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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
July 7, 2015

I Can Only Hope That Ana Is Well Versed In the Intricacies Of Suppositories.

Palm trees reproduce by seed pods, which are shaped like airplane drop tanks. Only instead of being filled with fuel, they're filled with about seventy-five billion-trillion hard little seeds about 1/4" in diameter. They're not much of an inconvenience when they drop on the yard, but when they drop on the sidewalk/driveway, each trip to take the dogs out is like a Lego firewalk. So anyway, my neighbor was having some of his trees trimmed yesterday, so I walked over to the guy operating the boom lift and asked him if he wanted to make a little money on the side trimming the seed pods from the four royal palm trees in front of my house. He looks over at them, rubs his chin and says, "$110." "I've got a $100 bill," I counter. "Move your pickup." So he pulls into my driveway, drops the side extenders and twenty minutes later all of my seed pods are resting curbside. I didn't know this before, but each of those fucking things is like 100 pounds, and awkward as fuck to carry. I know this because I'm the one who had to drag them to the curb. And now I'd just like to sit on a park bench somewhere, and relax. Any idea where am I readed to?

Old and busted: Hands Across America. Seriously, what the fuck were people thinking in the 80's? Anyway, the new hotness: Hot Dogs Across America.

Women don't dig jewelry boxes for two reasons: They clutter up the surfaces of your bedroom, and they keep jewelry in jumbled heaps that are almost always impossible to sort. So while jewelry boxes can be nice and beautiful, both for storage and for display, they don't work particularly well for necklaces. For these lovely pieces of jewelry you need something else, as the necklaces have to seat tidy and neat so you can easily choose and take the one that better suits you that particular moment. There are lots of DIY projects that can help with that, but tree necklaces seem to work the best. Personally, I prefer the ones made out of natural wood, over those made from metal. The only danger in using neckace trees is if you have any goddamn cats, which will see her expensive jewelry as inexpensive cat toys.

Hey Ernie, Looks to me like that trailer license plate is from the Canadian province of Saskatchewan, which explains why you couldn't find it on the list of US plates. Cheers, Tom

hey Ernie. Found the plate. I saw this pic from Ithaca, NY. Keep up the good work. Jb

Hi Ernie, Thanks for linking to the superman facts infographic the other day. Just spotted that the link isn't working though! Here is the page you linked it on, and the link should go here. Thanks, David

Fireworks are a very important of our Independence Day celebrtaions, and I certainly hope you were able to enjoy whatever local production your city put on. I am curious though, can you show me exactly where this girl watched her fireworks from?

Well, the early bird may get the worm, but no matter how early you are there's always someone earlier. Thus how I missed on this bulk .22 bucket deal by an hour. And whilest ye be ordering this ammo and you need to something for a few more bucks to cross some discounted shipping threshold, consider stuff like Cabela's Multitool for $5.99. There's nothing miraculaous about it; pliers, wire stripper, knife, slotted and phillips screwdrivers, wood saw, bottle opener (IMPORTANT!) and some tiny ass scissors. But for $6, toss this shit in your glove box.

The Nikon Coolpix series are digital compact cameras in many variants produced by Nikon. Nikon Coolpix cameras are organized into five different lines. The line in which a particular camera is placed is indicated by the letter which is the first character of its model number. The lines are: the (A) series, the (AW) all weather series, the (L) life series, the (P) performance series, and the (S) style series. The Nikon Coolpix S6500 appears to have just about everything you want from a digital compact camera of its class. With a 12x optical zoom, 3-inch 460,000-dot touchscreen, 16 megapixel backlit CMOS sensor, Full HD video recording, a host of direct controls, 20 scene modes, small, lightweight body with various colors, and a modest price tag, what more could you ask for?

July 6, 2015

Normally, I Couldn't Give A Shit About FIFA, But You Have To Admit The Irony Is Pretty Stunning.

Sunday night, the U.S. faced off against Japan in what felt like a rematch of sorts given the fact that the teams faced each other in the finals in 2011 as well. Americans were hoping for a far different outcome than the 5-4 penalty scoring win last Women's World Cup, which saw Japan win their first championship. And a different outcome, they got, with a solid 5-2 win cemented within the first 15 minutes of the match. So let the butthurt begin!

It is said that at the dawn of time, man, beast, and all magical beings lived together under Aeglin, the Father Tree. But man had been created with a hole in his heart, a hole that no possession, power, or knowledge could fill. And in his infinite greed, man dreamed of expanding his dominion over the entire earth. The blood of many an elf, ogre, and goblin was spilled in their war with man, and King Balor, the one-armed king of Elfland, watched the slaughter in dread and despair. But one day, the master of the goblin blacksmiths offered to build the king a golden mechanical army, seventy times seventy soldiers, that would never know hunger, and could not be stopped. Prince Nuada begged his father to agree. "Build me this army," the king said. And so, a magical crown was forged that would allow those of royal blood to command the golden army, if unchallenged. "I am King Balor, leader of the Golden Army. Is there anyone who disputes my right?" And in his throne room, no one challenged his word.

