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September 26, 2005

I Have Arrived Alive!

And will be updating again shortly!

Arrived in Florida at 3:15pm (On Sunday afternoon) and it was 92 degrees.


September 23, 2005

Driving To Florida, Be Back Soon!.

Leaving Rochester at 5:47am, temperature 48 degrees.


September 22, 2005

Inner Peace.

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we could all use more calm in our lives.

Dr. Phil proclaimed that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of Stoli, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, twp pints of ice cream, some saltines and a box of chocolates.

And you have no idea how fucking good I feel.


September 21, 2005

Name Two Things That Suck.

I grabbed this little gem from the guys over at massdestraction.com.

boobies - boobies - boobies - boobies - boobies (and a gun!) - boobies


September 19, 2005

Today Is National Talk Like A Pirate Day

Pirate Pete walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck on the end of his dick. The bartender says, "Hey Pirate Pete, did you know you have a steering wheel stuck on the end of your dick?" Pirate Pete says, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts."

Q. How can you tell a Polish pirate?
A. He has a patch over both eyes.
Q. I saw a pirate movie the other day.
A. It was rated ARRRRRRRRR!
Q. Why are pirates so mean?
A. They just ARRRRR!
Q. What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
A. 8 Pirates!
Q. What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
A. Starrrrrrve!
Q. Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
A. It's rated AARRRRGGH!
Q. And do you know why?
A. Because of all the booty!

September 17, 2005

Ernie 2. Skunks 1.

Well that was an entertaining drive ;)

I gotta tell you, it was pretty weird leaving Massachusetts for the last time. I mean sure, I'll go back and visit my friends there, but never again as a resident. I'll be a visitor from now on.

And this was the last time I had to enjoy one of my favorite drives. A stretch of about 30 miles of Route 2 through the towns of Savoy and, ironically enough, Florida. Lots of twisty turns through the Berkshire mountains, lots of rivers and streams, that sort of thing. Just kind of sad coming to realization that I wouldn't be enjoying this trip anymore.

But I'm here in NY living out of a suitcase for a week. Give me a little time to get my shit together, and then when I go... Nuts Across The East Coast!

Too bad this ebay auctiom got cancelled before I could post it.

Some after effects of an IED attack in Iraq.


September 15, 2005

Stripes Are Bad

So on Tuesday night, I dropped Ike off at a friend's house so I could focus my attention on getting my condo ready for the buyer's final walk-through on Wednesday morning. Yeah, that would be the day that a skunk happened to see if he couldn't find some snackey cakes in the backyard trash barrel. Ike felt this was an unwanted intrusion and kindly asked the skunk to leave the premises as soon as possible. The skunk disagreed and soon a quarrel between the two parties erupted. The skunk then pissed directly into my dog's eyes.

So in addition to the pleasant smell, Ike is also on all kinds of meds to treat chemicaly (skunk piss) induced ulcers on his corneas.

And I have to drive to NY with the lingering essence of Pepe Le'Pew on my co-pilot. I hate skunks.

the usmc m-240 rpg kill shot... in sloooooooow mo


September 14, 2005

Moving Day!

Well, today is moving day. I hope my foot holds up while we cart around all my stuff.


September 13, 2005

And Then There Was Nothing.

Wow, it's kind of weird to watch someone pack up your entire life and cart it away one box at a time. You get this ominous feeling like... if these boxes disappeared, there'd be no proof you ever existed. Now I know a man is defined by more than what can be fit into the back of a moving truck, but damn.

On the upside, Ike sure likes the open space. I can really kick his fucking ball around now and he can build up some speed without a couch to have to work around.

And with my desktop packed up, I'm back to updating EHOWA from my old 500mhz laptop baby! But it's cool, I've got Tu-Pac to keep me company. His shit is bananas.


September 12, 2005

I Can See Meat.

I hacked up my fucking hand pretty good this morning as I tried to load a small refrigerator into a box. So now my hand is held together with paper towels and packing tape. Yes, I need a beer.

