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February 28 2006

Does This Look Safe To You?

Crosswind Landing Testing - This little item shows the Boeing factory determining the demonstrated crosswind landing limits on the 777 and the 747SP. The engineers make educated guesses but then the test crews have to go actually prove the numbers. They sneak off to Brazil to do these tests at a certain remote BAF airbase famous for its con! tinual atrocious crosswinds... Should the gear sideloads be excessive and fold one up there is nobody there to take nasty pix for the Airbus guys to wave around in the press. This is some good piloting in getting these planes down. It comes close to "incredible". Note the rudder action on landing. w00t!

I saw the phonecam picture of the Jeep with the confederate flag on the spare. Now I might just be a northerner but to me that seems anti-American. They are promoting a group of people who nearly tore this country apart. I know that to them it stands for pride in the south but it pisses me off. I feel it’s almost as bad as having a “Go Osama!” sign. Do you a former northerner now living in the south understand this?

Kenneth K.

the gay sumo wrestler karma sutra


February 27 2006

Who's The Cool Kid Now?

Well that didn't take you people long now did it? Man is that guy going to take a lot of shit from people or what? And I don't just mean bustin balls either I mean Pound You in The Ass prison.

Yet on the upside at least you weren't the operator of this crane. My spidey senses tell me that's going to be a motherfucker to clean up. That poor motherfucker ain't gonna save no money on his car insurance I don't care what Geico says.

I couldn't believe that you had those pictures posted of that GT my buddy is a cop in the Mission Hills/Prarie Village KS area and he worked this accident. Apparently the guy had never driven a car with rear-wheel drive before and had hit a puddle on a curve just before the bridge (despite the absence of water in the pictures) and in order to "regain control" this ass hat gave it more gas instead of gently applying the brake. There was no insurance and the guy had waited for 2 years for this car. Thought you might find that interesting.

Jared A.

ebay fun - ebay fun - ebay fun


February 26 2006

What's Up Sucka!

Okay so I've got a couple of fucking idiots to show you today. I say "fucking idiots" because what else would you call someone who takes a car that's worth more than my house and slams it into a pole? That's right a fucking idiot.

Behold fucking idiot Number One who decided to experiment with his new Ford GT and totals it with less than 10 miles on the odometer.

Which brings us to fucking idiot Number Two who while racing a Mercedes Benz McLaren SRX crests a hill and launches his Ferrari Enzo into a telephone pole.

the real story behind the great gscape with steve mcqueen


February 24 2006

It's All About The Benjamins.

Overall I'm glad to be out of the customer support business. it was just getting too tough to compete with outsourcing.

Remember girls: Beauty may fade but implants are forever! Look for some beauty running around Bourbon Street topless on this Mardi Gras webcam w00t. [or view the live feed]

This is how they grow it in Tennessee. This grow was underneath a house in a cave. The entrance was through a secret hydraulic door in the garage that led to a concrete ramp that went about 50 yards into the ground. Inside the cave was living quarters and a secret escape hatch that led you through a tunnel that exited via another hydraulic door that opened up a rock on the outside. It was very elaborate. The set up allowed them to harvest every 60 days which resulted in multimillion dollar sales. One of the guys busted was living in a house on the water in Florida and had a nice yacht. One of the agents in Nashville worked on this for 5 years before the warrant was finally served in December.

People go to great lengths to make money nowadays. Can you imagine if this guy actually invested his cash into Google instead of hydraulic doors and flourescent lights?

:-)
Smiley Face

(((:~{>
Muhammad

*-O)):~{>
Mohammad with a lit bomb in his turban


February 23 2006

Without Dumb Smart Is Just Average.

This shirt was pulled from ebay as being too offensive.

Ladies and gentlemen somebody loan me $500. Shut up no time for questions do it please.

Oh and we gots us some answers on the excavator and bridge pictures posted yesterday...

