

Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper dated March 3rd wherein you will see that the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat. I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1029) which I secured at Home Depot bringing my total remittance to $3429.00.

Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund" as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5" Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year and I look forward to paying it again next year.

how long can you go without shooting the puppy?

Any Chance Of An Upgrade While I'm At It?

Okay a quick technical help post here. Over the past few months I've been running a lot of my links through a service called linkcounter.com. Guess what it does? You got it genius it counts links. This enabled me to track what gets clicked on more often what people do and don't like how much traffic I'm sending other sites in comparison to what they send me that sort of jazz.

Anyway I would occasionally get an email from somebody who complains the links don't work for them. I knew this wasn't a universal problem since (a) they work fine for me and (b) I wasn't getting 10000 emails a day from everyone and their grandmother complaining about the same thing. But regardless enough people have written in with similar symptoms that I figured it's time to address the situation.

Actually it was this last guy Mike B that helped me figure out what the problem was and the pretty simple solution...

Well there you have it kids. I passed this solution to the other two guys and they both reported back success. So if you're having trouble with any of my links that I run through linkcounter give this a try. W00t.

once there was a boy named rusty. he was 9 years old. rusty was a homosexual...

and the winner of the most kick ass lego soccer stadium award goes to...

Well This Is What He Came To Do. And Now He's Done It.

when games get this realistic i'm going back to my atari (make sure you watch it to the end)

Make Sure Your Hands Are Clean.

If vampires can't see themselves in mirrors then how the fuck they always have perfectly combed hair?

As if that wasn't enough this guy tries to jump a snowmobile over a highway. He's got it! He's got it! He's got it! He don't got it. Well somebody has to keep the orthopedic surgeons in business right?

Some pictures of the Texas Panhandle widefires to look at - warning well done beef in some of em.

boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies!

penis for sale - penis for sale - penis for sale - penis for sale

Yeah I'll Have One For The Stroller.

You know this was one of those mornings where I just coulnd't get out of bed. I mean my alarm clock was squawking and Ike was bouncing around because he needed to go out and I just couldn't bring myself to get moving. I'm alright now but shit that was a rough start. I guess I won't stay up watching television so late anymore.

A little blast from my Boston days. Greg Hill the morning DJ at WAAF started Mantown Mondays about a year ago. Here you get to play the role of a photographer trying to talk the last girl into doing her nude shoot. Funny stuff. Ah I miss those guys. Maybe I'll rent a car and drive back for a few weeks.

Tell me folks would you rather be an asshole or a cunt?

create your own windows error messages. send to your it dept. enjoy.

Jesus Take The Wheel!

Okay is it me or is there just a little too much religious shit floating around these days? Everywhere you look there are these "God is my copilot!" stickers. And those fucking little fish? Jesus kill me.

Here's a photo of a flood causing mass hysteria in Ireland. Where was God then? Ah it's all just a bunch of crap if you ask me. The only true divinity is in the human thirst for knowledge.

make her say the "there once was a man from nantucket" limrick... good clean humor!

See That's What You Get.

Come see why Bille Zane is The Man.

Ah March Madness is upon us. Even the cheerleaders are shocked by the results of that shot!

And by popular demand there ain't no more popups on the movie player page. You ask I do!

check out samadhi - the world's fastest laptop amd 64 fx 7800 gtx 240gb raid 0 dual optical drives!

A Day At The Beach.

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hey good news if I get into a car acciddnt in my tt i'll not only survive but get a convertible out of the deal

ah ha I found the most likely source of last week's cool car signs... thanks matt!

You'll Feel That In The Morning.

CURE #1 - THE BLOODY MARY. There is no substitue for a Bloody Mary. Ounce for ounce the curative factors involved in this drink are astonishing. There are not enough good things that can be said about this drink in curing a hangover. And honestly if you hate tomato juice don't worry I DESPISE tomato juice it generally makes me sick thinking about it. But trust me once you add the other ingredients it becomes a different substance. It is the ultimate weapon in any fight against hangover pain. The only problem is you will become progressively more useless as you drink more and more of them but then you weren't going to do anything anyway. Have one and you'll feel better in about 15 minutes.

CURE #2 - THE GREASY BURGER & MILKSHAKE. This one works like a charm for most people. It also tastes really good which is a polus if you can't bring yourself to stomach tomato juice. Now I'm not going to tell you how to prepare your burger because it should be pretty self-explanatory. Even to the stupid. Your best choice is to go out to a Steak and Shake. The milkshake is the really amazing final touch - personally I prefer vanilla. It will calm the stomach and relax you. Beef is your friend. It's what's for breakfast.

auditory processing (listening) speed test. my score after the first try was 37 milliseconds.