This weekend some refugees from Hurricane Katrina set down here in the Bay State. And with typical Massachusetts hospitality, there were here about two days before someone stole what little posessions they managed to bring with them. Yep, the more things change, the more things stay the same.

Team America, Fuck Yeah!

Well, I'll bet her mom never called her Grace.

she might be skanky, she might smell like salty garbage, but x-tina does have one hell of a pair of tits


September 11, 2001

Horror Remembered.

I actually took this Tuesday morning off work, so that I could take my car in to get it's 5000 mile service. Traffic was a exceptionally bad, so I was flipping through the radio stations trying to find something to listen to. It seemed every station was talking and talking and talking about mundane crap as many morning radio stations often do. I finally settled on one and began to settle into the fact that I'd be creeping through traffic for the next hour. Then the morning show host mentioned how a co worker was running into the station... it seemd a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center.

Ha, I thought. Another bonehead tourist plane probably. The old building can take it, I thought. I remember reading that back in 19'some'odd when an Army Air Corp bomber crashed into the Empire State building in dense fog. Darwinism, I thought.

They finally got around to playing a few songs, which was a welcome break from the talking I had previous mentioned. Then the host breaks into music, right in the middle of a song, and states that a second plane, a big commercial motherfucker, had crashed into the World Trade Center also. At this point, I got angry. How dare they publicize such a stupid prank? How dare they? This isn't funny. This is horrible. I was actually contemplating picking up my cell phone and calling in to bitch someone out. And the thought occured to me... check another station. So I did. And they were talking about it too. And so was another. And another. This was for real.

I arrived at the dealership and there, in the customer lounge, were salesman, customers, managers, mechanics and receptionists all gathered around the television. There was an image of the peak of the World Trade Center Towers. There was a lot of smoke. People in the room were talking about terror and tragedy. After a few seconds later, the news media replayed footage of the second plane impact. I remember thinking that since he impacted the corner of the second tower, it looks like the guy missed his mark. I was somehow almost grateful. Imagine the loss of life if the whole fucking tower had come down in the impact.

We, a group of stunned and horrified people with only our American blood as a common thread, watched for a while longer. The coffee machine remained untouched. People were glued to the TV. Footage of victims and the rescue qorkers assisting them began to make their way around to the news media. Then the news broadcaster said they the windows in the building he was in shook. He heard a bang. He looked out of his window and saw people running away from the Pentagon. Hmmm. A car bombing maybe? Christ there's going to be a few hundred people killed in this attack, I thought.

Then the unthinkable happened. Right in the middle of Peter Jenning's sentence, right before my very eyes, the burning hulk that was once one of the two World Trade Center Towers, collapsed. Right before my very fucking eyes. There was dust, a mushroom cloud of it and the top of the tower just disappeared into it. It almost looked like it had been imploded, like you see on the Learning Channel late at night sometimes. It was gone, just like that. I can't imagine how many people died, right before my very fucking eyes. I turned to the gentleman sitting next to me, "is this really happening?" I asked. We were all stunned to find that one of the pilots of the hijacked planes lives in Dracut, Massachusetts. That's two towns over from where I live.

Surely the other one can't fall too. The media said that plane was much smaller, and it hit so much higher up. It can take the hit I thought. It'll be okay.

But I was wrong. Before too long, that tower collapsed too, killing with it not only the few thousand unfortunate souls still trapped inside but probably hundreds of rescue workers trying to aid the victims of the first crash. It's radio attenna on top dipped a bit, wavered left, and then too cascaded in a monster cloud of dust. And the news confirmed another plane had crashed into the Pentagon. I guess it wasn't a carbomb after all. Now all the airports are closed. And the railways. And they say another plane just crashed near Pittsburg. There is speculation that it didn't crash at all, but was rather shot down by Air Force fighters after the plane refused to respond to communication attempts and was headed directly towards Camp David. It's circulating now that perhaps that was just a rumor. God bless their souls either way. I fear the final body count in this whole ordeal, which in my uneducated estimates will climb into the tens of thousands.