The photos you posted of the Excavator in the Bridge on I-70 occured around Hays Kansas. The driver was told not to use the interstate (for this very reason) and had been given a specific route of travel but he felt that he could shave off a few minutes but cutting down the interstate. The top of the machine punched 13 feet through the bridge. According to state officials they are going to have to replace the entire bridge becuase of uncertainty of the structural integrity of the bridge. BTW great site I read it every day.
Brian

 

I'm sure someone has already told you where the backhoe accident happened. But if not it happened near Hays Kansas. Here is a link to the detour information from the Kansas Department of Transportation. Keep up the killer site!!
J. Higgins


February 22 2006

You Might Want To Rethink That Plan.

Okay GWB seriously. This whole UAE running six of our ports deal? Bad call. Very bad call. That's just a fucking attack waiting to happen. Don't say I didn't warn you.

So anyway the doc told me to get a little more ruffage in my diet. You know more salads vegetables stuff like that. And I'm doing my best but how do I know when enough is enough?

Ernie

I sent so pics of a backhoe hitting I-70 bridge although I am not clear were it happened at exactly.

Gus S.
Engineering Manager


February 21 2006

Operation Do.

Okay hereby commences Project Help Ernie's Brother Brian Play Mr. Do Again.

You see for whatever reason Mr. Do has been my brother's game of choice for as long as I can remember. Not something mainstream like Space Invaders or Galaga or Pac-Man -- and certainly not Mr. Do's Castle or Mr. Do's Wild Ride -- but the plain ol original Mr. Do. Which by the way he hasn't played in years since it's so tough to find. So I've decided to make this my mission. Anyway the first place I thought to look was on Gametap since they claim to have practically everything. Yeah except Mr. Do. So then I found some cartridges for the little pussy Gameboy but that just wouldn't be the same; we're loo

Subject: Pic of the landslide From a CH-46

Here's a pic that a buddy sent me who is in the Navy and helping with the landslide in the Phillipines.

Chris M
WaconiaMN

So... anybody got any ideas with my Mr. Do quest? Anyone got the inside track on old school arcade sales in the northeast? Anyone got tre inside track on shipping very delicate (and very heavy) equipment? I know he'd be real grateful - maybe even grateful enough to play horsey with ya!

Hey

Great work with our Military people. I recently had my foot amputated due to an infection from a broken ankle. While I was off work due to boredom and some fine painkillers I wrote some comedy music videos. If you get a chance check them out at www.onelegruss.com also a shout out to my Military amputee buddies at Ohio Willow Wood. They are some courageous people.

Thanks
Russ

how much money do you NOT make as compared to shaq? madonna? gay-rod? warren buffet?


February 20 2006

Tolerating the Intolerable.

Many moons ago I stumbled across GODHATESFAGS.COM and my initial reaction was to laugh. I mean the site was so far fucking out there in left field that I figured it had to be a work of parody. I mean nobody in this day and age can be that fucking stupid right? Ha! Well apparently the joke is on me because as it turns out yes they can. In fact it seems their stupidity knows no bounds as their latest escapades have included protesting at American soldiers' funerals. But one might ask are they holding signs like "End the war!" or the ever popular "No blood for oil!" -- nope.

Instead these fuckfaces from Kansas hold signs that read "Thank God for Dead Soldiers!" and "Thank God for IED's" and "Thank God for 9/11."

Now keep in mind all this crap started almost a year ago. Right around the same time that goofy toothed asshole had the "Forsake Our Troops" site. I figured both would be drowned out before too long; no group spewing such inflammatory bullshit could weather the storm of public outcry that would inevitably follow.I mean it takes all kinds right?

But alas it seems I'm 1-1 in that department since Fred Phelps -- the tool behind GODHATESFAGS -- is still going strong and unfortunately so is his message. But just when you think all is lost enter stage right a group of veterans called the Patriot Guard Riders. What these guys do is show up at a soldiers funderal and form a human wall between the deceased family and the midwestern retards so the bereaved aren't forced to listen to their diatribe. And should the GHF crown get loud... well let's just say motorcycles can make a lot of noise.