Happy St Patrick's Day You Irish Fucks!

Hey Flaherty! Wish your sister a very happy St Patrick's Day for me. No no not that one the other one... the one that does that thing with her tongue that I like. Thanks man.

"Dad" asked the kid "can I have five dollars to buy a guinea pig?" "Aw son here's twenty dollars son. Go find yourself a nice Irish girl"

There are two Irish fellows Paddy and Murphy in a bar in the wild west who are totally drunk. All of a sudden a man walks into the bar with a red Indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says "I fucking hate Indians last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground raped my wife and killed my children." He then says "If any man brings me the head of a red Indian I'll give him one thousand dollars." The two Irish fellows look at each other and walk out of the bar to go looking for an Indian. They've been walking around for a while when suddenly they see one so Paddy throws a stone which hits the Indian right on the head. The Indian falls off his horse but lands seventy feet down a ravine so the two Irish men make their way down the ravine where Paddy starts sawing the Indian's head off. Whilst in the middle of doing this Murphy suddenly says "Paddy look at this." Paddy replies "Not now I'm busy." Murphy tugs him on the shoulder and says "I really think you should look at this." Paddy keeps on sawing and says "Look fuck off you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand." But Murphy's adamant. "Please Paddy look at this." So Paddy finally looks up and standing at the top of the ravine are 5000 red Indians. Paddy shakes his head in disbelief and says "Fuck me we're going to be millionaires!"

There was this guy who was half Irish half Jewish. He wanted a drink but he couldn't bring himself to buy one.

A Irishman Englishman and Arab are all in the Maternity ward. The Doctor comes through with congratulations to them all explaining that they are all the proud new fathers of baby sons. However he says there has been a problem." We were really busy and somehow we have managed to get your three sons mixed up." In order to sort the situation out the Doctor suggests they draw lots to see who gets first choice. The result is that the Irishman gets first choice. The Doctor takes the Irishman through to the 3 babies " I'll take that one" he says pointing to the little black child. "Hold on" says the Doctor "that 's obviously not your son he's as brown as a chocolate bar and both you and your wife are white." "I know " replies the Irishman "but one of the other two is English and I am just not prepared to take the risk."

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On St. Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish!

One Irishman was downing them faster than usual when the man on the barstool next to him said "What's wrong?" The first Irishman said "I'm drinking to the memory of my wife. She was a saint on earth. She went to church every single morning spent her days reading and quoting the Scriptures sang hymns and psalms all evening filled our house with religious statues and paintings and invited priests and nuns to dinner three times a week." "She sounds like an angel" the second man commented "I suppose the good Lord took her early to Himself." "No" the first Irishman replied. "I strangled the bitch."

A traditional Irish greeting is "Dia's Muitre dhuit." What does it mean? "God and Mary be with you."

This Jewish guy pays a visit to the local whorehouse. He's too cheap to buy a rubber so instead he wraps the label from his coat around his dick. Needless to say this falls off while fucking but he never notices. Later the same day an Irishman purchases the services of the same girl and just as he's about ready to come he notices something fall out of her box. Picking it up he reads: "Rothstein & Lieberman Tailors". "Jesus Christ" the Irishman says "where will those Jews advertise next?"

What's the difference between a Kennedy and an Irishman? After 3 shots the Irish guy is still standing.

now THIS is how a good irish girl politely refuses a breathalyzer test

And For My Next Trick!

To really appreciate today's post you should take this quick tutorial on how drum brakes work. Don't be shy I didn't know how they work either. or in my case not work HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay to make a long story short there's a bracket that holds each of the brake shoes in place. Said bracket broke thus allowing the shoe itself to shift out of position. When it did so it created enough room between the surface of the shoe and the piston in the brake cylinder to allow the piston to pop out. Then much like a Peter North video the hydraulic fluid behind the piston was free to spurt all over the place I lost all hydraulic pressure and suddenly I felt very betrayed by my new car.