Speculation is abound as to who is the root of all evil. The usual suspects turn up, as one might imagine. The news media is going through extraordinary steps of political correctness to not suggest any one of them is more or less likely to be the mastermind behind it, so as not to offend anyone.

Fuck that. We all know who is behind it. That tall, skinny, limping fuckhead Osama bin Laden. I know it, you know it, we all know it so let's cut to the fucking chase.

Some people say this is a time for restraint. I again reiterate my words of wisdom of, Fuck that. This is NOT a time for restraint. Restraint was yesterday. Today is a time for action. A time for downright coldhearted asskicking revenge. A time for retaliation justified ten thousand times. A time for stealth bombers and tomahawk missiles. A time for napalm. This is not a time for politicians to use words like 'dispicable' or 'cowardly'. I want them to use words like, "Yeah we found out who it was, and we kicked their fucking ass. We bombed them, we watched their families burn to death, watched their houses burn to the ground, and then I went and pissed on their ashes." I do not want my government to give a measured calculated response. Fuck that. I want them to react in a furious rage blinded by the visions of burned bodies on the streets of an American city and bomb any fucking person or persons or foreign government that ever did, does, or we suspect ever will coordinate a terrorist a

And to you Osama bin Laden, I tell you this. I may be stunned, I may be angry, I may be shocked, but I am NOT terrified. No, I drove home from my job today, which will be open tomorrow, and I drove through McDonalds and got a super sized Big Mac extra value meal. Business as usual. I continued on home, parked my car, and turned on my big fucking 65" television with which to watch the news. I am proud to say I am from Massachusetts and my Governor had the courage and wisdom to keep our voting polls open. Americans may grieve today, but we will excercise our right to vote and continue on our lives. Those were not just innocent people that you killed today, they were Americans. And one day, one day very soon, either I or another of my countrymen will slip a knife into your belly and twist it. We will watch as the energies of life slowly drain from your body. And then just before you die, I will place my mouth over yours, I will suck out your last breath and I will eat it.

Gotta go, have to give blood. God bless America. Glad you're safe SantaSam.


September 9, 2005

Yeah, She's Talking About Me.

This morning I was driving my truck around because I had to get the windshield replaced due to a flying rock, and I came across this drive-thru deal. I got four.

One hundred and ninety pictures + written observations - sensationalism = great alternate account of New Orleans disaster. See for yourself.

Hi Ernie,

Long time listener, first time callerÖ.

I spent Labor Day weekend delivering supplies from Texas to the cost of Mississippi. I put together a web site with some pictures that I thought would fit at EHOWA.

If you use any of them, please credit me. Iím not a professional photographer, but Iím working on it.

Good luck with your move,

Stephen W.

Man, I hate back seat drivers. Especially when they tell you to do crazy shit, like park in a no-parking zone.


September 8, 2005

Okay This Will Be Brief.

Because I have a really bad hangover. Why'd I drink so much? Well, I can't get into specifics just yet, but let's just say that I won't be getting screwed over anymore! Later on, I'll ass'plain more and I'm sure you'll find the story very captivating.

Some amateur video of a wet t-shirt contest at some college in Ohio.

one of the most stunningly beautiful women ever. oh, and she's naked


September 7, 2005

So Often Times It Happens ...

...that we live our lives in chains,
and we never even know we have the key.

But me, Iím already gone, and Iím feeliní strong.
I will sing this victíry song, ícause Iím already gone.
Yes, Iím already gone, and Iím feeliní strong.
I will sing this victíry song, ícause Iím already gone.
Yes, Iím already gone. Already gone.


September 6, 2005

Opinions Are Like Assholes.