I know you're a big supporter of our military so here's something I hope you'll find worth linking/mentioning/supporting. Its called the Patriot Guard Riders. We ride motorcade at military funerals for the kids killed in the war on terror. Please check us out at www.patriotguard.org. If you think we're doing the right thing please help in any way you can.

Thanks for your time
John "Shamdog" H
NJ State Captain
Patriot Guard Riders

So there you have it peeps. Got a Harley? Respect our troops? Hate religious nutjobs? Then the Patriot Guard Riders is probably for you. Chapters in almost all 50 states too. Check em out.

slideshow: a wake for an indian warrior
slideshow: american heroes until we meet again
video: those who know iraq best are the soldies who serve there

And while this cartoon is done in Dutch but I'm pretty sure you can figure out it's meaning.


February 19 2006

Stop Staring At My Pussy.

So what was the number one song when you were born? When you were married? When you graduated high scool? When Your team won the Super Bowl? When you got your first blowjob? Find out here.

Ever wonder how to swear in or Arabic or Brazilian or Dutch or Hungarian or Norwegian? Well wonder no further.

Hi EHOWA in the States

Just thought you might like some info on the pics I just sent you - up to you if you use them. We went for a blatt today and took the dig cams with us one of the blokes Chris thought he could fly - he was wrong and we caught it on cam. He was fine after a while and we all pissed ourselves laughing. His bike got a bit bent but cheers. [view pics]

Railway Bob in Australia

So what really did happen at the Dick Cheney House of Shotgun Fun? Did the accident happen like he says it did? These guys try and find out.

two months left to tax time start getting your receipts together!


February 17 2006

I'll Roundhouse Your Face. In These Pants.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just the Islands.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

If Chuck Norris is late time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris shaves with a John Deere tractor.

Similar to a Russian nesting doll if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside only smaller and angrier.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

As a poor college student Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.

Chuck Norris recently saw the movie "Brokeback Mountain" and roundhouse kicked everyone in the theatre to death. The movie wasn't the part that pissed him off it was the fact that they didn't sell babies at the snack bar.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

Chuck Norris takes no prisoners but he does take their wives.

Big E.

Attached is a photo you may way find useful. I am sure you can do some photoshop magic to clear it up a little didn't realize the sun glare was that bad. Also if you do use this can you black out the company name on the lower right side of the display. I will work on getting your name up on bigger signs that's what I do for a living just been waiting for the right opportunity.

Will be joining you in Sunny Florida next week heading to Tampa man this NE sucks 18" of snow on Sunday and like nothing left by Thursday.

Kurt

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

The only person ever to beat Chuck Norris in a arm wrestling match was God. Although we all know Chuck let him win.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

If you can think of a swear word chances are Chuck Norris invented it while in bed with your mother.

Big E.

Attached is a photo you may way find useful. I am sure you can do some photoshop magic to clear it up a little didn't realize the sun glare was that bad. Also if you do use this can you black out the company name on the lower right side of the display. I will work on getting your name up on bigger signs that's what I do for a living just been waiting for the right opportunity.

Will be joining you in Sunny Florida next week heading to Tampa man this NE sucks 18" of snow on Sunday and like nothing left by Thursday.

Kurt

olle hemmendorff's zombiegrinder 60000 - with KICK ASS soundtrack


February 16 2006

Well That's A Weight Off My Shoulders.

Poor Dick he's just catching a world of shit from all directions. I mean sure accidents happen but the whole "Dick in your face" aspect of the joke is just too good to pass up for some people.