Now at this point I'd like to discuss single piston versus dual piston master brake cylinders. Trust me up until two days ago I didn't know the fucking difference -- aside from the obvious one versus two thing -- nor did I really care to. But since it's important to understand why the brakes failed here we go. Old school cars (anything built before 1966 for GM products) had single piston master cylinders -- thus one single piston provided the brake pressure for all four wheels. Develop a leak in any of those four lose fluid through the entire system and you're fucked. From 1966 on -- which is right about the same time seatbelts became mandatory -- car manufacturers started installing dual piston master cylinders. One cylinder provided hydraulic pressure to the two front brakes and the other to the two rear ones. Develop a leak in one of your back brakes and you can still stop using your front ones and visa-versa. My car being a 1963 means I have (soon to be past tense) a single master cylinder. When one of the drivers side rear piston popped out and drained the whole system of fluid I became Mr. Fucky McFucked.

Which brings us to the emergency brake and why it failed. The way an emergency brake works is I pull a handle under the dashboard of the car with is directly attatched to a cable. Said cable runs undernear the car all the way down the center and splits off in an upside down Y with each extension going to one of the two rear rake drums. Now one would think -- especially given the clever term "emergency" brake -- that even if one side of the rear brakes failed the other side would still work. True enough it should. And by the way here's where I have a tough time swallowing what the mechanic is trying to tell me... He reports that as the left rear shoe shifted it created slack on the cable so that when I pulled the e-brake handle there wasn't enough tension to engage the brake on the other side of the "Y". Okay now I understand the idea of what he's saying but here's my hangup. The emergency brake handle I pulled retracts the cable a full seven inches (oh yes ladies I measured it). So even if the left rear shoe shifted forward -- let's say two inches and I even then I think that's being pretty generous -- I would think there should have been enough tension on the cable to still engage the brake on the right side yes? Maybe not completely but at least something.

Either way for safety reasons it obviously behooves me to upgrade the brakes on this beast -- my car's name is Earl by the way as in "My Name Is Earl" -- so I surfed my way over to Performance Online and low and behold. Dual piston master cylinders and hell even those "new fangled disc brakes" kits that all the kids have now a days. Sweet. Because man I don't wanna have to give up my car and I sure as hell don't want to get sued after rear-ending somebody.

And For My Next Trick!

Okay so just what the fuck happened with my brakes that I feel is important eough to still be bitching about it. Well I'll tell you. I left my buddy's house in Daytona around 9:30 a.m. Sunday morning to begin my 240 mile drive back home. Yeah that's kind of early but I wanted to beat all the traffic from people leaving Bike Week. It's a beautiful warm sunny morning and I'm just enjoying the living shit out of myself. Being my Nova is about is 43 years old is about as aerodynamic as a brick and since I only get 10 miles per gallon I like to stop kind of often to top off the gas tank. I've only gone about 80 miles but since I had to take a leak I decided to stop and get some gas around Orlando... exit 68 off I-4 to be more precise. I'm coming down the exit ramp about 60 mph and start to push on the brake pedal. Hmmm I notice the pdeal feels a little soft but never having experienced any major brake issues before I didn't pay much attention. I just played along and pushed a little harder with my foot. And as I'm continuing down said ramp I gradually start to realize that despite the fact that I'm mashing this fucking brake pedal down I'm not really slowing down any. I can feel a little resistance from the brakes but I'm sure as hell not decelerating anywhere near as quickly as I should be. It's at this point that began to think "Oh bollocks."

And it's funny because your mind instantly knows what happened -- I'm experiencing total brake failure almost like something out of a Spy vs Spy cartoon. I continued pumping the brakes knowing full well that wasn't going to do any good but still doing it anyway because it takes a few seconds to trigger in your mind that you need to start doing something else. It's almost as if you're rendered useless by sheer disbelief. "No problem" says I "I'll just pull the emergency brake because that's what it's there for." So I did. And it did absolutely dick. I mean nothing. Not a squeal not a grind certainly not slowing nothing. Now I look down the ramp and after seeing how busy the crossing traffic was realize I'm in a world of fucking hurt.

My mind begins to make a thousand calculations per second. I am in the third of four lanes. Traffic in the left two lanes is completely stopped thus they're not an option at all. Traffic on the far right lane was beginning to back up at the stoplight plus I had someone just behind me to my right so that lane wasn't an option either. Thus the only lane available to me was the one I was in. Okay fine. Now the good news is this lane was completely free of traffic all the way up to the stoplight. The bad news is clear lane or not there was no fucking way I was going to be able to stop before the intersection like a bat out of hell. Again this old car isn't very aerodynamic so I was bleeding up some speed but certainly not enough to keep me from getting T-boned at the intersection. By a dump truck. Full of dynamite. With full gas tanks. Driven by a terrorist. With one eye.