These days, it seems like everybody has an opinion on Uncle's Sam reaction to hurricane Katrina; some good, and some bad. But regardless I think we can all agree that things wouldn't have been as bad as they are if a few more people heeded the warning that was put out constantly 48 hours before the storm. Or at the very least, had your very own dually atv to get yourself around in.

Ladies, I'm free after 5pm.

I thought I had some pretty clever "404 File Not Found" error pages, but this is pretty neat, too.

stop junk e-mail and misinformation!


September 4, 2005

No Looting Or I'm Telling Mom.

It's every man for himself, apparently. I just can't believe all the fucking looting that is going on down in New Orleans. Imagine how we'd act if it were something more catastrophic like a nuclear attack! It's kill or be killed.

Don't get me wrong, I can understand people going out and stealing food, water, clothing, even medical supplies. I mean, those are survival items, and hey, nobody can fault you for doing what you have to do in order to see the next sunrise. But stealing 60 inch plasma televisions? What the fucking are they thinking? First off, you don't have electricity to power the God damned things. Second off day of been under water for two weeks, so what fucking good are they? And finally, uhhh, aren't we all human fucking beings here? And while the police may tolerate some looting, you can bet your ass that yo mama sure as hell ain't.

And remember, looting ain't tolerated in Fallujah, either.


September 3, 2005

Keep Your Eyes On These.

I haven't been able to find it yet, but someone told me that if you stare at this picture long enough, you can pick out the Toronto Space Needle somewhere in the background. I think it's a hoax.

Ron Jeremy came to the club my sister-in-law works at last night. I tried her to hold a sign that said I EHOWA, but she didnt do it. Anyway, here is the picture. She is the one on the left.

Hope you enjoy it.
rand

boobies: janine lindemulder


September 2, 2005

Not Even The Hulk Can Save You Now.

People with cell phones can be so god damn rude sometimes. I mean, you try to relax at the beach and then RING RING.Then some broad is the yapping on the phone for 20 minutes. I mean, it can be so distracting, you know?

NEWSFLASH! A major hurricane could swamp New Orleans under 20 feet of water, killing thousands. Human activities along the Mississippi River have dramatically increased the risk, and now only massive reengineering of the Southeastern Louisiana can save the city. So says Mark Fishetti. Back in October of 2001.

I don't know if it's because the peripherals had been removed or what, but my computer has been pissing me off lately. I can't tell you how many times it's crashed today alone.

new orleans live police scanner... check it out to hear the reports
http://205.252.89.181:8000/live
http://ve3nsv.no-ip.org:8000/louisiana
http://ve3nsv.no-ip.org:8000/louisiana.m3u


September 1, 2005

See, Other Stuff Is Expensive Too.

I saw rather disturbing news clip last night, it was and old woman down in New Orleans who had been picked up by rescuers and dropped off on a highway overpass. She, and a few other hundred people who were kind of marooned on the section of highway, had nothing but the clothes on their backs. She was screaming into the camera, "If we die, it's because the federal government ignored us. We don't have any food, we don't have any water. If we die, it's because they ignored us." And I kept thinking to myself, "Uhhhhh no. If you die, it's because you chose to ignore the evacuation order and didn't get the hell out of Dodge when you had the chance." It wasn't like there weren't 48 hours worth of warnings to get out of New Orleans because of imminent flooding

I wonder if the city will recover enough by Feb 2006 to be able to host Mardi Gras?

At 0431 AM 9/1/2005, Jason P.wrote

These are two pictures of the lines at a gas station just north of Atlanta. These gas lines were created because of the "shortage scare" in Georgia. The rumors scared the shit out of these people and gas prices quickly shot up to as much as $5.59 per gallon.

Come on people! You have to use your heads, and member to depend on reliable sources for your information! There is going to be an enormous number of urban legends and chain mails owing around because of the Katrina disaster. Your best bet for figuring out what is real and what is not is checking snopes.com. I wish I had before I posted those palace pictures! Doh!

boobies, boobies, - and more boobies

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