But at least he makes the statement "I am the guy who pulled the trigger and shot my friend." I mean who the fuck else can we hold accountable given you're the guy holding the gun in your hand Tex. I bet he wishes he could undo that eh? But it's at least nice to hear a politician finally own up to something for once. And for those of you who wonder how this happened I'll bet a dime to a bucket of shit I can tell you exactly what went down. In a freakish occurance of art imitating life remember the scene from Master and Commander where there's a Royal Marine (in full costume) with a musket trained on an albatross buzzing around the boat? And he's concentrating on so hard on getting the bird in his sights that when he finally does so and pulls the trigger -- BLAM -- he d

Hmmm with Britney's marriage on the rocks I wonder if now is a good time for me to move in? I mean I don't have the courage to ask her myself but maybe I've got a shot since she's still very hot and very vulnerable? Hey a guy's gotta dream.

a computer case for all you hardcore bikers. live to compute. compute to live.


February 15 2006

Well That Didn't Go As Planned.

What's all the uproar about the bird flu? I mean it's easy to prevent duh.

The Feds have some pretty interesting shit they put up for auction. Here is a link to a seller on ebay that happens to be the Goverment selling items travelers have to give up before flying. The local news did a story about it and it is damn funny to see 15 pounds of nail clippers for sale. But you have to be careful. I was going to buy this beautiful black Pontiac Firebird... until I looked closer and was surprised to find it was just a cheap clone.

Are you an angry Muslim? No problem just fill in a card and drop it in the Anonymous Muslim Man Complaint Box and you're golden.

looking for some bling? - too much chocolate can be a bad thing


February 14 2006

Happy Valentines Day!

So guys whatever you do no matter how bitchy your girl is today is the day you have to get her something -- even something as simple as a bouquet of flowers. Maybe some nice homemade sweets and a bottle of wine. Or better yet get dressed up and take her to a nice dinner even if she acts like she doesn't want to go? And girls don't forget it's a two way street.

Roses are red
violets are blue.
I like spaghetti
let's go fuck.
Roses are red
violets are finer.
We both want head
let's sixty-niner.
Roses are straight
violets are twisted.
Bend over Love
you're about to get fisted.
Roses are awful
violets are the pits.
Lift up your shirt
And show me your tits.

Yep some say Valentine's Day is like herpes: just when you think its gone for good it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD.

Roses make me laugh
violets make me titter.
You're a dirty bitch
who loves it up the shitter.
Roses are red
But I like carnations.
You're bad in bed So I fucked your sister.
Roses are red
it's all elementary.
Let's call up a friend
and try double entry.
Roses are red
violets are corny.
When I think of you
Ohh baby me so horny!
Roses are red
violets are redder.
Get under my desk
and give me a header.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
Too bad your forty
and not twenty two.
Roses are red
pickles are green.
I love your legs
and what's in between.
Roses are red
when in reality
sleeping with girls
can't beat beastiality.

February 13 2006

Lucy Let Me Assplain Something To Joo.

One thing I've been meaning to discuss with you fine folks is the popups you receive on the EHOWA video player page. For those of you astute enough to notice these ads started about eh I'm going to say around August of last year... so yeah this conversation is long overdue but hey better late than never right?.

First off I have to make two things very clear. Said advertising appears ONLY on the video player page. Not here on the main page not on the picture archive not on past updates not on the search menu not on the articles I've written not on the various pages of boobs. But ONLY on the video player page. Why is that? Keep your pants on Gus I'll get to that in a minute. The second thing I want you to understand is that you'll get these popus only ONCE within a 24 hour period. By that I mean if I post 50 videos one day you'll receive two ads (one slider and one pop under) for the first video you watch. Every subsequent video you play within that 24 hours period will have absolutely zero ads.

Which brings us to why the video page? Well given the fact that EHOWA received about 30000-32000 visitors a day I have to give some consideration to the amount of bandwidth the site eats up. And the fattest belt at that dinner table goes to the video section. Take for example this very cool fucking video compiled by the fine men and women of the 25th Marines. Now I don't care what you say that's a cool fucking video and it was worth having to "suffer through" the slider that originally appeared and the popunder that came up once you clicked your back.