Gradually it seeps into yoru head that this car is really out of fucking control and I'm really in danger. It wasn't like I was on the highway and had five miles of breakedown lane to coast to a stop in. The speedometer read 50 mph and I only had maybe 1000 feet before I hit a busy intersection. It was right about then that I shit my pants as indicated in this diagram. So having nothing else to do I start pumping the brakes again and I was surprised to find that over the last few seconds a little brake pressure seemed to have built up because I felt some grab but again not enough to have any real bearing on the outcome of this adrenaline party. Now my mind kind of goes on damage control "What can I hit that will cause the least damage and injuries to me? And the least to any other poor son of a bitch that happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?" Oh by the way did I mention my car doesn't have seatbelts?

I decide my only choice is to jump the curb in a small triangular median hoping the curb itself or rolling through on the grass will stop me. Bzzzzt wrong. I hit the curb doing about 20 and didn't even slow the fuck down. I guess 3000 pounds of rolling steel has more momentum behind it than you'd think. Now for those of you saying to yourselves "Well 20 mph doesn't sound that fast" hey you try driving that speed into oncoming traffic and see how you like it. Anyway my eyes quickly focused on a small pole at the corner of the grassy median which at this point was the only thing between me a major automobile crash and a nice flight in a medical helicopter. And just as quickly I dismissed this flimsy little pole because I knew I'd plow that little fucker over just like some cute little kindergartner. At this point I can actually see the keyholes on the passenger side doors as these cars were whizzing past my windshield.

So I couldn't stop. I couldn't go straight because I'd either broadside or be broadsided. I coulnd't turn right because the only thing I'd accomplish is being broadsised with less impact. So Plan D? Turn left. Turn left really fucking hard. And I did yanking that non-power steering having motherfucker for all I was worth. My two right wheels dug into the grass and left two ruts before going off the curb and I'm squeezing myself in front of the two stopped lanes of traffic that had just come down the ramp before me (all with their drivers looking at me like I had three fucking heads) -- and the cross traffic whizzing by me on the right (their drivers also looking at me like I had three fucking heads). I wave frantically wave my hands to everyone hoping they understand this gesture of good will means "No brakes motherfucker!" Now I'm facing the huge concrete wall that is the I-4 overpass but I'm going a little slower since the abrupt turn bled off some of my momentum. As soon as I'm clear of the stopped cars on my left I yank the wheel again -- actually fishtailing a little in some gravel and absurdly reminding me of Bo and Luke Duke -- now I'm heading back up the exit ramp that I just came rocketing down. That uphill motion combined with rolling through some thick grass finally brings this rollercoaster to a halt about a quarter of the way back up the exit ramp. Woo fucking hoo.

After traffic thins down I limp the 1/10th of a mile to a gas station park call AAA and vomit behind a dumpster. And that my friends was my Sunday. Tomorrow I'll tell you what actually failed in the left rear brake that caused this debacle. For now read how drum brakes work.

world of warcraft meets 'word up' by korn

some great colorized photos from world war ii

'the bedding thrashers' 'fantastic fornicators' and other porn movie spoofs

Brakes? We Don't Need No Steenkin Brakes!

Now girls remember what day today is.

Okay now before I get into my brake failure story I want to post some cool shit that you people have sent in over this past weekend that haven't been able to post because yet I wasn't home. Suffice to say for now that it was like a scene out of an old spy movie where the hero is coming down a hill and pumps the brakes only to realize his brake lines have been cut by the bad guy. Besides the car is supposed to be fixed later today so I'll have a better handle on what the fuck went wrong by then also.

Back from Bike Week in Daytona!

Soon you'll hear my harrowing tale of as I got off the highway to get gas near Orlando I pressed on the brake pedal felt it gently sink to the floor without slowing me down at all. Complete brake failure. Emergency brake too. Ahhhh good times good times. Stay tuned.

Happy Fucking Birthday Chuck!

Yeah no shit it's Chuck Norris' birthday today.

Anyway while Chuck is blowing out 66 birthday candles I'm getting in my car and heading East towards Daytona to visit a buddy and do a little oogling at bike week. But I will of course keep my eyes on the road at all times to avoid any potential problems. And since I'll be staying at my friend's house I'm not going to drink too much either.

ATTENTION HIPPIES: Here's part THREE of the Saddam videos. This one is the worst... people strapped to explosives public beheadings and firing squad stuff. [video]

this should make anyone proud - an eagle's nest

Well Count Me In!

What we have here is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last night. Which is the way he wants. Well he gets. I don't like it any more than you do.

