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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
April 30, 2016

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

your weekend boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve - thirteen

April 29, 2016

April Showers Bring May Flowers? Not In Florida, It's Still The Dry Season.

I learned the difference between a cross and a crucifix today. A cross is simply the t-shaped instrument that was used for crucifixion which now, bears more of a symbol of triumph for Christians. A crucifix however, is any image of that same cross with Jesus' body -- known as the corpus -- depicted on it. Catholics are free to wear either and to have either on display in their churches although most Catholic Churches would choose to have a crucifix on display, while many Protestant churches opt for the cross.

Dracaena marginata is an attractive, stiff-leaved plant with colorful foliage that sometimes goes by the name dragon tree. Most of the time, though, it's sold simply as "Dracaena marginata" or just "Dracaena." These are tough, drought-tolerant plants with aggressive root systems that make excellent houseplants, as they are a little more forgiving than some of the other dracaena. It helps that they're attractive and varied. They are sometimes grown as single-stemmed plants; other times grouped or even braided together in the same pot.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker -- the creators of South Park -- troll Tom Brady via instagram after his suspension was suspension reinstated.

A colander is a bowl-shaped kitchen utensil with holes in it used for draining food such as pasta or rice. A colander can also be used to rinse vegetables. The perforated nature of the colander allows liquid to drain through while retaining the solids inside. Conventionally, colanders are made of a light metal, such as aluminium or thinly rolled stainless steel. Modern colanders are also made of plastic, silicone, ceramic, and enamelware. Oh, and while I have your attention, see if you can tell me what brand of dishsoap she's using?

Oh, and find me this public fountain. Need a hint? Think the Big Apple.

The people are getting in line at the fisherman's bastion in Budapest, Hungary. -Brian (Long time reader, first time responder)

Hi Ernie. It's Kim at Zippia! Today, we published a fun and interesting graph that explains which college majors have the biggest (and smallest) vocabulary ranges. We accomplished this by scraping the data from more than two million resumes to see the number of unique words used by college graduates, sorted by the majors they chose. Here's the interesting data. We thought it might make an interesting story for your publication. I'd love to answer any questions you might have. Take care,Kim

We humans we create, we work, we stay busy from birth to death and never rest. We build, aim higher, work harder, accomplish more, and to what end? "Balance" takes an abstract look at our modern world, the full and the empty spaces and time in which we live and choose to make our lives.

FRIDAY FLICK: "We never dealt with domestic. With us, it was always war. We won the war. Now we're fighting the peace. It's a lot more volatile. Now we've got ten million crackpots out there with sniper scopes, sarin gas and C-4. Ten-year-olds go on the Net, downloading encryption we can barely break, not to mention instructions on how to make a low-yield nuclear device. Privacy's been dead for years because we can't risk it. The only privacy that's left is the inside of your head. Maybe that's enough. You think we're the enemy of democracy, you and I? I think we're democracy's last hope."

Side note? We are not a fucking democracy. We are a fucking republic; a constitutional republic, to be more precise. And I know I've posted this before but everyone should invest a few minutes out of your lunch to rewatch The John Birch Society's most popular and widely distributed presentation; specifically what they have to say regarding the American form of government. You're going to want to pay very close attention around the 17 minute mark. See you at the circus.

April 28, 2016

We Have a Myriad Of Challenges Today. Two Products, And One Google Maps.

Even where a community pool does not include lifeguards, associations should ensure that they have, at a minimum, the safety and first aid equipment required by the regulations, including a life ring and rescue pole. Specifically, there must be present at the community pool a 17-inch minimum diameter life ring with 3/16-inch diameter throw rope attached. The rope should be at least as long as the pool is wide. Also, there must be a rescue pole, measuring a minimum of 12 feet fixed length with a permanently attached body hook. A shorter pole is permissible for spas so long as it is long enough to facilitate rescue.

Chex Mix is a type of snack mix that includes Chex breakfast cereal (sold by General Mills) as a major component. There are commercially sold pre-made varieties of Chex Mix, as well as many recipes for homemade Chex Mix. Though contents vary, the mixes generally include an assortment of Chex cereals, chips, hard breadsticks, pretzels, nuts or crackers. Chex Mix Traditional contains 60% less fat than regular potato chips. In total, General Mills produces 13 varieties of Chex mixes, not including limited editions.

Black dude watches a hockey game for the first time, live Tweets it, and instantly becomes an internet sensation.

There are a very limited number of rotary-open mobile phones have actually come to market. In fact, I can only think of six that were available here in the US market, although I'm sure there are a few others on the European market. Your goal is to figure out which model she brought to the beach.

This AIM Sports discreet pistol bag is eEasy carrying, smart storage! Holds your favorite two handguns side by side, separated by padding to keep each piece safe from dings and scratches. All the room you need for your shooting essentials, perfect for self-defense class or other handgun training. Added bonus: it's only $8.99 shipped. Available in black, field dark earth, or green.