Because here's the behind the scenes math of me posting said video. At 236kb/s it's about as low bandwidth as I dare make it while maintaining the video quality. Normally I try to stay abut 300-350kb/s sec but since it was a 5 minute video I had to sacrifice somewhere. Now the bandwidth times the video duration give us a file size of 9226178 bytes. Let's make a conservative guestimate and say that only one out of every three people who visit EHOWA actually click on the video so that video gets served up a nice round 10000 times today. So just that video alone will chew up (9226178 x 10000) an astounding 92261780000 byes of bandwidth -- or an even 88 gigabytes. Just that one video. Today alone. Not imagine I try to a video at least every other day plus every day a number of people who have never seen EHOWA before visit for the first time and goes through every link --and EVERY video. So now you see how the numbers pile up pretty fucking quick.

Now despite the fact that I've got a terrific webhosting company (expresshosting.net run by a great guy names Tom Walsh) bandwidth isn't free. It may not be super expensive like it was five years ago but it still ain't free. So in times past as we'd get towards the end of the month I'd be forced to shut down some of the galleries (both videos and pictures) to conserve bandwidth to make sure I don't go over my monthly allotment. Not a huge setback but still kind of a pain in the ass. But then I gots me to thinkin! What chews up the most bandwidth? Videos do. So being the ingenious fucker that I am figured why not have the videos pay for themselves? I'll add some advertising to the video player page... so as they get played and chewed up more bandwidth they'd also generate ad income. So if you like a video and mail the link to a million of your friends and it chews up more bandwidth than normal I'm not going to have a heart a

Want to take a look behind the scenes? Here's a screen capture of the income generated by the videos so far in February. You'll see the daily average is about $4 to $5 and then on the 9th-12th there's a boost where I got crazy and posted five news videos. So now the video section is right about at a nice self sustaining equilibrium.

So a recap for you dumbasses out there... popups on videos only and even then only once per day. No thank you I don't want any donations but I appreciate the thought. A tinybit of advertising is just a necessary evil and let's be honest it's really not that fucking bad. I just thought I'd let you folks know what was up and I apologize for not doing it sooner. I wasn't trying to be cruel nor was I trying to back door any of you. So once again all is right with the world. Bitches.

how to tell is your newborn son is gay - michael jackson now working for walmart


February 12 2006

Uh Oh. Someone Didn't Follow The 3 Rules Of Gun Safety.

1. Handle all firearms as if they were loaded. When you pick up a firearm (or one is handed to you) always check it yourself to verify that it's unloaded. For a semi-auto drop the mag and rack the slide back so that you can actually see into the chamber. For a revolver swing out the cylinder and check the chambers.

2. Keep the muzzle pointed in a safe direction. Don't point your gun at anything you don't intend to shoot. As a courtesy to others even unloaded guns should be pointed in a safe direction.

3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you're ready to fire. Rest your trigger finger on the side of the frame outside the trigger guard. Even if you're only dropping the gun down for a second to check your target get your trigger finger off the trigger and out of the trigger guard.


February 11 2006

So Ginger(bread) Cures Seasickness Eh?

So it appears that we didn't have too much trouble raising the funds to get his heartworm treatment. Yep he'll be back up on all four paws in no time so chalk up another bit of community service for you guys. My thanks to Craig Dave Ed Eric Frank Scott Jack Ian Jerod Ken Michael Phil Gary Tricia Wade and Warren. In fact she will be making you guys some "special thank you" pictures if ya know what I mean...wink...wink!

From: Warren M.

Subject: Jake the Dog...Donation!

I'll match your $150 donation if you will post MY nipples on the website with a shout out to my buddy fighting in Afganistan! I always wanted my name in lights! P.S. I also gave to the LBEH so no lie!

Well folks Warren held up his end of the bargain and thus I shall hold up mine! Yeah I guess I should have given a warning before doing that eh?

From: Paul M.

Subject: winter fun!!

I noticed your pool pump seems to have an issue - we're all nice and cozy up here in Cleveland!!


February 10 2006

Let's Give Jake A Quick Hand...

Bollocks! I almost forgot this letter I received from Jake! Jake is a pooch in Tennessee who is being fostered by a friend of mine.