Man that just burns my ass. One of the biggest perks there was to moving out of my condo in MA was to not have some assfuck tell me what I could and could not display in my window. Well you know what to do.

oops she did it again?

A Current Affair.

Okay you guys with this fast internet shit better cut it out because because because well fuck you man this shit ain't funny no more.

Okay who's going to give cell phone cooking a try for me and report back thew results?

man you just got smoked. by a vw beetle. that's right i said a beetle

Oh But I Got The Gas.

ATTENTION HIPPIES: Here's part two of the Saddam videos. This one isn't too bad only mass murder with dead women children. I'll save the worst for last... the public beheadings and firing squad stuff. [video]

Okay okay while I'll admit my cable modem is pretty fast apparently those of you on fiber optic networks have a little more speed than me. A little. But that's okay I'll just call up the ol cable company put foot to ass with the rep on the phone and maybe see if I can't get a little more speed.

High school principals beware: when you cancel your school's senior prom because you fear underage drinking and "lack of abstinence" don't be afraid when your students revolt by throwing your car out.

And colonel no matter what they say there is absolutely no sex in the champagne room.

boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies!

and when the hell did rosie perez get the biggest fucking tits on the planet?

Now Who's The Clown Clown?

Wow these new "Drinking Driving Counterattack" ads are getting pretty good... 1 - 2 - 3.

Spring training has started and without too much trouble you too can be as smart as Einstein. So you fucking Yankee fans had better pray to Jesus this year.

I'm not sure how they did thew glowing plutonium rod in this Simpsons re-enactment but I'm going to guess that somewhere along the line involved the use of a cordless mouse.

not for the faint of heart - porsche 957 crash text photos.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Of all the celebrities we've seen without makeup I have to admit Jessica Simpson probably looks the best.

And with the Olympics coming to a close I have to admit the UK's got a pretty fucking cool TV show going. Before they beat the shit out of a Toyota truck and this time it's rally car vs bobsled.

bowman - like the tank game but with a little more physics spin on it

Ding Dang Doodle Man.

Now I think young kids these days have it too fucking easy to begin with but even I'll admit this is fucking cool. "With LEGO Factory you can now design your own original custom LEGO model and then purchase all of the bricks and elements you need to build your model for real! Just follow the easy steps below to start custom building today." Where the fuck was this when I was a kid? Do you have any idea how much time this would have saved me when I was designing mazes for my hamsters to go through? Damn kids get off my lawn.

Continuing along with my R/C jet plane fetish here's a remote control Concorde. All we need now is a minature remote control hotel to blow up and we're in business!

leeeeeeroy jenkins strikes again. but alas he's victorious this time

how fast is your internet connection? - are you faster than me?

It's An Ultra Violence Day.

Okay for the majority of today's update I'm going to shut up and give someone else the floor.

But before I do you should know something. By the time you're reading this I'm standing in line at the ticket counter waiting to see UltraViolet.

Not because I'm any comic book fan who lives in my mom's basement but because I hereby confess my undying love for Milla Jovovich and her nipples that always seem to be as big as tater tots. Yes I take full advantage of every opportunity to see them regardless of what the movie is about. And if you don't love Milla's nipples well then you must be a gay homosexual. That's right I said it.

play the dick cheney quail hunting game

this girl is screwed in the head but you have to admit she's got nice guns. yeah i'd let her jerk me off.

That's Not Torture. THIS IS Torture.

ATTENTION HIPPIES: Someone recently sent me three videos to post. Each contains footage of Saddam's regime torturing maiming and killing Iraqi citizens accused of various crimes. Like you know don't do your duty and have both of your arms broken. Speak out against Saddam and we cut your tongue out. I will post one video every couple of days each being an increasing level of brutality. Today is the light stuff only broken bones and limb amputations. Absolutely positively definitely NOT for the squeamish. And our verion of "torture" is we stack them up naked and take pictures. Woooooo I'm soooo shivering. Any question why this maniac had to be forcefully removed from power should be put to rest by the end of next week after I post the last one. Don't say I didn't warn you. [video]

This is the greatest fucking thing ever. Here is a site where you can choose a boob cup size and different levels of activity then watch a virtual pair of tits bounce around. I had so much fun it delayed the posting of this update by an hour as I giggled and bounced my morning away.

Yeah To Some People Walmart Is A Holy Place.

While it's true a mind is a terrible thing to waste you have to admit it is pretty damned funny if it's done right.

That game sure was a nailbiter eh?

i hate hippie cars - you're on thin ice with me mister