Hey Ernie, your Slim, Fit & Happy magazine cover is the December 2015 issue of Women's Health featuring Reese Witherspoon. I found it by googling "Slim fit & Happy magazine cover" from there I noticed Women's Health had pretty much the same format for most of their magazines. So another google image search of "Women's Health Covers" got me to Reese's issue. The tricky part was it's the South Africa edition of the magazine. Thanks man! Shane

Hey Ernie, the magazine that the sexy young sunbather is reading would be the December 2015 issue of Womens Health [South Africa] with Reese Witherspoon on the cover. Keep up the good work my friend, NorCal Jeff

High school choir students sing the U.S. National anthem in a high-rise hotel. Each night before curfew, they gather on their balconies to sing the Star-Spangled Banner from the balconies of the 18-story atrium at Louisville's downtown Hyatt Regency as part of the Kentucky Music Educators convention. You can't help it but get goose bumps when you hear them sing. R Watson

So this drug-related mass murder in Ohio. Crazy Oliver Stone type shit, yes? Because of the sheer brutality of what happened -- a mother was shot and killed while laying next to her four-DAY old baby -- I actually wondered if the Mexican cartels were involved. Anyway, after determining that other family members may still be at risk of being targeted, what was his advice to them? Seek police Protection? Move out of the area? Nope. His advice was for those family members to arm themselves and take an active role in their own safety.

Easy Peasey, Japanesey: what did she drink to stay hydrated at the beach. Not quite so Japanesey: find this cabana.

Writing his 1995 book Death in Yellowstone, park historical archivist Lee H. Whittlesey sifted through National Park Service records to identify nineteen human fatalities from falling into thermal features. The victims include seven young children who slipped away from parents, teenagers who fell through thin surface crust, fishermen who inadvertently stepped into hot springs near Yellowstone Lake, and park concession employees who illegally took hot pot swims in thermal pools.

April 27, 2016

On This Day In 1953, Classy Freddie Blassie Coined The Term "Pencil Neck Geek"

The Nintendo DS's charge port looks a lot like a mini USB plug. In fact, it really is, just modified a bit. One enterprising hacker decided he'd make his DS USB-compatible. And although it seems to have been a relatively straightforward operation, I question the practicality of it when there are USB charge cables for the DS for $4. The instructions are here, but he's careful to warn readers that this is really more of an experiment than something that everyone should be doing. Still, it'd be one less cable to carry around with you.

Unlike other traditional lights which require bundles of cables and drain a lot of power, LED lights are much simpler to use and easy to install. The cluster of these miniature size lights are fixtures made in such an efficient way that they are capable of illuminating any area of your choice. LED strip lights are in the form of a long run cable that have LEDs mounted in it. This row of LEDs are often used to illuminate sides, boundaries and edges of windows, decks, pools and many similar objects. LED light fixtures have a cluster of LEDs enclosed in one unit. They provide adjustable angle and directed lighting with high lumen rating. They can be fitted beneath a cabinet, underwater pool surface and roof top application.

SAY HELLO TO HIS LITTLE FRIEND: Brian De Palma may very well be the greatest living movie director, having lent unparalleled style and richness to movies like Scarface, Blow Out, Body Double, and a shit ton more. So a documentary about the man and his films is a huge deal, and now we have the simply-titled De Palma and a trailer for same.

As you might, expect, I'm a beer guy. My tastes run to heavy stouts and porters -- my saying is 'I like a beer I can chew' -- but every once in a while I like to dip my toes on the crazy end of the pool and see what's out there. So while I'm not usually a winecooler/malt beverage kind of guy, this just looks delicious. Maybe it's just the sun and the beach talking, but does anyone have any idea what it is, besides watermelon flavor?

Ernie,The busty young lady is probably at Maxferd Jewelry to borrow some money to buy new nipple rings. Josh

Ernie: The collateral lender, INC runs a number of different shops. The one you're looking for is in Woodland Hills, CA. Here it is on Street View: looks like the 7/11 moved to greener pastures. Here is a link to their other locations. Martov

If you would like Luna Kitsuen to lend you her amazing tits, you need to head to Los Angeles and visit Maxferd Jewelry and Loan. And here is the full gallery as well. Cameron

Just because someone's a professional athlete doesn't mean they can't still really geek out over the sixth season of Game of Thrones, which kicked off with the season premiere last night. The SF Giants' Hunter Pence went all-out to throw a Game of Thrones viewing party that included some awesome decorations and what appears to be period-specific foods like cheese, bread, crackers, and meat.

Oh, and these people seem to be lining up for something. Can you show me where, I so I can get in line, too?