Now Jake was neglected by his former owners and as a result has a pretty bad case of heartworms -- the treatment for which is going to cost $450 smackaroos. Not a monumental cost but to a small animal shelter with 20+ other pooches to worry about I guess it can be kind of daunting. Anyway here's Jake's story in his own words...

My name is Jake and I'm a Chow mix. For many years my owners kept me in their back yard on a chain. To my side were my two brothers who were always with me. We could never play together because we were all tied up but at least I had them there to keep me company even though they weren't very nice. My owners would come out and feed us just about every day as long as it wasn't raining. I usually had water but my brothers would always knock over their buckets and then they would have none. It was hard always being outside because in the summer insects would bite at our ears all of the time but we couldn't get away and fleas were pretty bad too. Sometimes we would have other things wrong with us that always seemed to go unnoticed. Besides my owner coming out to feed us I never saw them other than that. I really didn't understand why they kept us back there like that because if a burglar tried to get in the house there was nothing we c

The only person who came to see us was the neighbor lady next door who would give us treats and try to clean what the flies did off my ears. I wish that she would come by more often because she always would pet me and a couple times she even let my owners know when she saw there were things wrong with me. She always looked really sad when she would look at me and in the end would always walk away with this hopeless look on her face. She had dogs of her own and they seemed to be really happy in their big back yard where they could run around and flies never hovered around their heads. I couldn't remember the last time I got to run so I wondered what it was like. All I knew was that over the years I haven't felt so well and didn't really have much energy anyway.

One day I noticed the owner who would feed us left and never came back and then I saw my other owner talking with that neighbor lady. Whatever they talked about the neighbor seemed really happy and then she came over to get me. The first thing she did was try to take off my chain but it wouldn't come off so she just took the chain with her. At first I was confused because I couldn't go as far as she was trying to take me. But she encouraged me to keep walking and I wasn't afraid. She then took me to her backyard!!! The first thing she did was take off my collar because she couldn't get my chain off. It felt great to finally have that heavy weight off of my neck. Then all of a sudden she got really excited and exclaimed over and over "You're free now Jake! You're free!!!" I then gave her lots of kisses and then went to go check out this big back yard. There were all kinds of toys to play with every where! Then her dog came out to greet me and I played for the first time!

I've been here for two weeks and what a difference! My new owner gives me treats every day and sometimes I even get raw-hide bones which I chew on for hours! I also have lots of hay to sleep on and can go anywhere I want without being yanked by a chain. I always have food and fresh water too which is a plus even if it is raining! Sometimes I like to run around in my back yard but I always get short of breath and have to stop. My owner has even tried to bring me into her home a few times but I get really scared and shake a lot. It is just that I've never been inside before except to go to the vet a couple of times in my life and I'm scared of what will happen. I can tell my new owner won't give up on me though and someday I hope to get over my fear!

One evening a couple nice ladies came over and poked me with a needle. It kind of hurt but they were really friendly and seemed to like me a lot. When they were done pricking me I gave them kisses to let them know that I still liked them. They smiled and gave me lots of pats but didn't look too happy for some reason. They kept looking at something and shaking their heads.

My new owner learned that night that I am heart-worm positive and will need to be treated as soon as possible because no one knows how long I've had them. She rescued me in hopes that I could be adopted into a loving and forever home where I would never have to be chained again. Those nice ladies who pricked me came from Freedom Farm. Freedom Farm is a non-profit organization dedicated to rescuing abused abandoned and neglected animals in middle Tennessee. The Freedom Farm ladies really seemed to want to help me too! They have a website but only a few chosen dogs are taken into the program at a time. They said I'm lucky enough to be helped by them because they think I'm really sweet have endured too much and deserve a fighting chance!!! The only problem is that they can't put me up for adoption while I'm heartworm positive. So they called around to find out how mu

My new owner is really discouraged by this and doesn't know what to do about the cost of my treatment. I understand if she has to put me to sleep but I know that she would really hate that because she has watched after me for the last three years and knows how afraid I am of going inside where I would meet my ultimate fate. It would just break her heart and now that I have something to live for I actually want to try and beat this! People actually care about me now and I don't want to give up!!! Things are really started to look up for me and hopefully someday I will go to a forever home to be loved like a real pet instead of being treated like a lawn ornament. She even said that I can get treated right away with a little help and maybe start feeling better again really soon.