So I looked through all 50 states' license plates and don't seem to recognize this one. Any idea where this trailer is registered?

Hi Ernie, Why is it that the addition of a flag bikini or ? Makes our girls look sooo hot? Just saying thanks for the plethora of independence girls. Look forward to your July 4th post every year. God Bless America and those that fight to keep us free. Cheers man, Randy

Ernie, Thanks for the heads up on the Taurus Millennium G2. I called my local indoor gun range, The Nashville Armory and they had it NIB for $199.00. I read up on it and couldn't find a bad review so we headed over to pick one up. My wife is Canadian, (permanent US resident) and SHE made her first ever handgun purchase today. She was out the door for $228.00 after tax and background check. I was like a proud papa watching her glow. It was a really big deal for her since Canadians cannot own handguns. The General Manager at the shop demonstrated takedown for us then made her do it herself right there on the counter. Right on! She's taking a CCW class with 4 of her girlfriends next week. Thanks again for the price tip. Regards Clint, Nashville TN

It's cool that you found a local shop that was willing to meet the online price, I have to wait until tomorrow to get mine. Curiously enough though, the day after you sent me that email this self defense shooting happened right down the road from you. In fact, it happened at the intersection of Lafayette Street and Fairfield Avenue is exactly exactly 5 miles away from the Nashville Armory. So as with any firearm, practice, practice, practice; 9mm is still cheapest online with bulk pricing. And Randy, that's because you're a red blooded 'Murican. More red white and blue boobs included in today's post, just for you.

Steak and Shake's Western BBQ & Bacon burger is a double Steakburger topped with American cheese, applewood smoked bacon, diced and French's French Fried Onions, then drenched in sweet 'n smoky barbecue sauce. According to Sterak and Shake's website, the Western BBQ & Bacon burger checks in at a whopping 715 calories.

Attention technogeeks, I need you help in identifying what model Samsung phone this is.

Those are in a playground in front of city hall in San Francisco. Pictures taken during the Protest Against Nudity Ban October 30th 2012. Rick

Hey Ernie, The Playground is in Civic Center Plaza in San Francisco. The Photo is from a 2012 Protest against the "Weiner Bill", a proposed ban by Councilman Scott Weiner against public nudity. Keep 'em coming, Tim

Let me tell you, it takes a hell of a lot of balls to be willing to play your bagpipes in public. Any idea where I should avoid, so that my ears are not assaulted?

Sunburn is a form of radiation burn that affects living tissue, such as skin, that results from an overexposure to ultraviolet radiation, commonly from the sun. Common symptoms in humans and other animals include red or reddish skin that is hot to the touch, pain, general fatigue, and mild dizziness. Now back in the day, sunscreen was widely agreed to prevent sunburn and some types of skin cancer, but now non-chemical methods, such as but clothing and hats, are considered the preferred skin protection method. Moderate sun tanning without burning can also prevent subsequent sunburn, as it increases the amount of melanin, a photoprotective pigment that is the skin's natural defense against overexposure.

There are 10 million members at Adult Friend Finder, all of which looking for fun filled action to keep warm this chilly season. Even if you don't want to hook up, sign up for free and check out tons of nude photos and profiles. With 10 million members, you may find the chick next door looking to get laid. And you ladies, don't be shy. Tons of guys are waiting for you, too. Just take the one minute to find some people in the area! So sign up for free then go to your e-mail to confirm your account and get busy!

July 4, 2015

By The Rocket's Red Glare, Happy Independence Day, Motherfuckers!

your independence day weekend boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve

July 3, 2015

Tomorrow Is The Big Day People, 239 years of Kicking Ass And Taking Names.

Fifty-six delegates to the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia signed the United States Declaration of Independence, a statement announcing that the thirteen American colonies then at war with Great Britain were now independent states, and thus no longer a part of the British Empire. Although the wording of the Declaration was approved by Congress on July 4, 1776, the date of its signing has been disputed. Most historians have concluded that it was signed nearly a month after its adoption, on August 2, 1776, and not on July 4 as is commonly believed.

Fifty-six delegates eventually signed the Declaration. Massachusetts: John Hancock (President of Congress), Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry. New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton. Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery. Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott. New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris. New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark. Pennsylvania: Benjamin Franklin, Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross. Delaware: George Read, Caesar Rodney, Thomas McKean. Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll. Virginia: Thomas Jefferson, George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton. North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn. South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton., Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, and George Walton.

The most famous signature on the engrossed copy is that of John Hancock, who, as President of Congress, presumably signed first. Hancock's large, flamboyant signature became iconic, and John Hancock emerged in the United States as an informal synonym for "signature". Two future presidents, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, were among the signatories. Edward Rutledge (age 26) was the youngest signer, and Benjamin Franklin (age 70) was the oldest signer.

exercise and cherish your constitutionally guaranteed right to keep and bear arms! just do it frugally.

so here's something you probably should not fish for when fishing from a small kayak? a shark!


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