Born in 1868, Charles Rennie Mackintosh was a Scottish architect, designer, water colorist, artist, and designer in the Post-Impressionist movement and also the best known representative of Art Nouveau in the United Kingdom. By 1923, the Mackintoshes had moved to Port-Vendres, a Mediterranean coastal town in southern France with a warm climate that was a comparably cheaper location in which to live. Mackintosh had entirely abandoned architecture and design and concentrated on watercolor painting. Many of his paintings depict Port Vendres, a small port near the Spanish border, and the landscapes of Roussillon.

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April 26, 2016

Holy Shit Once Next Month Is Gone We'll Be Halfway Thrtough 2016.

An infinity mirror is a pair of mirrors, set up in a recursive manner, creating a series of smaller and smaller reflections that appear to recede into an infinite distance. The infinity mirror effect is produced whenever there are two parallel reflective surfaces which can bounce a beam of light back and forth an indefinite (theoretically infinite) number of times. The reflections appear to recede into the distance because the light actually is traversing the distance it appears to be traveling. Each additional reflection adds length to the path the light must travel before exiting the mirror. If the mirrors are not precisely parallel, but instead are canted at a slight angle, the "visual tunnel" will be perceived to be curved (off to one side) as it recedes into infinity.

To show how fake celebrity publicity pictures are, comedian Celeste Barber has dedicated her own Instagram account to hilarious recreations of celebrity photos. Suck it Kim, Kardashian.

Brass brings a warm, burnished glow to household items, ranging from switch plates, door knockers, and lamps to bathroom fixtures, furniture, and even kitchen utensils. Brass is a strong, corrosion-resistant, and relatively inexpensive alloy made from a combination of zinc and copper, and on account of its bright, golden color, the material has long been a favorite material for home furnishings and decorative accents. Like any metal, brass can become dull and tarnished over time. However, with only a little bit of knowledge—and some elbow grease, too—you can keep your brass accents polished and shining. Regular touch ups with a microfiber cloth will help keep dust and dirt from accumulating and keep your brass accents lovely and lustrous.

A goon is a noted tough guy hockey player known for his fighting skills. Goons are usually fourth line players that are limited in skill and only see limited action during a game. Recently, the number of goons in the NHL has been declining due to the decreased number of staged fights during games. Because many goons are primarily fighters with limited offensive or defensive skills, coaches stop using them and many get traded or demoted to minor hockey leagues when they are not needed. Here is a tribute to the 15 Biggest Goons in sports history.

It wouldn't take too much Google Fu to figure out this Style Magazine is the the April 2014 issue. But it will take a decidedly higher level of Google Fu to tell me exactly which issue of what magazine this girl was reading when she decided to get slim, fit, and healthy.

This is actual footage during the 80-minute attack on the U.S.S. Laffey. About the best naval footage ever shot by a Navy cameraman. The U.S.S. Laffey, "the ship that would not die", was hit by 6 Kamikazes and 4 bombs, but remained afloat after an 80 minute battle that included 22 Kamikaze attacks. Rick

This is a long shot, but some number of years ago (maybe when this was an email list), Ernie sent out a cat recipe that involved cooking a cat encased in potters clay. I need to send that to a friend of mine. Any help would be great. Thanks, Bill

Ahhh, the old alt.tasteless archives. Shit man, that was late 90's before the turn'o'the'millenium. Good times, good times. Anyway, I do believe this is the knowledge you seek.

The Ruger AR-556 is a semi-automatic M4-style, direct impingement Modern Sporting Rifle that offers consumers a fun to shoot, affordable rifle with rugged reliability. Extensively tested during its development, the AR-556 is constructed from top-quality components, including forged aluminum upper and lower receivers and a cold hammer-forged, chrome-moly steel barrel with M4 feed ramp cuts. This model is chambered in 5.56 NATO and comes equipped with a telescoping 6-position stock, 30-round Magpul magazine and enlarged trigger guard. Plus, it uses standardized M4/AR components so customization is hassle free. Buying one is also hassle free. Simply make four payments of $139.41 ($557.64) -- that's almost $200 less than MSRP -- then add a whopping $4.99 to cover shipping to your FFL and viola, it's yours!

DNS and BIND tells you everything you need to work with one of the Internet's fundamental building blocks: the distributed host information database that's responsible for translating names into addresses, routing mail to its proper destination, and even listing phone numbers with the new ENUM standard. This book brings you up-to-date with the latest changes in this crucial service. Whether you're an administrator involved with DNS on a daily basis or a user who wants to be more informed about the Internet and how it works, you'll find DNS and BIND is essential reading.

Well Now. You're Up Early This Morning, Aren'...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Thank God It's Friday....

Happy National Surprise Drug Test Day....

Puff Puff, Give. Puff Puff, Give. You Fuckin'...

... more ...


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