Lots of kisses
Jake

P.S. Please don't mind my appearance. I have never had a bath in my life and my temporary owner knows how afraid I am go inside right now. I'm also kind of embarrassed because I'm missing fur where the flies used to bite at my ears.

Now here's my own $150 donation towards Jake's treatment. That leaves us with a balance of $300 to get this pooch healthy -- shouldn't too difficult for the Army of EHOWA! Do it for Jake!

>

February 9 2006

Okay I Don't Want To Get Off On A Rant Here But...

A lot of people have asked me my thoughts on the crazy fucking Arabs who rioting because someone drew a few Muhammed cartoons. And thus I will depart from today's regularly scheduled story about my painful (painful painful painful) weekend and digress into these crazy bastards.

So as to not reinvent the wheel I'm not going to regurgitate two things. First the comparison of what Muslims do and do not get outraged over as written by Boortz. Secondly about seven months ago there were Muslims again going fucking nutzoid and rioting. What about? The accusation that their Koran got the royal flushing... and here's what I had to say then. Ironically enough reread that post only substitute the term "Muhammed cartoon" in place of "the Koran" and you too can pretty much write your very own EHOWA thread.

Now one thing that is different from [that time] versus [this time] is that we finally have some prominent Muslim leaders speaking out against the violence. This is a good thing and a welcomes change.

But here's the bad news. For every one public figure there is saying "Islam is the religion of peace" you have 10000 rioters outside his window; attacking embassies burning trucks throwing rocks and shouting the all purpose war cry "Death to [insert your favorite Western country]!" Now I'm not a mathematician but where I come from we call that 'the majority' and that's pretty fucking disturbing.

Now I know what you're thinking -- it's not the majority of Muslims who are violent just a very vocal minority.

Okay fair argument let's talk about that. Here's how I see it. There are a small number of Muslims acting violently in the name of Islam. True enough. There are an even smaller number of Muslims speaking out against this violence which is being done on their religion's behalf. Again true enough. And there is a VAST HUGE GIGANTONORMOUS number of Muslims who do nothing -- they speak out neither for or against the violence. That is a fact. Now in my humble opinion if you sit idly by while someone either defiles or defaces your religion to the point where it impacts how you are perceived on a global scale -- and you don't do anything about it? Then fuck you you deserve whatever contempt your silence earns you.

And so that leaves us with the two smaller (and very vocal) subsets of the Muslim community from which we the rest of the non-Muslim world can base our opinions. By an overwhelming margin we see Muslims attacking and burning Western interests calling for the destruction of a small handful of European countries and overall just acting like crazy fucking lunatics. Think about this: twelve people have been killed in these riots already. Riots over cartoons. Let me say that again for those of you who can't read. Twelve people have been killed over car-fucking-toons. Cartoons which by the way were published FIVE FUCKING MONTHS AGO in September of 2005. And today I see signs that read "Death to Freedom" and "Behead those who disgrace Islam". I'm sorry but that doesn't seem like a very peaceful religion to me.

I do believe that there are good people of Muslim faith. But I attribute that more to the fact that they're just good people and not to what name they call their god. And while I'm sure you the "peaceful Muslim community" are making a very honest effort to unweave the hatred your brothers are creating you're being overwhelmingly shouted down. And that's not good for either of us.

boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies! boobies!


February 7 2006

So Uh Yeah.

So that went a little longer than expected. Today is the first day I can look at my computer monitor and not feel dizzy.

Please allow me to take a moment and explain my unexpected absence over the past four days. This past Thursday evening I had three friends come in from out of town; Puddy from Kansas City and Flaherty & Barker from Boston. The four of us along with my two roommates Kiersten & Jim had a deep sea charter set for 7am Friday morning in Ft Lauderdale. That's about a two hour drive from where we live so we were all up and running at 4am that following morning ready to begin our aquatic adventure. From here everything kind of goes to hell

I'll begin by explaining I am far from a fisherman I have never been deep sea fishing before and thus was a little weary of getting seasick. Thus before we cast off I solicited a motion sickness pill from Kiersten. That's the good news. The bad news is she informed me an hour later that since she ran out of them she just gave me a valium instead. As a public service announcement to you all I can attest that valium does absolutely dick shit for motion sickness. Well I guess that's not entirely true; you're still queasy and vomiting but you don't care. But reaffirming there is karma in this world she turned green first. And dude I mean her face was this color green.

Barker blew first followed shortly there after by the Valium Queen. At this stage I felt I was at a crossroads; force myself to vomit by sticking a finger down my throat or live with this overwhelming queasiness all day. Not wanting to spend the entire day trying to stare at the horizon I chose the former. It didn't help. After depositing one Einstein Brothers ham and cheese bagel over the side of the boat I still felt like two bags of hammered dogshit. And thanks to FUCKING PUDDY for the great photography on my hurl. "What comes from the sea must return to the sea."

Flaherty joined our seasick gang and thus we became the Unfantastic Four. Despite my best efforts we spend about 70% of the trip inside the parlor of this beautiful boat eyes closed trying to breathe in rhythm with the rolling of the boat nobody saying a motherfucking word for fear of angering the Vomit Gods.

Puddy and Jim on the other hand did all right. Puddy caught this swordfish which apparently is some fucking miracle since they usually only feed at night. And despite exibiting all the signs of seasickness Jim caught this small shark. Both were caught and released. The swordfish and shark not Puddy and Jim.

For those of you who have never experienced severe motion sickness consider yourselves lucky. Personally I would consider it the ultimate form of torture; you can't enjoy ANYTHING. You can't get comfortable mundane things such as swallowing become monumental tasks and you spend your every waking moment concentrating on keeping the contents of your stomach where they are. it sucks.

Anyway we made it back my neck of the woods about 8pm that Friday evening (I saw this redneck truck driver on the way). Just in time to wind down let your body try to adjust back to dry land (warning: do NOT lean your head back on the shower...) and prepare for Jim's birthday party the next day. We'll get into THAT story tomorrow...


February 3 2006

Gone Fishin - Watch The Phonecam!


February 1 2006

And The Winner of OUR Golden Globes Award Is...

Well today ends the voting in the 2005 Best Tits on the List contest. So without any further hub-bub here's how things panned out...

Best Motorsports Tits

with a landslide victory of 77% of the votes... contestant #9!

Best Nipples

a very solid victory with almost 41% of the popular vote... contestant #8!

Best Implants

sweeping almost 49% of the vote in a very tough field... contestant #25!

Most Perky

defeating her closest opponent by a 2.5% margin... contestant #26!

Best Tits On The List

in what is probably the closest race ever winning by a scant 40 votes... contestant #19!

The complete breakdown of votes can be found here. Keep in mind it's been a longstanding tradition here at EHOWA that the winner of Best Tits can't win any of the sub-categories so for the Most Perky category #19 was excluded thus making #26 the winner.

As promised in addition to each of these ladies winning prizes I will donate $10 to breast cancer research for each of the entries I received this year (or $5 per boob if you prefer to look at it that way). Thus with 30 entries my donation of $300 has been made. So thank you ladies for baring your boobies for a good cause! And tThank you guys for voting and may we all hail the babe with the Best Tits on the List!

By the way Contestant #8 -- the winner of the Best Nipples -- asks our help in saving this dog at a local shelter who needs heartwork treatment or he's gonna die. Me thinks we can do that yes? Details tomorrow.

we're looking for computer engineers who like to solve difficult problems - call this number now!


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